My boyfriend and I have a son that will be 2 at the end of this month. Backtrack to when I was pregnant it was horrible. He was a raging alcoholic, never home, disappearing for days at a time. He definitely wasn’t ready to settle down but with my hormones and emotions I just wanted my family, and put up with all of it and continued to chase him around up until about 8 months pregnant. After our son was born, it got a little better…as in he wasn’t going out and getting messed up, he was doing it at home. But I still had to deal with the alcohol rage, he would pass out around 7 every night and not once could he ever hear our newborn waking up every 2 hrs. I couldn’t properly heal from my c-section because I was doing SO much w/ no help and I ended up back in the hospital. Eventually some months pass and he starts putting his hands on me pretty badly… Fast forward to 2 weeks before Christmas and my sons first bday (4 days apart). It was (almost) my final straw when he was punching me all over my arms/stomach/legs with our son in my arms and trying to pull him out of my arms so he could “mess me up”. He destroyed my apartment leaving holes all over. I made him leave and go to his mom’s. Then he fell off the deep end completely. He missed christmas/1st birthday, didn’t call, almost got himself arrested quite a few times in the month he was gone. At some point he ends up getting ahold of me ready to make a change and have our family back. I set boundaries and said I will not take him back unless he swallows his pride and sees a doc/psych because seeing his anger fits, something just wasn’t right and it was more then alcohol. So anyway he ends up seeing a psych, getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well as borderline personality disorder, and has been put on quite a few different medications. It really was a big deal for him to open up to someone about his problems and he was showing that he really did want to make a change. So we got back together. We’re coming up on Christmas #2/Birthday #2. And here’s where I need the advice….
Since getting on medication it has been a bumpy ride. He still drinks everyday, he still has rage fits (not as often but yes), gets very mean, punched a whole in our wall of our new apartment just 2 weeks ago, doesn’t help financially with our son like whatsoever but I did finally get him paying half of bills, so I guess there’s that. Very controlling and has managed to push away every friend I have because they either were present during a rage fit, or they just got tired of watching me continuously get disrespected and hearing me complain. But IDK I’ve just been ACTUALLY fed up with the way I’ve been treated, he’s gotten drunk and blown up on me a few times this week so yesterday I said I’m done. He knows how to make me feel bad though…He has made a lot of changes, a lot of improvements, he has held a steady job for the first time in his life, he hasn’t put his hands on me since last christmas when I made him leave. Now of course when I’m on the verge of breaking up with him now he’s saying he will quit drinking (he has said this before). But do I give him this one more chance for our families sake? I wish he could just drink and be normal, because honestly I drink as well after a long day but I don’t get anything like that. I just know I will have to give it up as well if I make him do it. But my fears of what will happen if I do follow through with the breakup are far more extreme. Do I give him this chance to stop drinking and if he doesn’t then just be done? Or do I just not even give him that 500th chance, and just be done…also have a $1,100/month apartment that both of our names are on so that’s fun
I would honestly just let it go. I know you want a family, but if he was serious about keeping you guys he would’ve shown it by now. It may just be he needs a different type of medication, you have to keep trying til you find the right one ya know but at the same time you’re showing your son that this behavior is okay. Even though he’s little he sees, kids senses things & in no way do you deserve to be in that situation. He is emotionally & physically abusive and I personally think it would be best to leave.