I need help… I am a first time mommy and have messed up with my baby girl sleeping in her own bed I messed up always holding her when she slept & co sleeping (p.s) I don’t want or need the negative comments for some people who disbelieve in co sleeping for my child was never harmed and it’s done and over with but I will admit now me and my hubby are paying the price for her always wanting to be in our bed and I have done everything that books and other people have said…
- The cryout method ( she will continue to scream on her lungs for and hour if not more )
- I have changed out the mattress to be more firm like my bed
- Still attempt to sing lullabies and read bedtimes store while rubbing her back
- Give warm baths with lavender body wash at night time
- Due to teething pain switched off between Tylenol and ibuprofen (try to avoid tho due to not big on giving a lot of medication)
- Slept with teddy bears to give off my scent and lay them next to her cuz I feel the issue is separation anxiety.
My baby girl is 1 1/2 and we are moving in March and will be upgrading to a two bedroom and will finally get her out of our room but I want to be able to have her in her own bed and sleep through the night… I am running out of options.
I wonder if you put her in a playpen in the living room after she falls asleep in your bed will work?
Maybe try putting some perfume on a top you don’t wear anymore a sort of security blanket. You could show her you cuddling the top then get her to copy you. It’s a tough one. You could also try leaving a lamp on in her room or near her cat etc and put on classical music.
Have you tried putting something for her to sleep in right next to your bed? Having her co sleep with you for so long and then making her do a drastic change is going to be hard. She’s used to falling asleep to your breathing or husband’s snoring… Or whatever noises that are a constant every night. When I did my sons change… I would play the 8 hr. White noise on youtube in his room and it worked really well.
Wear a shirt for the day and let her sleep with it. This is what I did with my daughter. She liked holding onto something too. So we gave her a little security blanket. She’s 1 1/2 and still sleeps with it. Also how old is she? I wouldn’t try adjusting her to her own room if she could be going through a sleep regression.
She’s just got to get used to it. Bedtime routine, put her in her crib BEFORE she falls asleep, and let her tire herself out. Make sure she’s clean, dry, and full… she’ll cry for a bit. Maybe check on her every 10 to 20 minutes without flipping the lights on. Don’t take her out unless you have to. Calm, quiet, soothing voice. Don’t sound like you’re pitying her or like you’re upset or she’ll think there’s a reason for her to be upset too. Reassurance, keeping a routine, and sticking to your guns are important.
Try getting a star projector or something to see if distraction helps?
Christin’s post reminded me of something, actually. When a friend of mine was sleep training her son they absolutely could not get him to sleep in his own room. She had mentioned that you could hear the ventilation kick on and off in her room, but not in his… so they got a fan for his room. He fell asleep no problem with the sound. Its kind of like the white noise effect.
Contact a sleep training professional. I followed her steps when my boy was 1 year old. Took more than a few hours without sleep so do it over a weekend when you dont have to be up early the next day. Good luck.
Let her cry it out for about 5 minutes then go in there and calm her down. Don’t pick her up just let her know you’re there. Keep repeating. It’ll stop in a few days.
My son was the same way so at 3.5 we put a toddler bed in my room. I’d pat him to sleep and leave a glove filled with rice on him when he’d wake we would say how proud we were and he was a big boy so he started to like it. Now at 4.5 he sleeps in his own bed and maybe twice a week climbs in my bed about 5am… I’m perfectly fine with that!!
The Beyond Sleep Training Project is amazing!
I highly recommend. Filled & fueled with knowledge, ideas, support & Love Mumma.
You haven’t messed anything up, you’re a responsive, attentive Mother
I cosleep currently but when i was living in a place where I didn’t have room for it I broke my daughter of the habit by letting her fall asleep in my bed then moving her into her bassinet while she slept. As for naps I rocked her with a bottle until she fell asleep while.i was holding her then i put her down in the bassinet. I went back to cosleeping and honestly don’t give a rat’s ass what other mom’s think about it, but as far as getting her to sleep on her own, maybe try that!
Ps- the bassinet was right next to our bed and we wpuld move it a few feet further away every other day so that she would be comfortable sleeping on her own. Only downside is when she wakes up crying you have to actually get up and walk across the room and it took a lot longer to calm her down.
For the cry it out method, set a timer. Every 10 minutes go in and hold her or rub her back, whatever it takes just to calm her down then lay her back down in her bed and repeat all night every night. Consistency is key. Losing the sleep for a few nights is worth it in the end.
Also, you didnt mess up with cosleeping with her. You did what worked best for your family. She feels safe at night and that means youre doing your job as a mom.
We coslept until about 15 months.
When we moved, my oldest was still sleeping with me. From day 1 in the new house we told her this is her very own room and she has to sleep in her room. We took her to pick out her own sheets and blanket. She was all for it then. New house/new room and she loved it!!! She turned 4 just days before we moved. There’s hope. Good luck!
Try a warmie Teddy as well… You pop it in microwave make it warm and pop it next to child… If used to Co sleeping he will miss your body heat and breathing and generally just feeling safe and secure… He just needs to realise his bed is safe… Goodluck…
Since you’re still in a one bedroom, maybe wait until y’all move…it’s only 2 months away. Reason I’m saying this is bc if you get her in her bed now and then move to a whole new home, you may have to go through it again since it’s an entirely new atmosphere.
This WILL get better. Place all kinds of enthusiasm on her room. And use the move as a new basis. You’ve got this. Hit restart and try again.
We never co-slept…but I got into the habit of when my son would cry in his bassinet, instead of picking him up fully I would reach over and lay my hand on his chest/stomach. His bed was lower than mine so I just made sure he was really close and he’d settle after a minute. The first night I didn’t have to do that, I moved him across the room. After a few nights of that, we moved him to his room with the door open. If he’d wake up crying, I’d quietly walk in and lay my hand on him until he settled. He was pretty consistently sleeping through the night from 8 weeks, and doing it in his own crib from about 12-14 weeks. Now at 16 months, he rarely wakes and if he does I let him cry for a minute or two and then go in and lay my hand on him, usually he’s back asleep within 30 seconds.
My now 1 year old slept in my arms for the first month and then next to me in a bassinet for the next 5 months before we put her in the crib. We put the crib in our room for an easier transition and then by close to a year she was in her own room. My issue was I used to rock her to sleep every night so she was dependent on me to fall asleep … so when she’d wake in the night she had no capability of skills to self sooth and put herself back to sleep. So we did the Ferber method (a form of the cry it out method)… I chose it because you don’t just leave them in there to cry you to in periodically to reassure them. They WILL cry…but my daughter was trained in 2-3 days. She’s 2 on the 28th and she’s been sleeping on her own like this for nearly a year. She doesn’t wake in the night anymore and knows how to put herself to sleep. She has her comfort stuffed animals, books and her pillow and blanket so she’s nice and comfy. She usually just quietly relaxes, reads and softly plays with her stuffies until she rolls over and goes to sleep. We also have a crib aquarium she clals her “fishies” that plays lullaby music and has a soft glowing light to it…she still loves it to this day and needs it every night to go to sleep.
You could also try putting a shirt you just wore in there with her so she smells you. If you have a larger stuffed animal put the shirt on that so she can snuggle up to it so it feels like she’s cuddling something like she would you!
Good luck mama, you got this! It’s gonna be hard but you have to be consistent. If you give in she’s not going to take you seriously and she won’t learn.
I have 3 kids 11 years old. 3 years old and 1 year old. My 11 year old started sleeping in her own bed at 8. I still co sleep with the other 2. Nothing wrong with it. I’ve done it since the day they were born.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past but its important to remember thats it been her whole life. It takes time and A LOT OF PERSISTENCE. Just don’t give up because she will give in and settle you just have to be consistent.
Tell people to mind their own damn business and do what is best for YOUR child.
Well what i have done was i put my child in bed and read her stories til she fall in sleep, she sometime wake up i didn’t ignore her crying when she need me there i gose in clam her down sing a song to her and read stories to her she fall back to sleep. After few night and sleeplessness night she sleel throughout the night
I dont mind mine sleeping with me but it turns out she doesnt mind sleeping with her older sister, I guess I’ve cheated lol nobody likes to sleep alone, atleast not all the time.
We were in the same boat as you! We did the the crying it out. We endured 2 hours of screaming one night. The next was an hour, and it slowly went down in time each night. Just got to stick with it. She still is not great at sleeping in her own bed and she is 4.
Your a good mommy! I used a soft night light so my daughter wasn’t scared of the dark. What helped for us, I used a weighted blanket to keep my daughter’s comforter like your wrapped arms. We had their favorite stuffed animal that I lightly rubbed lavender on. Many nights I sat with them until they fell asleep. I cut off sweets and carbs early in the day. That helped. At 7pm we turned off all the bright lights/electronic’s in the house to help the melitolin levels in their bodies.
I was exhausted when my first son was born and it frustrated me that he needed me to go to sleep and trying to put him in his crib would create literal chaos for us. So during his first maybe 8 months he was with me. I would hold him til he fell asleep and then place him next to me on my bed. I made myself sick with guilt over it because personally I didnt want him in my bed and i definitely was terrified he would never sleep on his own. I started trying to put him in his crib after a few months and I called friends and family a LOT for reassurance that just because it wasnt working didnt mean i should feel guilty. Once i learned to let go of the guilt it seemed easier on both of us. After the first night in his crib it got easier. He didnt sleep there every night at first but every once in a whild we’d get a win and that made me feel like we were moving in the right direction. It took a long time but now my son is in his crib every night. He actually wont even fall asleep unless he is in his crib or we’re in the car for a while.
I think the most important thing for you to remember is you dont have to feel guilty and you should do whatever you have to do to slowly let go of that guilt. It will get easier for both of you. It just takes time. Just try not to stress out about it. You and your baby have your own timeline and not rushing it will do so much for your mental health.
Try and ease into it slowly. Lay her mattress on the floor next to your bed and spend a few nights down there with her. After a week lay her there by herself and you in your bed next to her. If she climbs into your bed in the middle of the night just bring her back down to hers and remind her that you are right there and she’s not alone. Once she’s used to that move the mattress a little farther from your bed and so on untill she’s sleeping in her own bed all night. It’ll be tough and there will still be times when nothing will seem work and she just wants to lay in yours but one day you’ll definitely find yourself missing those nights.
I have an almost 4yo who still sleeps in our bed most nights.
You haven’t messed up, there’s nothing wrong with co-sleeping. Sometimes we just carry her to her bed in the middle of the night, other times she stays with us all night.
Do what works for you and what you can tolerate.
I started Co sleeping with my daughter at about 6 weeks old (she wouldn’t sleep through the night and I had to go back to work so it was the only way I could get any sleep) but I have been working with her to get back in her own bed. she is 3 months old now and honestly she hated the bassinet I have a baby bed that she will not stay asleep in. the thing I found that works is I have a rocker bed that has a vibration option and I put her to sleep holding her then transfer her to the bed and turn the vibration on and she is sleeping anywhere from 4 to 7 hours at a time. maybe try a swing with vibration option or I’m not sure what mine is called but it is a life saver. I had to gradually put her in it for naps and sometimes I just lay her in it while in doing stuff around the house so she is comfortable. sorry this is long but I hope it helps! good luck trust me I know what it’s like to want your bed back! lol
We co-slept with my son and getting him in his own bed was not easy. I used to hold him for his naps as well. At about 5 months old I started making him take naps in his crib. It wasn’t easy, but I knew he needed to become familiar with it if I ever wanted him in his own bed at night. Eventually I would put him to sleep for the night in his crib and when he would wake up, bring him in my bed. Then I would slowly wean him off of coming in the bed with me. At 1 year and 3 months, he finally started sleeping in his own bed at night. Good luck
I would say wait. If you are moving soon anyways I wouldn’t force a change on her now and then another big one in a few months. I would just wait until the new house and make only one big change then. From day one in the new place never let her in your room or bed. Keep the door closed and don’t let her in your room for any reason at all until she is comfortable in her own room to avoid mixed signals. Make it a 100% baby free zone, completely off limits. You will probably have to spend a fair bit of time in her room with her to get her comfortable with the new setup but it will be worth it!
I had this issue , it’s a separation thing they developed around that age and it seems that because you co slept your having a hard time cracking it . My daughter would
Scream for hours . We read all the books had midwifes on the phone for help for days … then we decided that a single method was not the way to go . We mashed a few of them together!
What we did was the first night we put her in her cot ( she has a bottle of water to go to sleep ) she then began screaming . Go in ( don’t pick up ) tap bum do what ever to reassure and then walk out . We did this every 30 seconds for 10 minutes ( you could try 5 minutes) then after the 10 minutes we went every 45 seconds for 5 minutes then carried that on until she gave in and fell asleep . Sometime we had to lay her back down . The next night we done 30 seconds for 5 minutes 45 for 10 minutes and so on . 3rd night we did the same but she gave in a lot sooner then 5th night every 45 seconds 6th night every minute. And just kept on going with it for 10 nights and now she goes off every night like a dream . My daughter was very clingy and so cry it out was to traumatic but the other methods just encourage her to be more clingy x