.I have been basically raising my kids on my own for the last five years (been a single mom for more than ten years). Their dad comes and goes in their life as he sees fit. She is sometimes going months at a time without even talking to them. I try to be supportive when he does come around (always in December) because I want them to have a relationship with him and understand that it is on his terms since he blames me for everything, including his lack of seeing/speaking to them. My daughter, who is 14, had her phone taken away in November for various reasons but mostly her social media activity. Since then, she has borrowed phones, created new social media accounts, and about once a week been caught finding ways to use a phone. She is, of course, mad at me for taking it away and threatened to run away or go live with her dad cuz I’m such a horrible mom. Her dad’s response to this is to give her her phone back, and it would solve all the problems. Of course, that’s not going to happen; she has to earn my trust with it again. She has been using a text-only tablet so she can have contact with her dad, and I just found messages of him helping her find a way to use a phone again. I’m not sure how to approach this. Do I limit the contact with her dad, so he cant encourage her to do things she is not supposed to be doing? I feel like it’s a slippery slope because he will then accuse me if not letting him see and speak to her. How do I regain control if this situation to ensure she has to deal with the consequences of her actions?
Let her go live with dad…she will be back soon as he gets a taste of what she puts you thru and stops giving in to her…did it with my daughter when she was 17 …it works
There are a lot of unknowns in this situation about financial support from “Dad”. That knowledge would greatly influence my advice. Kids are manipulative, hold your ground. Don’t make this about your daughter’s relationship with her Dad. That is totally on him, he’s the adult in that parent/child relationship. I would not allow him to undermine you as the custodial parent in regards to discipline. Make sure he is aware of the situation and ask him not to use it to play “good” Dad. If he does and you have the authority then limit his time to supervised visitation.
First he is still her dad but your daughter shouldn’t be putting you against each other. Talk to him
Try yo make some rules that she has to follow. It doesn’t work if one parent said mom and the other yes.
If hes helping her find ways around your rules and the punishments you give to your daughter then you should limit contact to only phone calls with you around and it on speaker.
Honestly if he cannot teach his children the basic life skills such as respect especially to your mother then you have every right to limit contact.
Keep all proof of him trying to go against the rules you are trying to place because of the social media thing in case it ever goes to court. Screen shots, camera shots whatever you need. Take all electronics away. Social media is scary place for kids now a days and he should be supporting you…
If they dont like it too bad she was busted on social media already, thats your childs safety. Have her write letters she will be fine with visits. We didnt grow up with cell phones or tablets. Her dad can go kick rocks for not being responsible, he can contact her through your phone.Im with you mom!
First instincts are usually right. You are her Mom first and one of your sole jobs is to protect her. You don’t have to cut him off. He can go through you if he wants to see her. Yes, he likely will continue to undermine you but at least you can say you didn’t cut him off. It’s called a boundary and it’s necessity is not dependent on whether either of them like it. They can work within the boundary or not at all. Your daughter will not see the value now but the hope is she will one day and thank you for saving her from herself.
Dont let her use any phones they are not worth the damage they do I lost the battle and see the horrible effects its had on my step boys cause their mom let them have one. If I could take a hammer to them I would
Tell her you’ll help her pack and send her on her way, she wont stay long, both of my kids tried that, 1 stay 4 days and the other 3 days
You need to have a talk with him if this is possible so that you all can be on the same page. Right now, your daughter is playing you against her father and he is enabling her. As long as this continues, she will go to him to counter any disciplinary action you give her. It will become a tug of war between you and him and the child will suffer.
TAKE ANY AND ALL ELECTRONICS …He doesn’t get a say to the rules in your house. You are the parent.
What’s more important being a mother to ur daughter and teaching her how to respect authority or how ur going to make the dead beat feel??? Priorities lady priorities!!!
I think you may need a lawyer so you can have some way developed that you have legal guidelines for both of you to have to live by. Otherwise, he may get his way and end up causing a split between you and your daughter. This may be what he is trying to do.
You may not be able to get anywhere without going through the court system God bless you.
Tell her fine,she can live with him. He won’t step up and she will learn a lesson.
Get a house phone and give him the number
Is he paying you child support?
First she will understand her dad is a di$& when she is older so continue not to bad mouth him. Second cuss his a$$ out. He’s not a part of her life and has the nerve to tell you how to raise her! Keep doing what your doing. There are too many predators on the web. Show her some DatelineID so she can see what happens to teens who get caught up on the web.
You tell Dad if he only wants to pop in time to time, he has no say in her discipline. I have a step daughter who is coming up to that age and we are always checking her phone(thankfully she has never had an issue with it lol) kids need to realize a phone is a privilege especially cause I’m guessing YOU pay the bill. Dad needs to remember he needs to be dad first, friend second. He wants to be her friend cause he hasn’t been in her life so he wants her to like him. Unless you kid tells you at learn once they hate you, you ain’t parenting right lol
First you remove all technology from her …and if that’s not possible set up passwords on all tech so she can’t access it … if you have a landline that’s her communication with her dad …she is never entitled to tech and already has shown she needs more time to learn the rules and mature so landline or face to face or nothing
punishments only work if you set a time for when it will be over… not having a phone for 2 months is a pretty long time… hes undermining your authority which isnt acceptable but idk what you can really do to stop him
If my kids are around an adult that allows them to do things I don’t… Guess what? My children get in trouble. I can’t control other adults. My children are old enough to know my rules. They choose not to obey my rules because another person, adult or not, tempted them not to, that is their decision and their consequences.