I think I may have a drinking problem. I became a mom at the age of 19(pregnant, gave birth at 20). I’ve never really had an adult life to myself. Growing up, I never wanted kids. I just wanted to work 1 or 2 jobs and have a studio apartment that I shared with a cat, but I met a man that did want kids, now we have three kids (6, 4 and 18mo) I certainly don’t feel like I was cheated out of what I thought I wanted because I adore our kids. There’s nothing in the world I would want to exchange them for. I certainly had a problem when we lived with my fil; I literally finished off his liquor cabinet in 6 months, whiskey, vodka, rum, tequila, you name it, I drank it. I became a mom before I could experience true adult life. Now that I’m a stay at home mom with quite literally no life, I like to drink a bit. It is a fraternal issue; most members of my father’s family has had an issue with alcohol or drugs. One of my uncles died from liver failure from drinking whiskey every single day. I won’t lie when I say being a 26yo mom of 3 boys is stressful, especially when I’ve only gotten out of the house once this entire year due to the current events. It’s not a daily issue, but I do feel like wanting to get drunk at 1 pm is an issue. I don’t want to justify my behavior if it’s truly bad, but in the six years I’ve been a mom, I’ve gotten away from my responsibilities only a handful of times. I cook, I clean, I homeschool (even before the pandemic started). I do feel as though I’m entitled to some sort of break every now and then. Obviously, drinking during the day isn’t an ideal break, but I’m still a good mother, if not better, if that makes sense, I’m more patient and understanding after a few drinks. I know there’s a “wine mom” stigma going around lately. But I’d like other opinions. I know some of y’all will be harsh asf, which may be warranted, and I know some of y’all will understand. It’s just some days I’d like to quit, but some days I feel I deserve a bit of a mental break, which I feel I’m provided when I drink. I don’t get sloppy drunk, I can still function, cook, clean, and the parent just fine, but with my family history, I just don’t know what to think.
Maybe contact AA. Ps you’re not the only one going through this
Sounds like you made a lot of sacrifices and understand the loneliness you often fee. I am not sure how much you drink but be careful because it could have damaging irreversible effects on you. Everything in moderation I suppose.
No one thinks they have a drinking problem. Get help.
If you think you may have a problem then you so. Seek help
You are not a better mother when you are drinking. Please get help.
Dancing with fire having a predisposition to alcoholism. Truthfully I feel it’s only a problem if you need a “break” every day or every other day.
Alcohol may not be making you a better mom the way you think it is. You may be needing alcohol to Not be annoyed/ easily frustrated which also indicates you may be developing a physical addiction to it…
I would cut it out and cut back to once a week and see how bad you’re craving it. You will have to be honest with yourself and how well you can control it.
You need an outlet besides booze. With a house 3 boys and a husband you need something that is just for you. Drinking is not the answer. Hobbies, and taking some time for yourself is what you need. Maybe your husband can help with the kids more and give you a break! Raising three boys is tough!
This speaks to me There are a lot of great fb groups geared toward sober living, I’d recommend joining a few. It can be quite inspirational to hear from people experiencing the same, and how they make it through. Good luck to you
Maybe try removing the alcohol from your home for awhile. Take a break from it. Find an activity just for you outside of the house. Even going on a walk 20 min a day. You do need activities and things that fulfill your life besides your family. You know addiction runs in your family, so being extra cautious is a good move
There’s also an AA chat on Discord. If you need the link I can send it to you.
I suggest you flush the stuff down the toilet. Schedule time for yourself just as if you schedule time for laundry, school, bathtime, bedtime etc. Have date night for yourself by yourself or with your husband. Life is a journey. We all have ups and downs. We have mountain and valleys to go through. The choice you have is to take is tackle the climb. If you fall, and yiu will fall. The key is to get back up. Nothing in life is easy just keep moving forward.
I had just turned 16 and had my first child by the time I was 22 I had four I loved every minute of being a mother but then after they grew up a little bit I got a drinking alcohol also but now I’m back on the street now I love my kids and I wouldn’t give anything in the world for them good luck to you love your kids to get a go up really fast
Hi, I am going through quitting drinking, one and half months, I’m 60 yrs old, raised 2 boys who are now men 2 grands. I had been drinking for years I was what they called a functional drink
Work for35 yrs.at a large hotel 742 rooms. Retired due to foot injury. Its been4 yrs since I retired. I started during wine more and more every day. My family tried to intervene but I got mean
My family has alcohol in our blood. I got very sick twice 1st time hospital bleeding ulser, 2nd time just recently 4 24 date. Had 2 mild seizures. Scared me to death worried my family to death. It is hard but I love life , I almost lost mine twice. I found a group on face book about detoxing, I am now friends with one of the girls, she is sober13 yrs. She is helping me just by being a friend i don’t even know
All my friends party so i just call, i stay away from people and places that make me want to have fun
If you need to talk messenger me. You can do this, but you have to want to. Only you can. You got this girl. Life is stressful if i told you half my story you would pick up a drink. All you do is try. Good luck.
No parent is a good parent while having a few drinks in them. Having seeing that on your father’s side of the family, you will know first hand how alchohol abuse effects your children. Your children deserve their momma at the best she can give. Take time for you, find different ways to relax and de stress, alcohol makes it worse not better.
You need a vacation from your life.
First off , thank you for realizing you may be having a problem . Second . I would talk to your doctor about your family history , addictions can be genetic , also I would ask if you could start by removing the alcohol from the house . It will help lesson the temptation of wanting a drink. Lastly , I would try get some outdoor or indoor activities that you can do . Such as going for walks or even just sitting outside reading a good book or even ask the hubby to have date night with you or ask him to watch the kids while you go out for a few hours . An maybe for indoor you can attempt to put kids for a nap and then having time for yourself like watch a good tv show or even just going to have a nice hot bubble bath. Also there are plenty of Facebook groups that you could join an get their opinions on what you could do… I wish you the best of luck and just remember being a parent is hard but there are better ways to cope with things . Not saying having a few drinks is bad but their are plenty of other ways to have fun and relax . Good luck
Who says you need to drink in your teen or adult life?
I had my first drink at 25 years old.
To me it’s not even worth it.
Is that what you want your kids growing up to see?
After being married to an addict for 13 years i see similarities here.
You can’t cope.
I feel like there is passive agressive resentment towards your husband and kids. You feel entitled to drink alcohol to be able to handle being around your kids.
Yes every mom or dad deserves time by themselves.
No they don’t deserve to drink to be able to cope while caring for the kids.
That is different than having a drink with a meal like billions of people do.
Justifying it with “I’m a better parent” totally screams addiction.
Yes a parent does better at their job when they get chances by themselves to recharge their battery.
No they are not doing a better job by relying on the influence of alcohol or a drug to be calm.
Just my 2 cents
If you think you have a problem you do! It’s not easy taking care of a family especially when you don’t have time for your self! My advise don’t beat yourself up contact a support group and get out once in awhile! Do you like crafts? Join a craft group! Anything you enjoy you deserve a life outside of your children! Will pray for you!
Hey a drink every now and then isn’t a crime. However if you feel it’s becoming an issue then I assume it’s time, only you know when you are ready. My advice to you is dont confide in a family member about it because they will most definitely overstep their boundaries. AA is a joke, go to a therapist.
Go out… get a life… you deserve to have your own thoughts and interests… you are a human.
There are other adults in your children’ s lives that could be caretakers while you take care of yourself. It is not selfish to have something other than what you have. If you do not begin to get relief… you will not recover your mental, physical, emotional and spiritually self.
I believe you are in a burnout phase…
Your Cortisol levels rise… because of stress… you drink to relieve stress… alcohol tends to raise cortisol levels more. …spiraling.
Make some changes in your life. Send your children to school, hire someone to watch them once a week (everyone needs a day off), seek counseling to care for yourself.
You cannot continue to be good at whatever you do if you are burning completely out. You need to feel well in your life and respect yourself to contribute to your family life.
Hello, my name is Carolyn and I am an alcoholic with 6.5 years sober through Alcoholics Anonymous. My drinking was similar to yours. It took a few failed tries on my own before I finally got on the phone and call the AA office in my area. They directed me to meetings where everyone was warm and welcoming. I found a good sponsor, and she met with me every week. I have earned more about life on life’s terms from AA than you can imagine. When I asked god to remove the desire to drink he did it right on the spot. That doesn’t happen for everyone, but is common. Look up AA on your computer and find a woman’s group in your area. There is a new world waiting for you.
Its fucking hard. AA can help of youre religious but can be overwhelming of not.
Either way you go about it if you WANT to quit try one day a week. Then make it 2.
If you DONT, dont try. Trust me. If you tell yourself youre going to but dont want to youll feel like a failure.
Find someone to talk to when the urge gets bad. Read to the kids. Go to places you know alcohol is not acceptable. Try to limit drinks to after bed.
The kids know. They KNOW. And even though they are young they probably already know not to bother you at certain times or after a number. of drinks. Good luck though. Its so fucking hard
Leave the liquor alone.I got married at 15 .I don’t drink .I had 4 kids .You are using that ad a excuse
Everyone has had a hard life at some point. I had my son at 19, my daughter at 21. Drinking seems like an excuse. Stop buying it will help. Talk to your husband and ask him for help also. Your kids deserve better and now that you realize it’s a problem, it’s time to fix it.
I am a recovering alcoholic been sober for 3 years and listen hun u have to admit to yourself u have a problem theres no I think I do there is nothing wrong with.having the occasional drink but to drink to be able to function is no go.cause your mind doesnt work when drinking too much.call AA go to a meeting.near u ask for a sponsor thier there to help reach for your higher power best of luck my dear
Take up running instead. It’s a whole different kind of “drunk” and has mental benefits. <3
I was basically in the same boat as you. I became an alcoholic at the age of 26 and it continued for 4 years. When I finally had enough and hit rock bottom I decided rehab was the best choice. I’ve been sober for 8 years and wouldn’t trade it in for any drink. Its hard on holidays and stuff but you just have to want sobriety bad enough to say no thanks. I hope you find peace within you and make the right choices for you and your family
It sounds like alcohol is your escape. You said you home school so perhaps sending your child to school every day and a kindy or preschool for the younger children will give you that welcome and well needed break and some time to yourself to go out and do whatever you want. Also remove the alcohol from your home. Change of routine may keep you away from the alcohol.
Break the cycle for u, and for ur family. U hav the strength to set better habits for urself and ur children.
Sweetheart take the booze out of your house for no less than 2 weeks. See your temperament, sleep patterns and moods. If your are angry and jonesing for it bad then you’ve definitely got some issues and you will need to get the proper assistance. Wanting and needing to relax for some part of every day is necessary and not selfish in any way. It’s important for a healthy mommy. But if it’s the alcohol you are needing more than the few moments for yourself then it’s a problem.
You’re a high functioning alcoholic. So you feel since drinking doesn’t stop you from doing your responsabilities or you’re not out in the streets begging for food, it must be ok. You have to try and tone it down. It won’t be easy so start slowing. Even if it’s just one drink less a day. Reward yourself with something else. Start slowing because you want to, not because you’re forced later by the doctor because of a health reason or because you get a dui. Do it for you and for your kids. Start slowing… yes I understand. And yes, I KNOW it’s not easy being you
Get professional help-you also deserve a break take one
Sounds like you’ve found your crutch…
You’re what’s called a “functioning alcoholic”. Get some professional help and make sure you GET A BREAK.
If you’re worried it’s a problem it probably is… I would suggest seeking professional help before it becomes a problem you can’t control.
It’s a way for me to decompress at the end of the day too, but I won’t drink until after my son is in bed. Maybe that will help?
I would suggest to meet with one and talk to therapist about it. It sounds like you might be suffering from depression. I think we all go through the stage where “we didn’t enjoy our adult life to the fullest”.
Contact AA they will.help
Just my 2 cents: I think if you have to ask, then you already know the answer. I commend you for asking and being aware, that cant be easy. You are ahead of the game, hun! Find other productive ways to find a break. I know it’s not easy, but maybe even having someone watch the kids for an hour or so a day so you can run the errands that you would be doing anyways, or take a moment and just take a bath…without alcohol and just sit back, allow your mind to think…or not. I would definitely consult a professional though to help you work through some of your stresses.
If you feel like you have a problem, then you have a problem. Seek out help, AA, a private counselor, etx
First. I’m sorry but just from what you’ve said it is OBVIOUS to me you have a problem.
- not getting to have “that life” before having kids isnt an excuse for drinking
- it doesn’t make you a better mom. You may think it does because that gives you a “reason” but I promise you it doesnt.
So the fact that your drinking bothers you just means you are aware that it is not what you would like to be doing so seek professional help from people off Facebook.
And then remember to take time for yourself to have some fun as well. Being a mom should not mean you have no life. Their has to be some form of balance.
Also good luck I am rooting for you
Acknowledging you have a problem is a big step in the right direction. If you are ready to accept the fact you need help is a good first step. Talk with your doctor and ask for advice on getting to rehab if you can. Good luck on your journey to sobriety if you decide on this.
Admitting that you think you have a problem is the first step to recovery WELL DONE. Find an AA group near you and join them. All the best.
If you’re concerned, it would be worth speaking to an addiction counselor. I didn’t see anything that particularly concerned me as an outsider, except that you mention wanting to get drunk pretty early in the day. But definitely my definition of a problem doesn’t mean its your definition of a problem, so if you are concerned than reach out to a professional. Even if its just something like that BetterHelp app I see advertised on YouTube.
I didn’t have my party days either and was able to start going out when I was in my 30s. I’m a single mom of 5 daughters. To me, it sounds like you are handling things well. But I do feel you need a couple of nights away from the house a month
If you have to ask the question, then you do have a problem. AA can help. It will give you the break you are looking for at least an hour a couple times a week.
Get professional help and male sure you make time to take a break. You are already aware of your issie. Now you can seek help.
I’m in recovery 8 years clean in September. When I read that it just sounded like you were making excuses or justifying drinking. Please get help! it works if you work it, so work it cause your worth it!
If you feel like you have a problem that means you recognize that it’s a problem so in my opinion it’s not think it’s a defiant problem. But good news Is you recognize it. Seek help meeting, counseling whatever works for you… only speak as a recovering mama myself
Go talk to your dr sounds like you are a bit depressed and anxious. Drinking is not a good idea especially with family history. You need a break even a few hrs a week talk to your husband tell him your needs and what y’all can do to accommodate it just be honest.
Not to sound harsh but if you have to ask then you already know the answer… I have a drink or 2 but it’s in the evening and if your family has a known issue with alcohol and drugs especially alcohol then that’s something you don’t want to be doing everyday…you seem like a good mom and you want to do right by your boys…then please go talk to someone and definitely take a girls day to go out to eat or shopping…
My best advice is to find a hobby that u enjoy like crafts, art, or something else that can give u a break more than turning to alcohol. Even if u can function while drinking doesnt mean it doesn’t effect those around u ur setting an example for ur kids that drinking all the time is ok even if its in the middle of the day
The fact that you are questioning it is probably a good clue that it has become a crutch. I was the same way with smoking. It felt like it really helped me with feelings of anxiety. I have managed to quit several times and picked it back up. The last time I had to take Chantix to do it. It has been since October and I have no urges to pick it back up. I also come from a family where addiction is an issue on both sides, but worse on my fathers side. I drank plenty on my 20s and then barely at all until my late 40s because I was the only parent with 3 kids and working. I started drinking socially about a year and a half ago. I don’t ever feel like I have to have it, but when I do have it, I want more and more and I have blacked out a few times. I decided in January that I didn’t want to be that person and gave it a rest until last month. I had 3 margaritas on 2 occasions last month and was able to stop at 3. I do fear that I may have a problem, so i am keeping myself in check. I have had alcohol in the house since my boyfriend moved in 6 months ago. I don’t reach for it ever because it’s there, just when I get started I sometimes can’t stop. I do think you need a break and some you time to unwind and clear your thoughts and relax. You don’t have to be everything to everyone and perfect and sometimes the stress we put on ourselves to be that can be our downfall. Burnout is real. Talk it over with your husband and anyone who is a support in your life. I do think professional help is a good idea. Some antidepressants at a low dose really help with anxiety and Don’t ever feel bad if that is what it takes. I wish you the best in your journey
I feel like you are very self aware (which is AWESOME) I think when asking for advice deep down you know the awnser you just need to hear it from others to verify if that makes sense. There is nothing wrong with wanting a mental break, you are only human! Maybe just try and change your intake schedule? So it is at night? Maybe find something to fill the void in a different way to get through the day until you can have YOU time? Maybe talk to a professional and see what the best route and advice could be given during this time since it doesnt appear to me you are a alcoholic but could potentially down the years become one but if you have will power to control your drinking then there isn’t a issue. Just be careful.
Can I please just take a moment and congratulate you for taking this step. My mum was a functioning alcoholic for years. Never admitted she had a problem because as far as she saw it she was still able to keep a job run the household etc. It was years later that she finally got help. Alcohol is the devils work! The worst drug on earth and perfectly legal as long as your of age. I watched it almost ruin my mum. So with all my heart, I say well done to you! Xxx
I have a different opinion than all of the others on here. I think that you might think there is a problem because of your family history. I tend to overthink my drinking almost every time I have one or even want one. My family also has a big history of addiction. I’m not saying that you don’t have a problem, you might, or you might just be over thinking. I would definitely talk to someone.
Post this anonymously on r/StopDrinking
When you drink you are NOT functioning as well as you should be, and often people increase their alcohol bit by bit please get some help your children deserve better
My best friend went to rehab three times before she finally quit drinking. It took her that long to be fully ready to stop. It was taking a toll on her health, her parenting, everything. She got ready, though. And now she hates the idea of drinking. Even though shes tempted all the time, she doesnt have any desire to get drunk. Rehab can be an amazing thing, if you want help and if you’re ready.
Alcoholism runs in my mom’s family. I knew that I was at risk for it, so I had rules when I’d go out or drink. I didn’t start drinking until after I was 21 and I had my oldest son. I wouldn’t drink if I wasn’t feeling good emotionally, and I wouldn’t drink too much. There were more, but I don’t remember them. We want to drink like everyone else, but the way our bodies are programmed, thanks to genetics, we can’t. I have the same sobriety date as my husband. I was ruining my life. I did have a handle on it at first, I thought I did anyways, because I’m an alcoholic, I never did, I just convinced myself I did. The start of it is this post, you’re acknowledging your problem, even if it’s to try to find someone to justify it. People like us, we need sobriety. My life didn’t really start until I got sober. Alcoholism runs in families, we got that gene. We will never be able to drink and do it moderately and be ok with it, ever. I’m sorry this was not the answer you were looking for. I suggest finding something that makes you happy. Hobbies, a part time job, something. Maybe look into starting a career. I also smoke weed for depression and mental illness, it helps a lot for that, if that’s the issue, not if it’ll be used as a crutch.
Join AA. Stop drinking!
I say to quit. I grew up in the position of your children. Having an alcoholic parent is really stressful for children. It will only progress.
If your asking you already know
I’d reach out to a support group, as drinking with kids could quite well get them taken off you, all it would take is one call to child services, and for them to pop in and see you drinking or smelling of alcohol, and things could turn real bad, can you book a babysitter so you can attend an alcoholics meeting? It’s really great you are concerned for yourself and want help, I’m not much of a drinker, and only have one child, so I cant comment on what it’s like, as I’m sure it’s very testing!
I applaud your honesty. Getting advice from Facebook is probably not the best way To deal with this. I would certainly reach out to a professional therapist to discuss. You seem like a great mom, blessings to you and I pray you find the answers your looking for. From one mom to another.
theres a quiz you can take. But if you NEED to drink, then its more than a problem . Aa will tell you, its problem drinking if you remove the problem you stop. But tomorrow if every thing was perfect youd still drink. Call a.a. see what they say.
My mom is a functional alcoholic. I haven’t spoken to her in years, she doesn’t even know my terminal son died last year. Eventually your kids are going to notice and it will probably upset them quite a bit.
You’re making a good first step in realizing and voicing that there is a problem. That is wonderful. The next step is finding a hobby and starting therapy.
If you are using any type of substance whether it be alcohol, drugs or food, to escape your reality, or escape/deal with “pain”, you’re an alcoholic/addict. You are on a VERY slippery slope, get help ASAP. Addiction spirals very quickly. I am an addict myself.
Wow that’s a lot to deal with mama! But as far as the alcohol… that’s a slippery slope. There is most definitely a period where having your substance helps you function but trust me your tolerance will build up you will require more n more just to function but ultimately its downhill fast. If it hasn’t already started causing issues and tension.(I’m guessing the fact that you reached out here indicates even you are starting to see a problem) Please please please check into some AA info online n reach out. Reach out for some help from family or friends you need some help n support and a break girl!!! Bless your heart
I was raised by drinking parents . So I became a weekend drinker… when my son was 1 I looked at him and right that same day my mind was made up no more drinking…that was 46 yrs ago… Time to get a babysitter or relative to keep the boys so u can get out…
Drinking is not what you need. Have someone help you with the kids once a month. Or once a week. My history is the same as yours don’t fall into that trap. Do it for your kids.
What aa has told me, for anyone who isn’t sure. If you think you have a drinking problem, then you do.
If your at the point where you have the shakes from not drinking, gradually cut down or go to a detox, its not safe to do on your own and could really be bad for you and your family to see. Take one day at a time. It will be hard, but will be so worth it. I promise. Feel free to privately message me if you need. I know where you are, You got this!!!
I think it’s great you’re asking. You can’t fix the problem if you don’t acknowledge that you have a problem, right? Your post sounded fine to me as I read along until you said “a few drinks”. If you enjoy a glass of wine at 1 PM every day, I don’t see the issue with it, providing that you COULD just not have it and still function. I like a special treat or snack at around the same time every day myself, but I could go without it and be fine. Regardless of your tolerance level though, a few alcoholic drinks as a routine is concerning.
Would you be able to cut back to 1 drink in the afternoon and find new ways to occupy your time / give your life some purpose? Online groups with similar interests, take up a hobby like gardening or creative projects around the house, etc? If you find that you’re struggling with limiting yourself to 1 drink, you may need more help. You said you’re a better Mom because of it - does it calm you / reduce irritability or is it maybe just the fact that you take some time for yourself and could you change what you’re doing during that time?
I’m a homeschooling Mama too. My oldest 2 are almost 17 and almost 16. The youngest 2 are 2.5 years old and 5 months old. I also do full time home child care for a couple of other children and we have 2 dogs and my Husband works a lot. It’s tough right now, I know - and that’s coming from a homebody! Bless you and I hope your journey improves from here on out
Yes try to get into a program. Don’t do it for no one else but You.! But do it.
I think during quarentine, so many people have bern drinking more than usual. Do you drink every day? I drink thursday, Friday, and saturday. I look forward to it. I love my wine and my husband makes cosmos for me. I enjoy it. When he’s on vacation, we probably drink every day. We are not alcoholics. Its a fine line, and hard to tell if you are an alcoholic, i don’t think anyone on here can say for sure you have a problem.
If you have to ask you already know the answer. You have a problem. Get help. I don’t believe family history has anything to do with it. It is a choice to pick up the bottle just like it’s a choice to pick up a cigarette or drugs.
Check out some other local AA meetings. Maybe also consider a therapist. Hoping for the best for you and your family.
The first step to healing is acknowledging there is a problem…So hats off to you, because that’s usually the hardest step!
We tend to numb emotions that we’re trying to avoid, so I would suggest starting with a therapist to figure out exactly which one that is. Then take some time for you. Whether that’s joining a yoga class, journal writing or sitting on a beach somewhere. Doesn’t matter as long as you make yourself a priority. You can love your children to no end and still feel like something is missing …and that’s ok. It’s impossible to pour from a cup that’s empty, so find the things that will reignite the fire inside and refill your soul.
I think one of the most important steps for you is to realize what the alcohol/drinking is giving you. Is it relief? Whatever it is, and then try to seek out a replacement for that. I only have one child, and one on the way, and if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that’ mamas don’t get the breaks we deserve. Being a mom is hard. You may have a genetic disposition for it due to the history in your family. It may just be easier for you to get hooked. It’s wonderful you’re reaching out and yes definitely seek some professional advice. But again, really try to understand what it is that drinking is giving to you and find something that can give you that same feeling/thing. Also, try to work out with your husband or family some self care time for you. Pamper yourself, even if it’s something at home, make it special for you. 3 boys! You deserve a break mama!!
I feel like you covered everything before you even asked. I think you know you’re making excuses for yourself and you already know what’s truly best for you. I think you know the harsh comments might be helpful but you’re hoping someone understands. But honestly, you can’t be a good parent as an alcoholic, even if you think you are. You know what’s best, just take the steps to fix it. And also make time for yourself. Like actually MAKE time for yourself.
I feel like you do need some you time. Find a hobbies that you can do and just you. Give yourself that separate from being a mom. I would also find someone to talk to about your drinking. Looking in to some mommie and me class. Stay strong and now that your never alone.
It WILL start affecting your children! Promise
Im 30 years old and recovering alcoholic. I have 9 years sober and I can tell you that the decision to get sober was the best decision I’ve ever made. I have sat in jail , rehab, house arrest with a breathalyzer in my house and STILL chose to drink. I most certainly would have ended up dead. I was only sober a year before having my first child and since that day I know I will never go back, I will never put my children through the struggles that I endured in my life. I pray you find the strength to make it through your struggles for the good days are coming
You are making every excuse for your drinking it is not your age, birth of children, husband/partner you are a drunk, alcoholic you have been called out on it but you will have to accept it then deal. There are places you can get help there are facilities for you, you’d better hope it is not hereditary think off your babies lead by example they are so very worth it, bless I hope you find the strength xx
You might feel you’re a better mom but trust me, your kids doesnt:cry: Seek help mama
My take differs from many and if others feel the need to give me adverse feedback, that’s OK. We all have differing experiences.
Personally, I’ve been a drinker since my teens so like 40 plus years. Being sober is admirable but I don’t believe that is everyone’s path. I think there is a difference to be assessed in who you become when you drink and an important part of that is listening to the feedback from those around you. For me, it is my parents who live on the same property as me, my adult daughters and even an ex-wife. Pay attention to any way it may be disrupting normal activities. That is a big clue that you may need some rules for yourself.
I forget exactly where I read it but I find it to be accurate. Drunks fall into a limited number of categories. The “silly drunk” who is always fun at a party, becomes less inhibited and swears they will never drink again the next morning. The “sloppy drunk” who becomes a virtually worthless human who can’t walk, speak or do much of anything. The “mean drunk” who becomes an asshole to the world and will pick a fight because coffee is brown.
The last is not like the others and was referred to as the “Hemingway drunk”. I don’t believe this one is a typical drunk reaction but more a result of a tolerance being developed by the body. They walk, talk, reason and all the rest as they might stone cold sober.
I don’t think this is a good thing though. It seems that the body has abandoned normal defensive reactions that tell us something is wrong. Kidneys, liver and other kind of important pieces parts may be being badly damaged and we are not getting the warning signs. Sometimes no warning is the warning.
Almost forgot the family/sociological part. Parents who drink normally have kids that drink. I can attest to this as fact and attest to the fact that trouble often results.
Wow, I thought I was going to say neutral stuff and it looks like I threw drinking under the bus. Damned that stupid brain for thinking.
Yes, you are an alcoholic. Just abstain from drinking altogether unless you have a date night out with your husband and someone is watching the children for the night. It’s a reckless lifestyle.
You are a great mum get help sweetie you are worth it i find to get out in the garden and watch things grow (first of all you have to plant things ) i do flowers vegetables you cand do this xo
Everything in moderation. Breath…pray…then believe he will help u
You just need to find some way of having the fun you crave because i think thats more of a problem than the alcohol is right now. Do you have any friends with small kids? Relatives? If not, just getting a babysitter once a week so you can see a movie or just sit in a park & people watch! Anything that gets you out of the house with take alot of stress off of you without having a drink. You may not have a problem with alcohol at this point but if you continue to use it to replace other things you will probably have a problem in the near future. Good luck! You will be ok!
I think now is the time to address it head on. If you’re saying you have a problem, then you probably do. This isn’t a one size fits all problem and solution type situation. I think it’s 3 fold, at least. 1) Seek help. Whether that be a therapist, an AA group, or both. Whatever it may be, action needs to be the goal. 2) You clearly need to find a way to carve out time for yourself with one caviat: I would encourage you to challenge yourself and do it without a drop of alcohol. Yes you have kiddos. But that doesn’t define your worth as a person nor is it your sole identity. 3) Your SO and close family need to be involved and supportive of what you’re doing and how you’re doing. And part of that role is loving you enough to hold you accountable. I think at this point, while your kids are in your care, there should be a zero tolerance policy with alcohol. Because they need to be more important than “getting a break” in a bottle. They need a present mom, who is not feeling the effects of alcohol to simply get through the day. You have little eyes and ears watching and listening to you. They WILL mimic what they see and hear. This alcohol abuse needs to stop with you, my dear. Do it for you. Do it for your husband. Do it for those sweet babies. Empty that house of all alcohol and hold yourself accountable. The problem with, “I don’t get sloppy drunk,” is when you’re drinking, your ability to accurately gauge your level of intoxication is gone, as is your ability to make rational decisions. And the excuses just lead to more and more and more. Don’t fall into that trap! That’s how alcoholics become alcoholics. That’s why I think zero alcohol in the house and zero tolerance are your only option. Because you will always excuse away, "oh it’s just a few. I’m a better mom for it. They don’t see it. It’s hereditary, I’m predisposed to it. " Those are lies you’re telling to yourself. Remember that! Praying for you, mama!
Been sober 6 years now I was the type to start drinking pretty much the moment I got up till I passed back out. It’s a struggle at first but it does get easier. I started going to therapy and it really helped keep me focused on my goal. I won’t lie and say there aren’t still times I’m like “well, maybe…” but then I look at my son and I put the bottle back down. If I had still been a drunk I would’ve missed all the firsts with him. I was never supposed to have kids so the fact that he’s happy and healthy and thriving means everything to me. I also know my boundaries there’s usually never any alcohol in my house sometimes my husband will get a couple beers but thats it and I don’t like beer so there’s no temptation there for me. I also set aside some “me” time. I read, play a game, just enjoy the quiet, etc… sometimes you just a need a break but that doesn’t have to mean a drink.
If you think you have a problem, then go to an AA meeting, since you recognize that you may, try cutting down, like everyday push back pouring a drink a half hour. For example; say today, you have a drink at 1pm, tomorrow push that to 1:30pm, next day 2pm, etc.
There is nothing wrong with having a drink. You are not getting drunk at 1 in the afternoon, personally I don’t classify you as an alcoholic, but I’m not trained in addiction.
I can’t say much either, I had my first kid at 18, my 2nd at 19, and I am having some whiskey now and it’s 11:50am.
Your children are not in danger, and it sounds like you are a great mom. Ignore the haters
Hey mama theres moments in life where all getting a little or alot overwhelmed and thats okay. And i have no doubt you adore your kids. But physiologically you are dealing with some deep seated issues that you are not confronting numbing your reality doesnt change anything it just meets you the next day. Often when we have kids life tends to run away with us. We usually think of ourselves last everything becomes more important than you. Mum alcohol will never be a solution while u may grade yourself as perfectly normal even after you have some alcohol could be far from the truth. Your need to seek counselling to get to the root problem. Im so sorry for your pain. Being 26 and having 3 kids is not a disappointment if anything you are doing well we all need a little help sometimes. I really pray you have a good support structure cause that makes a world of good. Be still and allow the Lord to intervene on your behalf you are not alone even though you make for like it.
So 2020 is your year of self love allow yourself to matter. If your dnt you will burn out and then you wont be any use for your family. Remember mummy your kids need you to grow old infront of them . I know you might feel down as if you have accomplished nothing but its never to late. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant to you the desires of ypur heart. And as far as generational curses are involved the blood of Jesus has cleansed you so no you wont die an alcohol. So are so precious and God loves you so much even if theres moments you dnt feel like it but just believe it. He has a great future mapped out for you. My darling you are a success story and let not the devil tell you anything else.
So chin up if you need professional help or pastoral care seek it.
You will live and not die prematurely from any addiction attaching itself to your destiny.
My father was an alcoholic & my mom the codependent. My childhood was hell. Get help, phone a crisis line for the sake of your kids
When you have few drinks , you say you are still a good parent , but what would happen , if one of the kids gets hurt and you need to drive him to the emergency room, and the police stopped you on the way there, and gets a breathalyzer above 100 ,and arrests you ,with the kids in the car ?
Would you consider yourself a good parent than ?