Look elsewhere. She doesn’t have it to give. You deserve to be loved. Move on. Love yourself. Seek counseling for yourself. Try to get close to other people and friends. I am so sorry for your sadness.
I’m so sorry hun for what you are going through but I will keep you in my prayers
The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers
The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers reach out there’s heaps of ppl with similar stories xx
Concentrate on you. Heal yourself. Find yourself and know your worth.
One can lose a mum through death or abandonment. Both are traumatizing and leaves deep scares within. Both require counselling. Both require the brain to be natured and a support system to ensure that one’s mental health is taken care off.
For now, it’s all about you. No amount of love from your mum now is going to heal your pain. You need to ensure that the next many decades of your life are happy, settled and peaceful.
Take care of yourself. Once you do that, nothing else really matters. You will be in a better place to make decisions for you and believe it or not you will probably come to different realizations.
It’s not you… she is toxic and I am afraid she will never change ad much as it hurts you need to walk away and cut her from your life for your own well being… believe me I know how this feels xx
I feel like my mom died a long time ago. I feel your pain. I’m 49 about died was in a diabetic coma with Covid Oct and nov 2021. My mother lives 7 hours away. She was 30 minutes from me at her brothers for about a week at Christmas not even a phone call. Now for the last couple weeks blowing up my phone needing to talk to me she has no body else her messages say. I’m done I’m really done this time. She’s done me this way my whole life. Her loss. You deserve better.
I am so sorry. To be cheated from a Mother’s love is unthinkable. Please find a therapist for yourself. Your Mother will never change until she recognizes she has a problem and reaches out for help. You will never be able to change her; but you can change how you react. A therapist can help you find ways to cope with the feelings of abandonment and to move forward in your life. Always remember that you are enough <3
This was so awful to read!!! PEOPLE love you even if mom wont!!
You can’t find peace in the person who causes you chaos, work to heal yourself and move forward x
Daughters Of Abusive Mothers is another good group. Also if you can access a therapist please do. They can help you process all this. There’s no way we could help you with all of that in 1 post, but I do hope you can get some help. This is no way to live, and your mother should be ashamed of herself. This is not you it’s all her problems.
My heart is so sadnreading this.
I know it’s not much comfort, but you are not alone. Their are a lot of narcissistic parents out there and we are ponds in their game of life.
Finally at age 44 I realized I have no control over anyone but myself!
She will never be the person you want her to be.
I make it a point to do what I want for myself and my kids.
I am the mother I always wanted now to myself and my kids.
Wow, your mom sounds just like my mom. I’m 46 years old and about 10 years ago I came to realize that no matter what I do, it’s not gonna be good enough for her so I quit seeking her approval, I quit confiding in her, because anything I say can and would be held against me. I realized that nothing I do is ever going to change her. Luckily, I had grandparents and a dad (step) that were there for me. I don’t include her in my life anymore. We still communicate from time to time but mostly just her being nosey and I don’t tell her anything significant. Sorry you’re going thru this. Ask I can tell you is forgive her, that was the key to me being able to let go of ask the hurt. That doesn’t mean you have to forget everything she’s done. Just don’t let her control your happiness
Young one my heart hurts for you. Prayers, good thoughts and blessings. Sometimes Mothers aren’t Mommas- you sweetie are a survivor, a warrior and a good person. Nothing you say or do will open her eyes. But for your own peace - write a letter- might take a couple times- but spend time on it. Read it - add/ change as needed. When you got it all down - think about giving it to her-
Sometimes venting is all we need to do - realize if/when you give it to her - it won’t change anything- like you said - maybe for a little bit - but humans run true to form kiddo.
You need to release this because you are the only one hurt sweetie-
I felt my parents wanted a boy to - ain’t all bad - I was a heck of a mechanic
Girl, I feel you. Unfortunately she won’t change. I make sure to give my kids the love I wanted to have as a child. For some reason giving love to them has helped me heal and also therapy.
This is really heart breaking, I’m sorry you had to grow up like this. You deserve to be loved and treated better than that but unfortunately it is what it is. But I’ve grown to learn that family is not always blood. I’ve met some strangers in this world who have loved and been there for me more than my family ever was. I hope you find such people and when you move on, try to forgive your mom. It’ll help you to heal
I’m so sorry your going through this! Prayers and big hugs! I went through the same thing, and my mom passed away last year. I never had her in my life really!!
There are many of vh us out there going thru the same thing.
I had to give up and move on.
My husband and my children come 1st.
I agree with everyone that said join the sisterhood. You will get help and support their. You will get answers to your questions. You will get the best advice you’ve ever received.
I had a mom like that and the best thing is to cut the apron strings and move away if you can. Don’t expect her to change she won’t. You can be happy if you stop carrying this longing. I even had a longing for a Dad but he left when I was little. Loving our Lord with all my heart He fills in the need for all my losses.
My mum worked her fingers to the bones for us kids six of us we had two parents that worked hard but still found time for us all my heart goes out to you every mom should treat each child the same as for you being a girl not a boy is hurtful so to put you thro so much pain do you really want to go there there is always someone that will bring you happiness hun xx
I’m so sorry you didn’t get the mom you deserve. Her attitude and treatment does NOT reflect on you.
I’m so sorry you are/were treated that way
Ik how u feel all my life it’s been about my brother he could do no wrong I always got push to the side so I totally know how u feel here I am gonna b 35 on Wednesday n my own parents don’t talk to me anymore they told me they wish I was never born so I totally understand how u feel and I’m so sorry ur going threw this but no matter what u do matter u are better then u will ever know
I think you need therapy of some kind
My heart aches for you but your experience resonates with mine. I hope you will come to know that your mother’s treatment of you had absolutely nothing to do with your self worth and everything to to do with her and what she struggles with.
Girl. Stop trying to beg for love from this woman who doesn’t understand your value and never will. I spent too many years heartbroken over the same thing. I don’t care how old you are…I’m your mom now.
Daughters Of Abusive Mothers
.My heart goes out to you. I too have never felt real love from my parents. My mom is dead. My dad just wrote in My Christmas card that he wants to “get close”. Havent heard from him. I have 5 children. His only grandkids and he never calls or texts to ask about them or me
You don’t need a mom. You need a therapist and to get past this and to cut her ass off.
I am so sorry my daughter doesn’t treat me very good at all and I’m still here for her no matter what I will be praying for you
My heart hurts for you. Try to at least talk to her. Make her listen. Tell her straight up how you feel. If she doesn’t listen then cut her out of your life for good. Your in my prayers hun.
You will not be able to change her. She formed this terrible habit of ‘favortism’ long ago. your only in her world; on her terms. I understand this very well. You have 2 choices. ( Life, after all, is about tollerances, compromise and accepting those for how they are). If you want to have her present in your life, then you will have to accept her on her terms. Limit the amount of time you spend with her and control the topics of your visits. Stay in controll of your emotions be remaining nuetral about her comments. Then after 30 minutes or an hour, leave.
The other option is… do not associate with her. Break off contact.