I have been with my wife for 5 about years. We are an interracial blended family. When we first started talking I found out a week into it our relationship was based on lies…. A LOT of lies (on her part). As you can see we moved past that. About four to five months in our relationship my wife called my kids some harsh racial slurs. We fought about it for about a year until she finally just stopped. The fights usually ended with for making the statement “ your taking things to personally and I never meant it the way you felt I meant it”. We again worked it out and moved past it. This didn’t stop her from treating my kids like her red headed step child and it boiled my blood! It sucked… you see I had already grown a connection with her kids. She was never around and I stepped in for them. So leaving those kids just wasn’t an option for me. It got to the point that when we would have conversation about her being more involved with the family I was told “if you don’t like it… there’s the door” but the moment I would get to steppin she would hit me with the… well your not taking my car, my kids (because we ended up having 2 kids together), or my phone since she paid the bill. Also, I must add that I moved 24 hours from my family to be with this woman. So for me I had no where to go. When I would bring it up to her mom, she just made it seem like I shouldn’t have any issues and that what she was calling my kids was a sign of endearment. So I stayed thinking it was me with the issue.
Fast forward to this year. I decided I was tired of living like this and started working on me, getting in touch with a different side I never new was there. When I started standing up for myself and doing things I wanted I was called selfish. I finally decided I was done with the marriage and started making my way out, I was getting phone calls and messages begging me not to leave her and to just give her another chance and that she would seek help. So I finally threw in the towel and gave her that chance. She went to counseling for about 3 months and when she felt I wasn’t going anywhere dropped it! She has slowly started back those same behaviors I refused to tolerate, but has changed in other ways significantly! I am on here because a strong part of me still feels like I need to walk away even after the changes. Can someone explain this to me. Is it my gut that’s telling me this is truly over even in the “good” times?
Honestly at this point you gotta just leave - loving her kids are not you put yours through hell. That’s not okay
Men aren’t the only abusers.
Get evidence on video, audio, etc… before you leave.
I stopped reading after she called your kids racial slurs . You stayed past that point ?! 
You should have stopped at
1 WEEK IN… the end…
Your children depend on you to make them a priority. Don’t let ANYONE abuse your children. Man up.
No one deserves to be abused. You are mentally and emotionally abused. You know that. Just gather up all your courage and tell her it’s over. God bless.
Well, those I know in ten or fifteen year relationships always told me you got to take the good with the bad …so I always ask, when was it good? Every last person I asked replied “in the beginning.”
Learn to stand on your own two feet…get a job and take care of your own. “Your” kids should come first over any thing else.
I’d leave. Because even if she’s better in small ways, she’s bad in big ways it seems. Walk away
Think about it from a different perspective. This person is verbally abusing your children - why is that OK?
walk away she is never going to change .
I think that even though you may “love” her. You need to love yourself and for me that looks like leaving.
Trust your gut. It’s time to go, you deserve better. You should never be treated that way in a relationship and neither should your kids!!
You saw red flags from the start & put HER kids over yours. That’s crazy. I don’t have advice for you.
YOU are responsible for your children’s physical, mental and EMOTIONAL well-being.
Why should your children be made to feel any different from anyone else.
You have to set examples and boundaries of what you will and will not tolerate, your children should not in any situation be downgraded by your significant other.
Your kids come first in every single situation.
You are a parent before you are a lover.
Parent 1st priority.
Lover 2nd priority.
You obviously know what the right thing to do is if you have to ask.
Why would you want to be with someone who treats your children any differently.
You will always find another partner, you however will have your children with you for the rest of your life.
Do right by yourself, and do right by your children.
I just want to make a tiny observation… NO, racial slurs are not okay but to play Devil’s advocate here… her mother says she is doing it in an endearing way (wetf that means)… but did you notice in your own post you literally make fun of red-headed children/people. Just food for that!!
You need to leave this woman, as you and your children deserve better, but I’m kindly showing you that what you said about “red headed stepchildren” isn’t right either.
~ spoken from a proud Nana of a beautiful red haired little girl and the love of my life is red haired! Stay blessed
Racial Slurs Wouldve Did It To Be Honest! It’s Time To Leave Or Return Energy
Well I thought you where an idiot when you where ok with her being a racist bully to your children.
Move on your children and you deserve better
Why would you stay with someone who treats your children that way? Makes no sense 
They should be your main priority smh
I completely understand your situation you have tried even when red flags were there don’t be fooled walk away whilst you can you and kids deserve better
You. Need. To. Go! She is toxic. She is abusing you and so is her family.
I’m confused, why did you reproduce & marry someone that mistreats your children & calls them racial slurs? This can’t be a real post.
I would have left when my kids were being insulted. She’s been gaslighting u for a long time by the sounds of it, ur going to completely lose urself and ur kids are later on going to except abuse as something that is normal and that is not fair. I’d be so far out that door it’s not funny
She is very toxic and racist. Leave you don’t want your kids growing up around that
SERIOUSLY DUDE!? HOW T.F. are you standing by while the piece of work is calling your young’uns outside of their names!? So your solution is have kids by her?! RUN, DON’T WALK for your kids, if not for yourself! WAKE UP! 
One racial slur towards my kids and she wouldn’t even have the privileges my dog has. You’re condoning her abuse by staying there.
Take your kids and leave.
You are an emotionally/mentally abused man. You have been conditioned to be confused.
You know your truth!
Of course it will be hard, but a few good behaviors does NOT make up for it.
Na you don’t let her control you at all.
Your childrens physical and emotional well being should be a top priority.
You lost me after having stayed past the first week… bless your heart.
First remark about my kids I would’ve been gone. Run. Get away from that. Stick up for your kids and not a piece of 
How long are you dragging your kid throught this frist slur should have told you your children minds are in dangers I’d your phone w.orth your kids minds really love dont act like that be a man get you kids to safety
Run quick! She’s horrible and playing you because she knows she can!!! Good luck
Are you staying because she is doing everything for you? Why can’t you start with getting a job and getting your kids out of that toxic environment? Because you will show them it is right to be treated that way and they might end up despising you for good.
She’s toxic and racist, I would leave you and your children don’t deserve it you’re being emotionally and mentally abused! You deserve to be happy and the kids need a happy dad!
She’s a racist narcissist. Leave and get custody of your kids. Let the step kids know you love them and you’re there for them no matter what but you have to separate from their mom for your own mental health. I never would have moved past someone running their mouth about my kids. You never should have either. Take it as a lesson learned and run.
I’m just confused how you stayed after the racial slurs towards ya children she’s clearly racist so it was irresponsible to go on to have bi racial children with her as a white women myself with bi racial children I’m worried the children you share with her aren’t going to be properly educated or taught self love and in this day and age as you already know the odds aren’t with the black community so to have their own mother being racist I’m really worried if I’m honest i would honestly be thinking about taking your children full time if I’m honest red flags from day 1 teach ya children black is beautiful because their mum won’t be and she’s proven that !!! Best of luck x
Your kids should come 1st simple.
Follow your instincts. Please don’t waste your life away being unhappy
The moment she said racial slurs at my kids I’d be gone.
I think this is a woman that asked the question. Just saying.
The moment she said racial slurs towards my children I would have walked away. It’s one thing to let a person treat you like crap but your kids?? No sir, I’d have caught charges for knocking the daylights out of her.
Take your babies & run. She’s unfit as a wife & mother. Hell, even a person at this point.
How did you even stay after the racial slurs? We always tell you to stop worshipping these people. Their hatred runs deeper than anything. You exposed your children to this and you showed them she was more important than them. That’s sad.
She literally told you herself that she had no intention of changing her bad behavior. I don’t see how it’s even an argument (repeatedly) for her to be kind to your children & then she still treats them badly by talking negatively to them in front of you. That should have been a major NO. And the fact she isn’t there for her own kids says a lot… How could you expect her to be there for your kids??
If you qualify for foodstamps you can get a free phone. You can also send your children to your family until you can leave her. Just tell them they are visiting for the holidays. That’s what I had to do with one of my last relationships. I sent my daughter to my mothers and I took the steps needed to get out. But please dont be stupid like me and go back. My daughter has some major emotional issues including anxiety and ptsd and it is my fault for keeping her around him for that long.
As for the children you have with her get evidence of the emotional abuse towards you and your other children and take her to court
Sounds like she is absolute headf**k. She is mentally and emotionally abusing you and it will not get better. Walk away for the sake of your mental health and that of your kids.
As a mother with a biracial son, if someone says anything sideways to my son, I’d be done!! She sounds racist! She’s mentally abusing you. Walk away, your children and you deserve better. Blessings.
I would never let my significant other call my bi racial children racist names. I would beat the shit outta someone on that. Poor kids. So you were there for the financial stability:roll_eyes:
I’m sorry I can’t get over the fact that you’d let someone be cruel and racist to your kids bc you like her kids. That isn’t acceptable, your kids deserve better. Leave and file for joint custody and seek some therapy yourself bc you have caused some serious damage by enabling her disgusting behavior.
Some of you women should be ashamed of yourselves. If this was a stay at home mom you wouldn’t be shaming her for it but because he’s a man you do?
Trust your gut.
You should have left the first time she disrespected your children.
She sounds toxic to me i would leave for good. You/kids deserve better
So she has internalized racism towards you and your babies. Leave her ass
She sounds 100% like a narcissistic sociopath
Run they never change trust me when I say that
Your gut keeps telling you to leave…why are you really fighting it? All the kids deserve better and so do you! She knows you can do better and no one else would put up with her shit that was a decent human being. Get to stepping. Let her have time without you to figure it out. Your kids living in this environment is toxic…let’s really think about the damage being done to ALL of them…
You’re spouting narcissistic behavior after narcissistic behavior. Not saying she is a narcissist, but if she is - therapy doesn’t work on a narcissist, unless they can acknowledge their behavior and get a diagnosis. That’s incredibly rare. They can only change long enough to keep you, and they only keep you as long as you feed their narcissism. They will never stop using racial slurs because it’s an easy way to remind themselves that they are better than you. They will never stop threatening to take the kids, because they want to remind you they’re in control. Setting boundaries doesn’t work with narcissists. They see that as offensive and “toxic” behavior. They literally need to push boundaries to feel good. The people around them (especially their parents) feed their delusions (like making excuses for clearly bad behavior). Gaslighting is their number 1 control tactic.
If this sounds like her, you need to get into therapy for yourself to learn about how your partner works, and start saving for a good lawyer.
Yes listen to that voice!! It’s a warning. Get an attorney and get ahead if her !! Praying for you
YOUR KIDS DESERVE A PROTECTOR.
Accepting this behavior is failing them
Might be worth seeing a family counselor who can unravel the family dynamics and make suggestions. You can make incremental improvements to behavior, but if the foundation isn’t there or is weak it won’t work.
BTW, just because you sever your relationship with your wife doesn’t mean you have to sever your relationship with your step kids. Invite them to call you, offer to pick them up from school and take them to dinner, include them in your plans, send them texts and emails, attend their sporting or other events.
Unfortunately if their mom objects and blocks you there’s not a lot you can do. If nothing else, keep the door open until they’re 18 and can make their own decisions in life.
SHE INSULTED YOUR KIDS WITH RACIAL SLURS. And you don’t know if you should stay. Bruh.
Good communication is key. Sounds like she’s made improvements but those concerns you still have about her could be legitimate res flags, not just you being worried or overly sensitive or something. Keep an eye on them and trust your gut - is she being sincere or manipulative? Kind or hurtful? Look out for the best interest of your and your kids.
Leave she sounds toxic
I would’ve walked at calling my kids racial slurs and being told to toughen up.
Sounds toxic no matter what.
Question is why you still thinking about she got to go same thing if the man was doing it
Leave her! She sounds awful.
I literally stopped reading at RACIAL SLURS, She would be GONE
I’m sorry I stopped reading after racial slurs. Why didn’t you immediately leave?!
This should have never gone on this long. Leave. Fast. Don’t look back. Cut off any and all communication with her. Trust me your life with your kids will be so much better! They deserve better and so do u.
Why would you be with someone who calls your child racial slurs??? Disgusting!
Run.
You’re kids are learning to be doormats from you.
What would you tell your daughter if she were in this situation?.. to run!
She is a hard core narcissist! Runn
I would of left aloooooong time ago
Why wouldn’t you leave after she disrespected your kids in a such a way. I leave if someone makes racial slurs period because that already tells you their character and how they were raised.
I would leave, but only you can make that call you know her and your feelings best. But time after time shows she isn’t willing to change. She changes to tell you back in and then goes back to her ways. It will be a never ending cycle of this if you continue to stay.
Nobody can make the decision for you to walk away or not. When you’re ready to be done you will be done. No advice any of us give you will determine weather you stay or leave. When you’ve had enough you will walk away.
What makes it difficult is that there had been good times- even if just a few- we try to cling onto those and downplay the hurt in hopes that things will get better- they don’t unless one truly wants to change and improve their behavior. What do you control? Do you have the power to change her behaviors-nope. Be mindful- you both are teaching your children how to treat each other in their relationship- your relation is normal and comfortable- as this behavior is what they will know and how they will treat others.
The first time she called my kids out of their name should have been gone or dead
Definitely leave, it’s your intuition and that is never wrong.
She doesn’t respect ur kids!!! Get out of this…just vile mean and nasty…ur kids have to deal with enough racism in this country don’t let it also come from someone within the home:roll_eyes:
People can change if they want to. It sounds like she only pretended to change so you’d stay. It sounds like the kids have seen all this and may understand why you leave. This is emotional & mental abuse and is not healthy for any of you. I’d leave if I were you,
Wait so she calls your kids racist names and that wasn’t the last straw!!! Your kids come before any female!! I feel bad for them kids having to deal with that hurtful stuff!! I could only imagine the emotional pain they’re going through 
and the 1 person that should have your back and save you protect you failed poorly for 5 years!!! I don’t feel bad for you at all!! I feel bad and sorry for the kids!! What you’re experiencing is your karma!!
And plz get custody of your biracial children I could only imagine how she’s treating them , if she’s calling yours racist names!! Make it make sense
I would have been gone the moment that she started with the racial slurs. I have a daughter with Down syndrome and if my husband was to call her 1 Certain word. I would throw 17 years away. He would end up with a skillet to the back of the head. I don’t play when it come to my babies.
Between now and dead… how do you want to live?
I would have left a long time ago. Even if she did really change that doesn’t mean you have to stay or that you would even want to stay after everything. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, if you feel it’s over and you want to leave that’s what you should do.
So a week in, you found out the relationship was built on a ton of lies? But you stayed, had kids with her, kept going, etc. What is wrong with you?
My kids are grown adults , I weigh 108 pounds, I’ve never met anybody brave enough to say 1 single negative word about them.
Do not tolerate it
The minute she uttered the first racial slur I would have been gone. Leave! And take y’all’s 2 biological children with you too! Lord only knows what she’d call them if you aren’t around.
Id of been gone the day she called my kids by racial slurs
Absolutely! Leave! Anyone who’d call your children racial slurs EVEN ONCE does not deserve to be around them nor you. There’s no way I’d have made two biracial babies with that person either. A racial slur is not a term of endearment. This isn’t the 1800s. Leave. Any court would rule in your favor for your two with documented proof of such slurs being used.
I would have left the minute my children were called racial slurs.
Run from her!!! find yourself a good woman that will treat you well.
Honey!!! You gotta go!!! I am a mother of two boys and a grandson…. Men being abused is a serious thing just as serious as a woman… the minute she started with racial slurs against your kids not only is it disgusting is extremely abusive. She will never treat your babies like her own… you need to protect yourself as well as your kids. As parents you are not supposed to be the reason your babies are crying. She is a classic abuser by the things you have described and believe me when I tell you it’s normal to love someone and walk away when they are harmful to you.
Listen to that strong feeling. It’s your intuition. It’s always right.