I Really Feel Like My 14-MO Baby Doesn't Like Me At All: Advice?

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QUESTION:

Do any of you ever feel like your kid just doesn’t care about you? My daughter is 14 months & I feel like we’ve never had a ‘bond.’ Sometimes she’s sweet to me when it’s just the 2 of us, but as soon as she sees her grandparents or her dad, she just wants them. (We live with her grandparents btw.)

When it’s her & I, she will cry for her grandma to pick her up even though I’m right there. There are even times where I will go to take her out of her grandparent’s arms & she will scream her head off and cry.

As for her dad, as soon as he gets home from work every day, she runs up to him, saying, ‘dada dada’ & hugs his legs for him to pick her up. When I leave the house by myself for a while & I come home, she acts like I don’t even exist. Like she didn’t miss me and she doesn’t care that I’m home now.

Idk I’ve just been feeling this way for a while now. It’s sad to see the girl you gave birth to, the girl you take care of every day (I’m a SAHM) not be affectionate towards you whatsoever. I’ve given up my whole life for her & she doesn’t even care that I’m her mom. I swear I could disappear right now & she wouldn’t even care or feel sad."

RELATED QUESTION: I Feel Like I’m Not Close Enough with My Child: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“Sweetheart, I really think this is more your insecurity than anything your daughter is feeling. I stayed home with my twin girls, they were never really affectionate to me, it just wasn’t their personalities. And Daddy and Namna were far more exciting, they weren’t always there. But I knew that was normal, it wasn’t that they didn’t like me, they just took my presence as a given. Which is perfectly normal for a child to do. Please don’t let these insecurities manifest into real problems between the two of you.”

“Sounds like it’s just because you are a stay at home mom and she is almost always with you. While the others are not so she is more excited to see them when they are there.”

“I obviously don’t know the situation well as I can only go off of what you’re describing but it sounds to me like you might have a bit of postnatal depression. She’s only 14 months, of course, she loves her mamma. There’s no one else in the world who could compare to you. I’m also a SAHM and have felt this way in the past. It turned out it was my own depression that was bringing things down. She probably does take you for granted more because you are ALWAYS there. My son was the same. He’s just started nursery and now when I go to pick him up he is a lot more affectionate. Just give things time. Always try your best and everything will fall into place. Kids tend to go through phases of who they like more anyways. This stage won’t last forever. Just keep loving her.”

“I’m going to guess she’s with you a vast majority of her day. She is used to you being home with her so she never really misses you. You are the one she trusts the most to never leave her and she knows you would never hurt her so sometimes we are their favorite most important person but feel like they don’t like us. I have 3 kids 3 and under and a 9 yr old I know how you feel momma. She loves you more than anyone in this world and trusts you beyond words to always love and be here for her.”

“She sees you all day every day. Seeing someone out of routine is going to be exciting for every kid. Her behavior sounds normal to me. Don’t take it to heart.”

“You are the constant in her life. You are the one person she knows who will be there… who will always come back. But Everyone else’s presence is sporadic therefor making it like a treat. When we get excited to see someone we haven’t seen in a while we get the same way, only time feels different for kids. So even tho they might have just seen her not long ago it’s still the best thing ever. My toddler is the same way, and it’s okay to feel that way. Mirroring what others have said, I don’t think it would hurt talking to your doctor about possible postpartum depression.”

“My kids did this at some point. It was just because I was always there. But when I was working they would do the same to their father. They outgrew it. It’s just a phase.”

“I have 4 kids and they are all so different. 1 of mine tells me all the time she loves her daddy more and it hurts but I tell her it’s okay. I love her daddy too. Hang in there, Momma. Your whole family would notice if you disappeared.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

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Maybe she just takes you for granted? Because you’re there more than anyone else.

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Sweetheart, I really think this is more your insecurity than anything your daughter is feeling. I stayed home with my twin girls, they were never really affectionate to me, it just wasn’t their personalities. And Daddy and Namna were far more exciting, they weren’t always there. But I knew that was normal, it wasn’t that they didn’t like me, they just took my presence as a given. Which is perfectly normal for a child to do. Please don’t let these insecurities manifest into real problems between the two of you.

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Sounds like it’s just because you are a stay at home mom and she is almost always with you. While the others are not so she is more excited to see them when they are there.

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5

I obviously don’t know the situation well as I can only go off of what you’re describing but it sounds to me like you might have a bit of post natal depression. She’s only 14 months, ofcourse she loves her mamma. There’s no one else in the world who could compare to you. I’m also a SAHM and have felt this way in the past. It turned out it was my own depression that was bringing things down. She probably does take you for granted more because you are ALWAYS there. My son was the same. He’s just started nursery and now when I go to pick him up he is a lot more affectionate. Just give things time. Always try your best and everything will fall into place. Kids tend to go through phases of who they like more anyways. This stage won’t last forever. Just keep loving her :heart:

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She sees you all day every day. Seeing someone out of routine is going to be exciting for every kid. Her behavior sounds normal to me. Don’t take it to heart

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7

My three year old has gone through stages where he only wanted me for months straight and then suddenly only wanted Daddy for weeks/months.

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8

You chose to give up your world for her, as she didn’t ask to be born.

9

14 months is still possible to feel affects of post partum.
She is with you all the time, its normal enough that I wouldn’t over think it. Do you guys get to get out of the house regularly? Walks and parks and stuff?

10

Yes its stages.my daughter did it. Whenever I played with her she never laughed but when anyone else played with her she would. She used to call my mom mummy and me by my name at first.broke my heart. But now she is 4 and sticks to me like glue.

11

My 3 year old always says he hates me

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I’m going to guess she’s with you a vast majority of her day. She is used to you being home with her so she never really misses you. You are the one she trusts the most to never leave her and she knows you would never hurt her so sometimes we are their favorite most important person but feel like the dont like us. I have 3 kids 3 and under and a 9 yr old i know how you feel momma. She loves you more than anyone in this world and trusts you beyond words to always love and be here for her

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13

My kids did this at some point. It was just because I was always their. But when I was working they would do the same to their father. They out grew it. It’s just a fase.

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14

Hug her lots. Do things together. Don’t stress about it. My Mum beat herself up for feeling like this about me and felt like I didn’t like/love her. We spent years wondering this about each other until it all came out one day. Sadly I only had a few years having a great relationship with her before she died. You are with her all day so anyone else is exciting - the SAH parent usually gets this so don’t worry.

15

When you leave and then come home is everyone else around you excited to see you? Maybe she is just mimicking how everyone else is? Idk how it is when her dad comes home but I know when my sons dad comes home I get all excited saying how I missed him and what not and my son does the same kinda just follows by example. Although I think it would resolve itself over time I hope you can find a way to feel better as soon as possible❤

16

You are the constant in her life. You are the one person she knows who will be there… who will always come back. But Everyone else’s presence is sporadic therefor making it like a treat. When we get excited to see someone we haven’t seen in a while we get the same way, only time feels different for kids. So even tho they might have just seen her not long ago it’s still the best thing ever. My toddler is the same way, and it’s okay to feel that way. Mirroring what others have said, I don’t think it would hurt talking to your doctor about possible postpartum depression.

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17

I’ve learned with my 2 kids, that each one is SO different. My oldest, is a mamas boy since birth, and he still is (8yr old). My youngest (16 months) isnt a cuddly kid, and never has been. I doubted myself as a mom because I felt he didnt love me like my oldest because he is so distant. But I’ve come to learn just how different my kids are, and embracing their differences has strengthened the bond with my youngest. He likes his space and is really independent, and me letting go of my insecurities and loving him just the way he is, has helped tremendously!

18

She loves you mom! Stop doubting already. Be grateful she has a big family that she loves.

19

My oldest was like this. Always wanted my mom. Not that we didn’t/don’t have a bond. I think when he was tiny he felt my nervousness, anxiety then when he got older grandma let him do anything he wanted.

My daughter was just the opposite. It was only me who could hold her, feed her, change her etc. She hated her father, would scream constantly even if he was just in the house. Both were hard to deal with.

20

My boys are the opposite. Constantly up my ass and I would give anything to be ignored by them for a full 5 minutes.

21

It’s perfectly normal. They go through phases like that but always love you!

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It’s probably just a phase, mama. Try not to take it to heart. My son has gone from favoring me, to my husband, to my father in-law, to my mother in-law, and back to me. It’s totally normal. If you even think that you may have PPD/PPA, speak to your doctor. That could help you immeasurably. Much love and luck to you! Hang in there!

23

I have 4 , two of them are teens , one is a tween and youngest is 5 yrs. 3 out of 4 needed me for everything… the 3rd kids is a Daddy’s girl… she’s great with me all day but once Dad gets home , she’s all about him. Little one tries to go to him for stuff but usually ends up back to me.

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I’m a stay at home mom to! I feel the same way about my little boy, but I also remember I’m around him a bunch. I spend more time with him than anyone else so he gets all my loves and cuddles. They notice we are what’s CONSISTENT in their lives. They’re babies right now and they don’t understand or feel exactly the same we do just yet honey. But as they get older they grow more appreciativeof that love, they develop a closer bond because they know you’re their protector, best friend, mother, support system, etc. right now all they know is the worlds exciting and they just wanna see people who haven’t been there all day. Just like a new toy lol. Try not to take it so personal love. I know you feel very under appreciated. It happens sometimes as parents, partners, child’s, fellow colleagues. We all sometimes feel under appreciated. But know you’re loved, that your daughter loves you more than you know. I saw the difference once my ex husband and I divorced and bought different homes. We have split parenting so he goes to his dad two weeks out of the month just like he does with me. We rotate weeks but also live close to one another so it’s not to much trouble. They stopped by to surprise me because I haven’t seen him since this past Sunday. He was so excited and that was the first time he’s ever been like that with mommy. It comes with time. It’s okay, sending love and hugs your way. Xoxoxo❤️

25

My youngest (21 months) did this until about a month ago, wouldn’t even call me “mama” even tho she knew the word. Then she started saying it constantly and has became super clingy to me lol. Even calls for me while with grandma, and grandma is her favorite

26

My youngest 16 month old does a bit of what you say. But I think they just more interesting because they are not there all time. But it feels very weird when they do that I get. Don’t worry she does love you and she just knows that you are there. Just ask can I hug? And just start building up your quality time. I started doing that with my little one. We can have “our” time. She doesn’t understand it now but hopefully it just builds a nice foundation. I feel like as mom’s we do a lot then we don’t realise we forget to pause and just enjoy the play. So just make that time. Hugs

27

I feel like that and my daughter is 6
It’s been that way since birth
So I can empathize

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That’s not true!!! She just gets bored of you because she has you all the time. It will pass with time Mama, she loves you❤️

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Very typical. Happens all the time. Grandparents spoil her and mom is the authority.

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My son’s (which are 42 & 47) only like me when they want something, so wait till your child has gotten to be a little older, then see how you feel. I am sure she is bonding with you, she is an infant still, & has a lot of growing with you, for you both to look forward to. Good luck <3

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Sounds like you need a break :cold_sweat: you definitely need a break ! She loves her mommy but children are just that children if something did happen to you should would definitely be hurt and very confused and sad :pensive: she’s just very attached to her other support systems maybe try and lessen the time with grandma or and do something fun with just you and her then possibly take a mom day since grandma and dad are their to help !!! It’s going to be ok and she’s does love her mommy me and my daughter got threw fazes it’s completely normally

32

My daughter does that… Except with me…I am always up for work and gone before my kids wake up (I get home when they wake up), so on my off days, my daughter doesn’t want to love up on daddy, she wants to love up on me in bed in the morning because it’s like a treat for her, something that doesn’t happen except on those off days. It doesn’t mean she hates you. You’re the constant in her life, so she knows you will be there.

33

I have 4 kids and they are all so different. 1 of mine tells me all the time she loves her daddy more and it hurts but I tell her it’s okay. I love her daddy too. Hang in there Momma. Your whole family would notice if you disappeared

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34

Aw hun of course she loves you, because you with her all the time and dad isn’t she going to be excited to see him and grandparents spoil their grandkids rotten so she’ll be happy to see them too, it’s the other way around with my 2year old daughter because I was very ill with postnatal depression when she was born her dad cared for her the most and still does if honest so she’s all for me, I promise you she loves you maybe you need to talk to your doctor tell them how you feel and they’ll help you hun, you sound exhausted and depressed x

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35

My daughter was always more excited to see dad. But my boys were close to me and still at age in 30s my bond is closer to my boys.

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I completely understand

37

I think sometimes as a sahm our kids get so used to us being there 24/7 that they are just excited to see other people. :heart:

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I SWEAR I cannot believe I just read this…she’s 14 MONTHS OLD for crying out loud. Stop being so mean and making it all about you

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It’s perfectly normal for a child to love their grandparents more… all of ours do the same, some more than others. It will be ok. Grandparents are made to spoil and dote to them, parents are made to be parents… I’ve always had a saying, grandchildren are the reward for surviving your own children

40

She is just used to you. My son was obsessed with being around me 24/7 but when his dad or grandma were around, I suddenly didn’t exist. Its because he knows ill always be there, and he didn’t see them as often

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I used to work at night & leave my daughter to her nanny. Each time I get home she doesn’t seem to be very excited to see me & sticks with nanny all the time. Made me feel unwanted for a while but everything changed now were very close. I know how that feels. She’s still a baby, some babies love getting attention from everyone but you’re her momma, she loves you but just not able to show it to you full-blast yet. Wait til she starts talking & following you everywhere, you’ll think she’s obsessed with you lol. You’ll be fine just continue showing her she’s your world.

42

I sure Niki is spot on they can feel your depression and do not know what it is. were the rest of the family are fresh and knows that were happy is ?

43

I feel the same about one of my daughters but she’s an adult…its very strange she’s like that at that age so I understand your pain. Can you take her places that are fun just the two of you…she may just think oh that’s mum she’s always here but others come and go so she gets excited to see them

44

My almost 3 yr old was a bit like it loves his Daddy to bits asks about him runs to the door wasnt fussed with me or when i would come home from work. Now he shows more affection towards me i think he just got bored with me being around all the time x

45

Honey, my daughter who is 4 would not participate in her zoom class until “daddy” came to sit next to her. She did not want me at all. Never does when dad is around. For 4 years. On the other hand, my 16 year old daughter and 14 year old son always want me for everything! My husband says “let me enjoy it. They don’t like me once they get older” lol

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46

i have a 9 yr old who treats me like im here step mom doesnt listen to me for anything most of time then on other days its like mommy otherwise wants her daddy and im with 24/7 that includes school the days in school because i work at there school they see dad about an hr a day until weekends

47

It could be because your with her all the time and she knows you are always there. You are her comfort zone. Dad is always at work so there fore when daddy comes home she wants his attention. Same with grandparents. Dont get to discouraged i have 2 girls amd one was a mommas girl and when the second one came she was a daddies girl and it broke my heart. But just always be there for her. Let her be a daddies girl.

48

I have a two year old daughter and I was a sahm for several months. I think they just take it for granted that you will always be there. Even though I was the one caring for her every day, it was daddy she would call for and would act excited to see him. She’s been saying daddy for months but she just started calling me mommy recently. There have also been several times she threw a fit when it was time to leave grandma’s. Don’t stress mama, your baby likes you :heart:

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This exact same thing happened with my cousin, because she was still in hospital after giving birth for the first 3 months due to a stroke. So my mum and her mum looked after the baby, and throughout the first 2 years the boy always wanted my mum more than anyone. But he’s definitely grown out of that and he absolutely loves his mum :heart: just give it time, hopefully she will grow out of it.

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50

Its ok I had 4 kids under the age of 2 in my house 9 years ago my son and triplets are 14 months apart I swore they hated me but don’t worry when she really needs something she will come running …its just you are with her so much more and she probably does get tired of you lol :laughing: seriously though she doesn’t hate you

51

You dear woman are her constant companion and she knows she can trust you and that is a bond . she is confident in your love and that is what frees her to seek others that she hasnt had such a deep and abiding connection with . she has your love and it comforts her . you have done a great job mom . dont worry . she loves you just as much as you love her . trust me the bond is there ever strong . even death can not kill it . be confident and proud that she has the courage to explore. And reach out .that means you have done well

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52

This can absolutely be normal when you’re a SAHM. My now eight year has always been a daddies girl. I have pictures of her in her diaper waiting for him to open the door like Cheryl at Mervyn’s, “Open! Open! Open!” There’s even a video of her at a year old saying she wanted to go for a ride in the car with daddy and when he asked if she wanted mommy to go she says “No!” Of course I was hurt but realized I was with her 24/7. I was the parent who disciplined and didn’t let her do everything she wanted to do whenever she wanted to do it. I wasn’t the all day cookie and candy dispenser. I was the mean mommy who forced her to take naps and eat vegetables. I got a part time when she was 7 and guess what - she missed the hell out of me.

You’re baby girls safe place. She loves you. She’s just young and takes you for granted.

53

When mine were small and also the gegining school age through to teen it was always me now grown with their own not do much needed but oh how iloved all the years of them clinging to me

54

Mine is 20 now and I never felt like we bonded either. She was 3 weeks early and the “joke” was she disliked me so much she couldn’t wait to get out of my body.

55

My youngest son always preferred his dad (still does at 41). I had a serious infection from my c-section when we came home from the hospital, so they bonded very quickly. I was and am grateful for that bond.

56

This is normal. She sees you 24/7 and just gets excited when she sees others. She will eventually grow out of this. Just be patient. When you’re doing your chores… let her help you - kids love this. When you’re preparing a meal - let her help.

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57

I felt like this sooo much and I even broke down crying to my mom about it feels like my one year old didn’t even need me or want me around and about a week after that she decided to be attached to my hip. It will all come in their own time, as long as you love your babies endlessly that’s all that’s matters

58

My son seemed to like others over me,but he loved me.He didn’t like me cause I had to make him tow the line. It all worked out; he still likes some people more than me-40 years later; he loves me.

59

No way. My daughter’s only wanted me. If someone else picked them up they would,start crying.

60

Wait until she’s a teenager. It gets worse…

61

Don’t worry, you both probably have different love languages. When my son was little, he never said I love you. I would say “I love you big” and he would reply “I love you little “. When asked who he loved big, he responded his uncle. His uncle had a big rig and my son was obsessed with trucks. So I started to say “I love you “ every time I did something loving, like helping him dress, giving him something to eat or playing with him. Kids will connect emotion to what is important to them. I’m glad to report that my son tells me every day” I love you; you’re the best mom in the world “.

62

Babies are so perceptive…do the grand parents and the father perhaps treat you this way and she is mimicking them?

63

My daughter was the same for almost her first year. I live with her now. She’s 26 and about to have her own baby.

64

I have been there! My daughter is almost 9 and for the first 4 years of her life this is how I felt. She always wanted dad, she was nice to him and well behaved for him too. If he even walked out of the room she would hit me or if I told her no to something she would freak out. It literally took me recording her with just me before other people believed me. Im my case I fixed the issue by spending more time with her. ( I was working full time plus when she was little) I get being a Sahm its hard but maybe find something for just you and her, maybe a book to read or a movie to watch where its just you and her doing that activity together.

65

She’s 14 months…

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Don’t worry my dear there will come a day when u are her best friend…

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67

It has been the opposite for me, so sad

68

Wow there’s a lot to look at here let’s look at a couple of things first of all you are her mama also her caregiver her disciplinarian are you very strict with her these are just questions so how does she look at you do you feel that she may only see you as a caretaker maybe it’s time to have a little bit of fun with her do different things go outside and play and play with her so that you become more rounded with her for love for support and for care maybe this will help it’s only a suggestion

69

S a m e :weary::weary::weary: both my children are 15 months and when it comes to their grandparents, they just don’t want anything to do with me!! And when they’ve been with just me all day and dada comes home, I’m also forgotten about. :weary: I think I crave more attention than they do :joy:

70

My girl was this way. She didn’t want me to hug or kiss her and just wanted my husband which is her step dad :sweat_smile: I used to feel like she didn’t love me but now she is 7 and is. Super attached to me. Now I have the same issue with my son who is 5 he prefers dad and grandma over me ugh i guess it’s phases they go through. No big deal.

71

Probably because she senses how you feel. If you feel like you don’t have a bond, then she probably senses it.

72

This behavior is called manipulation and you are losing by allowing your daughter to cause you so much anguish -this kind of behavior will pass if you continue to provide her love and are there for her-don’t expect adult unselfish love from a very young child! Also, it will help when you are able to move to your own home…it’s a difficult row to hoe but persist in showing her you care …