I need opinions please

It is normal something. Try not to make a big deal out of it. Added stress, depression, and anxiety can definitely affect men. Maybe try not to put too much focus there for a bit.

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Four hours? Are you putting a ton of pressure on that poor guy? And why are you focusing on it so strongly? Why not let it happen naturally? And if it doesn’t for him, have him make a doctor’s appt if he wishes. Maybe enjoy each other in other ways for a while.


Have him talk to his Dr, there are so many medical reasons it’s not working, if he’s coming to you and wanting it then you’re not the problem, And don’t feel bad about the chick’s in the videos, even they don’t actually look like that in real life lol it’s all lighting and editing etc.


Is not always cheating. She didn’t even mention him being sneaky. I would tell him to seek medical help. There could be many reasons why he is not getting an erection. Low testosterone, diabetes, stress, etc.

My ex has trouble when his blood sugar is outta wack. We just found out he has diabetes. I would say with him wanting you, obviously, I don’t think he’s cheating. Get him to a dr. There’s so many things that could cause this


It really could just be a him issue. I’d get him an appt with a doctor just to make sure everything is ok on his end

Don’t have “alone time” for 2 or 3 weeks. Nothing except for hugs, kissing, and cuddles. He can’t “go it alone” either.

After that, try again. If it’s STILL an issue, he goes to the doctor.

It sounds like he has some anxiety with actually trying. Now that he’s had issues once, it will be in the back of his mind every time until it doesn’t happen again.

Have you or him had issues reaching “the end”? If so, maybe that would contribute to it. If not, it could be stress, (money, job, etc) men tend to worry more about that than women do. Not that women don’t, it’s the “provide and protect” drive with men.

Diet or exercise change? Medication?

If all of these are NO…

Have him see his doctor. It could literally be nothing and just a dumb phase (they happen) or it could be serious and need treatment.

If he suffers from depression or anxiety already, it could be that too.

Drug use is also a possibility.

Best course of action is to start at the beginning of my comment (“starve yourselves” for 2 weeks) and go down from there.


Diabetes can cause ED. He really needs a thorough check-up to rule out anything medical.

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Sounds like a medical issue. It’s definitely not always cheating & it sounds like this most likely isn’t about you at all. Stop hounding him about you & start encouraging him to go see a doctor.


My hubby and I ( together 12 years and 2 kids) go thru this occasionally. It happens to me too and I am unable to perform. We will just trade massages( sometimes dirty masseuse) movie night on couch, house dates cause we have 2 kids. Men need other types of intimacy too. Also this time of year is always a bit stressful, bills and holidays . My man works long physical hours and sometimes needs to BRO out, poor guy doesnt get to see his bestie like me, so we will do nachos and beer picnic in living room and either watch a game or movie and just talk or play cards.


Have him talk to a doctor. There could be something medically wrong, or it could be something mentally wrong. Could also be something subconsciously, that he isn’t even aware of. If he was no longer attracted to you, I don’t think he would even try.


People who cheat don’t have time to cheat lol. They make time to cheat

Is he a diabetic? Or could he be?

I’d make an appointment with the doctor. It could be serious.


Did he start any new meds? This happens with some blood pressure meds!


Is he diabetic? This is how we found out my husband was diabetic.


Certain medications can cause this. Even something simple as a BP med.


It isn’t necessarily you. He may have an undiagnosed medical issue. Perhaps a visit to a doctor is in order.


Have his testosterone checked. Many, many men have low testosterone in their 20’s.

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sounds like you both are trying too hard, for something that should automatically come naturally. This is something that shouldn’t be planned, it should be spontaneously or where is the fun in it??? Relax, let it all go & just do it

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Get him checked my x couldn’t and we found out he had prostate cancer plus he was diabetic

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I’d have him see a doctor. I have to wonder if there is something going on systemically more than I would think it’s you


Don’t be upset if porn made him a little excited. That’s kind of what it’s there for. But even that wasn’t enough so don’t kick yourself in the butt for it. He’s right women are more attractive when their confident in their own body. Don’t put yourself down because you don’t look like a porn star. You can be your finaces personal porn star and he loves you. Ask him to go to see his doctor? You’ll most likely get answers that way. But they also make pills so he can get a hard on, that’s something to look into?

It could be a number of things, he should probably call a doctor and get checked out


Could be low testosterone

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Or, you know, it could be medical and he should probably go see a Dr.
That would be my concern anyways.

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This is a question to ask a Dr.

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It amazes me that women aren’t more familiar with men and what causes erectile dysfunction. Just the slightest worries can cause it. It can be low testosterone levels or any of a dozen physical causes. He should see a Dr to figure out the cause.


Get over yourself. God I swear. I don’t know how most of you still have men…he can’t get it up so you obsessively nag him about it and wonder why he still can’t. Not everything is always about insecurities. Self esteem comes from self. Stop putting all these dumb rules.on your men. Wtf


If y’all are still in your 20s and have been together 7 years, y’all are at least 27. I’d talk to him about having his testosterone levels checked and checking everything else out while he’s there. May be low T and/or a medical condition


He should see a doctor about it.

You had to of known that him watching a video on his phone to get him going would hurt your feelings. That was probably a bad idea.

Also, in my opinion… planned sex is weird. I would try spontaneous sex even if you are hiding from your kids for a quicky. My husband and I have 6 kids, pregnant with our 7th and still manage to hide from our kids :sweat_smile:. Our oldest is 16 and youngest just turned 3 on Christmas.

Id definitely make him a doctors appointment though, could be nothing… or it could be serious.

Yeah I be pretty upset too …if he had issues with his wank he wouldn’t be getting an erection quickly over the smut over u

He should definitely see a doctor.

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Maybe he’s using drugs…


Awwww. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. From what you’re saying I reallllly realllllly don’t think that it has ANYTHING to do with you or your appearance. There are many medical things that could cause this to happen to guys young and old alike. I also think i would be sad as well about the video thing but I dont think it meant anything to him like our minds convince us. I’d definitely continue to be understanding and supportive but also suggest he get seen by his doc and talk about it. There are many options to try for Ed.

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Make a doctor’s appointment


It’s a totally common problem with men to have erectile dysfunction. I was with a guy who was the same way and he was 27-28 at the time. Ask your husband if he would feel comfortable going and talking to his primary doctor or ask him if he would be comfortable trying viagra or something to see if it helps first!

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He needs to go to the doctor. He may have low testosterone.

Also….once it happens it gets into their head and then they are always thinking about it before and during sec and it can cause it to happen.


I believe he needs to make an appt. I think your communication sounds amazing, but too much in this area will compound the issue and turn into stress for him. Let a dr evaluate him and go from there. :blush:


Could be a reaction to medication or an actual medical problem. He needs a urologist appointment and theyll have him back up (lol) and going in no time!


Is he close to 30? I’ve noticed at that age guys start having a harder time getting an erection and/or maintaining one I think it’s just part of the aging process I would have him go get checked out by a doctor too just in case ED can be the first signs of cardiac issues

He needs to see a doctor. Could be from meds he’s on , low testosterone etc.


Has he had covid??? As this is causing men to have these issues where they haven’t previously had problems x


It’s time to see a Dr.

He needs to see a dr. This stuff happens and it’s not your or his fault


Many things could cause this. It can be normal. I would have him call the DR. Also they have otc pills at any adult store or if weed is legal in your state they have capsules

Has he had COVID? According to WebMD men who have had COVID have 6 times higher chance of developing erectile dysfunction. These are young men. Please take hm to see a Doctor.

He should go to his dr if he doesn’t understand why this is going on.


Make a Dr appt for him. Could be low testosterone.

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I worked at a drug store and I was shocked the amount of young men bought over the counter pills for that problem. I’m talking early early twenties and on.


Dr asap get checked sometimes the plaque build ups from high cholesterol early signs is Ed and that kinda damage is not reversible if it’s bad.


Drugs, alcohol, prescription drugs, stress , can all be factors , or maybe he has to much on his mind . Smoking cigarettes also not good for males w these issues. Healthier eating can help to .

I would definitely encourage him to go to the doctor. This sounds like a health issue, not a sex life issue.

Time to see a dr and have test ran psa, testosterone etc

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I say doctor too, the more it happens the more pressure he will feel also, and the harder it could get for him to achieve and erection mentally.

One thing about having labs. A primary doctor is not normally going to tell you to have the testosterone level checked at a certain time of day but I worked with a urologist for 20 years and he would always make the patients come back the next morning between 6:30-7 am for the lab work. Apparently that is when the levels are the most accurate. Hope it all works out for you guys.


If he’s on new medication like muscle relaxers or some pain meds it can happen.


From the info you shared, it doesn’t seem his lack of erection has anything to do with you.
Usually when something like that happens it is a medical issue. He needs to see his doctor.
Don’t be upset that he became erect over watching porn (which you told him to do). Men get aroused visually. It is how they are. Women too but with us it is more psychological.
The more you guys ‘try’ and it doesn’t work the worse it will be. For him it will consume his thoughts and become a heavy stress. Stress and erections are not friends.
He needs support and patience right now.
Encourage him to see his doctor. Best way yo get answers.

If he is stressed or on meds if on meds some of them cause it it could be anything but don’t think it is you he needs Togo to dr and see what is going on

Stress could be related. You said no time for cheating maybe he’s just worked up and exhausted. Please don’t feel like your not beautiful tho. This has nothing to do with you. How bad you feel think about what he feels like

There are medications that can cause this. Antidepressants are a major one. Go to a urologist and have labs checked.

He might have to take medication ive been with someone who’s had to take it for a little while now he’s back to normal and doesn’t need help getting a natural erection

It can be a mind game sometimes. Once it doesn’t happen immediately some guys can get super self conscious and it just goes down hill from there. It’s a kick to the ego and a hard one for men. There have been a few times in my life it’s happened and it’s usually because there is something on the guys mind. Once I got them to talk it out it was better the next time. Good luck. Try to be supportive and make a safe space for him to express what’s going on in his brain.


Over worked and exhausted can cause this, meds, stress, stressing out cause it happened. A dr would be able to give a proper answer.

Maybe he has high cholesterol it’ll affect that. Does he smoke weed because that can affect it as well. Have him go to the doctor.

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This is common with men who masturbate and watch a lot of porn. Maybe have him see a doctor just in case. Is he on any new medication, or does he smoke weed? I agree, he’s likely not cheating.

I’m glad you covered the cheating thing because you know mom groups say a man cheats if he steps outside the door, with a door wide open :woman_facepalming: Anyways, he probably just needs to talk to an doctor. It happens with all men at some point and can be caused by anything. Only a doctor that sees him could help him. It’s not about you, don’t make it about you. He’s probably already having a hard time dealing with it himself. Just support him as he sees a doctor about it. It bothers him much more than it does you, he needs to know you support him and you aren’t holding that against him. Unfortunately, some women do and it hurts the man more. A lot of factors can make that happen but once he sees a doctor he’ll get the answers he’s looking for. Assure him it’s nothing to be ashamed of.


Many things could lead to this. I would start with taking the focus off of you. ( Only children internalize because they haven’t the maturity to fully understand the world around them. So leave your highschool thinking behind! ) Meds: Inuprofen can cause errectile disfunction, when taken too many or for taking continuosly, too long! This sounds crazy but is a fact! I know personally, two men that this happened to. And then it was reported on the news about 15-20 yrs later. So it could be something as simple as that. He should go see a ( his Dr.) a doctor that specializes in ED. But 1 out of a 100…its nothing to do with you or your body =stretch marks and all. And he’s right! Quit downing your body! No man wants someone who cant love themselves.
Depression can cause this. Insomnia. Drugs. Ect… So if he wants to get to the correct answer, he needs to go see his doctor. Preferably one who specializes in Erectile Dysfunction. Quit self-deprecating. It worsens the problem.

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Tell him to see a doctor

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He needs to go to the dr.

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Ok humm when you give him a bj (if your into that) behind his ball scak you can feel the prostate on the outside of the body, try rubbing that before you start meds or anything else, also lick underneath the head its full of sensitive glands

Medications…legal or illegal. Or a health issue… he needs a check up…make sure his blood pressure and cholesterol and heart are in check… check testosterone levels… quit making it about you and get him to a dr to rule out anything physical… and then approach the mental emotional part.


Erectile dysfunction is a thing and can hit in your 20s. I work at a drs office and it’s so damn common. Make him go to the dr to see if he can figure out what is going on.

Could be medication, stress, over focusing, could be a drop in testosterone levels. Sounds like he needs a physical. But first and foremost you should stop worrying that it’s you or something that one of y’all did wrong. Start with not putting expectations on things. You will reach a point in life where you will realize grown men do not care about a stretch mark or a dimple or a lil pooch or handle They don’t see those things.

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Speaking from personal experience, the videos could very well be the problem. It is not you. If it was you, he wouldn’t be so affectionate and try so hard. He wouldn’t even give you the time of day, or he would ignore your suggestion to have “alone time”. I think it’s either the videos, or maybe he has low testosterone. But in your 20s, he shouldn’t be having this problem. Have him talk to his doctor and don’t get down on yourself.

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I’d say a drs appointment is in order, there are medical conditions that can affect a man’s erection including diabetes as well as others and not all of them are scary and few actually show in you face symptoms. So this appointment could either rule out medical problems if there is one then he can get treatment (I understand men are very difficult to get to the drs especially if it’s to do with their mini me’s but I’d definitely say this step one). As for you feeling insecure about your body in all honesty even women with what some would say is the perfect body have insecurities and clearly your partner loves you and finds you attractive otherwise he wouldn’t want to try with you he would just DIY it. Also you state that he only got a erection for a few mins even while watching the videos so either he found the videos a turn off or there is a underlying issue that needs to be sorted (I’d strongly suggest it’s the underlying issue). Your partner is right regarding your stretch marks, yes you don’t like them but they are there to remind you that your body grew two beautiful children and then it managed to safely push them into this world (if you really really hate them and they are noticeable Coco butter is great at helping them to fade, they won’t disappear but they can become less noticeable). Huge hugs and get him to book that appointment (even if you have to drag him there by his ear yourself lol) x

Is he on antidepressants? That causes those kinds of issues.


Don’t make it about you. Clearly it isn’t about you. Be supportive and understanding, because I can bet you he feels 10 times worse about it then you do. Take it one thing at a time but most importantly encourage him to go see an doctor.


He needs to make an appointment to see a Urologist. They can and will get to the bottom of why this is happening to him. I hope it gets better.


He needs to see a urologist or family Dr and have some labs drawn

Pray and ask GOD for help.


Have him get his thyroid checked!! My fiancé had almost the same thing and I swore it was me but he went to the doctors and his thyroid was very very low. It is normal for men to get low thyroid and it would mess with erections and getting into the mood and keeping it!! I don’t think it’s you at all. Have him get checked out

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I’d be concerned about his health. You don’t mention his weight, eating habits, stress from his job, any genetic health concerns? Any recent drug changes? His erection isn’t about your body esp if he trying and nothing is happening. Stop that focus on him and his issue that he’s having and helping him. Bc as much as you’re like I hate my body right now he’s also feeling some sort of way. He’s prob freaked out that his sick isn’t getting hard and stressing about it and prob having alll kinds of negative thoughts of himself. He needs support.


It sounds like a doctors appointment is in order. Take pity on him, don’t pester him about it, be understanding & support him

He needs a doctor asap

I would definitely suggest seeing a doctor. Could be alot of thing’s, meds,stress, medical problems. Good luck

Did he ever have co VID? That is causing issues for some people. All kinds of weird side effects happening post sickness from it.

Definitely suggest seeing a doctor. Could be low testosterone I know several guys in their 20’s and had this issue.

Hormones or prostate. I’d get him checked out :heart:

He could be tired. Like mentally and physically. If he’s working all the time and then coming right home I’m I’m he’s just as exhausted as you.

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Girl you need to own your body too and believe what your man is saying to you.

He could talk to his Dr? Get blood work to check his hormone levels etc

See a doctor . Also men cheat at work also . Is he on drugs or take medication ?

Something medical going on.

Sounds like he needs to go see a doctor and for goodness sake, stop making this about you. He is going to need your support and with the way you are talking its all your fault. No it’s NOT ! It could be something as simple as a hormone imbalance or hopefully nothing more complicated. Nothing turns a man off, ( I’ve been told ) than a needy and un confident woman. Not sure I said that right but, be his strength, he’s going to need it.


Stress, being tired, getting in either of your heads can do it. Having a beer or two, so many things. I wouldn’t be worried unless it persists.

If it persists, see a doctor.

When this pops up we usually like to make this about us, and our partners can see that when we’re insecure. Try your best not to let this get inside your own head about it, he loves you and is making an effort to be intimate.

The hardest thing to overcome will to be not to focus on it- that can lead to more stress and a cycle starts. In some sex therapies they will tell you to focus on everything except penetration / erection. Get back to basics - touching, kissing, playing with zero goals or intentions of having the erection and P in V be the focus. It’s worked for many people I know.

Also know that in long term relationships - this shit happens sometimes. The ebbs and flows, on top of an anxiety inducing global pandemic that has us all operating in low levels of fight or flight for YEARS now.

When men get older things just don’t work like thay did when we was younger. Sad but true. You can by pills that. Help.

He needs to get to doc

Go see the doctor together xx