My question is i’ve with my husband’s “partner” for 9yrs now. Back in 2013, when we THOUGHT we were married, I never turned in our marriage license, so we never were officially married. Even then, he didn’t want to do anything, no wedding, no little party, no nothing. My mom made us a little get-together fast forward to now 2021 the 9yrs later, we are going to get our marriage license again and turn it in this time! BUT he still doesn’t want to do anything thing says we have no money. Let me tell u; this man has saved a goooood amount of money, so that’s not the problem. Am I selfish or overreacting? I feel I deserve something! I’m not asking for a 20k wedding, even if it’s just us. We live in Colorado, so we could go on a little two-day getaway to our local casino or rent a cabin, RIGHT!! S sadly I know thats not gonna happen don’t get me wrong he is the best. What would you do?
Tell him, " you may not care about the ceremony, but I do. We are doing it."
He’s gotta meet you in the middle somewhere. You wanna do something special, clearly he doesn’t want to do anything but his compromise could be just doing something really small. He can’t just do you like that. You only get married once… (supposed to anyway lol) I feel he should let you make the best of it even in the slightest!
Id atleast want a get away. I didn’t want a wedding either and my husband did. We went on a trip for our 1 year anniversary instead.
I would do something to celebrate anyways. He dont even have to be invited live your life. He seems boring asf. You don’t need that energy affecting your decisions in life
Awe that’s a shame. Weddings are expensive, but like you said, you don’t need to go huge! I got married in 2017, I didn’t want a big fancy wedding. We decided to take a cruise to Bermuda, and got married on the boat. Anyone who wanted to join us on the vacation could. Our tickets for the cruise came with full meal package and drink package. It was simple and not expensive, plus got a trip out of it.
I think you should talk to him again, let him know you don’t need a big celebration, but you want to make it special, and get away with him for the weekend.
Get yourself a pretty dress and flowers. Get your ceremony at the courthouse or just you two in a religious place of your choice. Then plan a party at another time (so he can recoup from anxiety) with friends.
My daughter and son in law planned basically a weekend elopement with a few friends and family to Las Vegas. She had a wedding jumpsuit and two other non-traditional dresses for photo shoots that took place over the weekend. The emphasis was on activities and fun instead of them: casino hopping, dancing fountains, Top Golf, hikes, drinks, dinners, a pizza party for New Year’s Eve, a brief ceremony at a park.
In the fall they had a BBQ picnic at the beach where more friends and family were invited and people could drop in & out. Hubs is an introvert so this kept the focus off him & he could have beers with his friends by the ocean in shorts and a (tuxedo print) T-shirt. My daughter could wear something pretty and casual and be the social butterfly she is.
You could also have someone host a wedding “shower” to celebrate and just invite him to make an appearance at the end. My friend’s daughter just went to the courthouse in a white gown w her fiancé. But my friend went all out for a big celebratory baby shower a year later as a substitute.
If it means a lot to you, which clearly it does, let him know how hurt you are. I was broke when I got married, and my party was a back yard BBQ, with the bride manning the grill (I am a damned good cook).
Y don’t you plan it as a surprise get away. Does not have to be for getting married! I surprise my husband with get aways a lot… He loves the surprises but not the planning. Works perfectly
Doesn’t sound like you want a wedding the courthouse will work but it does sound like you want the honeymoon and honestly you deserve a honeymoon even if y’all don’t turn in the marriage license after 9 years y’all are already married in everyone’s eyes
Why do you have to turn in your marriage license? The person who marries you is supposed to turn in the paperwork…
You said he has saved a good amount of money.What have you saved towards it?Why wasn’t the license ever turned in? Sounds like he feels like you guys already did something and doesn’t want to spend the money. I would just do a courthouse wedding at this point and ask him to do a nice honeymoon then.
I didnt want a wedding at all. I just wanted to be married to the love of my life. He on the other hand would have spend $50,000 for a huge wedding. I gave in and we did a small backyard wedding at a friends house. Rustic wedding. It was pretty. But I was just happy to be marrying him. I didnt need a huge thing to show off.
Maybe just ask if he’d be okay with a small reception after you go to the court and turn the papers in? Doesnt have to be anything fancy just something to celebrate with some friends and family!
I didnt want a wedding. My husband did, so we compromised and had a small wedding for the family and close friends. When he proposed I said “alright we can go downtown and get married whenever you want” and he was surprised. My parents didn’t have a huge wedding neither did my grandparents. My grandparents were married 40 years before my grandpa died, and my parents have been together for 25, married for 23. To me, weddings are fun and kudos to those who like grand weddings but for me it just doesn’t mean much. I’d rather work on building a loving and strong relationship for the rest of my life than focus on the wedding.
Maybe try just the get away weekend of some sort.
I know for me I really didn’t want a wedding at all. I wound have rathered just to elope. It was my husband that wanted a wedding. He got a small, and I do mean small one. Like less then a hundred people, and we didn’t spend much more then that.
I really just couldn’t be bothered with it, nore did I really care for it, in all honesty. It just wasn’t (and still isn’t) me. And that could be the case with your partner.
He should absolutely give you that
My husband and I got married after 10 plus years dating and two children we met in the middle only invited 24 guest which was close family that way it was small and intimate
Do you feel valued? Think about it.
Red flag I picked up on was u say married for 9 years… so I’m assuming u living together… but u also said HE has saved a lot of money… I my marriage if my husband save money then I am too… what is his is mine… what is mine is his… Do u not keep your money together? If not then if he doesn’t feel he has the money and u are the one wanting the wedding u pay for everything
I don’t see what’s the problem in planning something yourself and telling him this is what you’re doing even as a nice gesture to spend time together.
I just want a wedding dress lol forget all that other craziness lol even the license I don’t care I just want a pretty fancy white or off white dress to wear for a whole day
Go to the courthouse, get married. Afterwards ask him one more time, and if he still says no, go do your own thing. Invite a friend along to celebrate with you or a family member.
You did it once. Kinda your fault. He didn’t want to do it the 1st time
Don’t force it if I get married its known q courthouse or a chapel and than pay for a reception. Period.
You deserve a celebration. He should want to celebrate that y’all got married!
It was the opposite for us. We got married at the courthouse with two friends and I was fine with that but he wanted to have an actual wedding. So little over 6mo later we had an actual wedding with all of our friends and family and I did it because it made him happy!
You sure you want to be married to him?
Me and my husband went to the court house got married and 2 days later he left to go back on the truck and we have married 11 years not everyone is comfortable with a weeding
easy - marry yourself
I mean leave. If he’s trying not to acknowledge the existence of the marriage then he doesn’t really want it.
Have you thought maybe he’s saved his money for something else ? If he didn’t want a wedding then and doesn’t want one now why force it ? Why don’t you just celebrate with your girlfriends and have another hens night or something
Uhm. This sounds like there is underlying issues.
“Let me tell u; this man has saved a goooood amount of money, so that’s not the problem. Am I selfish or overreacting?”
So HE has saved. What about you? Have/are you contributing.
I had absolutely no desire to spend 10k on a wedding. I booked a flight to Vegas. We flew out on Friday, got married on Saturday, and flew back on Sunday. I went to the social security office and the DMV before work Monday morning.
Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about the wedding. After being with someone that long, it’s just a piece of paper. We didn’t have a wedding. There wasn’t even a proposal. We just made the decision, together, as adults. I told my husband that I would marry him wearing a trash bag, under a bridge. We got married at the courthouse because it’s not about the rings or the dress or the party. It’s about the marriage. Ask for a compromise. You want the wedding and he doesn’t. Tell him that you will drop the subject of a wedding if he compromises and agrees to a honeymoon. Then you can have your weekend away, in the middle of no where, just the two of you.
Surprise him with a weekend getaway. Sometimes we have to take the lead if we want something
Do something free. Or you offer to pay for it. Just because he has money saved doesn’t mean he wants to burn through it. Personally, I have money saved and I’m in bed crying as I type this because I have to spend 2k on plumming problems. It’s so hard to save so when you have to use that, it hurts. If it doesn’t matter to him but it does to you, you pay.