I no longer feel a spark with my husband: Advice?

I’ve been with my husband for 17 years… we have 2 beautiful kids together. He’s a great dad… a great husband… but I’ve grown a lot and am starting to feel like I’m outgrowing him… our kids are 9 & 10 and if I left him, I would love cross country and the kids would be coming with me. He knows how I feel just chooses not to accept it. But I’ve been feeling this coming for a few years now… is it really bad to stay with someone for the kids? If we don’t fight in front of them? Like we act cool bc he’s great. I’m just lacking spark and passion… and he doesn’t get it. He’s very one dimensional… idk what to do… maybe I just needed to vent idk. Thanks for listening.


Well, he has the same right as you to have his kids. So if you move, he can get half custody and will be able to have them half of the year. So make sure you are prepared for that. Your post makes it sound like you will just take them and he wont have them anymore.


If you really think that you don’t want to be with him then go ahead. Sit him down and tell what your plans are. Does he really want you to cross country’s? Listen to what he has to say? At the end of the day he may not agree to be so far from the kids.
If you really want to work on feeling the spark again i would maybe go on a weekend away without the kids if that’s possible. Spend more time together. Sometimes these could be the things that are missing.

That is very sad, I feel sorry for what the kids will have to go through. I am pro kids.

You only get one life, your kids would be happier with their mum being her true self.


Are you wrong for wanting to leave him? No

Are you a selfish person for wanting to take his kids across the country? Yes

You stated he was a good dad, so why would you so this to your husband/children?


I don’t believe you can take your kids and move across the country just because you’ve lost the “spark”. He has rights to his children and I highly doubt any judge would allow that unless he signs away his rights, which is highly unlikely. I do believe you have a right to be happy, but you owe it to your children to allow them to have a relationship with their father. Sounds like you both could use some counseling to help you come up with the most responsible solution.


Have you fought for your marriage? Have you tried marriage counseling? Taken a trip alone with your husband? Scheduled frequent date nights? Marriage is about commitment, sacrifice and service. It’s going to be hard, but if you put in the work, it is worth it. Sounds like he is a great guy, fight for your marriage!


You would be CRAZY to leave a good man. And you would be evil to move across the country and rip them away from their daddy and everything that’s familiar bc u lack passion.
Don’t cheat. Don’t move. Don’t ruin the children’s lives. Your husband isn’t abusive.
Go to therapy. It’s helpful.


I think you’re being really short sighted. You took vows, you should be doing all you can to bring passion back into your marriage and stop being selfish


Pretty cruel to just expect to take his and your children across the country with you after he’s been there for them the last ten years. You don’t have to love him or even be with him but how can you be so selfish and cruel to just plan to take his kids away. Wow. What I would give for my kids to have a decent father and you just want to whisk yours away from theirs. So unbelievably sad. Go see a counselor please


I would say if u don’t love him anymore then leave but don’t take his children away for your selfish needs!


It’s fine if you don’t wanna be with him but why the hell would you take your children away from their dad and move them across the country? You can’t just do that. They’re his kids too. 

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Your not thinking about your kids you don’t wanna be with him don’t but don’t take his kids away think about them not what you want


Its all right there in your post “I’m outgrowing him”, you are the one who pulled the bait and switch, he is the same “great dad, great husband” that you commited to with marriage and kids and now you move the goalposts, your kids matter more than your wonderlust


Sounds like you are just bored and horny the next one will get boring too. If that’s the case you don’t value your kids very much. That “spark” leaves everything once you are used to having it around. You can get back some if you get opened up and ask for change.You asked. You may have become boring to him so he just gave up and you don’t know why. Ask, talk.

As a single gal, I would die to have what you have. Please don’t take it for granted. A good dad and a good husband and you’ll move across country and take the kids away from that good dad??? Wtf is wrong with you to do that to someone?! Your kids will end up resenting you and miss their dad. Relationships these days are so fucked… some days I’m so glad to be single… other days I’d give a lot to have a husband that’s good to me and my kids…

If you don’t love him just get out of the relationship if not you will just be living in misery believe me.


Goooooo. There are plenty of women who will gladly snatch up a good husband/hard working man. Then he will be raising her kids and not yours. And I will bet she will be grateful to you for being such a fool! Just goooooo.

Wow, those kinda man other women are praying for. And here you are not appreciate him…smdh. Maybe he’s diabetic or something that makes him that way. Without helping him. You decide to leave him. Guess what. Another woman will love and appreciate him

Sorry but don’t feel Facebook is place for you to air this it not fair to the kids or yourself or husband.

BRING BACK THE SPARK! Geez, everyone is so quick to throw in the towel these days. You’ve invested 17 years and have two children together!!! Marriage is work and needs maintenance like everything else! Date nights and marriage counseling is a start! Don’t give up on a great guy! Date your husband and work together to get that spark back!

Are you happy with yourself? Start there.

Aren’t your kids I schools. You can’t just take off across country. Your husband has to agree. You sound childish and selfish! If you have a good husband try to make things better. I know that there aren’t very many good man out there to find. Don’t think the grass is greener on the other side. Try watering your grass and make it greener again. Not just for you but also the kids and your husband.

This is pretty selfish. But you’ll learn once u lose him. Cant live based on emotions, but you’ll learn your lesson.

80% of people that break up their home regret it. Go slow.


Why not try couples therapy?

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If you move your kids across the county from their dad just because you don’t feel a “spark” you are complete evil and selfish.


What I can tell you is this: the conversation you have with yourself is very important. You can convince yourself you are miserable. You can go in search of your “spark”. Just keep in mind, no matter who you land with, sooner or later you’ll have to talk about the lawn, the house payment, what the dog did. It can’t stay new forever. I hope he gets a good lawyer and fights to keep his kids close.


I think you will find that you won’t be able to take the kids and move across the country unless he is ok with it. And if he’s such a great dad and a great guy why would you even want to do something like that to him? If you want to end the relationship then do it but don’t be a selfish cow and hurt him and the kids more.

We are going to take your kids away from your dad!! That’s horrible. Especially if you what you say is true. He is a good dad!! Maybe he can get custody and you can move

Got news for you, your kids would not be going with you unless he agrees. Haven’t you ever heard of in sickness, and in health, for better or for worse until death…you need to talk to your husband and figure out what’s wrong with …YOU!!!


Look up the statistics for kids from divorced parents. If you’re not fighting in front of them and he is a good dad, statistically, it is better to stay for the kids. Divorce is very damaging to children.

There are lots of ways to bring back the spark. Have a talk with him and figure out a plan. Dates, counseling, whatever he is willing to do.


Sounds like neither one of you are trying to bring the spark back… Have you tried going on dates, taking a vacation together, counseling? If not then you aren’t even giving it a chance… also no judge is going to allow you to take your kids and move across the country. He has rights also and its really shitty of you to admit he’s a great dad and then say you would take his kids that far away from him.

You cannot just take the children.
Marriage is work, and during different seasons we fall in and out of love with our spouses.
You need to date each other again. Time together awa from the children. Time to slow down and enjoy each other. Mareiage counseling and individual counseling.

You might also need to start doing things that bring you joy, hobbies.
But you cannot say you are taking the children, that is selfish.

If you want to leave without working it, find a local apartment. Trial separation. Don’t rip the kids from their home and normalcy.

Well you can move across the country but you can’t just take the kids lmao. I don’t think a judge would sign off on that cus I doubt the dad wants to never see his kids.

Honestly this is the problem with marriage today. One person is lacking something and BOTH people need to put the effort in to fix it. Have y’all tried going on dates? Like actually dating like you did when you first met? Has he brought you flowers etc? Have you expressed what he could specifically do to help bring the spark back? Have you asked him ina way he feels safe to answer if there’s something he feels like he is missing than may be contributing to the lack of spark? What did you do in the begining that you may have stopped doing? Get a counselor, get a marriage counselor, go on a couple dates a week. Even if it’s just a drive to the park and waking around. No kids.

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