Help mamas,
Im currently pregnant with my first child. Recently bought a house with my bf however we are constantly fighting non stop (yelling, threatening, avoiding, and verbal use). I’m at a loss. We’ve dated in the past and have got back together a couple times and now it’s pretty serious with a baby on the way. I’ve moved away from my family to be here with him. I feel alone. I’ve told him that and he just tells me I’m not alone, that I have him and his family. My mother and I don’t share the best relationship however I know she’s always there for me. I grew very close with his mother and family within the last year and he knows how much I value his family and my relationship with his mom. He’s made several threats to end my relationship with his mom, intentionally to feel even more alone in a town I just moved to last year. Texts her his one sided story of every fight we get into after I’ve asked him to leave her out of this. I’m constantly being gaslighted, ignored, belitted and informed my feelings are just nonsense and invalid. I want to try and fix things if not for us but for this baby however he refuses to sit down and talk about anything. He calls me names like crazy or psycho or fucked up. Our fights usually end in us saying sorry and continuing like nothing happened but there’s no resolution ever. I’m scared to be alone, especially when baby comes. I’m scared I’m going to ruin my not even born baby’s life and to be a single mother who works in the health care field with long hours and limited day care hours.
Have you two been to counseling? There is obviously something bigger that is bothering him. It could be mental illness, insecurities, narcissism etc. 9 times out of 10 men with narcissistic behavior have no acknowledgement of it. He isn’t going to listen to you so maybe he needs to hear it from a professional perspective. Good luck! I was in a similar relationship and it didn’t end well with him however as soon as I eliminated the issue (him) I found someone who appreciated me and acknowledged when he was at fault. We have little to no issues in our relationship and leaving was the best decision I ever made for my child.
This sounds all too familiar to me. I went through this with my ex husband. I grew up with my ex and his siblings. Our families have been linked together since the 1960’s. We would fight all the time. He always called me every name in the book and even told me that no one in my family truly loved me and I was nothing more than a burden to everyone and I needed to go ahead and end my miserable life, so everyone could be rid of me. At the end of the fight, we would make up and went on as if nothing ever happened. I thought staying with him for the sake of our children would make things better. WRONG… It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Staying with someone who is abusive in any way is NOT best for you and especially for your child. You need to get out now while you can. I know what is it like being a single mother. But, Being a single mom is much better than raising a child in a extremely toxic environment. I wish you the best