Mums, I need your help, please!! I have three under three kids, and I’m struggling with their behavior. I have a 3yr old boy and an almost 2yr old boy that drive me crazy (i love all me kids don’t get me wrong). No matter what I do when they have been naughty, they don’t listen or learn. I’ve tried the naughty chair, sending them to their room, separated them both. I tried talking calmly, and times I have yelled because I’ve had enough. I don’t know what to do. Everything I do, they don’t listen and keep acting up. They have a routine we play, and I try and spend as much time as I can with all of them, but the boys make it so hard. I feel like I’m a broken record telling them the same thing over and over, but once ita a new day, it’s like their memory gets wiped clean. I’m asking if any other mums can give me advice on what to do on how to teach them and things like that. Please don’t judge me if you’re going to post negative things I don’t wish for you to comment I don’t need that right now.
I have the same problem with my two year old.
At some point the yelling doesn’t work, they just tune you out. I only had one boy but he was a handful (he is 23 now) and I used the old standby “123 Magic” It really is retraining YOU on how to react instead of the kids but if you put this into practice it will work.
You are not alone!! Keep up on the time out chair or rooms. Even if you have to repeat yourself every day. Some may say have one on one alone time with each child. Award when good. Good luck.
Parenting thru Love and Logic works too. I had to laugh when my then teenagers started using it on my new (then )husband and his kids.
I had 3 kids in 4 years, it’s never easy but I did the 3 strikes…1 tell them, 2 yell, 3 punish ( take things away, time outs ect) if they fight separate them. Never never never threaten a punishment and not follow through. P.S. it gets easier as they get older.
How about spanking them? That works
I had three boys in 37 months (it was a chaotic time). My most creative punishment that worked was when they were arguing or fighting was to sit them in chairs facing each other until they could tell the other three things they liked about the other. They hated that so much at the time! Other then that, I really didn’t punish. If they plugged a toilet/sink, dumped a bag of flour, finger painted walls, markered each other, threw a jar of baby food in the grocery store; they were responsible for the clean up or apologizing or being my assistant while it was cleaned up. Even a two year old can get a plunger, wash a wall, carry some laundry… Have patience!
It will be exhausting at first, but stay consistent with whatever you choose.
Thats it thats all
No advice for you but I could have wrote this myself… the only difference I have a 3 year old boy and 2 year old twins and I’m losing my mind trying to get them to behave. Its impossible. I end up in tears most days as they won’t stop fighting and hurting each other
I learned with mine to put his toys in time out (on top of the fridge). Worked WAY better than trying to put him in time out. More effective. He then had to earn it back.
1 2 3 Magic book by Dr. Thomas Phelon, i think i spelled it right. Works wonders.
Do they like rewards or prizes? I bought a cardboard treasure chest and put in toys my son would like. I made a chart and he was rewarded for his good behavior. If behaves badly, he received one warning that he would lose a sticker. In the beginning, it would be after 5 stickers, he could pick a prize from the “treasure chest”. You want to keep them engaged in the reward system and reward them often, but not often enough that it’s not worth it to misbehave. Good luck!
Positive behavior support… look it up… or a fly swat!!!
I raised four and my last two were a year apart. First of all I hate to tell you but you have several more years of this behavior. They are two and three thier retention is limited. The things you have tried are not wrong they just may not work at thier age level. I will also tell you that they are smart and manipulative and if they pick up on your desperation you are lost. Time outs are good, limiting access to favorite toys works also and the yelling only in extreme situations because they basically get used to it and it loses affect. I will also recommend a tap on the hand or legs every so often does not hurt but use it wisely because they become immune to it and you want respect not fear. Suerte and remember when you are stressed take some time for yourself sometime they just misbehave because you are there all the time. Nothing wrong with you taking a break when you are stressed.
I mean this in the nicest way I know how to say it. Have you ever consider parenting class? Children don’t come with instructions. Maybe you can learn through there some of the tricks of the trade. No one ever said it was going to be easy to be a parent. You have 3 and they are so young. Just a thought.
Consistently. I had 5 under 8.
Bribery is your best friend
I work at a daycare. In the 3-year-old room. We have 20 kids. By no means am I giving you advice that will absolutely work. I’m just commenting to let you know that no matter what method you use, and only you know your children well enough to figure out which method…it takes 30 days of consistency and follow through to really see some changes. And by that I mean, you can’t assume something isn’t working for you because of a few bad days. No matter what you are trying to teach them, and reprimand them for, you will get pushed back! They will fight the authority! Stand firm and know that a few tantrums are so worth well behaved children.
I had ,3 boys and it is normal trust me it does get better with time:four_leaf_clover:good luck
Catch them doing things good , even if its the smallest thing . Start building them up. They will see it pleases you and it will continue . Dont yell . They dont hear you , speak calmly and very quietly so they have to stop to hear you . My daughter told me it was creepy , but it worked !
Some times you have to spank them…
I hope this doesn’t sound negative but what do you expect from 3 & 2 yr olds. They are wild and rambunctious. I would avoid anything with red and yellow food dyes and lots is sugar that tends to rev them up I’ve had mine literally swing from the light fixture. There were years I didn’t even close the bathroom door to pee because they would get into stuff All mine are smart and athletic. Hang in here it does get better just not for a while
They’re both fighting for your attention right now, it seems they haven’t really gotten the one on one time with you. 3, 2, and a baby. That’s hard mama.
Just be patient. Take time out of each day to dedicate to each child individually. At this age any attention they get is ok to them even if it’s negative attention.
Put in a large t-shirt and make them stay In it together until they can get along
I had the same issues. My kids are so close in age as well…
I had to have my husband support me, and correct their behaviour… if that meant a call while he was at work, or a conversation when he got home. It helped a lot.
I have a 2yr old boy and another boy on the way (which I’m sure will make things even crazier!) and there are days when my 2 yr old will look me dead in the face and do exactly what I just asked him not to part of it is just a stage I’m sure, they’re testing their limits but punishing him or raising my voice only makes things worse. What’s worked best for me has been to distract him from whatever he’s doing without pointing out what he’s doing wrong and encourage him and get him excited about something else that he is allowed to do:woman_shrugging:t3: after a while since I’m not yelling at him for the other behavior he gets over it and doesn’t care anymore. When they’re told no they only want it more:crazy_face: good luck! I’m sure it’s just a phase!
Pop them on the butt one time (open hand on the butt is legal and not abuse as per child sevices) sometimes that’s what it takes for them understand it’s not okay
My kids got a smack on the butt
It’s just the age unfortunately… if it gets outrageous, I prefer a slap/tap on the hand than the bum. Not enough to hurt them, just to get their attention and hurt their feelings a little. After that a five minute time out separated from anything and everything fun or entertaining. Make sure you talk to them afterwards about why you did what you did so they associate the consequences with the bad behavior
It’s called the terrible twos for a reason. Toddlers are headstrong and test the waters. The most important thing to remember is to keep your cool. Be patient and be persistent!
No advice here, my 3 yr old is a rolling terror and nothing seems to work. But when he goes somewhere people say how great he was and sweet. Pray Moma Pray! I loose it a lot and cry and kick but I keep going. Don’t feel defeated, I know that is hard. I pray all the time. I work in a Head Start and don’t know any other tricks.
Put them to clean the house. Swiffers for dusting and plastic dirty dishes boys love to help.
I agree with a couple people on here and say spank. Yeah it’s a phase but they are also at that stage where they will begin testing you to see how far they will be able to get.
Thinking of you momma! Being a mom is HARD! I could give you advice, but honestly all kids are different, so what may have worked for me, may not for you! To me it sounds like you have babies that are acting their age, and that age unfortunately is hard in general just having 1, but 3, whew! That’s rough! I also have 3, and all I can say is whatever you decide to do, BE CONSISTENT! No matter the age or how many you have , i really think it helps to just continue the same thing , and follow through with what you decide to do! Sending you hugs, and patience!
It all on how they’re taught. I do not believe in terrible twos… My kids were taught how to act and behave at home and in public. There is absolutely no excuse for bad behaviour except lazy parenting.
Im sorry but I believe in spankings when everything else has not worked. The sting of a spanking lingers longer then any time out and they remember it.
There’s a difference between spanking and abuse.
Time out only gives the child time to think how not to get caught…
Give them responsibilities.
Little tasks, one each.
Do the task with them.
They should love to be mom’s helpers!
It will be better for about 3-4 years, only you need to survive all boys phases. Good luck
Strict schedule. Yes it can suck but it keeps them busy. Doesn’t have to be $$ spent but just bounce from playdoh to cars to frog jumping. Wears them out too. I’m a daycare provider but it is also a stage of "mine, mine, mine)
It’s the age. I fucking feel for you though. I can’t imagine 3 under 3.
I will give a spanking and then put them in time out, 1 minute per age. Put him where he can’t see tv and by himself.
When I find out let me know I have four kids under 11 my kids are. 1 years old 7 years old 9 years old and 11 years old my middle two are the boldest of the four they never listen to me. At all theirs days I feel like I want to run a way they get soooo bad. And my husband works 6 days a week from 6 in the am to like 7 or 8 pm so it me against 4 kiddos I try to spend time with all of them 1 by one I’m always home with them and they never ever been babysat
Sometimes reverse psychology works…
Kids are inherently worse behaved and for mama as we are their safe place I dont have much advice as mine were quite great lil guys but my nephews we like this and my sister literally tried everything as well she just had to cope and deal as much as she could as she was the same as you 3 under 3 and the oldest 2 were boys but the younger boy eventually got diagnosed with odd (oppositional defiance disorder) and that very well could have been a lot of the issue with my nephews but it was diagnosed till he was 8
There probably jealous of each other and act out for one on one attention.
Mom of 6 here. That actually sounds like typical closely spaced sibling behavior.
It will get better as They get older.
My lil grandson is well 1 is 2 and 1 is fix to be 2 they are hard to handle but i make them look at me and i tell them why THERE in trouble then i make then sit down and dont let them up
My nephews are the same absolute angels out in public but become little donnys (wild thorn berries ) as soon as they get home it’s because they feel safe and comfortable around you I know this doesn’t help much but mama your doing an amazing job xx
Its hard espesly with boya if they dont listen take their tv away take their favorit things away untill they do make them stand in the corner were no one else is around its tuff as all hell but u gata be tuff too
Or just send them to take a nap if they dont wamma listen and are refusing too
Give them something to do. Maybe have them sweep the house, clean the windows, find them an active game to play. I feel like when kids are acting up, they are bored. So they need something constructive to do. Look on Pinterest for some toddler activities to keep them busy.
your doing a good job momma. I have a 3 year old and two 1 year olds. It is hard hard hard. I know
Same here 3 under 3 years iam tired also have patience mama
My mom had 2 girls 2 boys in four years ! I still wonder how she did it !
That’s normal behavior. I have five ages 15, 10, 6, 5 and 4. They’re best friends one moment and worst enemies the next. One minute per age timeout, a swat on the tush if need be, and a stern talking to. Unless it was something dangerous I never needed to swat any tush. The timeouts s*ck because they kept leaving or testing my patience. . . But they got the hint that mama wasn’t playing and I stuck with it ! But always remind them why you put them there, why it is not okay, and other things they can do instead. As they age I added in a chore punishment sticks and a behavior chart.
They need a change of scenery like the beach or a park and let them run run run until they’re exhausted let them explore and see the world a little differently that’s all they really need just to wear themselves out I have three boys myself and they were only a year-and-a-half apart I had an older one and two ends
Paddle their butt while your telling the them! It’s amazing how well they remember then. Spare the rod spoil the child! Your not doing them any favors by not doing it.
Kids are always naughtiest for their own parents because you are their normal, so that’s where they figure out what is and isn’t acceptable. In this situation, it sounds like they may be using negative behavior to fight over your attention as when they are naughty, you have to take the time to punish them individually. Depending on what the behavior is and as long as they aren’t hurting anything, you could try ignoring them when they’re naughty. It’s the same idea as ignoring a bully, or not laughing to stop kids from swearing. If the behavior stops getting the desired reaction, they stop doing it. And overly reward positive behaviors with some extra individual attention whenever possible. They’ll realize that they’d much rather have the positive attention from being good than the negative attention being bad gets them.
Same boat. 123 discipline and no drama discipline and the whole brain child are books that have helped me a lot! But I still lose my shit sometimes. That age and being outnumbered is harddd and exhausting!!
The bottom sentence under verb is correct…
Discipline is teaching. It starts from birth.
I think that they are so young and not receiving the individual love and attention that they should have because you are so busy
For their age naughty chair probably wouldn’t work maybe a bathroom or another space in the house that is safe time out consistency is the key or take time out for your self you will get thorough this mumma my youngest was like that but now she is 4 and she is not so bad best of luck
Try when they act up taking their favorite toy away. Next day when something else happens take away another toy. If we have a good day maybe let them earn a toy back. If this doesn’t work I’m not against a swat on the bottom! Now I didn’t say beat them, just a swat.
Oh hun my 3 year old has become a bit of a nightmare too so i know how it feels. I’ve been encouraging his good behaviour by rewarding him with stickers and going for walks as he loves going out. What do they both like maybe teach them if they behave they will get a treat its not easy im still trying to grasp it but it does work and just be patient and run into the toilet like I do sometimes cuz I don’t know what else to do:rofl:
I have a 9 year old and my little one just turned 4. She’s a little terror. She’s feisty, beats up the big one. Makes her cry. I scream, I slapped on the butt or hand before but it didn’t help. Now I just started the time out chair, she cries so bad but won’t get out of it and waits for me to Come get her. She’s very stubborn and refuses to say sorry when she hurts her sister. They fight like cats and dogs daily We’ll make it!!!
There is no one fits all solution but I can tell you after raising five boys, now 23, 21, 20, 18 and 15, they can get quite mean with each other when younger but they straighten out as they get older. Perhaps try taking whatever they are fighting over, if they are being naughty and wont listen try setting them in their naughty chair facing a corner, remove the stimulation and hopefully they will calm down. Make sure you explain to them that if they turn around or play, their time starts over. Good luck momma and I hope you figure out something that works for your boys soon.
My two boys were 17 months apart. I learned very early to give them choices. Pick up your toys or they go in the Saturday box. No amount of crying or temper tantrums would get them out before Saturday. I limited tv/ videos. If one was really good and one was naughty then the good one would watch a show while the other one napped.
Once you figure out how each one responds to what it will help. I also didn’t say anything I wouldn’t follow through on.
They call them terrible twos and trying threes for a reason. Consistency is key as well as follow through
They need consequences for what they do. Remove the toy they are fighting over. Find creative things for them to do. Educational movies and no sugar
my opinion would be consistent of the discipline you’re doing, but also positive reinforcement also. Just because two toddler looks like theyre having a good time together, doesnt mean they dont want to spend time playing with you. That’s the easiest way to connect their hearts to yours.
I am in the same boat. I feel like I constantly yell. I have started talking calmly to the 3 year old, and now she comes to me when she is upset and we take deep breaths and she tells me when she is having a hard time. The 2 year old, I don’t really think the understanding is there completely. I also praise the 3 year old A LOT when she is kind and behaves like a big kid. Just what works for us. Good luck!
I found the tone of my voice helped. I use to yell a d then I noticed my husband had no trouble getting our son behave. He talk very calm and like he was talking to adult. It worked for us I hope this will help. Hood luck it’s hard but when they are adults and open that door and yell Mom I’m home you know you did ok because they still call it home.
Oh honey, I feel ya! I have been there and done that! I had 3 under 3 plus 2 under 7. For me, and everyone is different, I had to figure out each child. They were all different. They didn’t react the same way to a punishment. If I yelled at one and it worked it didn’t on another. One giving a spanking (you back when it was ok to do that) it didn’t faze him at all. One child i just had to look at sternly, still works on him today too. It helps a lot to know what they respond to and what they don’t. Also, I believe someone already mentioned, giving out praise when they are doing right works wonders. It is hard to do, but try hard to make sure you do. They will crave the attention they get for that. Also if it is something that isn’t a huge deal but a rule don’t make it a huge deal when correcting them. Last but certainly not least, Follow through. Make sure if you says something, like you are going to take away a toy, and they disobey again, make sure you do. They need that stabilization from you. If you don’t they know they have the upper hand
I’m a mother of 5 boys. 17-15-12-7-4. And yes it can be a handful at times. With the sibling rivalry. With he’s touching me or he’s calling me this. But it’s a learning process with each one for them and myself. And things do get worst before they get better. My advice to you would be to put ya foot down. Don’t give in. Set rules and follow. My kids know by now. If they upset me. Imma upset the whole house. You can’t just keep repeating yourself. Actions speak louder then any words can. I tried the 1-2-3 thing with the first couple of boys I had. Now I do if I have to say it more then three times. I’m unplugging and taken all the electronic. For the day. And they know they want get them back. So don’t ask. If they make it harder on me. Imma make it harder for them. And this usually means we spend the day cleaning up and doing other thing that they normally wouldn’t be doing so they try to keep each other in check. You get what you give. And that means they need to respect you just as you respect them.
My 2 year old daughter is very overwhelming for us. It doesn’t help that my husband and I punish differently. That may be why. But she spits at you, sticks out her tongue at you, stomps her foot at you, all while yelling “don’t talk at me!” Or “don’t look at me!” I would love to know an answer. I’d like to think it was terrible twos, but I’m not so sure. Her teachers say she has an attitude like a high school girl. I’m in trouble!
It’s all about being consistent. Same action same reaction everytime. It’s fucked to say but dog training works on toddlers. Think how you have to show a pup a trick a 1000 times before they pick it up. The same concept goes for kids until their about 5 or 6.
123 Magic worked really good for me with my two boys. You can read the book or watch the DVD. However, the DVD is super old and put me to sleep. Hang in there Momma! Parenting can be rough at times
Yelling doesn’t work. When you yell they shut off their listening skills. At that age positive redirection works well. Time out in a specific place for 1 minute per year of age. Depending on the behavior planned ignoring is also a good idea. For instance if the child’s behavior is that of trying to get your attention, first ignore the behavior, without emotion look at him and redirect to a positive activity, with more than one it is easiest to incorporate them all in the new activity one you can be sure will lead to positive behavior and you can and should reward the positive behavior often. Hitting is never necessary, well understood by the child or appropriate at that age.
Just be on the look out and do some research on ADHD. One of the signs of that is not listening. That runs in my family. I believe my daughter who is 33 has an undiagnosed case. She never listened as a child. I said don’t do something and she still did it . She made some bad decisions as she got older. She regrets it now. She was diagnosed with a few disorders when she ended up on the other side of the law at 18. She was told to get help by her lawyer but she refused and kept taking risks. People with ADHD do that. So on top of the ADHD she has other issues…
When my boys did something similar I would announce that mommy has to go to time out to calm down. They would sit outside my room crying begging me to come out. Always worked so I didn’t use it that often. Five minutes usually did the trick!
My mom would sit us on the couch and make us hold hands and be quiet. If they aren’t quiet by times up act like your throwing their favorite toys away have a clean garbage bag sitting in front of them with their favorite toys beside it. One sound, a toy goes in. If any go in, then wrap them up and act like your taking them outside to the trash but really putting them in a hiding spot for when they start acting better. That’s when you bring them back out. I get so many compliments on how well behaved my kids are now. Yes it seems like a cruel and unusual punishment, but it will pay off at the end.
Hope this helps.
My boys are 17 months apart. Now 12 & 13, but at that age? Hahahaha…I was insane, they were insane. My only advice is to keep them as busy as possible with physical activity. Outside play, ball, exercise the tar out of them. Otherwise, hang in there. It gets easier
With my irish twin boys I separated them… like around corners were they couldn’t see each other. Just remember, each one is different. The same “punishment” may not work on both.
Unfortunately, it’s sibling rivalry. It gets worse before it gets better. My boys are 11, 11 and 10. They ALL used to fight really bad. My oldest son and youngest son were THE WORST! I swatted them on the butt. Worked pretty good when they don’t see it coming.
You have to bust some butts. It’s worked for generations in my family. Also Hubby is going to have to jump on board. The last thing a boy ever wants to hear is I’m calling your dad.
Since they are little it’s pretty much our job to keep them from hurting themselves or others. Keep instilling values, morals and manners as best you can and they will eventually use them. Since they’re little and there’s more than one it’s going to be hard to have them act exactly the way you want. It’s a balance so don’t kill yourself trying too hard just yet.
I agree with Marie. Rewards and consequences and if that doesn’t work go back to old School spare the rod spoil the child don’t mean beat them one good SWAT on the butt. If you send them to their room make them pick up your toys or make their beds even if you have to remake it let them do it. Tell them each time that good things I rewarded and bad things have consequences. Take away the favorite toy and make them earn it back. Good luck
What worked for me was the Love and Logic program. It’s hard to start but consistency is the key. I had 4 kids under the age of 5 at one time so I totally understand where you are coming from. My only other thought is don’t be too hard on yourself! What you are doing is HARD and cheers to you for reaching out for advice when you feel overwhelmed! I am certain you are a great mum!
Sounds like you’re doing a great job mama! Just hang in there. Those are hard ages and you have a lot on your plate. Cut yourself some slack. Put on a movie, duct tape them to the wall, and take a nice long hot shower by yourself. Jk Do you have any support? Friends or family that can help? Even if it’s just for a few hours, for you to catch your breath or get some sleep would help a lot.
Oh momma. I wish I knew how to help…3 under 3 is no walk in the park. From what I read you are already doing what you can. Keep being patient and keep loving. Keep trying. Eventually they will listen. But my kids are 9 yrs and 16 yrs and 25% of the time they dont listen.
Keep your head up momma.
Honey hang in there they are boys and boys will be boys they play off of each other I went through the same thing my boys now are 15and 14 . I took their toys away , I yelled , I grounded them it seemed liked nothing worked , but they do learn trust me I made it through and so did they just pick a routine that best works , the one you see the most progress with and use it , they are boys they will test you to the very end . There were days I didn’t think we were going to make it but here we are 10 yrs later . You can do it
PRAY A LOT
My kids are 17mos apart, one of each, the toddler years were definitely the most trying times. Most of the time I separated them or put them in time out and occasionally when they were really acting up they got their bottoms cracked. By the time they were 8-10yrs old I rarely had any problems with their behavior. They are now 21 and almost 20 and we have a great relationship. Stick to your guns momma eventually things should calm down!
Kids respond differently to different disciplines. I had two kids that the only way was to spank. Let’s clarify, smack on bottom, not a beating. My second child got a timeout chair because he hated having to sit. He also cried and carried on the loudest. Unfortunately parenting is never easy. Find what works for each child.
Punishing at that age is pointless. Redirect with a different activity. My child is 3 and is just starting to understand discipline but it’s light discipline like time out.
Something big I’ve noticed and makes a world of difference, don’t tell your kids they’re bad, you say"your behavior is bad" when we did that and told them they were good things got so much better for everyone. We also tell them we don’t like their attitude but love them.
I had 2 a year apart and boy could they fight. My girl was older and bossy my boy just easy going but the fights were horrible. I finally put them both in one of my husband’s shirts and called it their get along shirt and it didn’t come off until they were being nice to each other, they are now 16&17 and bicker but get along most of the time. Well if she’s getting her way anyway. I did alot of holding(restraining) and rocking them when they were little until they understood why what they did was wrong. Neither of them ever did well with yelling but if I picked them up and plopped them down and said enough don’t move normally they would stop. Kids know when you don’t mean what you say and push they also get frustrated and don’t know how to express it. Set boundaries and consequences and don’t deviate. Kids don’t understand why something today is ok but tomorrow it isn’t ok. They beg for consistency and routine so they know what to expect
I wish I could give some advice…my 3 year old is the same! And I’ve tried everything…had issues with both my boys one which is age twelve…after he turned 11 he was a whole new child and acts better…just have patience the next day is a new day…
Reward only good behavior, ignore negative behavior. Children will seek attention, negative behavior draws more attention than positive behavior, the cycle continues. Stay calm, children only hear their name when we yell, not what we are trying to get them to do. Make learning fun, they are really young and have allot of energy. Your doing great. Hang in there
I’ve been trying to punish less, but instead focus on the good behaviors. They behave well? We get a treat or do something fun. Granted my boys are older, but they are starting to grasp that the more they listen, the more we do. We started with something simple like dessert. Yelling, time outs, getting on their level… nothing was working. It’s slowly getting better. Now if they start doing something they aren’t supposed to, I tell them that they are one strike closer to losing their prize for the day. 3 strikes, you’re out. I give them a chance to correct their behavior before the consequence comes down. Consistency has been the best thing I have come across.
Thankfully, they sound like normal, healthy children , and in the blink of an eye they’ll be grown ! I run an in-home daycare, and my children act like siblings. My grandchildren also acted this way . I am a huge fan of Jo Frost Supernanny, and have used her techniques quite a bit. I feel the biggest thing is consistency, no empty threats , talking calmly ( don’t let them see you sweat) . Remember your reaction is how they learn to deal with life .