You need to leave. Why would you continue to put your kids through this kind of hell? Not fair for them.
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I would have left when she started calling the kids out of their names
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First of all calling your children any kind of racial or derogatory name is unacceptable. Unacceptable. She sounds like a narcissist and it sounds like you would be happier without her. Good luck.
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This woman is toxic n she is taking advantage of ur love for her n soft heart… get far away… u know some women are delilah… they are terrible… they are heartless… take it from a woman… u deserve more than this… for ur mental health… she is emotionally abusing u n ur children… get away
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You can take your kids and leave man. The cops won’t even do anything ‘civil matter’ especially if you on the BC. File for custody when you do. Good luck to you and your kiddos.
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You need to leave for everyone’s sake. There is no reason a GROWN person would use racial slurs in any manner. Take your kids and leave and don’t look back unless it’s to sign divorce papers.
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she doesnt deserve you you can do so much better kick her racis ass to the curb and start a better life for you and the kids
if she does this to you think about how children would feel by staying you are sending them the message that this abuse is ok good luck to you
I don’t care if someone called my child honey, baby, or whatever. If it’s something I do not like and I ask them to stop then there’s no question. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that and I know how hard it can be to leave. First and foremost take care of your kids. Even if that means getting things out in place before making the leap. Blessings!
There was 
throughout your relationship. You were able to move pass the lies but calling your kids racial slurs should’ve been the LAST straw. This relationship is both toxic and abusive. If not physically abusive, it’s DEFINITELY mental abuse. You need to talk to a lawyer and see what your rights are. Hopefully there can be some type of visitation/custody arrangements for her kids because it seems like you adore each other and she’s selfish enough to keep them away .
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The first time she said that about your kids you should have left. She won’t change. Do what’s best for you and your children.
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if anyone called my kid a racial slur they’d be in jail, just my opinion 
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sweet heart get out n take the kids yalls 2 kids no custody established nothing can be done because u r the father she my friend is a narcissist n in my opinion trash i am sorry but that how i feel any monther that would make racisist remarks to or about her kids and think its ok is trash in my book n her mother condonning it go take kids n get out now
You’ve put up with far more than you should have. It’s not going to get any better. Time to leave.
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This may sound odd to you, but in some families, children are raised by being called nick names. Now I had a sister-in- law, that in her family, it was normal for her and her siblings to call their dad some curse-word type names ( old bast…d) ect. They were a mix race of white and hispanic ( mother is from Spain ). They were military. The culture is different than American culture.
In my ex’s family, ( They were a military family, also) his brother called his girlfriend sh*t head! They were engaged. He was killed during the vietnam war in '67. So different families use different ‘terms’ for endearment. So the mother probably was telling you the truth. It sounds odd to most others, but its not unheard of. In my family we call each other by nicknames, but not curse words. Our nicknames for each other are commonly acceptable.
I dont agree that racially slurred names are a good thing to do, but on the other hand, here in the South, its common among the black culture to call their kids the ‘N’ word. (Yes!!! It is true). I hear adults referring to each other, even…and its meant in an affectionate way! As crazy as it sounds…it is true!! ( Now it can be used in anger, too, tho).
I can speak all this from expierence because my family is biracial. We have mixed race (black/white) grandchildren and great-grand children with my oldest brother, and with my youngest brother, latino and white. Who has children and grandchildren. They call each other names like tyat all the time. Now this practice doesnt go on in my family ( unless we are angry at one another ). But my point is…its probably the way she was brought up.
But you both have larger issues than what you call one another. I see low self esteme on your part, and anger issues on your wife’s part. You both need to get into a good counseling group and work it out. Co-parenting is going to be the norm for several years. So counseling is your starting point. Go from there to decide what else to do.
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This is not how family should be 
I’m so sorry she isn’t what your children need. Sounds like she will never grow up and you know better than to live like this.
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Cut your losses and get out before it’s too late.
I’m gonna say it and it’s gonna be mean, but it needs to be said. She is primarily at fault but you are at fault for staying, you are allowing this situation to happen, you let it happen from the start, you have been letting her hurt your kids. Now, that being said, pack your shit and your babies, take every nasty/vile thing she had done to a judge and get yourself and those babies away from her! She will never change. She is an abuser.there is no fixing it there is no helping her.
You’re children deserve better
Pretty much sound sounds like she’s manupilating you and she’s a control freak .stop allowing her to mentally abuse you n your children
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Proud you stayed this long for the kids. Time to go , she won’t change. Obsessive compulsive disorder she has.
This is abuse to u and ur kids
Someone would start to call my children names and before they could finish they wouldn’t know what hit them… jus saying
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Whew. A lot going on here…
First, Her essentially saying that you took things out of context… is a very classic move by a narcissist. Makes you question your sanity, and maybe you really did take it the wrong way. Trust me… you didn’t. She meant what she said.
Secondly, it sounds like the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree regarding her mother.
3rd… Sounds like she has some major codependent issues going on there… that’s not your problem. That’s something she’ll need to work out on her own if she chooses, but if she is your classic narcissist… she most likely won’t.
Lastly, Ask yourself something… Is this REALLY the life you want for you and your children? Is this what you want their vision of a healthy relationship to look like?
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Sending prayers.
She’s toxic
Get out!!!ASAP
I worry about the babies
Walk away… Some don’t change its in the DNA… Listen to your gut…
Sounds like she’s a narcissist and your kids tend to feel how you feel, being happy for yourself and kids will be better than misery for them. Your kids should see you happy they are learning from you. Would you want them to stay in not only an unhealthy environment but be unhappy? Believe it or not happiness can go a long way for someone’s health.
Omg that person i would kick out …
Sounds like you need to get out and stop allowing her to manipulate you
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So you chose a racist person who treated your children badly and didn’t care for them over your actual children who had no choice but to be stuck living their own personal hell. Good job. You need to leave and get yourself and your kids into therapy asap. You really need to reflect on why you chose this person and knowingly subjected your children to racist abuse. You need to apologize to your children and rebuild your relationship with them.
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Cut your loss and Walk away this relationship is toxic. Your children come first no one has a right to call them name you are there protector what example are you showing them, what are they seeing. This is not the way a normal family lives and you should not subject your children to live like this or get treated with a woman who called them name and does not show them love. It’s a hostile environment there is no love , no respect, and things are not going to change it’s going to get worse. It’s time to pack up and leave say goodbye and Walk out the door.
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Shes gaslighting you… Sounds like shes more of a narcissist and toxic, making herself out to be the victim… These kind of people dont change… Counseling/therapy only makes their tactics of manipulation worse, because now they know how to “flip it” a.k.a gaslighting… It doesnt matter how mad she gets, using a racial slur on your kids is NOT ok in any way… That is not ok!!! Please do what’s best for you and your children… It wont get better…
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She sounds like a narcissist!
If one of your own children came to you and told you they were being treated this way by a significant other, what advice would you give them? I’m sure you know the answer already because I highly doubt any good parent would encourage their child to stay with an abuser. Now you have the chance to SHOW them what to do in this situation before it ever has to happen to them too. If your wife already quit counseling and not a lot changed, then she was obviously only going for the sake of appearance and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to deal with it for the rest of your life? Or is it time to move on and show up for your own kids?
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Classic narcissist. Abuse you then love bombs you so you’ll stick around for the abuse. She needs you in order to maintain her self serving insanity.
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Sorry but I would have gone as soon the children got racist slurs.You and children need to get away.From what you said you have tried but she will never change.What a bully for calling kids and racists at that.Walk away
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I don’t typically use the word “narcissist” because I feel like it’s over used, but your wife is in fact a narcissist.
That’s why it’s so hard to break free. Narcissists are extremely good at manipulation and she knows you now. She knows how to get to you.
It’s really sad for the kids, but you need to leave for the sake of your kids and your sanity.
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Shes manipulating you and is a narcissist and you should not stand for such abuse towards you and your children time to do what’s necessary for you and your kids
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Please take all your children and leave. Don’t let her steal their childhood & love for you. I wish you well. (Below) These are not my words, but right after reading your post, I ran into this.
Daily Message of Grace:
If you find yourself in conflict with another, remember that you cannot change anyone. If someone disagrees with you, let them. You can speak your truth and work towards a peaceful resolution if that feels appropriate.
But everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and the only person you ever have any control over is you. Seek not to control anyone but to live and let live. You are all unique threads in the same tapestry. So accept your differences of opinion whenever possible and just be true to yourself.
We love you,
Your Angels
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It’s your life do what you feel is right
You had me at the racial slurs my dude. You will be answering to your kids for that very soon. Why would you stay with a racist.
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First off - I wanna say ignore the judgement comments. I am sorry you’re being emotionally/mentally abused and I know when being abused it is hard to just “walk away”
Secondly, please leave for the sake of your own mental health and children. The way she is treated you and your kid is NOT okay. You are worth so much more and so are they.
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You have the right to be happy, take that chance and run. She could turn violent towards you ,don’t let her guilt trip you anymore. Men are mistreated probably just as often as women they just don’t talk about it as much. Nobody deserves to be trapped badly and she’s mentally abusing you so "hit the road jack and don’t you come back no more " it’s okay to find your own happiness. Be careful of getting into another relationship right away as it could be abusive to since she has programmed your brain to her mental attacks. Good luck.
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Shes a narcissist. And probably an under cover racist. Im a white woman married to a black man. I have a daughter that I had before he n I were together. We ALL have a different skin color. Id never tolerate behavior like this. Let her go man…its going to be a long unhappy life if u don’t. And it will start affecting the kids if it hasn’t already. Your kids deserve better. And you do too!!
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If someone refuses to get help until you threaten to leave or do leave, you need to leave and stay gone. She’ll be back to her normal self and behaviors in no time.
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Get out! This woman sounds like she has a personality disorder, (narcissism) that will not get better, with medication or very rarily, therapy. She has been manipulating you and knows your responses. your children growing up in this environment, will more then, likely mirror your behaviors, or hers. Be strong and provide them with a more loving environment and for yourself, as well.
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It is NEVER ok
To use racial slurs . That had to hurt you so deeply . I am sorry . My heart breaks for you . This woman seems to have no respect for you or others . I feel so badly for her children and y’all’s . You are the one positive force in
Their lives . Ok will
Be praying for all of you .
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It’s never okay to use racial slurs , your happiness matters , leave her ! For your mental health and ur kids, they deserve happy parents . It’s okay to walk away. Find your happiness again.
I literally stopped at racial slurs.
That’s all I needed to read to know that you need to get your kids far away from her.
I don’t know how you stayed after she insulted your children and used racial slurs. Absolutely disgusting and a slap in the face to your children on her part and yours.
I’m terribly sorry you’re in this situation now, but it’s never too late to change that situation. Please leave. For your children and for your own mental health.
Sir… You are selfish.
You are subjecting your children to a racist and believing that things will get better, WHY???
Do what is right for your children even if you don’t want to do it for yourself. Walk away.
Do not let those children be more traumatised than they already are
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Read or listen to this book! “Psychopath Free” I listened to it in the car on Hoopla library app.
She seemed genuine but obviously it’s not in her heart to change. She would continue to go and figure out why shes acting the way she does. Just leave
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Run.
Just got your stuff. File for divorce and custody … Then leave.
She’s not changing and nobody deserves to be miserable.
If you’re allowing your children to be called racial slurs, you are worse than selfish. You’re a HORRIBLE parent who doesn’t deserve children!
She is gaslighting you big time. It’s abuse. No one should have to tolerate that. Leave, it’s healthier for you and for the children.
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Your wife sounds like a cunt. Sorry not sorry. Leave with your kids. She is not worth trying again.
You never ever went to marriage counseling together???
Its gonna be hard but it sounds like she’s a narcissist and you cant fix that. Please look up narcissist and their traits and see if it fits. Unfortunately it sounds like it cant be fixed and its best for you and the kids to walk away. Its best to gather the support, money, etc slowly if you have to. Start documenting her lack of involvement, her behaviors, text messages, anyone whose heard her say racist comments etc… contact a lawyer as well. Its gonna be hell.
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I’m sorry - you lost me at "racial slurs; can’t go any further. Pack the bags and bounce
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You need to record her putburst all of them then you need to seek an epoxy that includes your children and the children you have together you need to ask that she be removed from the home not you and kids as she is the abuser then you need to lawyer up and file for emergency custody of your kids together and seek divorce and I would be damn sure asking for sole custody and supervised visits for the beginning she 9s detrimental to those children remove her from the scenario best of luck to you
I can only imagine how your children feel. What a confusing and disgusting situation. We have to stand up and protect our children. Teach them racism is not acceptable from anyone. This shit shouldn’t be a question, should have packed your bags the second that shit rolled off her tongue. You are subjecting your children to abuse. You arguing with her for a year about insulting your kids is disturbing, she has hate in her heart, that is not going to change. Do better for your children, your wants does not come before their well being.
Those poor babies dealing with such a witch like that. Shes a narcissist and you should get far far away from her. Go file for full custody of your kids b4 she does. She wants to take away your phone let her. What kind of person stays when a woman is pyscho?
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You need to take all of the children out of that toxic environment…If you have the means contact an attorney petition for custody,child support,and get counseling for you all. This is emotional DV. video and record these outbursts documenting is very important for court…There are agency out there that will help. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but do not leave those children with her…You need to make a plan and follow through.
If you take your children the only thing she can do is take you to court if you leave your children you have to take her to court
Dude, what are you teaching the children by taking her BS?
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You should have left when she called your children racial slurs!
You should have left because she treats your children horribly!
What are teaching your children? You’re just as bad as she is for allowing this treatment of your children. It doesn’t matter that you argued with your SO about it, you still kept them in that toxic environment. This is damaging your childrens self esteem and is definitely giving them issues they’ll need therapy to work thru in the future.
You have to put your childrens well-being first for once in this relationship.
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First of all why would you stay with anybody that disrespects your kids and uses a racial slur on them……I could never move past that. Never!
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Get your bills in your own name. Collect important papers and talk to a lawyer. Also collect/record evidence of her using racial slurs or other issues to keep custody of your children.
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She sounds narcissistic
And racist!
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It’s called you lost love!
It’s one of those, to little, to late, things. Same thing happened to my marriage. Kept repeating myself til I finally walked. He begged and I gave another chance, but the the feelings just where not there by then. People need to listen to each other and not think the person want leave. By that time, it’s to little, to late.
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I would have left if my kids were treated not with respect…but yeah 22plus yrs with kids dad,always going to change,does get better but after a few months its the same,stuff gets old.
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You staying and letting those kids go through that is unacceptable too. I understand why, but my god, get it together, document the abuse/slurs/all issues and fight for your children!
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She’s not going to change. She has proved that already. You have done all you can to save your marriage.
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Always, always chose your children over anyone and always trust your gut!
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As a parent there is no way in the world I would allow anyone to say something even uncomfortable to or about my children!! How do u love someone when you don’t love what comes with them? She is a grown woman making racial slurs to children?? Nope… she would have been had the boot! Those babies are counting on you to protect them and not to allow the shit storm of your life to consume theirs!! Do better for them!! And DEFINITELY do better for you! Your babies and you deserve better! Get out and run! Before your children resent you forever for what you’ve put not only them but yourself through!
My momma always says trust your gut it will never steer you wrong. If she’s calling your children by a derogatory term that is considered racist, she’s got to go!!! Idc what your relationship is with a child you NEVER call them anything like that. I don’t care if she says she’s joking, someone who truly loves their children, step or not, would stop saying whatever she’s saying especially because she knows it hurts their feelings and yours. I would never allow anyone to talk to my children like that and my kids are more white than the Hispanic blood that runs through their veins. She will never change, get you and your kids, ALL of them. If the other kids fathers aren’t a part of their lives, I bet you could petition the court for custody of all of them cause it sounds to me like she is very toxic and I bet her kids could benefit from her not being the ones they get stuck with. Good luck.
Why would you ever stay with someone who was racist against your own children??? Please do better for them.
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You need to start documenting the verbal abuse for all these children. Watching the verbal abuse is just as bad. Then when you are ready, contact an attorney and consider all your options. If you can’t afford an attorney, check with legal aid. You must get the legal system behind you first. Please remember, document everything date, time, what occurred and then seek legal assistance. Keep track of texts, emails, voice mails as this can be used in the family court system. I wish you and all the children, the best of luck.
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Get out, the final straw should have been the racial slurs. Those kids should never be in that environment. You are a doormat at this point.
Divorced my verbally abusive ex husband for the kids 4 years ago and we are starting therapy now because it affected them in ways I didn’t realize until just recently
The first time she said something about my kids would have been the end of it!!!
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Leave. Things are not better. They seem better rn but these changes are not long term. They never are. That is what your gut is telling you.
Get away from her she’s toxic…
If your gut says leave, then it is time to leave. Do the “good times” outweigh the bad?? Bet not. GO!!
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Even if people change sometimes the damage they did in the past cant be repaired. As we grow and change ourselves and stop tolerating unacceptable behavior we have harder times excusing inexcusable qualities. It’s ok to be done
Sounds like she’s selfish and doesn’t take responsibility for her actions. I’d leave. You can fight for visitation/custody of the children but you should not allow her to take your chance at happiness.
If you care about those kids run and find some legal way to be involved in your kids lives
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The second she called your children any racial slur, you should have walked away. Stop choosing this racist POS over your children.
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Is this what you want your kids to grow up and be like and accept that kind of behavior? Your answer should be right there!
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Racism should never be tolerated. The first time she said something racist to your children she should’ve been gone. It’s been time to leave.
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After the racial comments you should have left.
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The minute she called your kids racial slurs you should have left then. Doesn’t sound like she is going to change, and that is not an environment fit for you and your children. Best advice I can give is leave now.
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Save yourself and your kids.
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Run. Get out. Your own mental health is more important than any woman’s games
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Sounds like you need to put your kids first for once.
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Sounds to me like you need to stand up and get a spine. You sure have not acted like a man and certainly not like a decent father to let the children be treated like this. They are your first responsibility. Act like it.
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Dude married a racist/bigot and is surprised. Ain’t no way I’d marry someone who even gave me the hint of being racist toward me and mine. It sounds like lack of self love
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No reason to be bullied. Abuse physical and emotional happens to women too Go for custody
Document every thing physical and verbal to you and the children. All the children
Get out 
you have a narcisist on your hands andnit wont get better
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If the good doesn’t outweigh the bad then you need to leave. You may love her kids but yours need to come first. Racial slurs??? To children!!! You need to leave her and not even give a second thought about it.
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