There’s a lot missing here.
1 Like
No man is worth staying for for ur kids u and ur kids deserve so much better
2 Likes
I will try not to be too much with advice. I want to share an experience and will try to keep it short. I stayed several times for the kids sake. I wasn’t happy, he wasn’t happy, but all I could think of was how our kids’ lives would change. Fast forward to our kids being 18 and 21 years old, we’ve always had very open conversations, and I happened to be in a mood, they bring up this conversation. “We’ve always wondered why did you stay married? Neither one of you were happy.” To which I was dumbfounded, we didn’t fight in front of them, we would be silent more than usual, but we were (or thought) being careful so they wouldn’t have worries. They both spilled the beans. They didn’t know details, they would sit and comfort each other when they knew there was something wrong, and they always wished we would have divorced. Their thought was having 2 homes with 2 happy parents would have been much better than 1 home with 2 unhappy parents. They asked if I did it for them…neither of us realized the little sponges they were and how they soaked in everything. Didn’t have to be yelling or stomping out. I don’t know what the reason is, and it’s not my business, but there has to be a better way than staying. Spend some extra time wherever you can find it, looking for resources, writing things down that may be needed if you were to go to court. (the bathroom was my office, I got a lot done in there) Wishing you the best, we’re going on 31 years of marriage and I am so happy we figured it out. But it broke my heart, it still does, that our kids sought each other for comfort, they knew something was wrong, and all they wanted was for each of their parents to be happy.
11 Likes
I’m not trying to be rude or assume and I understand you probably love and care about your stepchild but only your children should be your concern if you’re planning on leaving. Let the parents of the step child do what they want with their kid and you do what’s best for yours. Unfortunately courts are leaning towards 50/50 shared time unless there is a big reason not to. So you would have to learn to let it go when they are with him, if you leave.
Eventually you will get tired enough to leave. Just trust hear you do everything will work out how it’s supposed too.
Can I give you just one piece of advice. Your kids each of them can feel more then you can ever know. Do what you think is best for all of you xxx
4 Likes
All I can do is send you many hugs!!!
You can absolutely make it in divorce that step child is not allowed around kids and that husband has to have opposite weekend point blank
4 Likes
You would be suprised what they are actually capable of doing by themselves. Mine couldnt watch one of our kids outside and check the oil in his truck at the same time.
Now that we split up he can.
He can take both our kids in the store by himself now to.
Been in the same shoes you are in.
The mental abuse only gets worse.
I left. I was scared to death the first 20x he got them for the weekend.
Then he got a girlfriend who was a nurse.
I was actually relieved when I heard about it.
You can be miserable and your kids will be miserable as well. Only diffence is you have the power to change it.
They can be miserable for 30 days out of the month or 4 days a month.
It’s your choice.
They pick up on everything even though u think they don’t. They know
6 Likes
1 ) most full time husband say idk stuff like that bc they don’t want deal w kids when they become single dad they learn , so if he not physical abuse then I would ask court to do for both u get angry classes 90 days / classes ( this way court don’t think u just attacking him)until he finishes his classes he have to supervisor visits until he finishes
- what issues w stepkid bc sibling r going fight me and my brother almost killed each other half time we could never be alone we r fine now …if it really bad then I would ask for step kids not be left alone w children or not at home or around for visits
But to get this u need proof of the stuff so I would take videos keep report texts ( talk w ur husband over text about anything important) u hurting ur kids by staying , u going hurt ur kids by taking their dad out there life or their sibling so I always tell them less do supervisor visits qt center or w friend or one their / ur family just not u bc court could take it u just trying make other parent look bad
1 Like
I went through a very similar situation… actually, even though I finally left it hasn’t ended there. It still continues. I thought the same way you do too about staying to protect the children and that they are the ones who suffer. It’s true. We also suffer and that’s not ok either. I am sorry you are dealing with this. My daughter is with her dad for a day and night over the weekends now. It’s not perfect but she is ok and doesn’t usually have anything bad to say. All the times I wanted to leave sigh…I use to journal dates, times and the situations and record conversations. One day when you do finally leave it may help. Will he take a parenting class or attend family therapy ?
WHY are you allowing this to go on?
Is their a reason you can’t trust him around kids ?
I know you don’t want any advice as you seem to have made up your mind to stay with him for the sake of your kids
I’m going to be blunt here
Staying just for the sake of the kids
Could potentially make the situation worse
If you are concerned enough to not leave him alone with kids
You need to take them and go
For their safety
Its better to come from a broken home
Instead of an unhappy and unsafe home
3 Likes
Your KIDS will suffer if you stay. Be strong and make the right choices for them. 
You need to take your kids and leave. Them seeing, hearing, and experiencing the mental abuse, by itself, is not good for the kids or for you. If you don’t do it soon it could possibly get much worse. If your husband and stepson can’t be trusted alone with your children then it’s time to go. If your stepson behaves like his Dad, it just shows how your husbands behavior has been like this prior to you being with him because your stepson behaves the same way, which he most likely picked up as he was growing up and seen, heard, and I’m sure experienced it directly from his Dad. You don’t want your children to be raised in that same environment You and your children deserve to live in a home that is safe, where you are truly loved and cherished, with a man that will love you and your kids the way you all deserve. It’s not going to be an easy thing to do, but it is not safe for you and your children. Stay strong for you and most of all, your children and don’t be afraid to take the first step to a better life. You and your kids deserve it! 
1 Like
You say that you will just sit back and smile because it’s for the kids but what are you actually teaching your kids because the learn by example .do you want them to turn out like your husband , mean to everyone or that they have to put up with a boyfriend or girlfriend that is mean to them … because that is exactly what is going to happen
4 Likes
Your kids deserve to see you happy. And you’re not happy being with that douche you call a husband. 
I would say leave anyway. Only because if your the only one looking out for the children and are miserable every day that will eat away at you until you loose yourself and become unrecognisable to your children. And won’t be able to give the best of yourself to them. So I say leave be happy be the best mum for your children and they will gravitate your way anyway.
1 Like
Take your kids with you!
1 Like
Prayers for strength
2 Likes
If your step child is such an issue, do you really think your husband would have all the kids together at the same time?
I’m in the same boat right now. Minus the step child. I can’t offer advice cuz I need some myself, but here if you ever need someone to talk to
1 Like
Go to court. Get divorce and parenting plan. Get child support and make sure the parenting plan includes visitation and who can be there and who can’t.
1 Like
Homegirl!! You waiting is teaching your kids it’s ok to be like dad and stay like mom did.
Believe me! Then it becomes a cycle that they are going to teach their kids unless you break it!
I get it, I did stay too! I wanted my kids to have stability and their parents together. WORST thing ever. My daughter was mess and my son was scared/hated his dad. Therapy and counseling were are second homes.
My kids are older now, and my son never sees is dad unless there is a family function that my decides to go to on his dads side and my daughter lover her dad but can’t stand who he is.
What you’re doing right now will have a longer after effects thank you are seeing.
Hugs and prayers. - your days are going to feel like weeks!!
6 Likes
Therapy for everyone! Get hubs’ doc to screen him for depression. Then get anger management for him and marriage counseling for you both. Especially if this is new or worsening behavior in him.
Talk to the stepson’s school counselor and get him in outside therapy ASAP. Hurt people hurt people. He is crying out for help. His dad as a role model isn’t doing him any favors either.
Get counseling for your other kids to help them cope and fight back against the stepbrother’s abuse.
Therapy for you to help you cope with your family’s behavior, learn positive techniques to handle the adversity in your life, value yourself, and learn to stand up for what you deserve unapologetically.
Make sure all the kids—and your husband—have good people in their lives: coaches, teachers, scout leaders, activity directors, religious institution friends, neighbors, and positive role models in family, friends and acquaintances. The more people you have help you in raising them, the more free time you have and the more well-rounded they’ll be. If you have older kids, see if they can “job shadow” different people while on school break, or spend time with other families to get some perspective. Sleep-away camps are also good to get them out of their sad rut and away from bad family dynamics. Older kids can train to be counselors/helpers: Vacation Bible School or equivalent is often free. Scout camps may have “scholarship” funds available if money is tight.
Be sure everyone in the family has something that brings them joy. Sounds like hubs needs a fun hobby, a reunion with an old friend, a sport or activity that lets him shine vs. only having his miserable job to focus on. Does he have a talent he can teach the kids where he won’t get too frustrated?
Exercise is a mood and health booster for everyone. Water parks, trampoline parks, amusement parks, hiking in beautiful areas (have a scavenger hunt to spot items along the trail to keep interest), an indoor or outdoor pool, geocaching, bike riding (rent some if you don’t have), kayaking/canoeing/boating/paddle boating, line dancing, learning martial arts, Tai chi or meditation as a group can all bring the family together. They are all appropriate for multiple ages too.
If you can afford it, take trips & vacations. Give guide books to the kids about a place you want to go and let them pick activities and attractions they want to see. Everyone gets to pick at least one thing to see/do. Get kids out of their comfort zone. Take them to performances (free or paid), sports events. Snacks can help maintain interest, or take the bored ones home at half time and order new cuisines for dinner in or out. High schools & local teams have low cost sporting events, plays, art exhibits, and check local parks, neighborhood theater groups, recreation centers. Snacks help keep interest.
Pick a topic to discuss at the dinner table unless hubs will yell & shut it down. What would you change about the school system, or the roadways, how would you beautify your town? What would be a fun addition to the area? Or have everyone come up with ideas on solving world problems (hunger, climate change, war, illegal drugs, etc.) Be sure you don’t interrupt or discount anyone’s opinion. Set ground rules & maybe have an object for the speaker to have; only the one with the object is allowed to speak up to X minutes at a time. Throw out topics in advance to give people time to research or think about them, or not if it means people will whine about it. If something really resonates, take a small action towards making it happen.
Hope you can improve your family and make it work instead of throwing in the towel. Ultimately you have to protect your and your bio kids’ mental health though.
3 Likes
What would your step child do to your kids?
1 Like
take your kids and go. for them and yourself.
Hugs… been there done that
1 Like
Prayers a better day ahead soon for you. And I get exactly what you said
1 Like
Also, see if you can have a one on one date with your stepson after the younger kids are in bed. Milkshakes at a diner or coffee shop or just go for a walk at night to see what’s bugging him, what’s going on in his life, and give him some personal attention. Ask what was good and bad about his parents divorce and about his dad’s remarriage. Ask him what he thinks would help the family situation and how he sees things. His perception might be very different from yours. The most important thing is to listen, listen, listen. Keep his remarks in confidence. Do this sort of thing every so often with each of your kids & husband. Everyone n Ds to be heard. If they don’t reciprocate, use your therapist/counselor and girlfriends to vent and brainstorm.
3 Likes
I was in the same boat too for about 10 years until my stepson turned 18. Then I had some choice words with my hubs a few times to encourage him to grow up. I asked him if he was ready to leave our house & pay lots of child support. Then I reminded him for it to sink through. Kicked him out once.
1 Like
Send husband an stepchild packing
3 Likes
Waiting for WHAT??? a NERVOUS BREAK DOWN? Continue waiting, and your child(ren) will expect to be treated like this when they grow up (and they will). THAT’S RIGHT! YOU JUST WAIT! 
OH THAT’S RIGHT,SORRY i FORGOT THAT YOU DONT WANT ADVICE!
3 Likes
So when you separate don’t you think he will have them and the step child will be around yours…A lot to think abt
You have to be the best person for yourself so that you are that for your children, don’t teach your children that it’s ok for a man to walk all over you, while you smile and say ok Daddy, absolutely not
5 Likes
I’m empathetic to your situation.
Protect your children, including step children.
But DONT waste your life.
If there was an easy way out, im sure you would have thought about it already. Sounds like a complicated situation. I think you should take some burdens off of your shoulders. If your already empty, how are you giving in so many directions still? You might be able to think clearer about the damage it is causing to stay. Either way, people get hurt. It won’t be easy. But don’t waste your life and show your children that it’s ok. I hope you figure things out.
2 Likes
I stayed too long for a stepchild too … only way ex got his child … I had 2 of my own … now child has mental health issues due to his fathers poor parenting and his own long mental health and addiction . No longer involved with the ex and the step kid could care less that I raised him due to the fathers pathetic attempt to parent. Sad situation… at least no kids together , he wanted one , because I realized EXH was cray so I went and had a hysterectomy to make sure .
So what are you waiting for? Take your kids and leave.
1 Like
Sometimes the best you can do for the kids is to leave. Xxxx
1 Like
Nope just leave. You’ll be happier on you’re own. And so will the kids believe me I did it and I’ve never been happier!
Wait long around for the child to age out will create more drama in the future if your in a toxic environment get out now your doing the kids no flavours
Why’d you marry him in the first place? 
However kudos to you for doing everything to keep the house running and kids happy. You should take him to couple therapy.
I spent 9 years with a man who cheated, lied, ignored, when we broke up for a time. I got pregnant and he had a baby, the mother stepped out and I stepped in. I became the sole care person, with my own on the way and the realization that he was an emotionally unavailable bum, I left, as the last 7 years have strolled by, he lost everything had some more kids, got on drugs and doesn’t spend any time with any of the kids. Moral of the story, sometimes you just gotta let go and live the best of the rest of your life. Save yourself and children from this terrible situation. It’ll get better once you let him go.
3 Likes
If your not treating your self right what makes you think you are treating your kids right. You said the father doesnt even respect the kids and you are scared why are you and the children still there. Thats not doing the right thing
4 Likes
Please stop teaching your children that toxicity is acceptable. Would you want them to grow up and be in the kind of relationship you’re in? If not, gtfo of there and stop teaching them that the way he treats you and others is just fine.
7 Likes
The children deserve far better
Sounds Toxic. Praying for your strength. Get out!
1 Like
Ladies, let this be a lesson. Careful who you marry. It’s a lifetime of bliss or misery.
6 Likes
If you are not legally married to him, leave. And never find another man again. Your children is your happiness. You can live without a man
3 Likes
This is a very sick website spewing such crap
2 Likes
If you are taking care of all the responsibilities, what do you possibly need him for if he causes nothing but misery.
6 Likes
I would hire help in a heartbeat. Hope you have someone to call for help.
If your doing it ALL anyway what do you need him for? You have proved to yourself that you can… Don’t you think your kids see what’s going on? They know! Withdraw the money from the bank, get yourself a lawyer, file for child support and custody of all your children along with a divorce. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but when your kids grow up they will know who done the most for them. Life is to short to be anything but happy. 
4 Likes
I felt myself in your shoes as I read this. My kids were 17, 17, 13 and 13 when I divorced. My kids saw me suffer and how unhappy I was every day. My husband had no mutual respect for me. He just didn’t care I did everything just like you! I worked all the time. I got out and I’m going tell you that was the best choice I ever made for myself and my kids. I was mentally abused for years. My mind is beyond messed up. I’m currently happily married to the man I prayed for. Please don’t do this to yourself! Get out if your not happy you and those kids suffer so much!
7 Likes
leave and take the kids with you
1 Like
I would get out… i was in a situation like this for many years and finally left… i left too late cause now my oldest treats me the way his dad did… the sooner the better… I’m sorry your in this situation…
2 Likes
honey get ot before it’s too late - go talk to a lawyer to get some legal advice too on what u can do - also go talk to a councilor also. i know it is going to hurt but in long run it will be for the best - just u wait and see - gl and god bless
1 Like
Just the fact that you say you feel you need a restraining order against your stepchild but wouldn’t qualify for one says you should leave
3 Likes
Flirt with him do something special for him he might reciprocate find the spark
5 Likes
I would make him leave with help from the court!
3 Likes
Talk to a lawyer before convincing yourself there is no way out…
2 Likes
Why you need him if you’re doing everything by yourself anyway. He’ll I’d leave
1 Like
Going for the martyr vibe?
You are delusional. The kids are suffering and growing up in an unstable environment.
2 Likes
You aren’t tired enough yet, I would not live with a dick and you can always request supervised visits so he’s not alone with the kids.
My mom always said that, i stayed for you kids… We told her if you wanted to do right by us you should have left out dad, he was mean and horrible. We would’ve been better with just you.