I need support and advice

Long story short my daughters dad and I were in a rough patch when we decided that my daughter and I will move to be closer to family. Close to a year later he finally moved to our town to be closer to our daughter, he has been so helpful and eventually we decided to work things out so he moved in with us and it’s been great.. Obviously we both aren’t perfect and we both have some stuff to work on and I thought we were doing our best to better ourselves for our family. Flash forward to this Monday, he texted me as soon as I got to work and said I need to find childcare because he’s moving back to his hometown the next day. We talked and both cried our eyes out, I guess he knew he was moving for a while but didn’t have the courage to look me in the face and say he can’t do this anymore. Since all my family here work and I have no one else except her aunt to babysit we decided that our daughter will fly out to my parents so that I can save up enough money to put her into daycare because my current babysitter is only able to babysit for so long since she is in the middle of moving to a different state. I’m hoping that I am able to be approved for child care assistance as soon as possible so that my daughter isn’t away from me for more than a couple of weeks. Her dad is also actively searching for a job so that he’ll be able to help with child care and buy all the stuff that she needs. I know it was a bad move on his part for leaving us stranded with only a days notice but after the talk we had I can understand how trapped he felt. Since she isn’t going to be starting school for another year we will be figuring out how she will be going back and forth from me to her dad once he finds a job. He wants to keep her full time but she is a mommas girl as much as she is a daddy’s girl and her and I both get separation anxiety when we are apart. I am even considering moving the next town over because it is in the middle of where my family lives and where her dad now lives. I just want the best for her. I am just so heartbroken and sad that my daughter has to leave town for a bit and she has been missing her dad extra the last few days. She’s been crying for him and asking where he is. I hate to cry in front of her and I don’t know how to cope with this big change. I’m an emotional mess, I’m staying strong though, this mama just need all your support. Please no hate on her dads part.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I need support and advice

First and foremost file for child support and get a custody order thru the courts. And I believe you can get daycare assistance as long as you’re actively looking for a job and/or working. Look into family investment program which will help u financially (idk what’s it called in other states but in my state it’s called that it FIP). I’m not going to bad mouth your baby daddy either but it’s time to look out for you and your daughter at this point in your life which is why I suggested the child support and also a custody order thru the courts cause here’s the thing if you send her to him one weekend and he decides he wants her full time he legally does not have to give her back to you until a judge orders him to and I don’t think you can handle that honestly


I think you two need to make a clean break from each other. I also think it is great that y’all are good enough friends to be very civil to each other. Maybe you do need to move one town over from him for the sake of the child. see if they offer you any single parent benefits as far as child care. There are many programs that help single mothers with housing, etc… Check them out!


Wow this has to be hard on your child but the both of you are making a real effort to co parent take one step at a time have some good cries you need to let it out don’t ever take him back again he’s confussed

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Explain best you can… children understand more than they can talk… use video messenger on FB daily… both Parents. Let her know over and over and again… 100% not her or her fault. Do this… forever. Let her know… loss is loss… same feeling like a death… you both will be sad… That. IS. OK. It WILL get better… and she will ALWAYS have the love of, and both parents in her life. Best wishes… it’s hard but does get better. :pray:

Personally think you’re both good parents . Youve both tried hard to make the marriage work . In an ideal world he would have told you face to face and given you more notice but thats life
Is it practical for you to move again ? Dad & family helping with childcare would be easier if you can and your child gets both of you regularly …id seriously consider that move .
As long as life is consistent and stable your child will adjust in time.
Look into housing and benefits you could get as a single parent and consider part time work if you can afford to do that.

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Whether he couldn’t tell you or not you all have a child and he just tells you a day before he’s leaving? Also he needs to help pay for childcare that is his child too. Def file for child support.


I’d really reconsider leaving her with another family member for weeks, especially since you’ve said you both suffer separation anxiety as well as her from her dad…both of you leaving her at this time can affect her at this age as she wouldn’t completely understand…find another way around it…your child comes first…even if you can’t work until she starts school…:woman_shrugging:


So her father is moving to the next town over but you still have to find daycare and pay for it on your own? How can he afford to move and all this jazz if he has no job and can’t help pay daycare? Something isn’t adding up.


First, kudos on both you and him dealing with the situation like adults. That’s rare anymore.

Second, you won’t know what works for the two of you and your daughter until you try it out. Make it clear that the initial arrangements aren’t the final arrangements, and the final arrangements aren’t settled unless you’re both content with the situation and it works for all 3 of you. You may have to try a few different schedules until you and dad find one that works for you. Keep in mind, a lot of parents have to go through the courts to establish custody and visitation because they can’t agree. If you and him can come up with a schedule together and be flexible with one another, it will keep your daughter happy and healthy and she is the most important thing.


Well it’s definitely a tough situation from what it sounds like to have to be in and I’m speaking to you on personal experience the first thing is is I would not let my child go anywhere she definitely needs to be with you two parents leaving at the same time is never a good situation and there is support and help out there you just have to reach out and apply for benefits I’m sure that you will be able to find some child care I wouldn’t be surprised if they ask you to file for child support being the fact that you are seeking help and I’d also be mindful of the fact that if you send her with him legally he does not have to send her back he can file for custody and in and end result he could have full custody the situation is ugly there’s no doubt about that and as much as you want to keep the peace court system is kind of the best way to go just to make sure everything is clear and everybody knows what to be expected so when something happens the child is protected

just tell her that her daddy had to find a better job, It’s not a lie, but not the full truth, in which she really is too young & doesn’t need to know, Thís isn’t about her it’s about him & you, As for any child assistance, your child has to be with you, living in your house not elsewhere, you can try, but if they are very big into details, you just might end up in trouble. Good luck with everything

I know you think she is “to young” but talk to her and explain what is happening. Being open and honest is the best bet. Tell her in a way she can understand. This will build your relationship with her strong, from the beginning.

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if you have a decent job, hang onto it. it sounds like you are on your own

Is he paying child support?


This is both of your problems, not just yours a man would have also thought about his child before jumping ship saying it’s on you getting a job so if and when he left his daughter would be taken care of and walk out the door not slank out.


There’s no way I hell I’d fly my kid out to be watched by someone else. There are plenty of daycares everywhere. You can apply for child care assistance and put your kid in daycare on same day.


I am SO Sorry …
Why would he move without the promise of a job?
Let him figure out visitation …
Keep her close.


The way this was handled is such a huge red flag. And you said he wants to keep her full time. I am glad you’re being an adult about this but you need to get a lawyer first of all. And establish a visitation agreement before he does. He literally didn’t communicate a huge thing with you that affects both you and your daughter. Also, I would not send her to your parents. He shouldn’t be able to just up and leave and put this all on you


Stay strong momma you’re stronger than you know. I’ll be rooting for you

Poor kid. She is the one that’s suffering the most for y’all’s decisions.

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I am a father who has raised 3 girls and a boy now 19. It was no longer about me. Mom first, the children second and me last. The day you made a child together changed every-thing. By him doing his thing and you doing yours tells that child that marriage is only a word

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Kudos to trying to understand him even if it breaks your heart for yourself and your child. If people would just read the entire text letter instead of skimming over it they would listen to what you just explained . He was unhappy even if he tried to work it out but he knew deep down it was not what he wanted afterall . Better to hurt you honestly then to live a lie like so many do . It does not matter how it went down because in the end someone is heartbroken and you know he is heartbroken also in his own way or you would not be asking to not be mean about it . You might feel differently if he chose to not try to help out as much as he can once he works . Now if he choses to not keep his side of the bargain. once he gets going then you will be on a different tune . I hope the best for you while you heal . I am sorry you two could not work it out and kudos to you for taking a better route that works for you . Sometimes it just not worth it to fight fight fight while you try to heal and work out what is best and stress on how to manage everything as a single mom again . We have all been there in one of these forms and I do not miss those times and I hope the best for you always . Please also be mindful and get a lawyer because as a mom you still need that written agreement .

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You are defending a man that left you high and dry in a bind!!! but have the nerve to tell us not to hate … you just want to talk huh??? Girl Bye


Young one - Daddy is a girls first love. Stay strong - all of you - it will work out. With today’s tech do some of those face to face thingys on your phone. This is going to sound weird - get a pillow or shirt - with his smell - and have him give it to her - tell her when she gets sad just grab and hold it. Connection, communication always with the little one. Remember she is watching you and will base her relationships later in life on you- Mom and Dad.

  1. Don’t let him take her full time without legal papers ( he can file for full custody) 2. Sign up for child care asap like tomorrow
  2. In our state if we sign up for child care through the state you have to file for child support through the state also.

Well Dad needs to man the hell up and keep his ass right there till y’all figure out childcare, no way in hell is my child going to stay someplace else near or far. That is not a good idea, I have seen so many parents loose custody of their kids by trusting family or a friend to “look” after them. Just my personal opinion through