For 2 years I have been primarily paying our bills with my income. I got an awesome job promotion but because of my raise we now do not qualify for SNAP or insurance. So I informed my husband he had to get a regular job with regular pay so he could help out. I found him a job and I applied for the job for him. He has battled addiction and was arrested twice because of his addiction, so he has fines. I paid his first fine completely off when we got our stimulus. I told him that his check when he gets it will be around $800. Because I was the only one working we got behind on our house payment, so I figured I would pay a house payment of $300 and get $200 for groceries and house stuff. When I told him that he said I’m going to give you my whole check. I said “no You can keep $200 to get you through the 2 weeks in between your paycheck and $100 to pay on your fines” I guess he thinks that I just blow my check. After getting paid and paying bills I had $300 and spent that on groceries. Most weeks I don’t have but $50 to last 2 weeks, but I’m taking all of his check. I don’t know how to break it down to him so he understands. Im just so frustrated. He got used to keeping the money that he made on side jobs and now he just thinks that he shouldn’t have to pay as much.
Time for a grow up call!!!
I don’t know if it would help, but write it out? All bills and mounts, how much your check is and what it’s paying and what’s actually left, and same with his…
Sit down with him and go over what he’s contributing to and what you are. Hopefully (crayons maybe needed) he will understand. If not tell him you don’t need him. You want him. That can change quickly if he don’t get with the program
He can’t help pay kick his ass to the curb
Then I wouldn’t be letting him live there honestly. If you break it down for him then make him pay half the bills since he’s the other adult living there… if not tell him to kick rocks
Visual… put it on paper. Make him responsible for certain bills
Not gonna work girl he don’t care he just want to live and ball and not worry about being responsible. If he can’t sit down and look at a whole budget where u both end up with equal spending money in the end then u will see the resentment grow. U have to care enough about each other to not want to see the other drown. If one or both can’t it’s a pointless argument that will never have a resolution.
They get too comfy and then this s**t happens.
Sit down & write it out.
If he still can’t get it together, file for divorce.
Visual always works better with men… I’ve had to do it a few times with mine. He knows I don’t blow money but sometimes I think he actually forgets just how much we have going out in a month towards bills and he gets frustrated that there isn’t no money to play with or I don’t have a huge nest egg built up. The economy has really hit us hard this last 2 yrs… I’ve had to break it all down to him so he could actually see and it seemed to help him understand.
Sounds like your acting like his mom instead of his spouse. Let go of the control and sit down together and make a budget or make him pay the bills so he can see what is left over
Put it down on papers show him the cost of each bills each receipt you spend on groceries gas etc… Show him all the expenses and make him do the maths. If after that he still reacts this way well or you keep that extra “child” or you kick him out.
You filled out the application? He’s an addict not dead tf?? Yea I’m sorry when you act like a sugar momma you get sugar babies. You did this to yourself. Leave and leave like yesterday👌🏽
Has he ever had to pay real house bills before? Budget his money around to cover everything? Doesn’t sound like it. Just let him give you his check, instead of going back & forth 
I mean why are you even finding him a job & applying? That’s a little much. Is he going to be able to actually go to work and keep the job?
Kick his ass out the door!
Well Quickbooks might be to much to grasp so you better go with M&Ms for your income, peanuts for his income, and raisins for expenses, a visual you can eat when your done
From what I’m reading, he got used to it because you told him it was ok. You are finding and applying for jobs for him? …
it’s not gonna work, you’re mothering him, and he’s acting like a child. He got this way because you’ve likely been taking care of everything from the beginning. my best advice is lose the baggage, you’ll have more money
Show him what your money pays but keep on at him. I’d not pay any more of his fines he has a job now they are his responsibility as he got himself into that situation.
Write out a budget for both of you to follow
I’d take his check and leave him anyways dude. That’s so exhausting, and for what? What does he do for you? Nothing. Please just leave.
It looks like somebody needs a lesson in household finances. Sit down with him and show him all of the expenses. Show him how much you make. Make a budget TOGETHER. let him keep a small amount of money. Show him how he can “keep” more of his money if he can BE responsible.
Create an invoice, write down every single bill at 50% and give it to him.
watch him fumble around and look stupid at the amount.
Then take his whole check and leave him.
Throw the whole man out and stop giving everything away
Why do you have to explain to a grown ass man how bills work?
Well, it’s y’all’s house so it y’all’s money. Take what you need for bills and let him throw a fit if he wants, but tell him to do it at someone else’s house. I hear couches are pretty comfy this time of year, maybe someone will let him borrow one 
You need to go to al-anon or narc-anon. These organizations are for friends and families of alcoholics and drug addicts, respectively. You need to learn how to support him without enabling him.
At the same time, you need to sit down with him and write out a budget.
Write it all down on paper soo he can see exactly where it all goes
Nothing is free. You can. Have all of nothing. For nothing. You wount some thing. ??? You have two work for it.
Sounds useless 
And he is NOT A KID. aney more. .time tw make like A. Man.
Unfortunately, in this scenario by you “helping” him, you’re enabling him.
And if he gets stuped. And gets arrested do not bale hem out. Make hem set it out. Make hem man up.
He’s an adult and he needs to pay half the bills. Simple.
In my experience, I had to divorce my ex-husband and put him on child support for him to support his son financially. My advice is to stop putting yourself last with your hard earned money for someone that doesn’t sound like he wants to grow.
Y’all need to sit down and go over the bills as a team and show him he might not realize how much it all was when you took care of it all
I’d never put myself through that drama. Put both checks into bills. If there’s anything left over, split 3 ways, joint savings, your spending $ and his spending $. Doesn’t have to 3 equal parts especially if he’s just gonna spend his money on drugs.
It sounds like you would do much better to be on your own he’s so used to you taking care of everything and to him that checks his play money you need to put down the facts either he man’s up or he’s out
Take his check and give him an allowance or whatever out of it. What you can afford. Pay his fines out of his money.
You are 100% enabling him and his behavior and he won’t change !
You have all the means to just kick him to the curb and be fine and not stress over having a man child. I’ll never understand why some decide to settle for less 
Well y’all are married, his money is your money period! That’s provide for family and love & happiness!
So he has offered to give you the full check & you’ve refused then come on here complaining that he’s not giving you anything but he’s offered it all to you anyway 
he’s offered to give you all of it you are complaining that’s he’s not paying enough! This doesn’t make sense!
Bring out all the bills. And last months grocery receipts. Show him. Tell him to quit being a selfish ass and expecting you to work yourself to the bone to be stuck budgeting fifty dollars for two weeks
He’s a grown a$$ man!!! Stop babying him!!! There’s nothing to explain. He’s just lazy
Sounds like a man child.
First thing my husband and I do on his paydays is pay bills first.
Write out a bill list with prices and then breakdown the incomes. Maybe if he sees it on paper he will understand he’s been lucky to live off your back.
try putting yalls money together pay all your bills, buy the groceries, then figure out how much money you’ll each need to just get through til the next payday, and if there’s any left save.
also, that’s just an idea. what works for some may not work for others. that’s just how me & mine always did it. I worked and he stayed home for awhile, then we both worked, & then I became sahm. we’ve always said “our money”
Stick to your guns or he needs to go
Have him sit with you while you’re paying bills and have him grocery shop with you a few times. My husband didn’t realize, for years, where the money went until he took over the bill paying. Life changed the day he did
Feed him fish sticks
Man child tbh. Sounds like a lack of fiscal and emotional/mental maturity. Drugs will do that though.
Write it all down and split it all up 50/50. Maybe he needs to see it in writing to understand it. He sounds immature.
Kick his ass to the curb and find you a man
Better yet write down all the Bill’s split it 50 50… whatever you have left after paycheck is yours…
Girl you can’t force an addict to live a normal life have a job & pay bills. That’s not what addicts do. He needs help first & foremost & you can’t rely on him at all. I’d run
Why are you mothering hi it sounds like yourthe mother and he’s the baby why didn’t you let him go to jail for not paying his fines you are an enabler is he going to meetings oh with Covid they may be closed Okay when you get sick of it you let him be homeless tell him the local shelter and call find out there rules they will get him a social worker who finds him shelter and food stamps he has to be way down. Before he can come up if you think he will change while you pamper him think again
This ain’t it. Right now you want more for him than he wants for himself. He has to want better.
Stop babying him!! Move on
Write it all down. Payments between you both. 50/50.
Tell him the dates they are due and they have to be paid and it’s his responsibility to pay his half. If he doesn’t agree just say he will have to leave then cause you can’t afford him to be there.
Hmm you sounds very mature and responsible to be dealing with somebody who doesn’t care about the well-being of his family… don’t deal with it. You’re pretty much doing it on your own already.
I know the feeling mine did the same thing. I got rid of him. No kids just dogs we raised for 13 years
Please don’t just leave your husband rather communicate better with each other and set some boundaries but moving on is not the answer.
You don’t need that person in your life! You can do better
that is not a husband-that is an adult child. do you want to be a wife- or a mommy…?
Set him up an account and make him enroll in direct deposit. Two hundred Goes in his account the rest goes in yours period. If he doesn’t like it there’s the door. He can pay child support and go to jail
He’s a grown ass man. Why are you treating this as a teenager situation? That’s the real problem!
There’s a bit more going on here than how much he should contribute.
Simply tell him you ain’t his mom you won’t pay his way its 50/50
My fiance and I have a system he pays the car payment , insurance I pay my mom the majority of our rent and buy half for my son he buys half for him the rest we use on fun or extra things. Set a budget for him as well maybe that’ll help show him where it’s all going.
Sit down and go through all the bills with him.
Sounds like my ex husband. He will never get it because he’s a taker and your a giver. Two different species.
Sounds like my ex, he refused to pay any bills as well, when he worked, which was nearly never
The fact that you had to apply for the job and tell him how much he’s gonna make should be enough of a red flag for you to wake up. He isn’t interested in caring for a family. Your trying to force an immature man to straighten up and it won’t happen.
You should write all the bills down 50 /50 each rent 50/50 each food 50 / 50 each . Your husband ask to marred u not for you to be his mum . Right down how much you would have if you did this . Your not his mum Your his wife . Get job early Your way I be tell him this .
Well you enable him sooooo…
He doesn’t want to be a step up to help and be a man. You deserve to be with someone that will help you and be man not a boy
Get yourself another man that can actually be a man. Not a cry baby
Write out all the expenses on an excel spreadsheet and talk though finances
Total 100% of household expenses and split that in half …he pays HALF and his fines are HIS PERSONAL EXPENSES since you had no choice in acquiring that DEBT
Congratulations on your promotion, time to promote partners
Men are idiots they don’t want to pay for anything when you start paying for everything then when he they start have to pay for stuff they don’t wanna pay for shit my husbands actually living in my house for free with a stepdaughter for free and I’m the one who moved out and I’m paying for everything I don’t get food stamps I don’t get nothing he don’t know if you can leave this guy can’t just leave him I don’t know how old you are I’m 56 ain’t nobody gonna have me I’m good on my own I’m living with my dad but I’m still paying for everything for my house I’m hoping I get rid of them and I sell my house and I just stay taking care of my dad and I I still pays to figure they don’t have a dime don’t know what’s going on if you’re a young girl start looking honey this is really bad it’s stupid man they’re idiots women pay for everything nowadays I have never met a guy that are around the generation that pay for anything the women pay for everything I was on I’m still on medical insurance because he never wanted to pay medical insurance for my kids so I have to be a waitress and waitress to do it not fair I work my fucking ass off because the guy has a good job he makes almost $1000 a week he doesn’t wanna pay medical insurance for me or my kids never did don’t put up with the machine
I don’t know how old your kids are my husband he kept all his money he made me pay for fucking everything I had Medicaid for the kids and I had him get a job so he can make his medical for the kids and then he didn’t want to pay for it wow he’s currently living in my house for free he Vondrousova house two years ago we broke up five years ago he still living in my house for two years free and then his stepdaughter moved in for free my mom passed away so I came to my dads house to take care of him because he wasn’t doing good they’re still living in my house I wanted to fix I have the money to fix my house up they won’t leave I want to fix my house up and another like I’ll give you a few hundred bucks a month won’t my step daughter says no no no no paint Lovin hundred dollars a month for them to live there I got a pretty bad men are idiots I’m too old now I’m 56 years old I can’t even I’m not gonna find nobody else but I am going to have money to fix my house up in an end maybe save now
Leave his ass. That was the best thing I ever did with my ex. He wouldn’t step up either. Didn’t care if family survived, etc…
Don’t pay his fines and make him step up and help. If he can’t he can move out.
This sounds like a child .It’s simple grow up get a job or get out
Wrote down all the bills and income coming in . Show him visually some people learn better that Way
Stop paying his bills, he sounds immature and if you keep paying it he will never step up. You are doing everything for him like applying for a job, he should be doing that not you. And he will never wake up and be responsible if someone is always doing everything for him.
Well he’s not been paying the bills so he probably has no clue. Lay out all the costs versus what he has been paying in.
Evadently they have change the definition of husband I was taught the man took care of his family but I’m from the old school
You can do bad all by yourself??? Stop paying his stuff! He’s a grown man and should be picking up half the weight!
You applied for a job for him ???
All these people saying stop paying for his stuff. This isn’t 1950. A marriage is a partnership. When he’s down, you pick up the slack. When you’re down, he picks up the slack. However, if he’s gotten used to you being the primary bread winner and him being able to do whatever he wants with his money, that’s your fault. Sit him down with a list of monthly expenses vs income and show him how much money comes into the house vs how much is going out and what it’s going out for. If you two have a true partnership, put all your money and all your bills together, balance them, and then whatever is left over, split so that you both have money for the week.
Your not his mom. Lordy.
Write it all down and show him
Are you his mother or his partner
As the fine having, “you’re taking my money” person in recovery - I can say that this mindset can be changed - he can mature and see that it’s a responsibility you both share and the load has been split unevenly for some time.
Talk to him - make the conversation flow in a way he will understand.
Here’s all the bills:
Here’s all my wages:
Here’s all your wages:
Here’s what’s left:
(And when you do all the bills - go 10-20% higher because shit ain’t getting no cheaper) (and don’t forget: gas, nicotine, the toiletries, streaming services)
Thats a little boy. Sorry not sorry. If youre doing it all by yourself you dont need him.
I don’t know how to politely say get a new man. You would be better off on your own then having his irresponsible recklessness bringing you down. I stayed for two and half years and things only got worse. I didn’t even realize how stressed I was until I no longer had his bullshit in my life. It is not worth it. Guys like this will only love you as much as they can use you. Eventually you will be depleted.
You will never be able to better yourself with someone like that no matter what.