So, me and my fiancé have been together for 7 years and we have 2 kids. We are both in our 20’s. We have never had any major problems in the bedroom. At the beginning of our relationship we had a little trouble with him watching dirty videos on his phone. We talked about it and had an agreement. So, that hasn’t been an issue. We have always been good at mixing things up so that the same thing over and over doesn’t get boring also. We have our “alone time” at the least once a week, most of the time twice, sometimes more. Well, starting last week my fiancé said he wanted to get the kids to bed so me and him could have some “alone time.” We started messing around and he couldn’t get an erection. We tried for 4 hours and then just gave up. Keep in mind that he is the one who said he wanted to have our “alone time.” We both agreed we would try again another time. Of course, I was asking questions afterward… I asked him if maybe he had got off by himself, he said no. I asked him if maybe I did something wrong, he said no. I asked him if he was worrying about something or anything that would make him not be able to have an erection, he said no. He told me that he had no idea what was going on and that if it was me or something that I did he would tell me. He told me that it really worried him because, that has never happened before. He acted like he normally does when we have our “alone time” and he put in a lot of effort, so I know he actually wanted to. Well, last night he wanted to try again. I had a week to think about it and I thought maybe I should spice things up a little more. So I took my shower, put on his favorite color lingerie that he likes on me, and put makeup on. Before anyone says anything about me putting makeup on and stuff, I did it to make things different because we have 2 kids so I obviously don’t get dressed up and put makeup on too much. Anyways, we tried again and the same thing. He tried everything and so did I. I told him maybe watch a video on his phone (just because it was something different.) He did finally get an erection but he could not keep it. We tried well over 4 hours again and agreed to stop trying. He swears on everything that he doesn’t know what’s going on and says that it scares him. For some reason all I can think about is am I the reason, maybe he’s getting tired of me? He tells me I look good a lot but, I feel like it’s only when he wants to do something. I don’t know I just can’t stop wondering about it. And it hurts my feelings that the video helped him for a few minutes but, I couldn’t even do that… I am already insecure over my body, because I’ve had 2 c-sections. I try not to show that I’m insecure over my body because, he says he doesn’t like when I down myself and that it’s sexier if I own my body and show that I know I’m beautiful. He tells me that he loves my body and that I should be proud of my stretch marks because, they were made because of our kids. It’s just that I know that I don’t look like the women in those videos and maybe the way I look just isn’t good enough for him anymore. I don’t know this just makes me feel more insecure and my heart hurts so bad.
Does anyone know maybe what could be wrong? Or have any advice?
Thank you in advance!
I want to add also that no he isn’t cheating, he doesn’t have time to cheat. He goes to work and comes straight home.
Tell him to talk to doctor and checked for prostate cancer. I knew someone that was having troubles and he had cancer, he had it removed and was fine after again. I don’t mean to scare you but I would suggest talking to family doctor
He should see his doctor, somethings going on, perhaps he needs hormone shots. Hope all goes well for you guys.
Testosterone level? Bloodwork and a doctor
Get him to get checked out by a doctor.
He should definitely see his doctor… sounds like it’s probably health related.
Get him to see a doctor. He could just be exhausted from work, kids, life.
Does he drink abit ?
He needs to have a full blood panel done. This happened to my husband and we found out he has high cholesterol. My husband’s doctor said it also could be mental, it happens to alot more guys then one would think. Good luck!
I don’t think it has anything to do with you but I could see how you would feel like that. It could be stress, medication or a hormone imbalance or something along those lines.
If he usually gets hard , I think maybe he’s over-thinking it and has stress on his mind. I think he’ll be fine. Shit happens! He’ll be back to himself.
If he usually gets hard , I think maybe he’s over-thinking it and has stress on his mind. I think he’ll be fine. Shit happens! He’ll be back to himself.
If he usually gets hard , I think maybe he’s over-thinking it and has stress on his mind. I think he’ll be fine. Shit happens! He’ll be back to himself.
I’m with everyone else. He needs to get checked. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, prostate cancer, and depression could all be causes. I’m most certain it’s not you. And the erection he did get could have been because you was watching it with him. It’s a turn on for a lot of guys.
Maybe see a doctor… But also… Yes there’s always time to cheat if someone really wants to… Trust me… From someone who had a partner that used that exact line on me… Only to find they managed to find the time just fine
Medications- diabetes- blood pressure issues, covid can all cause this problem. Depression meds, diabetes meds, blood pressure meds— almost any prescription med for those illnesses can cause it. Street drugs and alcohol can cause it
Marijuana? Over weight? Medication? See a Dr
Get blood work done and just be patient with him
Get his testosterone checked. My husband battles that off and on since he was around 32. It’s embarrassing and emasculating to them. Like they are not only failing as a male but you as well. Be kind and understanding about it. I know your frustration. I am in my prime and he feels bad about it. Some medications, mood stabilizers or blood pressure ect, can be a problem too. In all thing in life be kind.
Get him to the doctor and get his thyroids checked asap i don’t mean to scare u but it’s nothing to play with . But that’s what it sounds like n those thyroids will cause that fast .
He needs to see a doctor.
Definitely have him see a Dr…make sure he is healthy…outside of that try intimacy…a relationship isn’t always about sex as you will grow to know and understand…and the insecurities you speak of about yourself…own that shit…beauty isn’t a model figure…indeed a fit body is definitely a plus especially for health reasons…we all have scars…they are a reflection of who we are…Best to you and your lovie xo
Get him to the doctor. It’s not you, so stop thinking that and don’t bring it up to him. He’s already stressing that his body isn’t “working right”. He doesn’t need to add trying to put your fears to rest on top of his. He pursued you and is in to it. If it was you, he wouldn’t be so enthusiastic to have his alone time, and he wouldn’t be so concerned about not performing with you.
We had the EXACT same issues. Feel free to inbox me and I can let you know what we did etc. I will say things involved a doctor and meds etc. It wasn’t easy. I will say 2/3 years later we’re good.
Definitely a trip to the doctor. Full blood test including hormones. Hormonal changes in men can affect them sexually just as much as it does women.
First off, you need to believe him when he tells you you’re beautiful and sexy. Stop that mindset. You are! Secondly, it could be a range of things from stress to medications he’s taking. Go see a doctor and figure it out, maybe he just needs a testosterone boost or something. Good luck 
He could be tired. It happened with my husband. If he is exhausted it ain’t happening but he will still please me. We have 5 kids and he works 10 hr shifts. He may not feel tired but his body is exhausted. Go see a Dr.
Thyroid can play a part in that as well.
.
And a Thyroid issue can just creep up.on a person…I know someone as well that had this issue and it was his Thyroid …blood work forsure .
He needs to see a urologist, it’s not you .
Diabetes also will cause this, the doctor will figure it out don’t worry.
Is he taking any medication? A lot of different medications can cause this and drug abuse steroids and some times just ED but it’s not Ed because he was able to get up once he watched porn 
I agree with everyone else. It seems more like a health issue. My mind doesnt go to cheating. Or anything being wrong with you. But rather his health
It sounds like he is suffering ED and needs to see a doctor.
ED it’s pretty common
Get him to a doctor. It is something medically wrong. Stop downing yourself. You are not the problem here.
Definitely should go talk to a doctor I don’t think it’s you at all.
I’d have his testosterone checked
Don’t beat yourself up about this. It is not you but something is going on. He truly seems to want to have sex but and is trying. You need to encourage him to go to the doctor and see what is going on. Sooner the better.
He needs to see a doctor!!!
Okay first of all, stop making this about YOU. He needs to see a doctor and find out what’s going on.
Hard to get a man too go to the doctor but that’s what he needs to do…
Well diabetics have that issue could he be a diabetic? THYROID AND HORMONES NEED TO BE CHECKED Go see a doctor have blood work done
Does he take antidepressants?? That could do it…
Could be a dip in his testosterone or even undiagnosed underlying depression or both. Definitely have him see Dr.
Its possible he has health issues. Some men just become that way early in life. Have him get checked out at a docter. And don,t share your private life with the world. Its never good.
He might be stressed or low testosterone is he on any medications. I’d not badger him about how he feels about you and suggest maybe he needs a doctors apt
Ed and probably medications like high blood pressure and its not you dont feel bad alot of guys goes through it and yes uts upsetting it sure was for me
Maybe he’s trying to hard
Honestly he really should see a doctor. Sounds like a possible medical condition that he may not be aware of. Also some meds can cause this too. Either way he needs to go and see what’s going on.
He could be tired or stressed.
If he drinks it could impact it too.
Same with any prescriptions or anything that’s not a prescription drug.
My antidepressant says that it can cause a decrease in libido.
However, He should go to the doctor to get blood work done. Have his testosterone levels checked etc.
Could be medical not you
First and foremost it’s not you! If a man says he thinks you are beautiful and he loves every inch of you believe him, if I can be loved and desired when I was well over 300 pounds, after having 3 kids, any one can be. There are many medical conditions that cause those issues including heart diseases, circulation issues like clogged arteries, diabetes, hormonal issues, among many more. He needs to see a doctor.
Sounds like some back lining medical issues. He needs to see a doctor. My husband is having similar issues but he’s 40 and we’re doing the doctor thing to get some answers.
“A little trouble with him watching dirty movies on his phone…” 
Maybe he needs to go to the doctor?? If my husband was unable to get an erection that’s the first thought that would come to my head. We have a great sex life even w him watching videos if I’m at work or something every now and again (personally I don’t have an issue with it) so if he started to have trouble I would really consider that he may have a health issue going on. It’s more common than people think.
He needs to see a Dr for possible ED or some other medical issue. Also if he’s having issues and can’t perform, he will get stressed and have an even more difficult time. Stay calm, don’t blame yourself, and work together. It could be something simple.
Don’t stress him out even more and give his little Willy stage freight
He needs to see a doctor, they can help work out the issue
He needs to see a Doctor
Stress and drug use (past or present) are big triggers for ED.
Does he take any meds? I know when mine takes his muscle relaxer he can’t get one, he is also diabetic and has thyroid issues but only happens when he takes the muscle relaxer
Sounds like he truly does love you and is proud to have your sexy body mama, but I think it’s time he goes to a doctor and gets checked out sweetie he needs to be seen before something irreversible happens. Be his wife but most importantly be his friend that he needs.
The porn has wrecked his brain!
It’s not you at all. Sounds like low testosterone and he needs to change his diet and eat healthier.
Just try to support him and not make it a big deal or make it about you. It’s pretty common for men to have trouble here and there. Plus, the fear of you asking him all these questions if he can’t get it up or being sad about it will keep the erection down too… You guys can still have lots of fun in the bedroom without the act of sex! Hopefully this little speed bump passes soon for you guys 
Hon, have him talk to a doctor. There’s all kinds of medical issues that can cause erectile dysfunction and all kinds of medications for it. It doesn’t have anything to do with you or with him cheating.
Testosterone needs to be checked.This can cause serious issues.
If he’s worried then stop worrying that it’s you…
Yes, have him talk to his doctor.
In the mean time, don’t put any focus on him getting up, but spend some time with one another doing massages, give him a massage first, full head to toe, really let him know it’s okay not to get “up” and you yourself need to understand he might not.
Guys get performance anxiety, even if he’s not registering or understanding it’s performance anxiety, that’s really what it sounds like. So the important thing is to not put any pressure on him to get up, or get you off. Instead, just focus on making him feel good, and he can feel good without getting an erection. Being intimate doesn’t always mean getting off.
The first time could have been caused by any number of things, but it sounds like the second time he felt a significant amount of pressure, not intentionally by you, but also from himself.
He needs to be seen by a doctor, it sounds like a health issue
I don’t think he is cheating or it’s you - stress will most definitely do it to a man! My ex struggled twice and he was stressed out twice about his job! Please don’t over think and make it worse!
Sometimes meds for high blood pressure will cause this,
Firstly I want to say that I’m sorry for what you’re experiencing but please consider this could actually be a sign of a serious medical condition that people often ignore.
Its not you babe. Theres a lot of reasons why this could be happening. Encourage him to see a doctor if it persists.
Very possible it’s a medical issue.
Has he had his prostate checked
It’s either medical or he is jerking off behind your back and lying about it.
Go to the doctor, sounds like a medical related issue
Ma’am, have his testostrone checked and have him screened for depression. And get him to either a urologist or an andrologist. Both tend to work with men’s reproductive organs the way an OB/GYN helps with women.
Did he start any new medications…some Ned’s will cause that.
Also low T can cause that go talk to a doctor
Depression, antidepressants, diabetes, low testosterone, blood pressure meds can all cause problems. Has he recently started any new meds? He should go to the doctor.
I’ve been married for 8 years. My husband hates stress(will not get hard, and I’ll talk to him and say “honey, what’s wrong?” Then he will tell me and we talk it out… ). We have twins, so when they came…. It’s hard the up and go, daily routines… (structural) in the bedroom tho I always let him pick, what do you want to do? or what color do you want me to wear? All guys love head, let’s face it lol. I feel like sometimes asking them truly is what turns them on… then going with it and talking a bit naughty he loves. (Lol) Life happens, mundane routines happen… Offering help to what he likes or telling him something that turns you on turns him on. Reciprocating needs is very important! Best of luck love
Ps don’t be insecure, every person is created in their own way. He’s with you for a reason, love, cherish, and own it til you part
Just imagine how he feels. It could be anything from lack of rest, health issues etc.
It can be normal for some have him see a dr
He should see a doctor, as men get older their testosterone levels decrease, happened to my husband. Just fine now that he’s on medication.
There are lots of reasons not related to you that could account for this. Stress is the biggest one but your (his) best bet would be to visit a doctor.
OMG !!! l am so proud and happy to be out here sharing your work with freedom I just can’t believe that now my ex lover is really back to me on his knees presenting a ruby rose to beg me to take him back and he was feeling regretful and sorry for leaving me and for causing me pains after the divorce which occurred last year .
Grate chief otukpuCould’ve been tired, stressed or not quite in the mood by then…could’ve been any number of things that has nothing to do with infidelity or you not being attractive enough, etc.
It happens. 
Definitely should see a Dr.
Have him get a physical immediately!! When ex n i were in our 20s this happened. Turned out he has a heart condition no one knew about. We caught issue very early and he still going strong now in his 50s.
Don’t try for four hours thats enough to put anyone off…he should go docs stop making g all about you it sounds like a medical problem
It happens. Making such a big deal will only make it happen again. Let it go. It happens…
If he’s coming to you for attention then the problem isn’t you. Don’t make it worse by making it about you. He sounds like a good husband so be patient and understanding.
Have him see a dr
He needs to go see a doctor he could have low testosterone it happens to men and that they can fix
And I agree with him never down your self
Has he had covid?? Because as strange as it sounds it can be a side effect from having it. It can make the blood vessels smaller and then makes it harder to get hard .
Girl if a man wants to cheat he will cheat. He could take pto and not tell u and say he is at work when with her. He could be cheating and worried about you finding out so it’s stressing him out and that’s causing all this. I speak from experience.
He should go to the doctors an rule out anything medical or any meds he might be taking to cause this. Good Luck!! I dont think it has ANYTHING to do with you from your posts!!
Erectile disfunction can happen at any age. He should see a doctor and express his concern.