Can you find a counselor or a therapist? They’ll be able to give you a healthy way to work through your emotions.
All I can offer is that you cannot look to these people to help you heal. They are all most likely still damaged and FAR from acknowledging what they did to you. Still trained and conditioned to treat you badly if not flat out abuse you. It’s a pattern that is extremely difficult for ONE person to get out of, let alone an entire family. Get a therapist. It helps to process what you’re thinking and feeling with someone who doesn’t have an emotional investment in you. You’ll get objectivity that you wont have with literally anyone else on the planet. And dont EVER expect these people to understand. They lived a completely different reality than you did and theres no place where you can come together until they get help also.
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And you have to separate. Blood doesnt mean squat and its usually blood that causes the most damage. If you even leave a conversation with them feeling badly about yourself, cut them off, cut your time with them back…treat them like youd treat any other toxic person. Theyll either learn or they wont but you wont be around for what they dish out.
Please do not let anyone ruin your happiness! That includes family! I know what it is like to care too much and have your feelings brushed off. As hard as it may be i would start putting yourself and your family first. Don’t reach out, stop trying, focus on you.
It’s easier said than done, but you will feel a lot less stressed if you just cut ties and live your life for you. Prayers for you to get you through 
Maybe some therapy might help?
Practice breaking the cycle every chance you get!
Get rid of them ! Cut them off and don’t ever contact them again or let them contact you
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Get counseling…you need help moving past this.
You mentioned you’re the oldest. Just curious, what were the circumstances as to why your parents got married. I mean, was it because your mother was pregnant? If so, that could be why they treat you differently. They may have never gotten married otherwise. Not that it’s any of your fault. It just seems as though their actions and lack of affection, are out of resentment. That may also explain why your father was always out. Not necessarily because of you, but because he wasn’t happy in the relationship. It seems as though your mother was bending over backwards in an attempt to win over his affection. Maybe they eventually learned to love each other, and embraced their relationship over time, which could be why they treat your siblings differently, and seem happy together now. I haven’t met a family yet that treated all of their children exactly the same. I find myself treating my 2 different at times and I have to correct myself. There is no perfect childhood. All parents fall short in some areas. It is not the fault of the children. I truly hope that you’re able to communicate this to them somehow. Unfortunately you can’t make people take accountability for their actions. You can however cut ties for your mental health.
Find a therapist that can help you through this sad situation !
I got help with a therapist it does help
Most of these people are right. Find a Therapist. I’m oldest of my siblings. Same treatment. Therapy helped me see it wasn’t flaws in me. Even if you have to try more than one. Good luck 
Find your family. By that I don’t mean blood. I mean ppl that love you regardless. I’m not super close with my family and growing up my mom was in and out of jail and prison. We’re closer now that I let go of all the anger from her drug problems. Now that’s she’s finally clean. But I found a friend who is more like the sister that I never had (I do have a sister but being separated as kids we aren’t super close) and they are now my family. I have a restraining order on my brother.
I kind of felt this way with my mom while growing up. I think she was just overwhelmed a lot and maybe had some mental health issues but my dad always told me he loved me and hugged. My mom didn’t do that. She’s better now and especially with my daughter. But if I were you, I’d just cut contact, maybe try therapy to work out how you feel and just live your life and be happy.
Find your tribe. Therapy Would help
Leave toxic people behind and move on. You can still love them, but you need to move forward. Sometimes our past makes US better parents.
I know that Gods love is healing. I am sorry for your experiences .Sometimes people’s behaviour just doesn’t make sense and if you ask ,they can’t explain why they did it .Love is an innate quality.
You have to make a great family of your own, they will never change, so stop waiting, make a happy life with your own family now, they are not worth it.
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Shadow work. It reveals your inner child and how to fix her 
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Going thru this MADE you the person you are. You’re obviously balanced, healthy and happy ~ and have done this with no help from your ‘parents’. I’d say you’ve done a pretty good job of Life so far. Xxxx
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Just because they are your parents doesn’t mean u owe them anything. It’s ok to not talk to your parents until they see how they’ve hurt you. I think u need to go to counseling and try to get rid of the resentment and hurt. Then maybe a relationship with your parents can happen but until they realize how they were I don’t think having a relationship is worth it
Write them a letter telling them all of this. Let it out and then let it go. They may surprise you and express their love for you or they may stay how youve described them. But please tell them. You deserve to get it off your chest and you deserve for them to hear how you feel/felt.
First work to believe the fact that the problem is their problem. Those are the choices they have/still make and it is not your fault and choice. Do not carry the burden of their behavior. Next learn to expect that they are not going to fill your needs/expectations. This again is no reflection of you. Hold your head high and chose to create your own happiness. Find a therapist who can help you get there. It’s a real life changer.
Forgive them in your heart… It takes time & self work. Once you can do that cut the ties. You can forgive them without having them in your life & taking that weight off your shoulder
Parents are not perfect. My oldest daughter feels this way about me. She feels I made her do everything as a first child. In truth. I was a strict parent with her and followed others advice on how to bring her up. As I raise more of my children and have become a stronger parent . I have learned that others ways are not always best. As for letting you not going out with your friends all the time, I was the same way . Still am with my children. Children see things differently than their parents. Even as they become adults. I think you should seek out a councilor and see if your parents will go with you. I am sure that they love you very much. I know my daughter and I do not speak at all. But I have always wanted to have the relationship other mother’s have with their daughters.
We could be twins…this is my life. Both of my parents are dead now and resentment didn’t die with them. I tried talking to them, but they were very defensive…and there was yelling…lots of yelling. But in the end, they knew how I felt and they had to decide how to deal with that realization. Holding things inside is never good. I encourage you to let all of your family members know how you feel. Forgiveness is for the forgiver!! But know this, you do not need confirmation that you are a valuable person; love yourself and surround yourself with positive people that love you back!! 
I was the oldest of 3 sisters my mother made me do everything and took credit for everything my dad was bi polar and when they would fight she would insitagate it and throw me in the middle because I viewed her always as a victim till I realized she was far from a victim my dad committed suicide when I was 22 and they always treated my younger sister specially my mom still to this day better then me . My mom and I never get a long she criticizes everything I do I have been told to cut ties she will never change and that’s the only advice I’ve ever truly felt that will work is to cut ties we were kids and never deserved wheat we went through
Stop letting them in you head and cut them completely out of your life.
Cut ties with them you dont need them
Im sorry you had to go through that. It’s terrible. Take what you learn and make it make you a better parent and how you never want your babies to feel the same way. Pray for your parents and ask God to help you forgive them. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the person you resent to die. Anger and resentment will ruin you. Pray for your parents asking God to help them and to allow you to forgive them. Thank them for showing you how to be a better person and parent.
Easy just stay away from them you have your own life go live it go above an beyond things they said
Cut them out of your life. They are toxic
I would tell them both. How you feel. ,Then move on.
Daughters Recovering from Toxic Family Relationships with The Undone Mama is a good group! Hugs
The hurt will always be there. You have to live your best life and do what feels right for you even if you don’t get that approval from your family. They aren’t living your life
Your family will end up needing you the most just like they did without seeing it. I have felt with similar issues and what helped me was going to therapy and venting it out she then said that I need to confront it with everyone that I hold any negative energy towards so I sat down and spoke to each of my family members told them how I felt and asked why and if they didn’t see anything wrong and some relationship were fixed and better some were never repaired cause they couldn’t admit to their wrong doing so instead I cut them off and kept them to the very minimum and I’m happy and free cause at least they know how I feel
I have moved on from my family. It was too damaging to myself and my children.
Sounds just like my story.
Write them a letter telling them all of this. Let it out and then let it go. They may surprise you and express their love for you or they may stay how youve described them. But please tell them. You deserve to get it off your chest and you deserve for them to hear how you feel/felt.