Im pretty sure I want to separate from my husband. I’m tired! Emotionally, mentally and physically! There are a few problems. First I don’t trust him with our children( beyond “he’ll figure it out” ) , I definitely do not trust my step child around our children without me being present, none of my friends or family either so it’s definitely not just me. Also, I am the only one trying to do right by stepchild. if I leave everything will unravel, which to a point good… except the kids will suffer the most. My husband is completely ungrateful and just downright rude. He’s rude to me, the kids, the dogs, people in our lives in general. He’s just miserable with his life so he is a dick to everyone. I double co-parent, deal with all of the bills, the kids, doctors, denist, orthopedic, orthodontist, optometrist, the schools( yes plural), the housework, the yard work, the vets for our animals, and all of the grocery shopping. I’m fucking exhausted. I stay because I feel like if I leave my kids will suffer!! I know y’all are going to say that me staying is worse off, but it’s not. I’m staying to make sure I protect them! I won’t win a no contact order against stepchild for my children, so I sit here and wait time out. I’m just venting, not looking for advice. I smile, and nod and wait for one more day to be over. The things that mothers go through for our children.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I think I want to leave my husband - Mamas Uncut
If you stay you’re showing the kids that it’s ok to act like him
Sending love, peace, and hope
He needs mental help. It sounds like chronic depression
You are teaching your children it is ok to stay in a toxic environment.
Show them that they, and you, deserve a better life.
Lovely lesson for the kids, its ok to treat people like crap since mom allows it. File for divorce and make him move.
If it were me I’d find out why your husband is acting this way and try to help him.
I would record and document everything and then leave and get whatever you have to
Hang in there!!! One day you will be free of all of all this. You will have an amazing , and happy life! I am sending you alot of strength, and wish you the best.
If you can’t trust your stepchild and husband than isn’t that enough reason to get a no contact order. All you need is proof that things are really bad and it’s going to permanently hurt your kids if you stay
Mother’s don’t have to show their kids that how their father treats their mother is normal. Your kids will grow up one of two ways - to take notice of how he treats people and make it their mission to be nothing like him. OR be exactly like him bc that’s what’s normal to them and thats what you allowed. If the step kid physically harms your other kids, and you can prove it, you can definitely win a no contact order between them. Your husband will have visitations and such but atleast you can then teach them how to actually treat people and what to expect of others. I honestly hope you don’t ha e daughter, bc most girls look for someone with qualities of their fathers but they have the attitude of their mother. So she’ll grow up to find a man that treats her the way her daddy treated you and she’ll allow it and accept it bc that’s what you’ve shown her is the thing to do…
Staying is just teaching your kids all the wrong things
I’m sorry, it sounds like you both have many stressors-if this man is worth working on things he will be open to a conversation with resolutions considering you are talking divorce: You will have it hard by yourself, it takes both of you two on the forefront. Encourage and nudge him for the good that he does do. 
If he refuses to get help or try counseling/address the issues at hand don’t stay. Especially if you don’t feel your children are safe!!!
That is so true. Where is Mom of step child? I pray for you and kids that God will provide a miracle. He is able. Cry out to God. Find something you like doing and do some of that each day if at all possible. Sending prayer
Praying for you.I am so sorry you are going through this. A momma always protects her children, I get that.
Please stop doing this to yourself. You only have one life, don’t waste it letting years go by being unhappy any longer.
What’s your question? Lol
Better only 1 miserable person than 2. You need strength so you can leave. Prayers. That’s very sad
I think they both need help. We’re only hearing one side. Maybe your being a little paranoid and can’t accept the fact he has another child. Maybe you just don’t think he’s capable but your being controlling.
At least talk to a lawyer. There may be more hope than you think.
Well said. And truth with most men for some reason. I’m exhausted too
The kids can sense you’re unhappy it’s so not fair to them or you.
Well with kids you better have a house a stable job and someone to watch your kids that truthfully that you can trust because I am here to tell you no one loves your kids like you .
Staying IS worse bc they see his behavior and they obviously know you are not happy. You’re teaching them to stay in an unhealthy relationship 
kids are resilient and when you’re happy they will truly be happy 
Hang in there Sis. Give it to God because we can’t change them
Y’all showing them a miserable relationship will never be better than leaving and having him step up and do as he should be.
What you allow will continue.
Sounds like he is Narcissistic! If that’s the case it will NEVER GET BETTER-- he will become even Worse! Staying will be detrimental for you & your children so “protecting them” is not going to happen! You need to protect your children by getting away from him!
Best wishes for You 
Sorry , but you staying is not protecting anyone , it’s causing way more harm than any good. You say it’s because of your stepson and not being able to trust him? For what reasons , you also mentioned you don’t trust your husband around your kids. How can you have your children around someone you don’t trust with them. Leave , leave now and fight for what ever you need to be put in place to protect your children. If you leave with thr kids , doesn’t really seem like your husband will have much to do with them
Try to find some good friends to vent to, even if only online. Make sure you change all your passwords (if he knew any) and sign out of accounts on shared devices. Document everything you possibly can. I totally understand you need to wait for your moment but do everything you can to protect your peace. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, sending all the good vibes your way. 
It’s better for kids to be raised in 2 homes where the parents are happy then 1 home where the parents are miserable.
That’s the thing, your kids will suffer more if you stay. They’re learning that this is normal for Dad to treat Mom this way. Don’t set them up for a lifetime of failed and possibly abusive relationships. For the sake of the kids, take them and leave or kick the husband to the curb. You deserve better and so do your kids.
You both are unhappy, so I don’t get why you would even force yourself to stay?? I’m wondering how you don’t trust them with your kids? Like just overall caring for them properly or like you think they’ll harm them??
At the end of the day no matter how bad it sucks your step children aren’t your main concern, yours are. The situation might not be great for them if you leave but what your kids are going through now isn’t good either. Who knows maybe once you separate he could regain happiness in his life and not be such a dick? I hope it works out for you either way
Just be careful my Granddaughter suffered big time from a step sons actions !Love and prayers 
The family court system is broke dad will get part custody even with proof judge will day dad just need a little less then 50/50 and take some BS class and then those babies will be stuck with him with out you to protect them BUT !!! If you do not have a current parenting plan their is nothing stopping you from taking those babies and leaving town absolutely nothing if he can’t find you 
he can’t serve you for custody or a divorce with a parenting plan !! And they can’t do anything about it!!! it’s over and you can be free but that means no child support and stuck married 
and absolutely no contact with dad to find you
My parents stayed together for the kids… wrong decision kids are smarter than you think js
I feel your pain. Sounds very similar to my situation with my x husband. I lasted 17 years, mostly because I was just waiting for the kids to be grown. Looking back, I don’t regret never wanting to bring another man around them, especially with a daughter, but I do wish I would have left a lot sooner. My boyfriend now is amazing (but not perfect). I would have rather done life, with him by my side, than my deadbeat x husband.
Yea our part as mothers is a thankless job full of unbearable sacrifices…all done with love and the best intentions…
Leave sweetie. I did on New Years Eve. Best decision of my life. I’ve never felt better. Being together with someone that doesn’t love you or respect you is physically draining not to mention mentally. Not gonna lie, it’s hard as hell. But I’ve never been happier. I get to spend money on myself for once. If not for yourself, do it for the kids. Big hugs. You’ve got this!!!
I can relate!! My husband is the same way except I don’t have step kids and I do trust my husband with our children and he’s a good step dad to my daughter’s from my previous 23 year marriage. My husband is a drug addict though so it’s mentally and emotionally exhausting and he don’t meet my needs (emotional neglect). 
He has the best of intentions but he don’t follow thru with anything he says he’s gonna do. We have 2 little ones 13 months apart and he thinks he can sit on his butt 24/7!! I get called names when I ask him to take the trash out or help me at all. He tells me I’m arguing with him if I express my feelings. When we go to bed at night he yells at our little ones, tells me to turn the TV down, turn all the lights out and shut the bedroom door…then I wake up in complete darkness and it triggers my PTSD because I’ve always slept with TV and a nightlight. He wasn’t like this when we got together 4 years ago. He left me on our first year wedding anniversary and all the other important holidays, the list goes on and as much as I love him, I am filing for a legal separation because I’m not going to say I settled when I’m old and gray. I’m done living in someone else’s hell.
I’m in this boat atm don’t know which would be better if he leaves or stays think my kids are fed up with him tbh so im I if I was you take your kids and go
Your kids with suffer of you’re not happy. Do what you need to do
Leave before it’s to late. Set the example of what your kids deserve and will continue to deserve as adults. I ended a 10.5 year relationship with my first 3 kids father bc it wasn’t good for anyone and now I’m happier and so are they
Not really advice but have you put yourself in kids shoes? Do you think they like what is going on?
If your partner can’t treat you like an equal then what the point? Your kids will treat or be treated the same way with their spouse in the future more than likely. As they get older they’ll be miserable too. He doesn’t deserve you.
The truest saying I’ve ever heard is “It’s better to come from a broken home then to be in one that’s broken.”
So why don’t u trust him? Everything seems vague, you didn’t mention you had a job so I’ll assume that’s the main reason you aren’t leaving bc you don’t have any money. You talk crap about him to your family? Say they don’t trust him either. Seems like more to all this.
Where’s the step kids mom?
Coming from an adult who was once the child in a situation just like this… I feel bad for your children.
As a child, I always knew just how miserable my parents were. My dad was the exact same way as you claim your husband is. It was literal hell for my brother and I. Because my mother had the same mentality as you do my brother and I were forced to be in the middle of it all for years. We used to cry and beg her to leave and she never would. Had my mother left when we were young; we would have had a much different life. I will pray you find some sort of guidance, however I pray for your children who have no voice to take up for themselves.
I was the same, waited 12 years…my ex moved on with one of his affairs in 2 weeks.
I am now going thru court to be able to live where i can afford.
Honestly, I regret not leaving years earlier.
The kids will adjust in time .
If you don’t think your kids are suffering in a household with so much animosity then your dead wrong! Get out of there!
You need to take your kids and go and you need to video how he is with you and your children so you can have proof to show a judge on how he is
“Hes rude to me , the kids the dogs people in general “hes a d**k to everyone “I dont trust him with our children “ ungrateful and down right rude “if i leave my kids will suffer “. But you’re staying to protect them ? Your kids are already suffering .
I would leave it sounds like that is what is best for you and the kids
You need to think of your kids and put yourself in there shoes !! I grew up with parents that fought all the time and where always angry and misserable, me and my sister were always scared and stressed! My childhood was hell and I would never want to go back
If you read she is stating that she is not leaving because she doesn’t trust her husband or his children with her children. She also stated that she wouldn’t win a no contact order for her children. Therefore, if she leaves who is going to make sure her children are safe when he is granted parenting time?
This is why she’s not leaving….to protect her children.
Give your husband an ultimatum say the stuff siblings have to go to counseling be honest with them so you don’t trust them around your other kids what do you have to lose at this point-siblings go to counseling have a counselor evaluate them then you have something else on your side when you decide to leave if they really are dangerous
You’re setting a bad example of what a happy marriage/partnership is to your kids by staying & accepting this behavior as normal
I already would have called Child Protective Services on your husband’s other kids doesn’t sound like you care much anymore about him so why do you care about protecting the other kids
The kids KNOW …
maybe nottttttttttttt everything… but trust & believe, they feel something is off !!!
Best wishes to you & your family, during this difficult situation !!!
I would definitely leave
Save your own get out you asked me if you get a stay away order away from the other kids if you feel like you’re threatening to your children you just have to have your children say that they don’t want to be around the other children either kids have rights I went to court my son spoke up and my son’s only four
My four-year-old to Christian said he wasn’t comfortable alone with his dad didn’t want to go weekends with him or be around his cousins or the whole other side he’s only four but she has right so have your kids to end up in court if they’re old enough or speak for them sounds like you’re putting them in more danger by sticking around
What a terrible situation, you must feel so stuck and helpless and I’m sorry for that
And when children grow up they leave and do their lives sometimes even forget about their parents… I get it but your happiness matters to. The kids will be fine they are not the first or the last to be without a dad or live in separate homes from dad so yea they will live move on and be happy
If you’re happy the kids will be happy. Doing what’s best for you is also what’s best for them.
Your kids will end up just like him especially if you have a boy……
Sounds like my situation. I’m leaving tmrw actually
It’s an awful position be in. I hope you stay mentally strong enough to make it happen. If you have a church that you can go to it might help. Prayers may not solve this, but they give you a little piece of mind and some one to talk to about your situation.
Are you in love ?? with someone and he/she doesn’t reciprocate the gesture, frustrated because of a Breakup ??then you can use this to attract that lover into your life, it brings back your ex,and help solve broken marriage. Life is too short to be unhappy.think about that. You deserve utmost happiness and love. Note this is totally harmless and have no side effects. This is the solution… You can reach him through this official page by clicking the link below:point_down:
Redirecting...
Really u just need to get your kids and yourself out. His other kids will be fine!!! Where are the other kids mom at, let her know this things, and why wouldn’t u trust your childs siblings to be around without unless they have really hurt ur child or have touched them sexual, then why keep them from each other. That’s just hurting the children even more v
Start recording things and writing g them down and when you leave you have proof so he can get supervised visits
What a horrible feeling. And unfortunately this is what happens to a lot of women. Hang in there; definitely easier said than done!
I would leave if you can like a place to go and stuff I wouldn’t sit there and be miserable
2 years ago today I felt exactly this. All of this. Today I’m living on my own with my two babies and we’re all as happy as ever. It gets better, just have to find the strength to leave.
When I turned 14 I gave my mom a tough decision. Either we leave or I leave. The only difference between yours and mine was I was an only child who couldn’t take it anymore. We were out by spring. Not a single regret other than my mom died alone in a crappy living situation. Because I moved out and had kids. I never left her, but I wasn’t there when she needed me either. Do what you need to do before he causes long term emotional issues for you and your children. It’s hard, really hard, but my mom and I made it out. You can do this. One day at a time.
I’m sorry you’re in this position, I was in the same position, but I finally got the courage to tell him to leave for good. I hope you find your courage.
He is teaching your children and they learn by example! Save them now and get them all out of there .
Please see a lawyer. There may be options you are not aware of. You are doing everything anyway so you don’t need him. Go talk to a lawyer and get some advice
Leaving will be the healthiest thing for you and your kids. 
Lived this life as the child in this situation. Do not fool yourself that you are protecting the children by staying. They see and know everything and the destruction of their self worth will happen little by little as they see what behaviour they deserve to live with and what behaviour the person they trust to protect them above all else will accept as good enough for them and you to live with. You alone can set an example of what is not good enough. I walked out of my parents home straight into the arms of an abuser because I was conditioned to believe its ok to be treated like garbage. And I stayed there for 11 yrs.
I’m in that same situation…waiting for time and opportunity.,.la sigh
You’re in a miserable situation. Worse than that, your kids are in a worse situation. They have no choice in this. You do. Get them out. It might be hard, but no harder than for them to have him snarling at them every day. Get you and the kids and the animals out. See a lawyer. Get custody and child support. Let things unravel. They weren’t sewn very well at this point anyway. You will find in your own place, however humble it is, once the kids and dogs are asleep, it will be quiet. No one stomping around and grumbling and griping. Just. Quiet…. And peaceful. You’ll see when you take your first deep breath in forever. A relief that he isn’t there. Then you can start over the way you need to to make it work for you, the kids, and the dogs.
Sadly your children are learning this type of behavior and will think it’s the normal. Your mental health isn’t worth it, truthfully. Kids will adjust to yous not being together, so yes we may do a lot for our children, but Momma risking your own mental health shouldn’t be it. You kids need you, and you may not be all there cause of your mind. Give him a wake up call, and leave🤷🏼♀️
Problem I’d if you separate he’ll get weekend visits and you’ll have to share holidays. If that happens I can’t be there to protect them😔unless u get evidence against him proving he’s unfit or a danger
Advice for what? You seem like you know exactly what you should do.
So report stepchild now got a restraint for him not to be around kids then go from there
You definitely aren’t doing your children any favors by staying!
Sorry you are going thru this…
Try prayer…
They repeat what they see. Children are smart and they see a mom who isn’t happy… they need you happy!!
Why dont you trust him with tbe kids ,will he harm them or just not watch them well ? The stepson what’s the fear issue with him? You should start documenting everything now .
Leave now don’t wait like I did . Please best for you n the kids .
Kids sense when there is tension in the home. I have 3 children and often said I would stay till the kids were 18, but why make everyone miserable in the home??? Everyone deserves happiness!
I feel for you honey 
I’ll pray for God to show you your path:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
I was lucky 
when I left my ex he wanted nothing to do with the kids he said they weren’t his ( they were) his and they were but my kids wanted nothing to do with him either . Attorney said that it’s best my kids don’t see him or be around him since he was pawning everything and abusive . So worked out good for the kids and me .
So you’ll let everyone be abused just so you can over see it all? Makes no sense.
My children still remember what we went through even though I thought I hod it. And made it all better. Leaving was the best thing. The only thing is I did it again stayed 25 years. I’m done with guys rather be alone.
Not an attorney but maybe start documenting everything in case you decide to leave. Good luck for you and your children.