My mom passed away a week before my wedding so I have no one to get advice from and it’s killing me to air out my laundry on Facebook but I just don’t know what to do…my kiddo and husband are not getting along and she’s not listening to him at all, and it’s causing a lot of tension between him and I, because I’m on both of their sides.
Has anyone had this problem before and if so, what helps?! thank y’all so much for any input and for letting rant!
I have an 8 year old daughter, and starting dating my now hubby 3 years ago. He has a 5 year old daughter as well. Everything was great between all of us, until we got married!
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You need to listen to your child first and need to know what is causing that behavior maybe something has happened and I would definitely talk to the child maybe take her out have a good day and then ask maybe something fishy is going o!!
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Talk to him openly how you feel. If he doesn’t stop I wouldn’t stay around. He is making you kid feel unwanted and when your kid gets older probably won’t be around because you didn’t stop it. If his kid is welcome so should yours. Your kid was there before him so I would definitely defend my kid.
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Absolutely choose your child.
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There is no good answer but I would listen to my child and be more aware of how she acts.
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Around that time is when a major shift starts in brain development. Hormones and puberty are about to kick into overdrive, they want more independence but parents are usually not so keen on giving that to them, so it can be an emotional time for a child as they are coming to terms with things regardless of major life changes. When my mom remarried at that age I remember not adjusting well to it. He was not a good father figure and was extremely aggressive, so in turn I dug my heels in further, refused to listen to him and then I started to build a lot of resentment towards my mother for marrying him and allowing him to treat me so poorly. If he has a strong personality she may see that as a threat, like he will try to control her at a time when she’s seeking more independence, or the fact that he has a younger child may mean he’s treating her like a young child without realizing it as well. I would definitely recommend spending some one on one time with her to see where her issues lie with him and why she doesn’t like that he is now her step father. Validate her feelings, no matter how trivial they may seem, if there’s any changes he needs to make in how he talks to her or treats her have him work on that. Then once that’s implemented, make sure they are enjoying fun activities together so they have an opportunity to bond in a relaxed way (ie family game night where they are on the same team, going to a movie she picks, etc).
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If things were fine until you got married, she may be jealous. You having a boyfriend is way different than marrying and moving in together. I would definitely take her out for a walk or a treat and ask her why she has been acting that way. Unless his requests are unreasonable it is up to you to enforce her listening to him. Also ask for her to come up with some suggestions on how to make things better.Let her know there will be consequences and follow through. 
. Best of luck. If you let her run the show she will.
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Family therapy and possible individual therapy for your daughter to be able to express herself freely good luck
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She’s 8 and changing… my daughter started really giving attitude around 8/9 to all of us and it just keeps going … she’s 12 now. It might really be nothing personal towards your husband she might generally just not like anyone right now very much. You could ask them to bond and her them out doing things together to build a stronger trust. If it doesn’t get better then try therapy and se if it’s deeper than just hormones.
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Just because you got married doesn’t mean he’s her dad and she will act as such. I got into a relationship when my girls were 7 and 9. My fiancé doesn’t parent my daughters at all really. If he did there would be mega tension. My older daughter took about 5 years before she spoke to him with out him prying. Talk to her find out how she feels. And then the adults need to make changes. That’s my opinion and what has worked for me. If he has a problem with something they’re doing I talk to them if I agree if I don’t he and I have a conversation.
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Maybe she is acting out because she lost her nan and has to share her mum !!
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There shouldn’t be “sides” when it comes to a blended family. Sit down and set some guidelines and family rules, then be a united front for both girls.
And to be clear an adult shouldn’t be “not getting along” with an 8 year old. Take the punishment side of things moving forward WITH his input. Parents shouldn’t have different rules, that’s wildly confusing for kids. Kids should be allowed to be disrespectful to parents or step parents.
It’s not easy, but patience and love will get you all through it
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Kids come first…if a child just flat out has a problem with an adult and refuses to get along with them, there is a reason.
Talk to her first , then all together as a group…weird though you say when dating everything was fine, then when married everything changed, you never know can be your mom if they were close, trauma does that. She may be jeoulous of some sort, that age you never know, menstrual cycle coming, hormones, if those two dont work, then one on one therepy and family counseling id say, good luck girl.
how are you on both of their sides. if you don’t support that child you will begin losing your bond.
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Sit her down and get her to tell you what is going on. She may know things you do not.
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In blended families the solo parent is the primary car giver & still maintains the parental responsibilities over the child. Not the new spouse.
Good communication & Clear guidelines by parents in blended families gets rid of expectations & traditional roles in parenting.
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Respect is earnt not given, maybe he needs to show her she can trust him, that he listens to her and values her opinion
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Honestly it depends on each individual situation
If your child is in the wrong you 100% need to side with your PARTNER because you’re a parent not just a friend
BUT if it seems like your husband is being too strict or picking on your child you 100% need to be on her side because you’re a parent not just a wife
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My daughter did the same thing. It didn’t last forever. They’re best friends now.
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Your daughter might be missing her grandmother
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I would discuss with my husband how you two are going to work together on discipline. Stick to the plan. Children do better when they realize they can’t put wedge between the parents to ultimately get their way
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Without knowing actual details, it’s hard to say. Is she in the wrong or is your husband?
She’s 8 there shouldn’t even be a side, I don’t usually say this but leave that man. He’s only going to drive a wedge between you and your child’s relationship
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She has hit that lovely age where yous are always wrong and your mean to her and you love the other child more then her, sit down and tell her what you expect from her like show respect to you both,also ask her why she is being the way she is, let her know you love her and your partner, get both of them to sit down and sort out their feelings by talking and listening to each other without getting angry and saying nasty things ,hopefully after they have talked and explained to each other what hurts their feelings, when someone does this or that ,they will tell each other they love them and cuddle and make up, by the way it gets worst when they are teenagers, good luck
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This is definitely a situational thing.
If your child is acting up and misbehaving doing things you would not allow her to do… then you absolutely need to call her on it and support your husband. He may not be her dad but he’s still an adult in her life that she should be listening to when it comes to basic rules.
If on the other hand your feel as though is being too strict or nit-picking talk to him but do it when you’re alone together rather than in front of her.
If it’s somewhere in between the you all need to sit down and talk things out.
Remember to that your mom passing away could definitely be a trigger for her behavior.
Especially if he is just doing and acting as he always has with her. In this instance counseling would probably be the best place to start with her to help her deal with her grief.
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Please pay attention if your daughter feels uncomfortable around him. There could be a different issue. You just got to cover your bases.
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I did this growing up. And there shouldn’t be “sides.”
Kids always come first!! Have you stopped 1 on 1 time with her? Since you guys got married. It can take alot out on a kid. Especially a kid who’s had just her mother, and nobody else. Try asking her if she wants 1 on 1 time. Or ask her if just the 2 of you want to go out to dinner. How is the husband? Is there alot of yelling in the home? I went through this growing up. There was alot of yelling, arguing, fighting, I always got in trouble even when I said it wasn’t my fault. You were a parent first before you became his wife. I would say. If there’s alot of yelling in the home, arguing, fighting, it should stop. I’m sure there wasn’t any fighting or yelling before you got married. Just sit down and think about how her life changed after getting married. And ask her how you can fix it. I hated my step parent growing up. I was the same age. It’s tough on kids, especially when alot changes.
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Every family is different. I would suggest you sitting her down, alone, and talking to her. Make it a Mommy & Me day. Go out of town, even if it’s the next state over, and go to lunch and get your nails done together (even if you don’t normally Ave your nails done go have them simply painted together). That gives you one on one time to talk. After you’ve talked about what’s going on, have step-dad do the same. Have him take her for ice cream or something so the two of them can talk. Once you’ve both talked to her, compare notes and address the issue.
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Is the hubby disciplining your child? I always kept the discipline for my kids, to come from me. He was and is always there if they need anything, but we kept him from disciplining my kids for that reason.
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Choose your battles.
It’s not " who’s side" it’s what side is " right".
People are quick to say your child comes first but that’s not always correct.
Bash me if you want to but you’ll find when you handle it in the order it’s meant to it will work out.
God, spouse, children, extended family.
For those who are not godly unless your spouse is abusive they still come first.
Children need to learn they cannot control the household nor play one against the other.
Adults need to be adults and parents first and foremost and set boundaries.
Society has took away parenting 101 and people just continue to allow it.
SMH…
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Give her 10 to 15 minutes of your time twice a day to converse.
In the morning talk about goals for the day and what she can do to have a good day, at night talk about how her day went her favorite and least favorite thing about her day and what she can do to get different results.
8 is old enough to discuss why she is treating her step up dad with disrespect and work through with words whatever is going on
Always have his back is my experience!! Deal with his attitude in private!! But as far as kids and parenting u support each other in front of the kids 100% of the time!! Yes weather u agree with each other or not!!
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I was just like that when I was younger too. My mom remarried when I was 12. I acted up so badly towards my step father because I felt like my mom and I were doing fine on our own (biological father was not a good person to my mom or me so after my mom got divorced I thought it would be just me and her and we could be happy.) it took me a long time to actually accept that we were better with my step father in our lives. I was a terrible teen as well. But no matter how bad I treated him, he still treated me as his own daughter. And now as an adult we are closer than ever. He’s not my step father, he’s my dad. It could take some time for your daughter to accept that life is better with your husband around. You two as parents just need to keep trying the best you can with your daughter and show her that you both are there for her and eventually she will realize you guys are better now than before your husband. It may take a while but she will see it
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Did you guys work on blending the family together and setting new rules once you married? Did she grieve her grandma? How much authority have you handed over to your new husband? Does she already have a father figure? Is he overstepping? I’d suggest couples counseling to see if there’s something you two could be doing better as blended parents.
Talk with daughter about respect…and talk with your husband about discpline and punishment and the ways to handle this and that in situations and stick to it and be consistent…she is first off an 8 yr old female…haha…girls got attitude and most the time just don’t care esp at such a young and innocent age…but if it’s only towards your husband…bake something she likes or go do something just the two of you…and have a heart to heart and let her vent…don’t judge or tell her what she is feeling is wrong either…here her out …and find a way to resolve it the best you can…include her with you and your husband…maybe a date night just you two girls…maybe a date night step dad and daughter…but find out what’s at the bottom of her attitude…and remind her that despite her feelings she needs to be respectful but that your willing to work on helping her resolve her personal issues however you can…maybe she misses just her and mommy time…or she may feel left out at having a new sibling…but she is 8 and at 8 there is alot of unnecessary attitude for no reason other then wanting attention…but a mature like attention…girls mature faster and take awhile or a certain environment to open up and be vulnerable enough to say what’s up with out all attitude…haha…but take that girl out somewhere just you too and talk…and hear her…not talk at her…heat I mean really hear where she is coming from and really try to help mend and grow this relationship with your daughter and new husband…don’t brush it off…or make excuses for your husband to get his way…try and understand why your daughter is acting this way…and make it right…but also remind her that her step dad loves her and she needs to be respectful…but I’m weird it’s hard to be respectful to someone you don’t respect…but good luck…the joy of raising a female and all the mature attitude lol
When it comes to decisions on parenting you both have go be on the same page and agree together or she will play yous off one another
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Is her biological father in her life or has he passed away? If so she may feel like she’s betraying him by letting another man play his role. The resentment may not be either of their faults. I’d seek advise from a family counselor. Her father may also need to be involved.
Your daughter needs to realize that she has to have respect for him, as he has to have respect for her, he is a parent, step parent or not, if she doesn’t listen there should be consequences. Have a sit down with all three of you and lay down the rules and consequences, tell it will no longer be tolerated, remind she is loved and that both of you want what’s best for her.
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Family counseling may help. Blending families isn’t always easy.
I dunno 
being a step parent is hard enough without ur child listening as well probably should get on ur hubbys side unless the child isn’t doing anything wrong and ur hubby is being an ass then in that case be on ur kids side and leave that fucken dick straight up
He cant discipline her u have to he can back u up tho
More details are needed. But you and your partner should be a team. It’s not okay for her to not listen to him and that needs to be clear. Kids act up even for their own parents sometimes, of course she might act even worse for a stepparent- esp if she’s a little overwhelmed feeling things are changing. She needs to act as part of the family either way.
Massive red flag here always trust your kids
Please seek professional advice. people on fb can only offer opinions.