I think I am suffering from perinatal depression: Advice?

So I think I’m suffering from perinatal depression and could really use some advice. I have two children from my previous marriage and am currently 22 weeks pregnant. My partner swore he would be with and was talking about moving into a bigger house saying I love you etc. the next day; he left at 20 weeks. He claims we just aren’t heading the same direction, and he’s not happy. I was feeling depressed before he left a lack of energy and just gloomy, but after it’s like I don’t feel connected to this baby at all. I still haven’t told my family I’m expecting only his knows, and I feel like I can’t tell anyone. I feel so lost at my worst I feel like I just don’t want this baby. I cringe when he kicks I’m not happy about being pregnant at all. I plan on making an appointment with my ob as soon as my new insurance kicks in, but in the meantime, I don’t know what to do. I want to want this baby. And no, my family is not going to be a good support system, and my friends don’t understand how I’m feeling. I have lost about five pounds in the past two weeks from stress as well. I’m just not in a great place. Has anyone been here before what did you do to feel normal again? I just don’t know where to turn or who to I feel like I have no one honestly.


Please search for some free resources in your area if there are any. Confide in friends that will listen and maybe try to understand. A support system will be important right now. Try to establish one wherever you can. Good luck.

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Get the help you need! You are a strong woman! I just spoke with mine yesterday and after several times of telling them, they agreed to put me on something.

I had similar situation with my 2nd child. But as soon as he was born my motherly instinct kicked in and he has been the best kid the last 5 years. I’m remarried and my husband adopted him and I have two more kids


Just wanted to encourage you to not worry about not feeling connected to baby. You will when you see baby. Get some counseling and take care of yourself.


Get back up on your feet… and do it for your kids.:ok_hand: Because when there be nothing left in this world… is your kids you will need…:ok_hand: how hard get back up… your kids will always love you.:blue_heart::pray::ok_hand::ok_hand:

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Contact your doctor, try to get in to see a councilor. It’s okay mama, there are services to help you out!


I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way. I suffered from depression when I was pregnant and I had to take prozac. I battle depression and other stuff in general but my first trimester, especiall, was not good. I needed to be mentally healthy in order to have a healthy baby. The benefits outweighed my concerns about medication. Therapy is helpful and I suggest that before anything else. You are NOT alone. I know there are so many other moms who feel just like you do… maybe worse. Get help before it gets unmanageable and out of control, please. Therapists they are there to listen and not judge. Even support groups. If you have anxiety there are tons of free online support groups you can be a part of. Anonymously as well. Dont be so hard on yourself. You’re not the first… or the last woman who has a hard time connecting with their unborn child. I believe it will come with time. Wait until you have the baby. The first time you look into their eyes… when all is calm and settled around you… you will certainly connect in an emotional and special way. It’s one of the best feelings in the world, as you know from experience… look forward to that.
If you dont connect right away, dont fret… it will happen. If you start feeling more depressed and disconnected and resentful after the baby is born then I suggest strongly you get help right away. But I have a feeling that the bond is already there… you just dont know it yet. :slight_smile:

Maybe the baby reminds you of your ex. Of a failed relationship? You wanted so badly to make it work. You believed it would be good. That’s disappointing and anyone would feel sad and depressed about that. But you need to have someone to talk to. You can message me anytime. I promise, I won’t make you feel bad or wrong. Your feelings are valid and I understand. No shame here. :heart::heart: The fact that you are reaching out here and asking for help already tells me that you are a wonderful mother and will continue to be with this baby.

Don’t pressure yourself or stress yourself out because you feel a certain way. And Try to find other ways to think of your baby… to connect. Try not to always associate the baby, with the father. This baby will be a little sister or brother to your other kids. :slight_smile: This beautiful baby is yours and you will be an amazing mother to him/her. Truly.

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Mama don’t feel like this sweet heart :heart: !!! The baby is maybe a life lesson learned or who knows but it’s not he’s fAult . It’s normal for you feel like that but Remember you are not alone there a hole system out there that can help you . Ok just remember your kids & You baby’s will be there for you no matter what . This is only a ruff time you are having but it only makes you a stronger woman :slightly_smiling_face: :two_hearts::two_hearts::two_hearts::two_hearts::two_hearts::two_hearts:


I felt this way and similar scenario but he left as soon as I was 10 weeks pregnant. I didn’t feel connected to the baby either and I was depressed most of my pregnancy and I didn’t have anyone to confide in because no one understood . Just hang in there mama and tell your OB once you get one. Try to stay strong . It does get better once you have baby. I love my daughter so much and shes 4 now . I remarried and my husband took on me and my 2 kids as his own. It will get better :two_hearts:

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My ex husband left me while pregnant with our second son. I felt this way when he first left. I was 6 months pregnant. I struggled through it and realized no matter who helped me make the baby he was my baby and my world. My motherly instincts kicked in the moment I saw him. He is a thriving 4 yr old now and I can’t imagine life without him. My boys are my world. It’ll all be ok momma. Even when it don’t feel it. Nothing is more rewarding than being a mother. Man or no man your babies will always stand by you!

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Stay strong mama a lot of mamas before you have been in your shoes, I had my own struggles and yes I suffered Great Depression and very bad baby blues but with my will for my kids was stronger and I pulled myself out with the grace of god, get help and speak to someone, if anything there are helplines you can call just to talk to someone to let it out, be strong, I wasn’t connected to my unborns either however once I saw them after a few days that love came for them now I can’t imagine my life without them, I’m here for u feel free to chat !!

I just want to cry reading this. I have c no advice other than see a professional. But I have no doubt you will be an incredible mum . Please go get blood tests make sure your iron levels are good cause stress depletes them start caring for yourself i hope you get through this xx

I just recently gave birth two my 3rd child. I went through a similar situation. I felt no connection to my baby. I hated it when I felt him kick. I also lost so much weight. I felt very lost too. I didn’t think I could love him. I thought about adoption and abortion. I hated when people asked me if I was excited about the pregnancy. But as soon as I saw my baby and heard him cry and held him for the first time everything just changed. Now I look at him and all I want to do is protect him and give him all my love.

What helped me through it all was I seeked God. I don’t mean I looked for a church or a religion. Simply started talking to him when ever I felt alone. I also took showers and and as the water ran I let my it all out I would just stand there and cry until I felt better. Talking to myself in a positive way even if I didn’t believe it helped me. I also seeked a support group. I searched on FB mom groups and I came across MOPS. I made some really good friends that helped me through it all.

Ps. I think a lot of women feel detached from their baby when it’s the 3. I promise you everything will be ok. sending you lots of hugs♥️. Take it one day at time.

Mine walked out aswell she is 2 months old he still hasn’t had anything to do with her. I went the a terrible depression still am just got to take it one day at a time

I’ve been in your shoes and let me tell you the one I wanted least ended up being one of my favorite. Its normal to feel less connected with more pregnancies. You have a lot going on and right now it just seems like an innocence but I promise it wont be. Just keep going. Doing what you can to support yourself and your family. Dont tell your family if you dont want too. It’s your business. If they aren’t supporting the child it doesnt matter. You don’t need the father to be happy. Just create the life you want for yourself and your children and let the rest fall into place. And take his ass for child support once the baby comes and just keep going. You can do this mama. Try to get into your pregnancy by doing a photo shoot…or a weekly update for yourself. Do a general reveal for the ones who matter and will be excited. Make the most of it…it may be the last time and it is magical…even in the worst mind set. This baby is coming so love what you can. Once you hold it you will melt in love just let before…I promise.

Ur motherly instincts will kick in when u have the baby.

I just want to say that I am so sorry you have been treated like that. I understand why you feel the way you feel. Things will get better and I am glad you reached out. Reach out to the church or churches of your choice. I believe people there will help you. You are entitled to the way you feel my heart goes out to you.

Ur not the 1st aomen to be left or to leave a relationship while pregnant

It sounds like u wanted to have baby up u til ur man left u
"Were not going in the same direction " …he still will need to follow through with parenting time and child support
Next time dont have another baby until ur married and it’s more stable…
As of right now regardless of depression it’s still not baby fault and ur morning a loss…but theres a beautiful blessing and baby should be ur motivation to take care of urself
Just tell ur family. They may say I told u so but afterwards they will love baby too and u will heal as well.
Go se ur dr. Regarding the depression

Children are a gift from God. Be happy

Maybe start considering adoption. LOTS of couples out there who can’t have kids. It’s a beautiful thing.

You never know until the baby comes, so keep your options open.

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I agree with everyone saying to stay strong. I can relate for most of it, but my little kicks don’t make me cringe, they remind me to focus.
The only thing is. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT! I’m seeing most comments saying it’ll all change when you see the baby, but it might not! You should strongly consider adoption. Maybe not go as far as to find a family to raise the child, but definitely talk to someone. See what your options are for after arrival. Be prepared either way, because you child shouldn’t have to feel any sort of disconnect or lack of love JUST IN CASE these feelings don’t go away; & you shouldn’t have to deal with the guilt of knowing there’s a disconnect but trying to pretend there’s not one

I would def consider adoption - I’m a mom who had a miracle baby at 37 and hurt for mommas and kids who might make other more permanent decisions. It’s hard on everyone - adoption is humane. You could suggest to friends and family you’re doing a surrogate for some extra cash to get some space from the guy issue or to avoid some judgements — don’t let this set back destroy you or your peace :heavy_heart_exclamation:Hugs and I’m sorry - I’ve made life altering bad decisions and the worst thing you can do is keep making them…

I was In the same situation feeling the same suicidal thoughts and all. I wanted nothing to do with my baby… eventually I got back with my baby’s father(still together) and even then I still didn’t want or felt like I loved my daughter. When I went into labor I still was thinking about giving her up for adoption but I fell in love with her when she was born. When the moment cones you’ll know what to do.

Concentrate on your two babies and when you hold this one all those feelings will go away l have been in that place you’re in right now but it will get better :heart::heart::heart:

Ounce you see the baby born. Things will look up! Easy there Mama. I have ptsd. I am almost 7 mos. with my 3rd boy. We all have a tragic story. Mine is my baby daddy hung himself on visitation with my 2 sons. I was with that man 11 years. There is light after the perfect storm. Now I have a great man! Someone will take that mans place. Right now focus on taking care of you. Everything will fall together. I am here if you need to talk. I still suffer from what I have been through. Without these kids I would be nothing. YOU will find yourself. If that guy left you… you let him stay gone. Go talk to someone. Work out. Take a hot bath. Listen to good music. Dont stay still! My advice to you. Stay busy love!!! :heart: A hug to you love!! I am here.

I can relate I got pg shortly after seconds child was born. The last thing I wanted at the time. I excepted that I was having a baby that was of myself and that the Lord would see me thru. That is when I came to grips with being pg. Good luck and God bless.

You have to do what’s best for you and your babe and take care of yourself! Remember there are people that would love to care for your baby if you choose not to. :sparkling_heart:

I’ve been in this exact situation. Pick your baby and choose to be healthy and happy for your babies sake. It’s hard, yes but don’t give him anymore of your energy, he is already gone. Put all your energy into yourself and your kids and your precious baby growing inside of you…:heart:

Be careful if you do tell your family. Your already feeling the hurt now. I would see your doctor and talk to someone. Find that inner peace and strength again. Get the connection back then tell your family so in case they don’t change and make matters worse you are on your feet. Happy healthy and ready to raise three beautiful kids

Just remember the feeling you received when they placed your other two children in your arms for the very first time :heart::heart: You will feel that with this sweet baby as well. Remember that it’s not your babies fault that he up and left you.


That seems like soooo much to be going through while you’re pregnant. Definitely your hormones may intensify your sadness. I think it’s always thinks it’s best to seek a psychologist or psychiatrist to talk it out. It helped with post pardum depression

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Yes I have been there. Also helped others so no judgement here. If you want to pm me you can but if not i recommend get prenatal vitamins and tey to get out go for walks with your other 2 children, start fixing yourself up, and make small goals for you and your families future for instance biweekly movie night at home or going to the park more ect… remember baby steps then once you accomplish those you can start on bigger goals. Also start thinking about baby names it helped me bond a little

It ok if you feel like you don’t want this baby :baby:t2: somebody will… take a breath… you got this girl

Still should tell your family. They might surprise you. If not get out of that situation and find you a support system that does work. You can do it mama!

I’d talk to your doctor about these. Im 6 months pregnant and struggle w depression daily and its something i have been open about with my doctor and decided i didnt want to be medicated.

Please remember to just enjoy you and all 3 kids. Youre feeling distanced from this baby because all the drama and bs thats going on. Hope you get better soon

Your sweet baby is depending on you and when you hold him in your arms it will all be worth it.