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QUESTION:
"Needing advice.. About 3 weeks ago my husband I run into one of my childhood friends (not my best friend) but someone I have known since a toddler. She is related to me through marriage so I really don’t think that she would just do anything out the way and honestly she hasn’t done anything to indicate or put the thought in my mind but my husband on the other hand is a different story. First, let me tell you that our marriage has been rocky for the past 6months.. From addiction,fighting and financial stress. In this time he has become very aggravated at the least little thing and it seems like to me everything I do is wrong. Damed if I do damned if I don’t. His sex drive as decreased, it is nothing like it use to be. He picks and choices when he wants to be affectionate to me. He has admitted to me that he feelings very lonely even though He’s with me. (We were in a heated arguement) but still It’s tore my heart up. I ask him about it and he says he didn’t mean it he was just mad. Here’s where my problem comes in and he makes me think that he has a thing for the girl and is lusting after her. If I ask my husband to help me with ANYTHING he gets mad and cusses or hollers and lets me know he is not doing it. Very seldom does he help me out toting heavy stuff,helping with one of the kids etc.. When she ask my husband to do ANYTHING take out the trash, bring her shoes off the porch, lift something heavy for her my husband does it and he does it without any complaint and right away. He even has told her if she needed him to do anything just to let him know. When we come over to her place my husband does anything he can to help out. From cleaning to repairing things. He will stay in same area as her even if I walk out. If she walks to another area he follows and returns. If I get ready to leave he gets mad. He blames it on us not having any friends or me being antisocial and whatever else he can say to justify why he wants to stay longer. And I’m not just taking a couple hours I’m talking all day long. I feel like he doesn’t want to leave. We both share a phone. I can access his Facebook and he can mine. Found out that he searched for por* even though he deleted Google history it was still in my safari.. comforted him. He said he didn’t do it.. denies it. I look on his messenger and he’s been messaging her. (Nothing out the way) look in text messages and he messages her and acts like me. I said something to him. I ask him why has he been flirting with her and I told him if he wasn’t happy with me anymore or sexually attracted to me then he needed to tell me. We been married 9 years. We have 4 children together. We use to be so on fire in love and this is something that I would have never thought of my husband... I was talking to him the other night (I tell him everything) and I spoke of something that she did that really bothered me. He got attitude and took up for her. It’s like she doesn’t do any wrong in his eyes. She hollers and fusses a lot and has at him a few times and it doesn’t seem to bother him. ( But telling me all the time all I do is bitc* and he can’t take it) I’m just so confused i don’t know what to do.. I feel like he has got a thang for her and has sexual desires for her. He can go days without even touching me. At home he has been dry and snappy but over there he is smiling and being the life of the party. Like he’s happy when him and her are around each other. He has giving me a peck on the lips around her but then he will do something else that makes my mind wonder.. he will start making conversation with her as if I’m not there for him to talk to or something. How would y’all feel? I have anxiety and depression. I do tend to overthink things but I’ve never felt like this before. It’s always on mind. I feel like I’ve already lost him and he wants to be with her. I can’t say anything to him about how I feel if I do then he gets mad and tells me to stop accusing him or saying he just won’t go back around her and tells me I’m going to keep on accusing him and he’s going to find somebody to do it with. So I’m trying my best to fake a smile and hold it all in but deep inside I’m hurting.. HELLLPPPP! Need advice"
RELATED: My Jealous Husband Constantly Accuses Me of Cheating: Advice?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You need marriage counseling and if he’s not will to work it out and go then it’s time for you to go!"
"It may be a phase he’s going through. Maybe wants to see if he’s still attractive to other women, but you haven’t been together very long and how many times will he go through phases… and please don’t ever stay for the kid’s sakes. They are the ones who end up feeling hurt the most from all the arguing and will sense the tension."
"The fact that he’s texting or messaging her and pretending to be you should be a HUGE RED FLAG! Not okay at all. Never. Ever."
"So many red flags in this. The fact he messages your friend behind your back is so weird! The biggest red flag for me is that when you question him about cheating he tells you if you keep accusing him he will find someone to do it with! How does that help at all with how you feel? He doesn’t give a shit. He is right out telling you he is going to cheat. Leave"
"If he hasn’t slept with her yet, it seems he wants to. I’d also talk with her and ask if she is getting any of these red flags? If she is your friend, she should defiantly be talking with you about this."
"He’s already left the marriage! If not her it will be someone else! You can try counseling but I think he will fight you on that, I know it’s hard to walk away, but you need to put you and your kids first!"
"Sounds like he’s having a mid-life crisis. Needs to feel like he’s still attractive to other women. Other people are always more fun because they don’t need to deal with the daily grind. You can ask him to go to counseling, you can have a sit down when neither is angry. You can decide that if he wants it, there is little you can do and start to get your own life in order should it happen. Maybe it’s me but it would be a cold day as a woman to have someone’s husband as my handyman. It’s called girl code, maybe she needs to be told about it."
"Re-read your whole story again, you pretty much know it’s over just by what you wrote. You just want others to say leave him so you’ll feel it’s ok. Don’t stay if you’re not happy. Best of luck to you"
"It’s obvious from your story that your husband doesn’t love you anymore and you can’t make anyone love you. He humiliates you, shames you, seduces another woman and you put up with it all. Respect yourself and continue your life with your children, because if you continue to live like this, that man will destroy you both mentally and physically."
"If he doesn’t make you happy. Find a way out. You and your kids deserve the best. Don’t settle."
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