You are probably not respecting boundaries and acting like an effing boomer when something goes wrong.
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Stop trying⌠let them live there lives and until they want you donât bother until they are going to appreciate you! They are adults with their own families now they may just want time by themselves. They are your sonâs and nothing is going to change that, your grand babies are out there and right now with everything else thatâs going on in the world with people dying of covid they are alive- all of them. Stop trying, just do your own thing.
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We donât know the full story. But if both of your children are saying they feel overwhelmed and you are pushing their boundaries⌠maybe you are? Instead of just letting it all go, maybe start changing how you do things. If they as parents have a no photos on social media without permission then ask them first and respect if they say no. If they feel like you text too much then ask what they feel would be appropriate and listen. If they wanted you completely gone they would have cut you out but it sounds like they are telling you what they need. Try change how you are doing things and find a new normal.
If they view you as hurtful and causing drama, have a think about what might be leading to that. Iâm not saying they are perfect, I donât know the whole story, but if we are respectful of each otherâs boundaries (even if we donât understand them) it often helps relationships in big ways
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I feel for you, I can understand how horrible that must feel. I donât know the whole situation but if you have stepped over boundaries they tried to set apologize and explain you only did it out of love but you respect their parenting and will follow their rules. Now on the other hand Iâm sorry I could never treat my Mom like this or make her feel this way. You are just trying to be a great grandmother, you do deserve to be and those kids need that relationship. If it was me I would call and apologize for any wrongdoings and explain you love them and will give them space if they need it.
Leave them completely alone. No calls, no text, no visits the end. If you have money change your will give it to charity. Or your grandkids on stipulation nobody can touch it until theyâre 18. They want to be left alone and give them exactly what they want.
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One thing is posting their childrenâs photos, frankly I donât think anyone should post photos of their children online if the child is under 18, there are too many sick people out there who can find your children and harm them. Besides outside of family no one really wants to see other peopleâs kidâs photos. I know it may be painful but step out of your kids lives, donât contact them donât send them gifts, no emails, nothing let them have their way when they contact you ignore them for a while maybe they will realize just what they are missing out on. Maybe they have resentments from the past you are not acknowledging, there is always more to the story than we are given here.
I am sorry your going through this⌠I have to admit thereâs things our children are being taught that parents are old and âtoxicâ. I donât know what we are coming too but itâs not good for the âFamilyâ! I give them what they want, I leave them alone.
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I disagree with posting pics of kids on social media. I understand how excited u are for others to see ur children & grandchildren, but u have to understand that not everyone likes to advertise their kids on Facebook etcâŚthatâs a decision for the parentsâŚ#justmyopinion
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You need to respect their boundaries. They too have a life and it doesnât involve you 24/7. I put myself in their shoes, when my children were little I had a family member that done this to us. So now Iâm a grandparent, I think back to that family member and I back off. If they need you they will contact you, you need to let the ball be in their court.
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Your sons are pricks. Birthdays are special occasions, you should be included in their families and celebrated on yours. I would 100% Back away from them for at least a month and show them what itâs like. Put your love and care into something/someone else that deserves it instead of selfish people. They need to ask themselves if they could live with the treatment theyâve given you if something happened to you. I hope they see sense soon
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Honestly this is soo sad there are so many who would love to have a grandparent who cared and tried and the oneâs that do always seem to take it for granted , I understand ppl have boundaries but ur parents and grandparents wonât always be around âŚitâs like the saying you donât know what you have til itâs gone 
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Naw this is sad and they sound like ungrateful spoilt bratz!
Tell them they better not go see their mokos, and annoy their kids when theyâre older!
if anything itâs probably their partners moaning about you and taking it out on you
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Ask them how they would like you to be in there lives. Write them a letter saying you are not trying to interfere but would like to be included as their mother and grandma. Not acknowledging your birthday was cruel. Hope you can repair this soon. It takes two to tango its not all you.
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Fuck those kids 
lol Iâm sorry but Iâm not! Just because youâre a parent doesnât mean you deserve to be treated like shit! Ghost them and I bet they realize their being dicks 
Thereâs not much advice I can give because unfortunately thereâs a whole other side that I or even you donât know or understand. Parenting is the most rewarding but also most frustrating thing. Something changes in your relationships and unfortunately until they tell you exactly what happened you canât fix it. Iâd give them their space but make sure they know the door is always open when they wanna fix things. Respect their boundaries as parents but love on your grandkids the best you can. Seriously Iâll be praying for your situation. As a mom of 4 I can really empathize with you!
This makes me so sad 
I would definitely take a step back! X
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Like I almost feel bad for you, but you sound a little like my mil, who doesnât respect boundaries, leaves out the parts where sheâs toxic and has abused the kids and flys off the handle when boundaries are placed, I truly hope itâs not the same ish situation, I hope for the best for yâall, but maybe back off, give space, give them what they want, hopefully things get better
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I would give anything to have someone like you in our family Iâm sorry you are going through this 
I hope things get better 
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Even tho, you said a lot of Iâs in this sentence, the way itâs written is very blame them.
You might be trying to fix it, but are you trying to fix it you way or theirs?
Iâm not saying you are, but growing up in a toxic family you get to a point where you just donât want to know them. The family accuse you of being âangry and selfishâ but itâs all because the family donât respect the personal boundaries in place.
If youâre being told not to do something, because a person has put a boundary in⌠Weather you agree or not, respect the damn boundary
So youâre upset that theyâve removed you from their lives because you wouldnât follow their boundaries concerning their children? 
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They will regret that one day Iâm sorry this is happening to you I pray everything will work out for you 
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THIS is unbelievable! So sorry. I cannot imagine why they would do this. Parents give ALL they have To their family and then in the end they do this??? So SADđ˘
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Iâm sorry. This makes me so sad for you and them. They should feel blessed to still have their mother. Both my parents are gone and I would give anything to have them here. I know every family is different and have there own issues, but donât take the time you get with your parents for granted.
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This how I feel. 1st Iâve done so much for my kids & grandkids from babysitting, to cooking for them, gave them money when money was tight for them. Hosted every holiday & birthdays & many other things that when they act like their annoyed with me or Iâm âold fashionâ then lâll just choose to stay away. If it donât bother then not to see me than it sure isnât gonna bother me & donât ask me for anything either. I have 3 that alway worry about me but the rest can go pound sand. I truly love them all but I canât do with being disrespectful to me.
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Follow their rules, apologise for past mistakes , tell them you love them.
Boundaries are very important. That being said, I feel they are taking it too far by discluding you from events and holidays, that is very unkind. I can understand how they may feel you being overbearing with calls and texts, maybe try to limit texts/calls to once a week maybe or figure out what they are ok with for keeping in touch? That being said, having lives and being busy isnât an excuse to never speak to you or acknowledge your birthday.
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It sounds like they set boundaries and you arenât respecting them and the only thing they can do is push back. What Iâve learned from having a mother who has difficulty respecting boundaries (although I love her dearly and would never cut her out of my life) if you push you are going to get the opposite outcome. So youâre worried they are pulling away so you try to latch on harder. The thing you want the most is for them to stay but what youâre really doing is causing them to leave. What you should do is respect every single boundary no matter how ridiculous you think it is because it was set for a reason. I wouldnât just give up just do what they are asking of you. Maybe give them some time first then gently start contacting them again but respect their boundaries and most likely they will welcome you back.
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You seem like an awesome grandma, some people just donât know how lucky they are. I wish I had my kids grandma around they have both passed on. Just know when you finally close your eyes they will be every bit of sorry. Keep doing what your doing so you get the time with your grandkids.
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Iâm sorry youâre going through this. Maybe crossing your boundaries when it came to posting pictures of their kids on Facebook got the best of them and itâs their only way of stopping you.
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Did you have permission to post their pics on social media?
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Awe thatâs so sad. You kids seem like jerks. My kiddos wouldnât mind another grandma, Iâm just sayinâ¤ď¸ I really hope everything works out for you.
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Posting grandkids photos to social media is not your job. Ring your children once a week or every fortnight. On the same day, then that way theyâll know when your calling
What are your children telling you is exactly the problem? Your post is vague and I donât tend to give advice or an opinion without full disclosure, and mainly because itâs pointless to even try without all the facts. Itâs usually how narcissists and toxic people manipulate others and how victim blaming happens to the true victims when thereâs simply not enough information provided to form an opinion or give advice one way or the other.
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This makes me so sad. It seems like your heart is in the right place and Im sorry youâre going through this âŚ
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You need to back off. You raised them to be independent of you, so you did your job. My Mom always told us she knows we all have lives outside of her & we have more on our plates than her & my Dad did at the same age. Just back off maybe once a week or every other week give them a call or text & keep it simple " just wanted to let you know I love you & Iâm thinking about you"leave it at that. You sound like an overbearing, over protective mama bear. It is not your business to post your grandkids on social media that is a big NO NO. If your boys wanted that posted Iâm sure they know how. There are way too many crazies out there & I wouldnât want my grandkids picâs posted to who knows who or to complete strangers on the internet. You never know know whoâs viewing them or maybe even photo shopping them to another site possibly a porno site. Sit back & enjoy your time, in time they will call or come by wondering why you havenât been bugging them. That is the time to tell them what youâve been thinking & feeling. The words will be correct they will come out with love spoken from the heart. Keep them in your prayers & their families & wait. It sounds hard but it can be done. God has a reason for everything & I know sometimes his response doesnât happen as fast as we would like but it will with patience, love & right now putting their needs above yours. No matter how old they get they will always be our babies but it is time to let go & let God.
They sound awful. But wonder what their side of the story is. I guess you have no choice. Call them less. Text them even less. Donât post pictures of their kids on FB. And stay close to your friends. Let them come around and look for you. Why would you even want to be part of that?
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Just because other grandparents are posting pictures of their grandkids on Facebook doesnât mean itâs safeâŚwere you posting them as public? Thereâs a big difference between sharing privately with trusted friends and family, and posting where anyone on Facebook can see them. I donât mean to be unkind. Iâve made the mistake of sharing pictures of family membersâ kids too publicly, and I learned from that mistake. Iâm seeing a good amount of support for you on here, and some good suggestions. It sounds to me like it would be a good idea to back off for a little while, respect boundaries as they were expressed to you, sincerely apologize for boundaries that you crossed, without making it about how much it hurts you. Guilt trips breed resentment. Itâs hard when it feels like theyâre rejecting you. But you have to make sure youâre not imposing on them, too. Even if you meant well, even if you missed them, something happened to make them feel disrespected. Maybe with some distance, the negativity will fade and youâll be able to talk it over in the future. Sometimes your grown kids just want some privacy.
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They lil punks! They should be glad you want to be in their lives! This just makes me angry coz lord knows how i would feel if i were told to leave my bbys/,mokolokos aloneâŚhope you find some arrangements x
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Will you be my grandma?
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I wish my kids had a grandma like you, mine donât even know theirs
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totally understand jour situation, and when i finally left them in peace , nothing happened anymore either, when aqll i wanted was to see and gett to know my grandchildren⌠and beeing part of there life. still dont understand why only her family was involved in their life.
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Oh my heart breaks for you,
Maybe write a letter to them that may help.I hope everything works out well 
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You sound like a very controlling woman. You need to step back and leave them alone, let them live their lives. You canât control what other people do or say, but you can control your own reactions. Sounds to me like they want you to leave them alone.
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Id Ignore them time to do you
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This is so sad one of these days they will be a grand mother and they could be treated the same way what goes around comes back around they should talk with her and see if she would like for them to have a day with her each month I hope they donât wait to late another grand mother and a great grand mother I love everyone of them donât know what I would do without them
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Something is missing from this story but give them their wishes. Donât call them wait until they call you. Theyâll call when theyâre ready
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I had to stop talking to one of my daughters sheâs exactly like that. When I did she become furious and grips about me to my son. But I gave her the wishes she kept asking for. When she was not invited to thanksgiving this year she went crazy on me and one of my daughters. She asked for it for years and she got what she wanted.
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Same here with my mom for forty years. Mom died & they all showed up to look good & remove their guilt.
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If they have set boundaries itâs up to you to respect them. Repeatedly violating their boundaries around social media and texting and calling probably makes them feel like you donât really care about their needs and arenât listening to them. Perhaps to them it feels like you only care about your own needs which is to interact with your kids and grandkids at any cost. Instead of focusing on what they wonât let you do, consider evaluating your own actions and the intentions behind them. Give them the space theyâre asking for and donât make a martyr of yourself over it.
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Iâm so sorry. What Iâd give to have my mom bug me. My son has no living grandparents, so he misses out on all that. One day their hearts will be filled with guilt and regret because of time wasted.
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Fuck it go on Cruise get your hair done spend your money making your life better and each year make or buy something special and little and pack it away or just mail it to them donât call or text them anymore. It sounds like they have controlling women in their lives and they just donât want to hear it from them anymore speaking as a mother of a boy and seeing it first hand. Simple happy birthday or merry Christmas then go about your day. And if it bugs you that much their are so many children out their that can use your love and kind gifts around this time of year.
You can be my daughters grandma. She doesnât have one
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Change your nameâŚget a new family.lol-honor their requests and see what happensâŚget a âbragâ book instead of using social media to share pics. Ppl are becoming wary of having pics of their kids on FBâŚ
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There is more to this story. People donât just throw you out of their lives just like that. You said they told you you are not respecting their boundaries. It sounds like more than just pictures. Yes these are your grandkids, but they are their children. The fact that you are oblivious to what has led you here says a lot. So back off and let them be. When and if they are ready for you to be back in their lives they will let you know
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Grand MA has been left out of quite a few of my grand childrenâs lives.
I will agree, a lot wasnât said. Plus as posting pictures of your grandkids onlineâŚIs WRONG, I would never post a updated picture of my grandkids (23 & 13) Unless they (the 23 yr old) did it first or with my 13 yr old unless her mother or father did it first, I do post old pictures of them. There are too many predators out there. This is called common sense. But between that & whatever else happened, let it go & again STOP posting pictures of your grandkids unless their parents do it first
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You said one of the problems yourself. They obviously donât want you posting pictures of their children without permission so you should probably stop doing that. You seem to view yourself as the victim here when instead you should probably really think about what boundaries youâve been given and how often youâve crossed them. Also if youâre coming across as a victim when you try to bring things up could be why it keeps making it worse.
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Your sons sound like assholes. Boundaries, yes. Text/call/visit every dayâŚno. But you shouldnât be made to feel like you arenât part of their family. You shouldnât be made to feel like you canât share photos of your family. You shouldnât have to beg to be included in birthdays and holidays. I would sit down face to face with each son separately. Ask them whatâs going on. What exactly their problem is with you. If itâs something fixable then fix it. But seems like theyâre being unreasonable assholes. You donât deserve to be made to feel unwanted, included, unimportant. Shame on them. If they canât start acting right and treating you rightâŚI would absolutely remove myself from their lives. If they love you then they need to start acting like it. Otherwise they donât deserve you in their lives and you have to do whatâs best for you and your heart.
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I would start with therapy for yourself and seek guidance that way. A therapist can help you navigate the relationships in a healthy way for everyone involved. Iâm sure you are a wonderful mom and grandmother!
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All I can say is they WILL regret it some dayâŚbut it may be too late 
But as a Grammie I will say I like to post my gbabies too but I make sure I never post their sports etc stuff first!!! Everything no matter how small it seems is their life not mine to share!!! I make a lot of posts from my house so that I donât overstep my spaceâŚand if weâre all out together I never rush to post before my daughter has posted what she wants to first and then sometimes I just 
the ones she posts and keep my pics on my phoneâŚI take A LOT of pics and I always tell my daughter and my daughter in law to look at my pics and send yourself the ones you want and THEY can post them if they choose to
give thm space and thy will come around
My friend you raised good boys - they respect you as a mother your house your rules and those whom had dealings with your boys had to follow your set boundaries. Well my friend they have their homes and their wives - they are doing exactly what you taught them. Be proud and respect them now. As far as posting pictures of their kids - respect their privacy and boundaries- I know it hurts but be proud and enjoy your life. Donât dwell on these feelings my friend- life is to short. 
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Your children sound cruel and spiteful.Noone can hurt a mother more then her own child.
Sometimes in life you need to remove yourself from those that only bring you pain, NOMATTER who they areâŚ
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I understand them not wanting photos of their children posted on FB. But as for the restâŚmaybe you need to give them what they think they want for awhile. Get out there and do some things for yourself. Maybe take a class or go to Bingo or volunteer. Something to keep you occupied and maybe make some new friends. The old saying âAbsence make the heart grow fonderâ may help in this case.
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Grandparenting is awesome!
There has to be more reason as to why they distance themselves from you and tbh alot of parents arenât willing to admit traumas theyâve caused their children, and if theyâve asked you not to share photos of their kids on social media and you continue to do so that is a big problem. In my experience people can be awful parents but then try and be good grandparents.
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Thatâs sad. I was so close to my grandma growing up; my kids never got to meet her but I would never take the bond my kids have with my mom away. Im sorry your going through this. Maybe give alittle space and see what follows.
Both my parents are deceased and I am brokenhearted my kids donât have them with us. My mom lived next door to us and I miss her terribly. I had the best granny and miss that for my kids. Your sons donât know what they are missing.
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Never post pictures of kids you didnât birth yourself, a lot of people donât want there kids pictures all over Facebook. You NEED TO RESPECT THAT. Your definitely leaving out all the important stuff like how often do you call and text, are you Inviting yourself when they tell you THEY have plans. Just your explanation tells me that your not respecting there boundaries and are always in there business, you need to step back and let them be the parents they choose to be. Your obviously a proof both your kids are saying the same thing
Sounds like they told you how much time and attention they want, and where the boundries are and you are shoving in anyway. If you want to be included, respect their boundaries and stop trying to have it all your own way.
No matter what unless you did a lot of full time free babysitting from birth to school age ,you are worthless to your kids and grandkids
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When you donât acknowledge the boundaries and even try to recognize them, you get cut off. You reap what you sow.
They have rules and boundaries for their own reasons. If they say donât post their photos or their kids, donât. If you donât respect their rules or boundaries, Mom or not, they wonât want to be around you. Talk to them respectfully and honor their rules and boundaries. Just because they are your children doesnât make them any less adults and their children are THEIR children. If you want them in your life you NEED to respect the rules and boundaries.