I need advice on how to get the spark back with my husband

We have been together for 4 years, married less than a year. we have an almost 2 year old daughter. he works about 35 hours a week and i work about 60. we try to take “us time” but it normally is just us going shopping or out to eat. we don’t exactly have fun anymore. we don’t talk like we used too. i guess i’m just wanting to know what other people have done to get that spark back in their relationship.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I need advice on how to get the spark back with my husband

It depends on the 2 of you and what you need.
Ask him. Tell him.
And then, do it. Even when you’re tired or stressed. Make time to do something about the 2 of you.
On a date night, no talking about the kids, house, work, etc. Talk like you want to know each other again.


Do things without the kiddo what did you do to have fun before? Go for bike rides? Go to an arcade do something fun that will make you guys laugh… a night out for drinks at a comedy club…. Depends on your ability level/age! Paintball is fun :star_struck:

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Lingerie or whatever makes you feel sexy and confident. Should def spark something. Maybe book a Bodoir shoot. I have done two myself and it’s a true gift for you as well as your husband.

Me and my husband found a beautiful and peaceful place that has cottages on the lake. We started going there every 2 to 3 months for 3 night. For our just us time and it has helped us so much.


We found something we both love to do and it’s our trucks. I know it seems stupid but we both are passionate about our diesels so we kick it in the shop and make wishlists of what we want for our trucks and how to get to those goals together. And then our parts show up and we help each other instal them and just bullshit with each other :heart: we make tiktoks together about our trucks and thats fun too :sweat_smile: and also car meets, sometimes we just go together and other times we involve the kiddos

8.5yrs with my man, 4 kids 0-6yrs… never really lost our spark. It just depends on what types of things you two consider fun. Put your child to bed and stay up late and watch movies, eat some good food and snacks, have deep conversations about anything and everything… sometimes them deep conversations open up alot things within the relationship. Pay for a babysitter once every weekend and go watch a movie, go out to eat or sit at home and have some drinks and have fun at home together, play some uno! Lol :woman_shrugging:t4: I’d say start with finding something fun to do, get a babysitter and go do the fun activities.


Cook together and talk about the eccentric coworkers you have, something funny you read, or watch little shows. Find ways that build intimacy for both of you and the the spark will be easier to find.

Take time off work, plan trips go on date nights roll play meet up try to be spontaneous do things u never do it might just work

Read a book or article or blog or watch a podcast together on a provocative subject and discuss.

Each of you gets to describe a fantasy (can be non sexual) and then see how close you can get to making it happen.

Plan an exotic trip together even if you can’t afford to take it.

Decide what you’d do if you had unlimited money.

Go do something slightly uncomfortable: sky diving, rollerblading, roller coasters, camping, white water rafting, paintball, skiing.

Or do something you’ve just never done before: bowling, ice skating, go-karting, go to a Bingo night, do karaoke, go to a political debate or school board meeting. Go to a local landmark, museum or historic site. Go to a service of another religion.

Or take a class together and learn something new: a foreign language, weight lifting, yoga, knitting, ancient history, auto mechanics, painting. Do something different: go to a lecture, see a ballet, go to a monster truck rally, dress up and go to a Renaissance Festival, join a group in a parade. Work for a cause together.

Get some books or web sites that suggest interesting questions to ask each other. What does money represent to each of you? If you could have a superpower what would it be? What are the three most pressing issues in the world today? Who are some people you each admire most?

Research a topic and be prepared to discuss it at the dinner table. Each of you will learn something. Or teach each other something: how to get stains out of laundry, how to cook a fave recipe, how to trouble shoot for the car, the beat way to mow the lawn, how to invest, whatever one of you does well and can teach the other person.

Become more interesting people!

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Every relationship changes as it matures and we get more commitments. As long as you’re spending time together and love each other its still a good relationship. You can still make plans to go out together…but the fun times become family fun times…its different from when we are dating but no reason it can’t still be a good life


I make time every day. Sometimes with both our work schedules, it’s just talking & cuddling for about an hr before bed and we both will make time for sex when we’re not exhausted. As for that change up, do something different. Talking is key!

there is this book called the adventure challenge for couple. We got it and it gives us a random date idea when we can’t think of anything so we aren’t doing the day thing over and over

This is so common place these days. Yes sad, but true. If there is no communication and respect it is hard to get out from under. I see a lot of people making suggestions about date night, but if both people are not on the same page it’s almost impossible. BOTH have to want to get back on track.


Me and my late husband used to do date nights where I would get a dress on hair done and makeup on and we would go out to eat and then go to the bar and play pool then we would end up on a dirt road dancing in front of the headlights


You both must be exhausted from all that work! Maybe cut back on spending so you have time for each other and rest and spend time with your child!

It’s been 13 years since I been w my bf… idk if I’ll ever get married tho :speak_no_evil: we have 3 kids or youngest is 25 days old our oldest is 10 yo… we never really lost that spark… and he’s much older then me too… but I don’t plan on leaving him anytime soon :grin: maybe try showering together?, Watch tv while the kids are sleeping?, we try to do stuff together… but before I got pregnant we used to go camping, go on the boat…

In real life, when you working and raising a kid and family, be happy when you just fall asleep in the same bed. Make fun out of the going shopping and eat. Life ain’t no fairytale!. A lot of people get ‘tired’ when they think they missing out on a fairytale. If only they learnt early of the simple pleasures.


My husband and I started playing card games and board games when our kids go to sleep. We end up talking, joking and laughing for a few hours. We lose some hours of sleep, but it’s worth it to us. It truly helped us rekindle

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Go to a hotel for the night…it works :heart:

Have fun together and joke lots. Pick your battles.