I am at a loss and idk what to do. I am turning 35 in a month and I have a soon to be 5yo. I really want to have one more child, but my husband does not. My 5yo is a lot due to ADHD, super wild and impulsive. It really triggers my husband and he really struggles with our current child despite me modeling and trying to help as much as I can. Because of how overstimulated my husband gets, he does not want to have another child. I don’t want to be selfish, but I also don’t want to regret not having another child since I am already older. My husband is also an only child and doesnt really know what it’s like to have a sibling. We’ve talked about it multiple times and he is set on not having another
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Then you’re not respecting his wishes. You know why he doesn’t want another kid and now you’re just being self-absorbed. 
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You obviously can’t and shouldn’t force him to have a child he doesn’t want. So if you are prepared to stay with him for life I’m thinking you’ll have to be learn to content with what you have…I know it’s not easy, but I have a 6 year old that is exactly the same. So difficult, but we both still wanted one more after that even though we knew how hard it was. Your husband does not unfortunately and you need to respect that.
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You sound selfish, you and your husband want different things, sadly this is not the type of thing you can come to a compromise of having half of a child (sarcastic humor here). If you want to get a taste of another child, you could look into fostering or babysitting. Maybe having a child to play with will help your son burn off some of the hyper energy.
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If he is 100% set on not having another child then the only thing you can do is decide to be happy with what you have OR leave if not having another child is a deal breaker for you. If it’s a deal breaker then I would just go. Don’t use that as incentive for your husband to change his mind. He will resent you and the marriage would likely fall apart anyway.
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You have one - that’s enough. Respect your husband’s wishes versus forcing another kid on him forever.
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There’s nothing you can do, you can’t force him to have another
You’re going to have to decide if that is a deal breaker. He has made his feelings clear and I would say the same to him if it was reversed. You cannot force someone to have a child against their will. It’s not fair to the party that doesn’t want another and it’s not fair to the child. Also, using guilt to get someone to want another child is by force, period.
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If you push your husband too hard, he may not end up being present for another child. Don’t do that to a child. I highly recommend couples counselling first, to unpack what the best possible outcome would be for your situation.
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I can understand why he doesn’t want any more kids
Perhaps he is thinking about the financial costs
If you can afford any medical needs another child might have
I get you want another one
But you need to respect his decision
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In this Day
Couples are desiding to have 1 child
I wouldn’t pressure him
It is So Expensive to have a child maybe that’s his reason
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I’m with you husband. He knows his limits and you really only have two choices. 1) respect his boundaries and leave it at one and done 2) leave in the hopes you find another good man to settle down with to have another child.
But honestly, you need to respect his boundaries and quit pushing it with him or you will lose him either way.
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I think you have to put the child you have first. Having these medical problems is very stressful and take an enormous amount of your time up. How could you give another child the necessary time, and let’s be honest here, your husband some time. He is important in your relationship. You can’t force him into having another baby. I only had 1 child. There is nothing wrong with that. You have to put a stop to quite frankly, being selfish! I make no apology to being so blunt.
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I understand how you feel. I’ve been in the same spot. It sucks. You risk him resenting you if you do have another and you risk resenting him if you don’t have another. You have to make a hard choice. Give up your dream or leave him and pursue your dream. I say think on it, talk about it and pray pray pray. Best of luck.
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Respect your husbands wishes .
What about a whoopsie???
Just kidding, it’s a tough situation. 
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You are being selfish. This isn’t a goldfish, it’s a lifetime commitment. If he doesn’t feel like he can or simply doesn’t want to be emotionally, financially, legally responsible for another child, then that’s it. The answer is no.
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You gotta leave n find someone else to have a kid with or accept not having another kid
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You need to sit down and have a serious thought about this. Like you just stated you know mentally your husband cannot handle another child. He is already struggling with current child.
You cannot force your husband to change his mind. Trying to get pregnant without his consent can possibly cause a divorce.
The best bet is taking time to rethink this, coming back again and seeing if he changes his mind on his own. OR coming to terms with having one and done.
If you truly love your husband, you understand and validate his feelings as his own. You will not pressure it. He has made it very clear, mentally he cannot handle another child
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I will just say this … looking back on things … my husband and I wish we would have had more children. We have 2 . Granted … both of us were on the same page , but when it is all said and done , if we could go back we would have had a couple more.
We have a friend who did not want to have a third child. His mother said give your wife a child. It will be a sweet Princess this time. He gave in and they had that little Princess He says she is the apple of his eye and he cannot imagine life without her! Daddy’s little girl she is! Best wishes with your decision 
I was in the same situation about 5 years ago I really wanted another child with my now husband. I have 2 kids with another man they are both older now but my husband doesn’t have any kids and he just didn’t really care on way or another about having one together of not. I hated that he never said yes or no about having one and it just made me feel like since he didn’t know it was basically he didn’t want one and just didn’t want to upset me by telling me he didn’t want one. I sometimes feel like I resent him because I didn’t get to have one more child and now I’m kinda to old now to have another one. My husband has been in my kids lives since my kids were 12 and 8 and my son has severe adhd thankfully medicated but sometimes it was stressful dealing with him because on top of the adhd he’s got ODD and anxiety so we had a hard few years until we found the right medications for him. I sometimes think maybe that’s why my husband didn’t really want to have another child. Maybe plan a day to sit down and have a deep conversation about having another child and maybe your husband will let you know why he doesn’t want another child. It’s not an easy conversation to have but it would probably be quite helpful so you both can understand each others feelings about the situation. Honestly sometimes now I think maybe it was better we didn’t have another child with the cost of living skyrocketing for housing; food, utilities and everything else. I hope you and your husband can come to an understanding of each others wants/needs.
I’m with your husband. It’s not fair to him to force what you “might regret” on him.
How about taking classes together learning how to deal with your ADHD child? Joining a support group in person or online where you can commiserate and share tips and tricks with other parents and guardians dealing with the same issues. As hubs gets more knowledgeable and comfortable dealing with your one, he might be more amenable to another. How are your finances? Would improving your income make a difference for him?
Hubs is already struggling with one, and risks of having another child with disabilities goes up as we age, making it scarier. But FYI my first was ADHD & ODD, my second was not, but challenging in her own way. Both turned out great with good careers and spouses and one has a baby. But we went through a lot of counseling and psychotherapy to get there.
Maybe if you get more comfortable with taming your little one and by having an easier time of it, he might relent.
It helped having a chore chart with behavioral goals and incentives (staying in your seat while eating dinner, for example), providing lots of physical activity, having family meetings once a week to discuss problems and make requests—and your little one gets to make requests and come up with solutions too. We ADHD folks are often extra smart and creative.
Give yourselves a break by putting him in activities like gymnastics/tumbling, dance, soccer, clubs, etc. and let another adult deal with him for an hour. We took our kids to every playground in the area to increase variety. You’ll still have to watch him but most are designed to be relatively safe.
Can you incorporate other children in your life? Would he be willing to take in foster children temporarily? Can you work in a day care center, teach Sunday school, be a mentor, run a Girl Scout troop, be a Big Sister or something similar? Are there other kids in your family or neighborhood or friend group you could dote on? Know any single moms who would welcome help raising their children? I “adopted” my friend’s grandchildren because their mom has lots of problems and the kids are so needy. They call me Grammy Pammy and I see them as often as I can. Being an only child with much older parents and very few relatives much of my family was “related by love.”
Couples therapy for you might be good to come to terms with whatever you decide to do with fewer regrets.
Also two words for you: teen hormones. 
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No mean no lol 
get a dog and respect his wishes
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My husband took time to say yes because being an only child I wanted two kids. Not sure how long this has been a subject, but it took my husband a year to agree. He doesn’t regret it. Some men do get overwhelmed and stress about finances too. Maybe doing some classes or therapy with your first child/family may help you all first to get in a better place. Ask him if that would make a difference? Good luck. I know how it feels and it’s tough. Hoping for the best for you. 
My husband was set on not having another one either he has 2 from someone else and I had 1 he adopted her we have a 3 year old together and he said that was it no more. He’s known the whole time I wanted a boy and our older kids are way older then our 3 year old and she has nobody to play with growing up so he stopped trying to avoid having another one and I’m 21 weeks pregnant with a boy and I feel complete and happy with him being our last baby. My husband wanted to make me happy and our 3 year old happy too.
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It’s the husband or baby 2. My EX husband did not want a third, I wasn’t feeling done but wasn’t ready for a third either. Well third baby came on top of everything else life threw at us in 2020 and I’ve been divorced for 2.5 years with an every other weekend break. Not to say this wouldn’t have happened otherwise but some men just can’t handle the added stress and at least your man is being honest. If you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him then probably best to not add another child. If you don’t then maybe you really need to think about what you want.
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Sounds like your husband needs additional support if he’s struggling, wouldn’t surprise me if he’s on the spectrum too.
But it’s not worth the gamble of separating or creating resent towards children to have another right now.
I’d focus on the things that could be improved.
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I don’t know how to help but I do have to say this . IF yall are gonna have one - please do it soon . It’s so hard on all these young people now who wait and then can’t get pregnant. I know times have really changed but seems it was easier back in my day when we were young and dumb and didn’t know better
You leave to find someone who does or you accept his wishes. You do try to convince someone to have another kid ever.
You’ve already solidified his reasonings with the description of your 5 y/o. Why deal with all that comes with that child and bring a newborn in the mix?
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He said he only wants one. He’s already overstimulated. If you are dead set on a second then you may have to divorce and go have a relationship and baby with someone else. He told you his boundaries.
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This is a major issue that must be agreed on. If you’ll can’t work it out don’t have a baby
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Advice?
Don’t have another child…or divorce and find someone that’d wants more children
There’s literally no compromising on children
Young one, what we want in life, isn’t what we need in life. Your husband “is set on not having another” and to force the issue won’t come out pretty, you’ve already said your hands are full with your first one - don’t bite off more than you can chew, sweet. I come from a really large family and had a career in education- I’ve seen a lot of “family” issues. Trust n believe this decision is one to be made with your husband- remember you can not force this - because forcing it the family and your children will suffer the repercussions
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You accept it or you split up. You can’t force him to want a child like he can’t for force you to not want a kid. You have to make the choice if having another child is worth breaking up your marriage or not.
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Know his limits. He said no. It’s an answer.
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You do have to respect your husband’s decision- like you said he’s already overwhelmed with your other child- you are only 34 going on 35 - I had my son when I was 31 and my daughter when I was 37 you never know what will happen. Honestly I would just pray for him. Maybe in the future he would want another child. Good luck.
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My husband said the same but then it just kinda happened. He was surprised, I was too (but excited). Our 1st son was 5 months old so my husband was just getting used to having a baby but fast forward 7 years and he always says he’s so happy it happened. He says sometimes what we think we want, isn’t what we need. He says he needed them both and didn’t know it. Good luck to you though, pray and keep praying
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One child is all he knows if he is an only child he will know lonely later in life. Words from you may not be what is needed, he needs to see a family with two children, they take care of each other. Being without siblings is a lonely way to go for an only child, your husband hasn’t felt that yet he’s too young. I told my husband I didnt want our first child to grow up alone or be alone after we passed on. We had a second child, a gift to the first in many ways.
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Idk I had two kids wanted one more, he got fixed and I still wanted one…I said if I get pregnant (during the 12 weeks Dr said to use birth control) I asked him please let’s us not use birth control and I hit pregnant with my daughter…I’m so glad we did. I mean I knew it, she was supposed to be here. My husband said it as well she was supposed to be here. I’m glad I listened to my instincts because, I have 3 beautiful kids. My husband has 3 with his ex wife and 3 with me. He said he didn’t want anymore. Sometimes a sibling can help older siblings. The husband should look at her wants too. It takes two to have kids and I respectfully heard my husband needs but, something was nagging me also, my son said he was waiting for another baby. It was weird… anyway maybe she knows something he doesn’t.
This is a topic that should be discussed before marriage.
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I have three special needs children and the overstimulation can be a lot to handle sometimes…
Oldest has autism, a speech delay, developmental delay, seizures, severe anxiety, food aversions, and is extremely destructive - he’s seven
Middlest has a hypoxia brain injury, developmental delay, speech delay, motor delay, pica, and seizures - she’s almost three
Littlest has a constitutional growth delay, developmental delay, speech delay, and seizures - he turns one this month
I’m not saying another child would be just as challenging as your first, but the possibility is there, and they would add another level of stimulation regardless. I believe your husband knows his limits.
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For me, personally…that would have ended the relationship. I always wanted 3 babies. I have 2 in heaven and 2 on earth. I did fertility with a donor for my children. I lost the ones twin in the pregnancy. I can’t afford more fertility and my donor isn’t available anymore. I’m also out of time (low amh since 6 years ago and also adenomyosis and fibroids…and turning 40 this year). But if I were with someone who told me no, I’d be leaving and doing fertility with a donor. No one can choose how many children i have except me and my body. But I (and you) don’t get to choose how many children someone else has. So stay and be one and done or leave and fulfil your dreams to have another baby.
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Respect your husband decision… ADHD is a lot to take on… dad’s probably exhausted …
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Respect your husbands point of view, if not he will resent you.
Sounds like you already have one.
The man is already overwhelmed with one kid, and you want to tack on another. I was on your husband’s side as soon as you said the one is enough to overwhelm him.
I have a 5 year old with ADHD and he’s very high functioning. He always needs something to do. He’s also very loud and reckless at times and it can be stressful. I don’t want anymore kids because of it.
I’m 29. The possibility of mental illness in a child is greater as you age.
I wanted another kid too and my bf did not. She is now 8 and an nah child. She does not have a ride or die abd someone to be there for her when we die. I should have just given her a sibling. We were selfish. She has pets and friends but it’s not the same and it’s not forever like a sibling
Consider babysitting, if your husband is struggling with 1 then it’s selfish to intentionally have another knowing he is miserable, toxic atmosphere that won’t be any good for the unborn & already born child
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It’s pretty crummy to ask someone to respect what he wants but to not think what she wants matters just as much ? This sucks all around !
Then you have only one child. If either parent says no, its a no.
What you never should do is intentionally have a child without your husband’s consent. That is cruel & evil. I say this because I have known women who have done this & it never ends well. One I knew (a family member) told her husband, “Surprise, I’m pregnant!” He replied with, “Suprise, I had a vasectomy 2 years ago!” Also not right, but that’s another story. I always tell everyone they should have the relationship that they want & be upfront about the relationship that they want. If you want a child & that is absolutely something you need, then tell him that is the relationship you want and need and if he can’t give you that then you have a right to have it with someone else, just like he has a right to have the relationship that he wants and needs with somebody else if you can’t give that to him (as in not having kids). You can’t make him sacrifice the relationship that he truly wants & needs just like he can’t make you sacrifice yours. The only way that your relationship works is if one of you is able to truly, unequivocally change what you absolutely want & need. For example, my husband has a child. He very much wanted more. I have 3. While I would have loved to have a child with my husband, I had to have a hysterectomy due to medical complications after my 3rd baby. My husband knew that when we started dating. He decided being with me was more important than having more children, so he changed what he wanted. I didn’t force him or coerce him or even ask him to. I just told him that I couldn’t in good conscience be with him if he wanted more children & I would never take that away from him. We dated for a year and he repeatedly told me that he had changed his mind, he wanted me & not more children. I asked him again before we got married & his answer never changed. We have been happy ever since. People can change their ideals for the ones they love. The key is to be upfront & not try to force or sway a decision. Just be honest about what you must have in your life. & maybe you are the one who has to change their ideals. Maybe you decide that He is more important to you than having more kids. If that is the case, you can’t cave or give in - you have to truly & absolutely change what you want or nobody will be happy. If you do agree that You want to be with him & don’t ever want another child, then have him get a vasectomy & enjoy great sex with no birth control.
Another child will NOT help your situation! I wanted 2 or 3 and we ended up with just one. I am one of 4 kids and couldn’t imagine life without brothers and sisters. At 54 I have no regrets! I keep finding reasons that 1 is better.
In addition, it turns out my worry about no siblings was unfounded. My daughter made new friends everywhere we went. (Even though she only knew many of them for an afternoon.) And she has made deep lasting friendships. At 27, she has friends that are closer than I was at that age with my siblings.
You wanted 2 your husband wanted 1. You got 1 child who requires the patience, energy, and love of at least 2 kids. You both have exactly what you wanted.
Is your son medicated? I have two children with adhd (older teens now) and they are much happier and calmer with medication, maybe if your son was medicated your husband would be less triggered and more inclined to have another child xx
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If your already struggling don’t have more kids I have 4 by my self it’s expensive and hard.
Sorry, but the answer is no. Don’t do something sneaky that you’ll regret. You have your hands full. Get a puppy.
If both dont agree…DONT DO IT
Some people can’t even have one child. It took me many years to get pregnant and had a bunch of miscarriages. I finally got pregnant with a girl when we were ready to give up. I did have a little boy 2 1/2 years later but if it wasn’t meant to be I would of still been happy with the 1 child. Sounds like you need to make a decision if you are going to be happy with 1. You never know what will happen down the road. I was 36 and 38 when I had my kids