I want my boyfriend to be more involved with family: Advice?

Maybe your group could help me with this. My boyfriend works doubles out of the 5 days in a week including the weekends. He works every weekend When he gets out of work he wants to go out and then come home. He comes home spends about an hour with us then heads to sleep. I appreciate the hard working man. But he doesn’t take advantage of the time he has to be with the family and I honestly take this as a big red flag. I’m not working as much as he is but I work my 40hrs. I still come home and cook and clean and basically feel like I’m living there as a single mother. I want him to be home more. Which means less time with his friends and more time with family. Tell me I’m not the only woman dealing with this.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I want my boyfriend to be more involved with family: Advice?

Have you tried talking to him about it? Communication is key, a closed mouth won’t get fed. Give him a chance to correct the issue before doing anything else.

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I second telling him how you feel. And if it doesn’t change then deal with it but you gotta speak up first.

I delth with this so i became single

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Have you talked to him? Be open and have a conversation about it

He could live with me or live with his friends :thinking: Just tell him this isn’t working.

Wow. He’s over-doing the work thing. Is all that work time mandatory? Do you guys need the money? I might approach this issue from the angle that he works so much that there’s no family time. Tell him that you understand he needs personal time to unwind from work, but with that, you and the kids never really see him. Ask if there’s some way to adjust his work schedule to allow for a little family time. Maybe not, but it doesn’t hurt to let him know you miss him. And maybe things will ease later on.


Karrison Hope so , if what he enjoy is to go out and have a few beers with his friend she should go there with the kids :woman_facepalming:t2::woman_facepalming:t2:.

When you are in a relationship ( specially if you live together and have kids ) your family should be the priority not your friends.
I do agree that he most be really tired and might want to relax a little before he gets to his house but he need’s to have a balance and spent time with his family as well

My husband works endless hours too but he spend any free time with us . If you have a talk with him and he keeps the behavior of going out with his friends I’m assuming then your better of alone . You and your family deserves someone who’s going for give you the attention you deserve :heart:


He’s probably pretty worn out and doing what he can.


Seems like he’s really tired from working so much and wants to enjoy home. Talk to him sometime when you can really talk with no tv on or children present and that way it’s just you and him. Hopefully you both can come up with a solution that works for you both. One question though. Was he doing this when you met him? If so you should have known what you were in for but hopefully you can work it out. :pray:

I wouldn’t be with him, tbh. He’s not a BF, he’s a roommate.

Maybe he’s more overwhelmed than you are did you ever think about that?? Have a conversation about it with him, don’t just assume

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You’re living separate lives. The question is whether he’s aware of his pattern (did his father do the same thing?) or not. You need to schedule a date night to reconnect and truly talk about your financial and relationship goals. If your goals align, you can start taking steps to get there. If not, things might not work.

I meant my Husband 14 years ago and from the day we started living together we just got married in 2021. April). But when we were dating he worked 50/60 hours a week came home spent time with us and any where he went my kids n me went
Still like that today.
I would say talk to him tell him how you feel and if no changes Leave

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If you see it as a red flag,dont ignore it. People get stuck in horrible unhappy homes because they ignored the red flags. Screaming bright lights in their eyes and still they ignored them. Not dumb people,naive people.


You’re either working or are with your kids. It should be the same for him unless he’s willing to do the same for you. Its easier to be a single parent without the expectation of not being s single parent. Leave him.

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So from how I’m understanding, he works 7 days a week, and 5 of those days are double shifts? No wonder he doesn’t spend any time with you guys, the man is exhausted. He’s not a red flag. If he only worked one job then he would have more energy to spend with you. You basically want him to forgo sleep to be with you, which could endanger him while driving to or from work, or possibly on the job. Either figure out a way to cut corners so he can quit one job, or let him be.


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Apparently your family needs the money his overtime provides. No one wants to work double shifts . Only two reasons to work double shifts . It’s mandatory and required or you need the money . He is providing the extra money your family needs .


Is he going through the motions with no emotion. Going out with the guys after work…means bars… single chicks and DUI. Yes his working like a dog…but avoiding the bone…of family. Hope his taking you with him when his out with the boys… because it doesn’t seem like his grown up yet…


Sounds like he is avoiding the exact thing that you want.


If he’s working doubles honey he needs to sleep. Big difference between 40 hrs a week, 60 hrs and 80


80 hours a week plus 32 hours on the weekend! And he still gives you an hour a night!!! That man is fucking super hero! He deserves your praise not your score he is doing it for the family

On his free time he is choosing his friends over his family all the time. That is a big red flag. Things aren’t gonna just change. So he either has to get a different job that is less hours or spend time with you guys instead of his friends or you need to end things.


I don’t understand if he’s working so much how he possibly could function on less sleep to spend time with you and the family. You’re both going to have to give up something and most likely be the money unless he can find something that doesn’t take as many hours but will make the same amount. I don’t see any give here. You’re going to have to find time to communicate your frustrations. Many couples with children work opposite shifts to make ends meet and rarely see each other because of it. They always have to make sacrifices.

Throw the whole man away.

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Men feel that working & financial support is giving their family “everything”. Remind him of being balanced, plan a getaway, a date night. Go with him when he goes to his friends.

If he’s not willing to change things up and live and behave like a family man, amd you’re already doing it alone, then leave

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My ex didn’t work double shift and acted this way to the point where he stopped coming home completely on weekends. I had to call it quits because after a while it just wasn’t worth it anymore. We were more like roommates where I did everything for him - like a second mom that just took his crap from him. I didn’t our children growing up thinking this was ok behavior too.

Maybe try talking to him. Ask him why he doesnt seem to want to be with the family. Ask if there is anything wrong and actually listen. Maybe and just maybe he is exhausted because he’s working doubles and weekends. He is most likely exhausted and going out with friends just gives him that bit of release from everything.

If you’re working 40 and hes working more, sounds like yall need to move to a cheaper area or pull back in your spending so yall dont have to work so much.

I went through this with my guy.
But it wasn’t him, it was me.
He was so tired, and busy, and I had to understand that and he okay with the slice of time I had with him.

On the days or hours when he is free, try to keep it low key. But be understanding.

I didn’t see it from his perspective until we sat down and had a convo. I was in grad school and carrying for the baby. So I want exactly free either.

These times are tough but it’s the little moments you grab that matter

You need to sit down with him and have a really good discussion
Why on earth is he working 7 days a week has he always done this or once you had a family
You have to ask why doesnt he want to spend time with you guys you feel lime he is avoiding his family
Ask him are you not happy
Why he rather spend his extra time with friends
Telk him you are feeling like roommates instead of family and that maybe he doesnt want the same things you do and you cant do this anymore…feeling single
If things dont change maybe you are better off alone because basically you are already alone
His situation tells me he rather work long hours to avoid spending time with you
Good luck sweetie