I need to get something off my chest

Wow you sound like his mother. Girl throw that man child out. He needs to grow the F up

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Are you his partner or his mother…

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Why are you the parent in the marriage?! :woman_facepalming:

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Do you have a budget…that you both agree on???

Stop enabling the idiot

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Don’t demand. Ask him. Sit down and talk to him about it. I understand where you are coming from but you planned his whole check out without even talking to him

I feel for you so much. I’ve been doing the exact thing for almost 5 years! And he’s currently sitting in prison until July for dv and addiction. I know your hurt and frustration. I had to stop paying his bills. He currently lost his license because I refuse to pay his insurance…that’s his problem, I can’t dig myself deeper to help him…he needs to help himself. And that goes for you too. We are their entire support system and their stepping stones. We need to stand up for ourselves, especially when kids are involved. I’m even debating on moving and not telling him where until he decides to grow up and be a real husband.

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Unfortunately you got him used to you supporting you all! Instead of just supporting you & your child! What you have is a child bringing children into this world! You should really take time to focus on you and your child or children and show this boy of a child the door to grow up!

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Why have you been supporting a grown man? You aren’t his parent.

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Why are you keeping him?

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Sounds like a feeeloader

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Wait, is this your son? Sounds like you are his mom, not his partner. I can’t believe any woman would stay like this

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Show him the door next

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Ok well firstly u are his partner. Not his mother. And this is a situation that is already screaming financial abuse.
If he isn’t willing to help out then you’ve gotta figure out what ur next step is. Not his.

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That’s horrible have a talk with him and show him all you’ve spent your money on so he can understand Is not easy

Make a finance book. Write everything down that is coming in and what bills were paid and what was spent on groceries from each check. Then go over it with him so he understands

Write it all down. Show him a budget he may not know what things cost.

Sit down together and write out the bills and finances. My husband used to get frustrated with me because I couldn’t wrap my head around where all our money was going and the sitting down and writing it out really put it all in perspective

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Okay so this is coming from my perspective with my fiance/father of my son being an addict. If he wants you to take his whole check and manage it, please do it. It may be his pride keeping him from saying it, but I am telling you that an addict managing money (when they havent been clean for a super long time successfully) is dangerous and a huge temptation for him. Keep him in the loop but that’s probably the best thing you can do to help him stay sober, dont give him “enough rope to hang himself”. Its a hard life with an addict but if you love him its worth it.

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Make a list monthly expenses and a budget so he can see what your costs are.

Tell him to step up or step away. Write everything on paper and show him. Most men like to physically see things.

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Many households split everything equally if he really wants to play games. A real man steps up and provides for his family.

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He is taking advantage of your trusting and caring heart! He has mistaken your kindness for stupidy! He is not your child to raise.

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Put it all down on paper. If he doesn’t ‘get it’, he doesn’t want to.

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Write it all bills down. Subtract the 100 off of his paycheck. Then make both of you pay a of the bills.(y=your paycheck h=hispaycheck t=totalincome. Y/t is the amount that you pay the rest he pays ) this makes it fair for both people in my opinion.

When you are married, it shouldn’t be your money and his money (Granted; given your situation, I can understand why it’s this way) Here are some things that you can do that may help break the cycle as you are married, you both have to act as a team and sometimes after battling addiction, you are still driven by addiction habits and that includes losing focus on the goal- Sit down by yourself and write out your monthly bills and budget (include his income in this financial plan as well) Then sit down with him so he can physically see the dollar amounts. What day bills are paid, how much, etc. Then when you go grocery shopping, have him come along and help. While you aren’t his mother, you are his spouse and if you want your marriage to work, then you need to cooperate on finances. Keep in mind, people learn differently; some can be told, some are visual and others have to do it in order to learn- Find out what type of learner he is and then capitalize on it. If he isn’t willing to work with you financially then start making little changes to your budget and put that money away in a savings account; little by little and then if you have to change your relationship status with him, you’ll have a small cushion to soften the blow. It’s hard to do and requires a little bit of patience and when you’ve already ran out of them it’s even harder; Don’t give up- you got this.

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He needs to grow up and you need to leave you’re supposed to be his wife not his mom

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Girl you can do bad by yourself. Apparently he is in it for himself.

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Ask him where else he can live for basically free. Needs to get a job or go to his " free place" .You’ll be farther ahead without him

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You’re raising another kid. Get rid of the whole man and take care of you and your children. He has no intentions of doing it.

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I think, find someone else that is HAPPY to pitch in and help support your family, but if that’s not the way you wanna go, make a spreadsheet of all the bills and the money you guys bring in and show it to him that way

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If he has addiction his brain may have been damaged. My guess! He may not be able to do things in a detail manner. Unfortunately you may need to sit down together and pay bills together. It is not like you have time for this but to reduce your stress from finances you may have to make this a priority.

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He needs to step up and learn responsibility. It sounds like you take care of everything and he has no responsibilities so that’s what he is used to and that’s enabling him to do what he wants and not have to pay for anything. I would definitely take his check and make a list of bills and expenses monthly and then break it down weekly so you both know what’s going where and what’s left to spend. I am not bashing you at all I think you have spoiled him lol! But it’s time for him to take some responsibility bc unfortunately when other people pay their fines and bills for them it doesn’t teach them anything. That’s kinda the point of fines to teach lessons!

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Sounds like you have a child, not a man :woman_shrugging: addiction or not time he gets his shit together pull up his big girl panties and contributes or get the hell out… stop babying him and paying for him to be comfortable

Write all bills down and break it down into weekly/bi-weekly payments (depending on when y’all get paid) break down your check and his so yall split all bills equally

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Being husband and wife you guys are a team so that means when you take care of the household and the children it should be a team effort thus meaning all money should be put together and divided to where they need to go whether it’s the household the groceries the bills, I don’t know that’s just what works for me and my husband we aren’t even legally married and we’ve been doing this for over 7 years and we’ve never had any issues with each other, there were times where only I could work and he was looking for a job, there was times where I had to stay home with the kids and he was the only one who could go to work but no matter what we have the same bank account all our money goes in there we don’t know whose is whose and we pay the bills we pay the groceries we pay for whatever we need and we just discuss it if I need something or if he needs something, we both are on the same page about the finances and I don’t go out and just do my nails and my hair and everything because I know we don’t have the finances, he doesn’t go to bars and buy a whole bunch of beers and buy a whole bunch of games on the Xbox because he knows our finances and he knows we can’t do that if it’s something that he’s not sure if we can do we will discuss it together. We are a team we are in this together if he’s in debt I’m in debt if I’m in debt he’s in debt. I watched my best friend struggle in a relationship where she was a stay-at-home mom and she had not a penny to her name and she had to ask her husband for bus money because he refused to take her anywhere. For us it just works so much better for us to have a shared account for all of our money to go to the same place and we work together to figure out where the money needs to go.

Sit him down, show him the bills, show him your pay stubs, add up the receipts, and show him the evidence in your bank account. Numbers don’t lie. :joy:

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Im amazed there are ppl that put up with that shit … relationships ended when he couldnt pay his half of rent n bills … found someone else that put $ in my hand when im not asking … find skmeone else … quit enabling him … kids or not

Make a list of every single bill you have and pay so he can see it on paper and show him the actual bills if you can. Also please get help for yourself because not trying to be rude, however I was raised in a home that one parent was addicted so I know what I’m talking about. You are ENABLING your husband and you need to get help and change your behavior .

Set the boundaries and keep him firm on them. Accountability is hard for addicts. And a process to teach them. To have had the patience this far I applaud you. If you should choose to go on helping getting a finical advisor would help. (Usually banks offer these for free. As well as many apps.) This way he feels it’s not you but show him it’s trust in the system and process of working again. Hope this helps

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Write the bills out. Make him pay half. His fines are his, they’re not part of the bills you split. Stop coddling him, he has to learn how to be a man, cope, etc… You’re not helping him by treating him like a child.

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Just give him bills to pay like cable and if it gets cut off it is his fault

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Addicts do not think like normal people, if hes not still using and has been sober for some time them he just doesn’t care and you need to move on cause this behavior will not change, me and my husband are both recovering addict’s ( him 4 years me 6) and my job is taking care of our kids cause we could never afford daycare, however we both have access to the money, and I actually hold onto it and just give him what he needs for the week, but I take care of making sure everything is paid and taken care of, we definitely take care of each other and don’t have that greediness when it comes to taking care of each other.

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I’m confused, if he’s gonna give you his whole check what’s the issue? Pay the bills, buy groceries, give him the money to pay his fine and give him a weekly allowance. I say this because it sounds like he doesn’t trust himself with the money. Personally, having been in that situation before, I wouldn’t trust him with the money either. I just did the easy thing and got rid of the whole man. Now, I have a great guy that isn’t an addict that pays the bills and saves money back. We split the rent, he pays the bills, I pay the insurance on both vehicles and buy the groceries,. We each have a vehicle payment. His is considerably higher than mine.

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May need to walk away opr he needs to accept more responsibility

Well I just started leaving my guy in charge of certain bills like ones in his name!

Nothing in life is free. Set him down with a list of all the expenses for each month and if he can’t understand----draw him a picture.

1st of all LEAVE him

OMG… Stop whining about it… If you unhappy just leave him… JUST GO

He needs to pay his fines …
He needs to get a job
He needs to share bills -
All for HIS own good and yours, and to gain some self-repsect.

Hold ur ground or show him the darn door. You got this

Tell him to be a man get a proper job and support his family.