I moved in with my friends and they are not paying me to watch their kids: Advice?

I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I just moved in with my friends, and they have three kids because they both watch. I’ve been in charge of watching the kids now they both want to be a truck driver, so they would be gone for three weeks at a time I would be responsible for their kids full time, and even when they are here, I’m still responsible for feeding them and bathing them, but they don’t want to pay me anything, and I was wondering is it wrong of me to say demand at least some pay

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So you are being the parent

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So you would like to be an official nanny. Nothing wrong with being paid to be a nanny.

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Free rent at least!!!
Tell them ur getting a job and can’t watch them anymore as u need money… they will soon change their tune

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Get a job an move out they may think giving you a place to stay an feed you is enough pay

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I think you should be how much depends if you pay rent

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Are you living there for free? Or paying rent? If for free I’d consider that pay enough… if you’re paying rent then I would want payment for watching the kids.

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Don’t be responsible for any children other than

yours. Leave fast. This will end up very ugly!

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Are you paying them rent and money towards bills? If not they could see it as your way of payment

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The only suggestion I’ve got is If you don’t like it move out this is the reason I’d never live with anyone else

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If you pay rent you have a choice if not then you still have a choice. You didnt birth them you’re not a step parent you’re not a built in baby sitter

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Youre basically the nanny… Yes you should be compensated… Either with free room and board or with cash…

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Not enough info. Are you responsible for any bills or rent?

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This should have been something discussed before moving in. If you aren’t on the lease, I’d move now. Or get courage and tell them you aren’t watching their kids. That’s a lot of responsibility. That’s 24 hr care. Even if you are living there free (which you didn’t specify) 24hr care of children is NOT equal to free housing. What if something happens to the kid while with you? They could sue and you have to live with that something happened. This is a huge NO. So, say no, or move out.

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Even if you’re living there rent free that’s still not enough money to watch 3 children! Unless you’re 1 bedroom you’re renting is 1400 dollars a month!

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Doesn’t matter if you pay rent or not. They can’t realistically up and leave their kids to be truck drivers. They are not your responsibility :woman_shrugging:

I wouldn’t even do it if it covered rent. That’s 3 kids full time for 3 weeks. Kids that aren’t even yours. Can they even legally do that? What if they get super sick or injured? Can you legally even pick them up from school and what not? You’re not even related to them.

Don’t. It’s all bad news.

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Check out the cost of day care in your area, then double it, at least, for day and night responsibilities. Check the cost of rent for the amount of space that is used by you privately, plus the cost you would need to spend if you fed yourself, add some for utilities, if they are covering those costs extra. Subtract the cost for your room and board and % of utilities from the daily/weekly amount that they would have to pay someone doing professional child care. Then ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” You will have NO free time, add school and homework helper, grocery shopping, parenting with discipline included. Is it still worth it? You can’t quit without notice, they will need time if they have to replace you and, let me tell you, this will be nearly impossible for them to find a replacement. I would guess this will end in a no win situation for everyone involved. Truck driving is not as fun as it may seem!!!

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Move asap. Your friendship is over especially when you ask to be paid.

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The children are THEIR responsibility — not yours. It’s not going to get better…get out !!

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My husband’s uncle lives with us. He isn’t 24 hours 7 days a week. He watches our 3 kids for 8 hours a week total. Occasionally we sneak away for the night. Once in 12 months we stay in hotel. He lives with us completely free. He pays no bills or food. In fact his daughter is up from Florida and we are covering the extra activities too. 24hrs/7days a week I would not say fair at all. They need to find someone willing to do this. Sorry but this screams bad idea. If something happens they will hold you responsible and that could be worse than paying rent. Run.

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Ok this is a pretty screwed up situation. Parents need to parent their own kids especially when they aren’t at work.

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Nick almost did this but he is an electrician apprentice now .

It seems like something to negotiate. Making sure that your rent is equal to the children’s care, or asking for payment, or finding another place to live.

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If you aren’t paying bills/rent, then it is the least you could do. If you’re paying rent, then you aren’t obligated to be a live-in nanny. Be prepared for it to cause a rift that could end you being asked to leave though. Fair or not… its a possibility.

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Uhm- you paying rent?

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I don’t think it matters about rent as much. Live in nannies live in the house for free and still get paid. And being that you will be completely in charge of their children for majority of the time I think that compensation is necessary.

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NO… & if they are already doing ypu like this and taking advantage of you… then that is the kind of people they are so no matter what you say or do it won’t change with them. They want someone to obviously completely care for their children with no responsibility of their own… 🏃‍♂ :running_woman: RUN…
You will only get further and further taken advantage of. That is no friend. Even if you were living for free. I could see part time or during " their" working hours if that was the agreement but NOT 24/7 & NOT when they come home…

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Doesn’t seem like they want to parent. I guess it depends if they are trading you for housing food etc making it a fair deal as in paying you in necessities instead of just cash

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WHAT?! How could you let this go on!? Those are their kids! You are not responsible for their children! Make them raise them! I’d be moving the heck outta there! That’s literally the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!

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Stuff that. Why u even looking after them anyways I dont get it

If I were you I’d leave and let them find someone to take care of them. It’s not your responsibility I mean I get when they are at work. But when they are home. That’s them.

Live in nannies get free housing plus paid. Are you paying rent? If so…then I’d move out. If not,then I’d tell them got to come up with a weekly figure they can pay
.

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Stop being responsible for their kids when they’re right there for one. I understand wanting to help a friend out but they’re taking advantage of you and you’re allowing it to happen. My minds blown that they have you thinking that pretty much their kids are yours now and they can just go do what they want. Even if you don’t pay rent, it was their choice to invite you in to help you out. Pull your weight in cleaning & helping out a little bit sure but you need to be focused on bettering yourself/moving out. How are you supposed to do that when you’re suddenly playing mother to multiple kids who aren’t yours? I’d be calling everyone I know, shelters and all finding somewhere else to go because helllll nahh!

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Do you pay rent? Or is watching their kids is exchange for free rent

Laine Shemwell Brister what do you think?

If you pay to live there they absolutely should pay ta

Depends on if your paying rent/utilities etc.

Heck yeah!!!
Demand them to pay you…i bet that you won’t have to watch their kids…or live FOR FREE in their home

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You should have sorted that out before you moved in.

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I feel sorry for the kids

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Ohhh girrrrl you need to be payed full time nanny pay. Or move out.

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Do not even start this ! At all . They clearly are taking advantage of you and will continue to do so . Just say no .

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Why are they just assuming you’ll watch their kids? Typically people don’t get a roomate and deligate all parental responsibilities on said roomate. You asking if it’s wrong to ask for pay makes me think you worked out some sort of arrangement that didn’t involve money, not realising how much they actually expected/wanted of you. If this is the case, work out a different arrangement or move. No one agrees to watch kids for free. What was in it for you to get you to do this in the first place? Something just doesn’t make sense here.

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You have your own life to live unless that is something you are willing to do… talk with them about being payed and boundaries/rules. Raising kids is hard … don’t tie yourself down to a situation that.

Honestly. Me and my husband have a “manny” it’s my husband’s best friend. He doesn’t work, so he is our baby sitter when we are working or go out…but again he isn’t paying rent. I would say if you’re not paying rent then It’s fair…to a point…but like not when they’re home.

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What were/was the condition of you moving in their home in the first place? Not saying it’s fair/right to you to be responsible for them but if this was something that was discussed ahead of time, you have no job to begin with so you agreed, etc. then they are within reason. If not, I’d kindly approach them.

Are you paying rent/utilities?

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I had nannies growing up. They had their own room and got paid

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Is your rent covered?that as a lot of responsibility without reimbursement.

Everyone asking if rent/utilities are covered why would that matter with the amount of time she is expected to have the children, there is a difference with being asked to help out and being taken the piss out of! They are asking her to be a full time Nanny, and a Nanny would have free board as well as get paid. You have every right to ask for some kind of payment

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Run :running_woman:t3: don’t do it

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Do you pay rent? Do you buy food? Do you pay utilities? Did you agree to watch kids in exchange for rent? I live in a situation where my roommate has 4 children i pay rent and dont babysit. My roomates nephew hes 43 on the other hand does not pay any rent or bills so he has the job of taking care of the kids when my roommate works. If you feel taken advantage of yet dont pay for anything you need to reevaluate YOUR arrangement but if you agreed to watch then in exchange for room n board stop complaining about your JOB

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That should’ve been discussed before you moved in. Either they pay you, or you have to financial responsibility to live there, including a vehicle to care for their children. You should not have to watch THEIR children when they’re home. Sounds like they don’t want any responsibility of raising their children

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I would move out! All these people saying if you don’t pay rent it’s the least you can do just baffles me. That doesn’t mean you need to watch and take care of kids for that you didn’t birth all the time. Either move out or tell them you want paid, they are putting the responsibility onto you and that’s not okay. Whether you pay rent or not! It’s not okay!

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Yes they need to pay you some thing . I realize most of your pay is roof over head Etc but … that’s a lot to be responsible for 24/7 and that tied down

If you pay rent you should get paid to watch their kids simple as that

They’re not your kids,and you’re with them alot and still doing everything when they’re home? I would tell them they need to pay you something.

Are you living there free for only childcare or also paying

Are you paying for rent? Utilities? Etc.?

There really isnt enough information here…
-what do you contribute financially to the household? Rent? Utilities? Food? Extras? If you’re not contributing anything finacially then in a sense you are actually already being paid.

Making dinner for a household, when you stay home isnt really that big of a deal. It actually makes a ton of sense. However bathing them would be the bigger concern…and even that’s dependent on how much you actually “do” to bathe them. If it’s a simple matter or reminding them to get in the bath then that’s not really a big deal either.
Now depending on how much your portion of these Bill’s would be and whether they’re helping with any personal extras for you depends on whether or you should ask for a little bit of pay.
It would also depend on what you actually agreed to when you moved in.

I’m not trying to sound harsh, but theres a lot to this situation that has “well that depends” factors.

With them wanting to be truck drivers…if that comes to reality there’s other factors there too.
Would they be doing over the road? Or driving locally? (Yes, both exist several of the drivers I know are home every evening)
If it’s over the road then a discussion needs to take place about leaving money so you can buy the kids and household needs while they’re gone.

Again, depending on what they’re paying for for you and what you actually agreed to upon moving in depends on whether it’s fair to ask them to leave you money to spend on stuff for yourself but there are other discussions that need to take place regardless.

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Are you living there for free, was watching them part of deal to move in? I say move on & move out.

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You would be better off finding a new place to live. I don’t see this ending well. You are raising their children. MoveOn

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You are functioning as a nanny/maid. You should be paid like any other nanny.

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I mean move out. You’re basically a live in nanny at this point

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They are taking advantage of you. Maybe reevaluate who your friends are, Sweetie.

So you were allowed to move in to be their maid and caregiver.

They hired you as a full time nanny and forgot to tell you. :woman_facepalming:

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It wouldn’t matter if she was living there rent free. She is watching 3 kids full time, 24 hrs a day it sounds like. If I were u I would be asking for something. Especially if they are going to be gone 3 weeks at a time and you still take care of the kids when they are there. Poor kids :sweat: sounds like the parents just don’t want to be parents, just leave and hv her watch and mother them. They should be thinking about their kids not what they want to do. Maybe one parent drive a truck the other get another job to be home for their kids. Either way, I would be getting paid something, enough to pay for essentials, food, extras.

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What bills are you paying?

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If u live there for free I can understand but I’d u pay to live there then no u need to get out cause they useing you

Leave now!! This isn’t going to go well and your friends are not very nice friends. You deserve pay as well as room and board. Stop them from walking on you now. It’s not your job to raise their children.

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This is literally a problem as old as time. Someone moves in with someone else, and is used as a maid/babysitter/chauffer/cook/doctor/everything and anything. They think they are right because they helped you with a place to live, you think you’re right because you feel taken advantage of. The long and short of it doesn’t matter, the best thing to do is move. No matter how much you pay, or don’t pay, no matter how much you contribute, or don’t you are not the children’s parent and you shouldn’t be responsible for feeding them, bathing them, doing school work, waking them, getting them to bed…not for a week, not for 2, and certainly not for 3 weeks at a time. Do yourself a favor and just move now. Generally moving in and having a situation like this ruins relationships anyways, so just move as quick as you can. No sob stories from them should keep you, they shouldn’t be dependent on you for anything. Whatever they were doing before will have to work after you go.

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They are taking advantage of this situation. 3 kids is heavy work. I’d move out and get my own place if I were you.

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Stop watching their kids or don’t pay the full amount on rent.
The fuxk :unamused:

A friend has put a roof over your head, you become an asset to those helping you. Not a burden. I suppose they feed you too? Or are you paying for the food? You cant look a gift horse in the mouth. You dont like it. Then you should probably find your own space and do what you want.

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Wait… Do u pay bills there… Do u pay rent??? If not it’s kinda fair… Gotta earn your keep. If ur paying for things then yes u ought to be paid.

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Live in nannies get paid. The national average for a live in full time nanny is $670. Per week.

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Go find a government apartment. U will live there for free

Um no I’d be moving your time is money anf you didn’t have kids they are someone elses.

I am really kind of appalled by how many people would only help a friend if they were getting something in return.

They aren’t asking her to watch their kids from time to time, they are talking about leaving for days on end.

Live in nannies get room and board AND pay. These are your supposed friends and you think they don’t deserve the same? Because you are doing them a favor? They are exploiting her.

God, I am soooooo grateful for my friends, because while I’ve never needed it, I KNOW none of them would hesitate to help WITHOUT taking advantage of me. As I would them.

I’m really sorry some of you have never found true friendship like that.

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They probably moved you in for that reason, are you living there rent free? They should have discussed it with you and yes you should definitely bring it up

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Unfortunately if you are living in their house receiving free room and board , they are expecting you to contribute. If you’re feeling used , move to different accommodations . Or clarify your expected responsibilities in your current situation.

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Well I’d be not paying them any rent for sure!

Are you paying rent, utilities? If you’re living there for free then it’s a fair exchange. You should’ve been informed that this is the agreement & that you’re basically a live in sitter before moving in.

That depends… If you are living there rent free then you don’t have a right to demand anything. They can easily just charge you rent, then you’d still be watching the kids just to be able to pay rent.
If you are praying rent tho, then I’d definitely request payment.