Please talk with dad until you figure it out .
My granddaughter did about the same age. Let her know she is loved and get her into therapy asapâŚ
She needs help flat out. Idc what other people have been through and their experiences. Your daughter is not them. Get her into some counseling. Asap!
As someone who has done this for 10+ years - Be there.
~ talk to her about the issues on why she feels the need to self harm.
~ talk to her about other ways to express her feelings. (Punching bag, talking, poetry, blasting horrible music, colouring etc)
~ if / when she opens up, stay calm.
~ stop checking her arms, if you continue to do so, she may move the spot (wrist, ankles, thighs etc)
~ make sure, that even if she DOES self harm, there is a special first aid kit for her ( alot of people may disagree with this, BUT if a child is scared or doesnât think they can go to an adult, let them have a way to keep their wounds clean, and able to heal properly.)
~ along with a kit for first aid, have a special bag, or tin or something that has extra stuff like; hair ties, notes that are positive, a special little toy (usually something cute like a little toy animal she loves?), Etc.
~ without going into detail ask if sheâd like professional help. If not, keep reminding her you ARE there, no matter the situation. If she does, see if sheâd like to talk a counsellor and possibly talk about medication.
~ * remember, those who self harm donât necessarily want to hurt others, they just want to stop the hurting inside their own body and mind. * ~
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Please get her help. My daughter was cutting and I felt so helpless. One day as we were driving on the highway, she asked if she could tell me something and I told her of course, she could tell me anything. She was struggling telling me and suddenly crawled in the backseat and when I looked in the rearview mirror, she was cutting herself. I immediately drove her to the ER . They admitted her for 3 days. We found a great counselor and through therapy found out she had been sexually assaulted. The person had told her, if she told anyone, he would kill her little sister. She was cutting to hide so much pain. She identified this person and he ended up pleading guilty and went to prison. She has grown into a beautiful young lady/mother/friend. Good luck to you and your daughter 
My daughters best friend does this. To cope with emotions she paints and makes jewelry. She paints very beautifully and gifts them to her friends. She needs professional therapy. A counselor. Someone at school is likely taunting her. These kids are MEAN. Life is not easy for our children at school
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She need therapy. Probably family therapy too so that you and her father can sit down amd talk with her maybe splitting time is hurting her maybe from grandma passing, maybe she is being bullied either way get her help asap
Counseling helps. I wouldnât recommend putting her into a hospital. She needs someone to talk to. Sheâs struggling. Itâs not about hurting herself. Cutting us a release of the pain she is feeling inside. I only know from experience. Maybe an activity will also help.
Iâd say dad needs to know so he can check her when he has her. Get her to a therapist who can help her cope with whatâs causing this.
First of all, respond in kindness and gentleness, Iâve struggled with cutting for a long time and the worst thing is for someone to flip out and be angry, and take more control away. Give her a reason besides herself to stop. If her younger brother is her love, ask her how she would feel if he walked in the room and saw her cutting herself. Ask her how she would feel if she saw him cut himself and he said it was okay because she did it. Give her an alternative release, tell her to draw on herself with a pen instead of cutting herself, have her look at her brother or cousin or someone she thinks the world of, and ask her to stop for them, not for herself. If she is cutting herself, itâs because she thinks low of herself, and does not need to feel even lower right now.
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Talk to her. Encourage therapy. Honestly what helped me stop was my parents giving me official freedom over my body. Meaning instead of cutting myself I could express the pain by getting a piercing or tattoo or dying my hair. Iâm not saying let your 12 year old do that by far, I didnt start till I was 16. But, maybe letting her know there are other ways to Express her feelings to herself and to the world. There are much more creative outlets for it all, help her find some momma
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As someone that was a self mutilater from ages 14-16 I can say that she probably Isnât trying to commit suicide. For myself, after sometime in therapy & counseling, I learned I was seeking control. I had little to no control over Many things in my life (parents divorce, deaths of people close to me, abuse, etc) & craved control over something basic: myself. My parents were shocked & obviously scared when they found out but they worked together (divorced parents: both remarried) to get me to my appointments, get my medications, find other (positive) ways of coping with my issues, etc. I finally stopped cutting thanks to the ârubber bandâ method but quickly discovered I was still self mutilating (diagnosed with excoriation) by means of extreme picking. From therapy I learned more about myself, what things had been building up to cause my pain & ways to help myself. I also began to research psychology & learned more about how my brain worked & âwhyâ I thought the way I did. As an adult (these experiences are now from 12-14 yr ago) I am thankful that all my parents cared, got me help & let me express myself in other, more acceptable, ways. Granted I have learned that I have several mental health issues I thrive with daily, but Iâm living & know how to better express my needs now.
My point is this: let her know you care, create a positive support system, get her the help you can (& that sheâs willing to accept), be open, pray together (if thatâs something yâall do) & help remind her better days WILL come!
I am so thankful now that I held on & pushed through. There is so much to life Iâm glad I get to experience (bad & good).
Much love sent yâalls way!
P.S. the song âHold Onâ by Good Charlotte was my anthem during that time. Music & pre/teens go hand in hand.
Ok, yes, what everyone else has said, therapy, tell her dad, etc.
Now⌠this may seem awful, but as a mother of 3, whose oldest was a cutter, use the younger sibling as leverage. Not threatening, but explain to her that if she wont try counseling, or other outlets, and she wont do it for herself or you, then tell her to do it for her little brother. That he watches her and looks up to her. If she does it, he will too. Ask her if thatâs what she wants for him.
Yes it might seem cruel, but most all siblings, no matter now much they may fight and argue, feel it their duty to protect each other.
Another outlet⌠a walk in the woods. Go on an adventure! Explore together. You, her, and your son. Teach her things about nature so that when the pain rears its head, that she can find beauty and hope in everything around her.
P.s. I was a cutter too.
Been there and done that:
This is extremely serious. Donât even try to figure it out or fix it on your own, you will only loose precious time and go nowhere. Inform the father and bring your daughter to her pediatrician or physicien or ER to have her immediately checked into an adolescent therapy clinic, and let the professional take care of this situation.
That is all you have to do.
Donât wait until something worse happen. Be glad you caught this on time!
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Maybe look into finding someone she can talk to about her darkness thatâs making her feel she needs to do that to herself. Iâm sorry thatâs happening.
My friend and I were cuttersâŚwe outgrew it.
Be there 100%
I self harmed for almost 10 years. I wish at the very least someone just sat down and said to me âIâm hereâ! And more than once. All I ever got for the most part was âWhat are you doing that crap forâ?!
I wasnât silly, I wasnât wanting attention. I was hurting and all I needed was for people to hold me and remind me that itâs okay.
Definitely try find someone for her to talk to. Maybe ask if she has a preference (male, female, young or old). This helps in opening up as well.
Find other alternatives to express herself. Boxing bag or even enrolling in martial arts would be amazing.
Elastic band around her wrist to flick against her skin when sheâs feeling the urge to self harm.
Checking her will only make her insecure and she will find new places, like I did. Anywhere there is skin, is a possibility. Common places are thighs, ankles, stomach. But donât go out of your way to find it! Sit down with her, talk with her. Let her know to come to you when she feels that way OR if she slipped up, to at least let you know what sheâs done and maybe you can ensure sheâs taking care of the wound.
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My daughter started cutting around this age as well and when she first told me I didnât know what to do!!! I was freaking out ! I didnât allow her an ounce of privacy until I spoke to her school counsellor who helped me and I did lots of research on how to support her in her addiction(because thatâs what it really is)⌠she used cutting as a way to deal with the pain and anger she was feeling. She always told me that she never wanted to die, but cutting helped her relieve the stresses that were too much. We came up with different things for her to try when she got to that point. I bought her art supplies ( dollars stores are a great and cheap option), notebooks, pens and encouraged her to draw and write. Drawing on herself instead of cutting was sometimes effective.
She was encouraged to walk outside, shower or listen to her favourite music. She has seen a therapist and for the last 6 years, either a school counsellor or a mental health nurse. She has had relapses but I really believe encouragement to step out of that moment when she wanted to self harm and just being open and understanding about it has helped along with the professional help. Her dad didnât know because she didnât want me to tell him so I didnât . Whenever she had a relapse she was really worried about how disappointed I would be but she always knew I wouldnât be angry with her. I think after time she made a real effort to use the tools that she had to avoid cutting so she wouldnât feel disappointed in herself or worry about disappointing me. Itâs the worst to know that our child is hurting ⌠I hope you and your girl win this battle! 
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get her to see someone checking her and not seeing someone is not helping her all u are doing is given her time to move to the area they cut for a reason to.i no my daughter done it her body is full of Marks I checked her thinking I was helping while waiting on doctors to see her but I wasnt all I did was make her worse work up anxiety itâs hard on parents to see but harder on the child going threw it.cutting is for a reason to relieve there pain for that few mins that there in control.talk to her give her colours but elastic bands on her wrist and it she feels like cutting get her to pull them it gives a sting on the skin and it helps same to the ankles colours keep makers on her leave her colour her arms it help and she really needs counselling and for u to listen and her dad she needs to talk.
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I felt like this one time I recommend you sitting down with her and give her lots of love, maybe take her to the mall too. It really helps to get the child mind off of the cutting. Tell you that you love her, and more. Have her talk to her father and he can say something about it. Donât put her in therapy, only if it gets worse. Let her sleep with you maybe once or twice. Good luck, and hope she get well soon.
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My daughter went through this⌠your kid feels pain and canât control anything around her. She needs help someone who will listen without judging her. In this case itâs not easy I highly recommend finding a counselor that she can connect with not just a random person but someone she likes
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Get her into therapy and maybe try some markers try to encourage her to draw on herself instead of cutting
Have her figure out the scenario that happened that gave the urge to cut and work together to come up with a solution to try instead of cutting. For example wearing an elastic on wrist and snapping it when she has the urge to cut. No one method is right for everyone so try different things. Distraction may help too. Call a friend, not about cutting, just calling to chat normal. Bake, drink water, play with a pet, colour, maybe some of the stress release adult colouring pictures. If they need to express their hurt, anger, frustration maybe they could write it down, a letter to themselves, but then destroy it so no one else reads it. I hear red ink is good for that. Iâm not professional, but I wish you luck.
She needs to speak to a professional take it from someone who knows what your going through , I know a lot of people say my kids can tell me anything but if she can talk to a professional then she might tell them things she doesnât want to say to you , there is some underlying issue that is making her do this to herself and the sooner u get to a doctor the sooner she can be referred on as there waiting lists for kids mental health all over the world are long just try being there for her and donât give her into trouble for doing it but defo get some professional help for her xx
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Get her help.
Plain and simple.
She needs counseling maybe meds but definitely counseling. Therapy will help her get through it. Itâs probably problems at home. 
Well there is your first break down you thought you could just talk and every thing would be okay this is not a picked sore your next issue is you didnât tell her father straight away hmmm wonder how you would react if it was reversed obviously she need specialist attention so either doctor or emergency will send you in the right direction
Please take her to a hospital or Dr.strongz to you and your kidsâ¤
Whatever you do, please just be loving and supportive. From my own dealings with self harm, please donât judge her for it, just try to helpâ¤
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Checking her arms is pointless, there are other areas to cut. It took me 10 years to stop. I would talk to her. Ask her what makes her feel the need to. For me, it was when emotions felt overwhelming, like I was going to explode out of my skin. Theres also a feeling of control, having control of something. Ask her about her feelings. Ask her to come to you the next time she feels the urge. Be there for her, talk to her about her feelings, come up with solutions together about what she can do instead⌠if that doesnt work, Iâd suggest taking her to talk to someone.
Obviously your child is hurting. This age has a lot of drama. Can she talk about what is hurting? Can she see a therapist? Needs an outlet
She needs a therapist asap!!! I self harmed for years and always in concealed areas I knew my parents wouldnât look so she will start in more concealed areas without getting the professional help she desperately needs!
Find her a therapist she feels comfortable with.
she is aaking for help in the wrong manner . my daughter cut at 13 . itâs so different now a days .she was bullied and this is how she told me .she said she cut to release the pain .she would cut her arms amd her thighs . she has been in therapy for 18 months a different kid .she is 15 now so maybe hormones stabilized ? Kids are assholes truly mean mean kids out there . we got her help and it has helped her but itâs still a journeyâŚshe has residual anxiety from the bullying and at times is at the opposite end of the spectrum meaning she sees someone getting bullied and she instantly goes to help the bullied child no shits given . so we are working on balance .
Tell the father!!
Maybe itâs something to do with seeing him or whatâs happening in his care.
Get her help ASAP.
Iâd say try taking her to a counsellor or some youth worker of a sort
She needs therapy.
As much as you want too, momma, you canât fix this.
Even if she stops cutting, she will replace it with other things (excessive drinking, drugs, etc) she needs professional help
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I used to cut if is side ways instead of vertical itâs to control the pain she feels. Counseling may help as long as she feels it her decision. Honestly I know itâs hard but try to be there to talk if she needs it thereâs not a lot you can do. Help her find an outlet something she loves to do and encourage her to write down in a diary how she feels. (Let her know you wonât read it and no one else will itâs just for her to get her emotions out)
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Get her to a hospital asap. My daughter cuts and it took 7 months to get her in to see a therapist and a physicists. Worse 7 months of my life and hers. They can commit suicide during that time, cutting is nothing to mess around with.
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Best thing my mom did for me when she found out I was cutting was have me committed to the inpatient psych ward. I was there for 3 weeks, but I was able to figure out what was bothering me, coping skills and they set me up with out patient Drs to continue treatment.
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Can I just state my personal experience with cutting? I started when I was 17 I had just lost my grandma and was having a difficult home life and I couldnât express my emotions so I cut. A lot of my pain was things happening at school and home. I was getting bullied. Iâm 30 now and donât do it. I also seeked counseling to help. And it does help. Iâm also on Wellbutrin which is amazing. So please get her to counseling and on anti depressants.
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when my grandaughter did this she would say while that was hurting so bad it would help ease the real pain that was going on in her life talk to her get her help and let her know that you are there for her no matter and show her all the love you can make her feel speacial
She needs to speak to a therapist. It is so addicting. I am a former self harmer and two kids later I still want to do it but refrain. Please donât be mad at her when you find out sheâs done it again. And stop checking her because sheâll learn to hide it and then boom itâs not just her arms anymore itâs wherever she can get to. Talk to her but donât push her. Donât get all cry-y in her face itâs not about you sheâs struggling somewhere. Listen listen and be patient.
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Speaking from experience my daughter will be 19 in March and she does the same , if not on her arms on her thighs ,she also burns herself. A few months ago she came to my room where her 15 year old sister was with two guests and put a box cutter to her own throat, I got her to put the box cutter down no sooner did I look up did she cut her arm. Nine inches long, so deep it looked like chicken fat had exploded from her arm. The ambulance came and we went to the hospital. She had 15 stitches. My daughter has been mentally ill since age 5 at Wich time she was hospitalized for inappropriate behavior with a neighbor boy, killing a cat , hurting children in school and when she hung her self I had a nervous break down. Her father didnât want anything to do with her so his mother interfered and tried to take her from me, it was the constant battle of us fighting over her that made it worse. It was hard enough that I was a single mother of 3 ,and she had an attachment disorder. Later she was diagnosed with ADD ,AdDHD, Oppositional defiant disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, autism, and borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder ,PTSD and depression. As a mother I felt lost and helpless but the best thing I did was get her therapy, a psychiatrist, and a home worker came to my home. My custody battle was terrible and it effected my other children. Iâm so sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. To be honest it is hard but the longer you wait to help her the harder it will be on you both. I had to learn how to discipline her with positive reinforcement and praise her for the little things. I gave my daughter a positive way to cope with her feelings and I re assured her that she could talk to me about anything, she does talk to me ,but my daughter also has sociopathic tendencies so she doesnât care who she hurts. She was recently arrested, has ran away from home, sleeps around, fights and has contacted an STD. Her grandmother and I have gone back and forth between each other raising my daughter and when sheâs mad at her grandmother she comes to me. Something is bothering your daughter, it may be at school or at her dadâs but you need to figure it out. Sheâs 11 so you decide how you want to proceed with the cutting because there is an underlying reason for her behavior. Sometimes itâs bullying, abuse or mental illnesses. No matter what the reason get her help and you may like to try family therapy that helps a lot. You do what you feel is best for you and your family and find a support system if you canât find one you can contact me through face book. Stay positive!!
She needs immediate psych help run dont walk w her
First off her father deserves to know so that he can also support his daughter. Donât be afraid to seek help, itâs the best thing you can do. Donât beat yourself up because it isnât your fault. The fact that you reached out to ask for advice is awesome
well from personal experience with this when I was younger Iâd say no hospital they will Baker act her and instead make her an appointment with a psychiatrist and therapist as soon as possible they will evaluate if she needs to be Baker acted or not. Self harm doesnât always mean they are trying to die itâs just a form of taking the pain away and coping. She must be in a lot of pain emotionally to be doing this. Get her help asap. Remove razors from the household as well. This includes shaving razors, I used to rip those things apart in seconds when I was younger. When you want to cut, you find anyway to do so. It can be very addictive. Try not to check her body for cuts as well it will make her start cutting in private areas such as genitals and breasts, places she knows you wonât check. Itâs very embarrassing as a selfharmer when someone is constantly checking you for cuts and looking at them. I know when I was younger I would cut myself and then feel very ashamed and hate myself afterwards seeing what I did to myself. I still have scars on my arms that will never go away. Be patient with her itâs going to be a battle! Itâs hard but she will be okay! I havenât self harmed since my last suicide attempt in 2017. It takes hard work to get better Iâve been fighting my battle with mental illness since I was a young child, I still have my moments but I know my healthy coping skills now and itâs a daily battle!
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I went through this with our 13 year old son. We contacted the school counselor (actually they reached out to us, students had notices the marks) and a therapist. He went for about 3 months. I talked to him and checked on him. He eventually got through it. I made sure to never shame him for it, and encouraged other forms of coping with depression or anxiety. He started a boxing class and eventually felt better. Just recognizing that what he was doing was wrong, and talking openly about it helped a lot.
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Why are you keeping such an important thing from her father?
She needs to go to the ER honey just take her in. They will get it figured out for you. TELL HER DAD! Thatâs important. Dont try to cover this up. This is a cry for help.
For some of us physically pain hurts a million times less than emotional
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I used to cut when I was youngâŚtrust me just talking to her about it wonât help unless you yourself have done it in the past ⌠She probably feels so misunderstood and frustrated a d like what she says and does isnât importantâŚmaybe try talking more with her about her day every day and seeing what went wrong during each day and coming up with solutions on how to either avoid those problems happening again or how to handle it better so it wonât happen again⌠Every failure is a learning experience. Maybe she feels very stressed and pushed to her limits academically as well
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From someone who was a cutter from age 11-18 the hospital is not the place to take her, it will make her so much worse.
Therapy and a psychiatrist are so vital in helping her become stable.
And if she feels like you are caging her in the cutting will become sneaky.
Ankles, thighs, stomach under boobs, etc.
Another thing Is let her know you are there for her and just love her.
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My daughter was a cutter too, suffers from anxiety and depression. Honestly you can be there for them 24/7 get them treatment in patient and outpatient but until they can deal with their emotions itâs hard and you feel helpless. I did read an article about suggesting art, like drawing on your legs with marker gives them something to focus on can be beautiful and outlet I thought it was a brilliant idea. As my daughter grew emotionally and socially she was able to accept more help being offered she still suffers from anxiety and depression but she does not cut and is off medications. Just try to be strong and vigilant and always be there for her no matter what and try to reassure her that things can change and get better but she has to put in the work. If only we could change things for them. Best of luck stay strong and be patient
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Donât try to resolve it on your own, this topic usually requires a professional. Get counseling as soon as possible
I read cutting is an emotional release as they are in charge of their own pain . Never dealt with this but many good suggestions here. All blades leg shaving with no blades like an electrical razer? Anything that could be used hidden as well as kitchen knives. Someone introduced her to this method. I truly hope you find a solution and do let the father know as he probably has razor blades or other things that she could swipe to bring home. Ask the school to speak to teachers about how things are for her there maybe. Might be the issue starts there? Parent teacher conference. Donât think I would bring up cutting though with them. Donât want her labeled. Do talk to her Dad confidentially. He can take precautions before she comes.
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Talk to her, and what I mean is that you should LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. Sheâs hurting, maybe from someone hurting her; broke her heart, gave her insecurities. Use a calm welcoming voice, do not sit in a closed off way or stand straight up in any kind of intimating posture. Keep your voice mild and consistent, your arms open as you are going to accept or give a hug at any moment, and all moments. Keep a watchful eye on her, therapy may help but donât force it down her throat, your her mother but right now she needs a friend someone who will listen to her without judgment, someone who will give her the shoulder she so desperately needs; be there for her.
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I would definitely tell her father so that hes able to keep an eye on it when hes with her.
Therapy helped my daughter so much. But it was a struggle to find a therapist that she felt comfortable with. Shes been going 2 years and hasnt cut over 1.5 years.
I would also encourage her to keep a diary to just vent to.
My daughter and my niece both were cutting and therapy has helped them tremendously.
Look get her some help and have her talk to someone there something going on and she may not want talk to you about let her know she can tell you anything and never dismissed what is said to you
Take what is said to you to your heart
I used to cut as a teenâŚthe best thing you can doâŚis love herâŚhug her everydayâŚtalk to her about how she feelsâŚand 100% take her to the doc!!
Therapy. Sheâs not coping with her emotions and this is her solution. Makes her feel in control of herself. Itâs a release. She needs to find a healthier release mechanism. Screaming, punching, kicking, breaking dishes. Scream therapy is a good option, but talk therapy is a great start. I used to do it. There may be some self hatred in there too. Mostly itâs a coping mechanism, like drugs and alcohol. An addiction. An unhelpful way to feel better. Monitoring wonât help. Teach her how to take care of the wounds so she doesnât scar, you can acknowledge that later in life she wonât feel the same way and having those scars will be either a painful reminder or an embarrassment. Then at least she can take care of herself until she gets the help and the meds and the supports in place to correct it.
The father needs to know and she needs a therapist. No shaming! Talk with the school counselor.
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Get her into a very good councilor something might be going on and she dont wanna talk
Take her to therapy! I cut myself at a slightly older age and I was going through some anxiety and depression. I was manifesting the physical pain to try and understand the internal emotions I was also feeling. Tell her father so she can be supported in both homes. Ask her what pain she is feeling and listen, listen, listen with an open mind and heart.
Get her into a therapist
Um admit her to the nearest psychiatry hospital.
She needs serious help! Therapist ASAP