I’ve been officially dating someone that is three years younger than me for a year now, before that we had been seen each other for about over 2 years. So basically been sharing my life with this person for a little over 3 years. I have a son who I have full custody of. I had my own place that I was renting and had to leave because the owners were selling. I had no where to go in such short notice so my parents suggested we moved in with them. We went from us two living alone to a full chaotic house so it has been a big adjustment for both my son and I. My boyfriend is living with his parents as well. We usually only spend time during the weekend because we both work during the week and we live over 40 mins away from each other. I’ve been saving up and working hard on getting myself set to buy a house. I have encouraged my boyfriend to better himself in life since he is always talking about having a future with us. Since he’s been with me, he has gotten a better job, better pay, better benefit, got a car, has traveled, etc. At times it feels like I am just building him into his potential, and I am not getting anything in return. We should be growing together, in my opinion. Anyways. I have told him about how stressed I am about my current living situation, and I don’t get the support that I need from him, and I have expressed that to him—moving forward. He says he wants us to have a child together, and I have told him I am not ready until I am sure we have a place of our own and we are set financially. It has been over six months, and I am not yet where I need to be to move out, but he is. My question is, should I even have to ask my boyfriend for him to be the one to get the house so we can start building together, or do I have to keep on waiting. I have thought about asking him so many times to actually show me that he wants a future with us, not just tell me. I don’t want it to feel like an ultimatum either, but I need to know if I am just wasting my time. Why do I have to be the only one trying to make this work or building everything up? I know he loves me but right now, love is not feeling like it’s enough. I am not asking that he provides everything for us, everything would be 50/50, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask. What do I do?
Keep working on buying your own house in your name. The best and safest thing you can do for you and your child. Even if the current situation is tough give it time and eventually owning your own house is such a relief and wonderful security. You never know what will happen and if he’s not making a commitment for you and your child’s security or wanting to provide or be blend lives then don’t ask and even if he is it’s still best to make sure you’re secure without him, he’s made no commitment and legally can throw you out, that’s not a good place to be in especially with a child. Work on securing your child’s future and passing down a house is great security for them if anything happens to you. If it feels like it’s wasting time let him know and wait a see what happens then leave if it’s not what you want, don’t compromise.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I want my boyfriend to contribute more in our relationship: Thoughts?
Give it way more time
Sounds Like you need a Place of your own.
If he really wanted to move in together or have a life It would be happening already. Men Always make what they want happen. I’d say Get your own place and continue to see where the relationship goes.
Why can’t you get a place together?
He is a guy, help him move it along
It sounds like he is not in the same place of maturity as you are.get your own place and do you. You cant force someone to do what it is you expect them to do.
You cannot force him to change. He has to do this on his own. I suggest you find your own place and see how it goes.
Sounds like you just need to focus on getting your own place for you and your son
Hes 3 yrs younger than you. Maturity level is 7 yrs younger than u.
You have your answer.
You shouldn’t pressure someone to move in if they arnt ready.
If you’re buying a house do you expect him to go in on it, though you arnt fully committed?
Or do you expect him to rent/buy and expect to be invited?
But if you’re I’m diff places, face the music and leave him be. It’s less stress. Worry about you and your son.
Speaking from experience
Hes 3 years younger, and hes taking all these steps to get up to your level and showing you he wants a future . Don’t push someone down because they aren’t growing as fast as you’d like them to.
Be upfront…tell him you would like to go house hunting. Since he is ready. Go look at places you can and can not afford. Tell him where you’re at financially and see what he says. If he truly wants to do this, than he will pipe up at that point and say he will support you and son. Sometimes you just need to steer them in the right direction and then let the wind take the sails.
My advice. Being a successful independent SINGLE woman with a great job. I’ve been SINGLE for 4 yrs now. Prior to that I raised my kids alone their whole life. My son is now 28 yrs old. I tried a relationship with a man. It end ed badly. But what Im saying mama. Have fun. Date. Have sex. I know people will have words. But honestly. Im happy. Im alone. I visit my kids and grandkids. I have my “friends” I love coming home to MY house
Get your own place and move on
It took over 4 years for my bf and I to get a house. Everyone is different. Nobody is ever on the same page. Get your own place and tell him he is more than welcome to move in if he wants to however that means you also need to let him know that if he does he would split the bills with you. If he doesn’t move in then just see where it goes. At rhe end of the day ar least u have a place for you and tour child regardless so it won’t be for nothing.
Why don’t you get the house. Why do women feel the need for men to be the one who does all that crap . Get it yourself, live your life.
You said he is where he needs to be as far as being ready to move out, but you aren’t. I don’t see how he isn’t contributing enough. He is doing his part to build up and save for y’all a house and you aren’t there yet. So you want him to get a place for y’all because you are stressed where you are at.
I just don’t see where he is at fault in this situation
Stop worrying about him and keep working towards your goal. Try to work on getting your OWN place that you can afford by yourself. If you decide to let him move in, so be it.
Also you said that you are 3 years older than him but you didn’t give ages. It sounds like he’s kinda young and if he is, please don’t expect him to read your mind. Just come straight out and tell him how you feel.
Sounds like you’ll need to have talk. If you want to get a place together, communicate, he is not a my reader.
You have to be very direct with most men. Especially younger ones.
Ask him what he feels the time line is to move in together or get married or have a kid or whatever it is that you want in your future. That way if you’re not both on the same page then you can separate now and move on your own way.
If he is still living in his parents and never moved out, maybe he just doesn’t know how to go about making those first steps and/or is intimidating to him? I would definitely talk to him. Communication is a big part of any relationship and if you’re as in it as you say you are, better get ready to communicate to your best ability to remain happy with someone else… not everyone can read your thoughts. Good luck! It sounds like he’s already working with you and having patience! Sounds like a good one. 
I hate to be the one to say this because it may not be the truth but since you only get to see him on the weekends is it possible you are not the only girl in his life? I mean maybe he is entertaining more than just one female (you). He may not be ready he may just be having the time of his life while you are miserable in the home you are in now. I would focus on me and my child and get my own place and see if maybe he would like to move in with you and then you will have your answers. But either way you should get your own place and not depend on someone else. You are the one that is miserable not him.
You gotta have that talk with him and ask him what he wants, he cant read your mind and if you havent had that convo to see if youre on the same page hes probably wondering the same thing. Communication is key and there cannot be a successful relationship without. If he says he wants a future with you and a family, after 3 years of “seeing each other” it is definitely reasonable to expect him to start showing it, but you have to make that expectation known as well. Id be more worried about being willing to accept and move on if you guys and up not being at that same level of where you wanna be and where you wanna go. People only change when they re ready 
Why is the age difference relevant?
Doesn’t matter his age he’s not putting in the effort he has to go
Talk to him… Be honest!! Maybe doesn’t realize u r wanting that.
Don’t expect him to read your mind and you should always be financially independent so you can leave if things go bad.
Have an adult conversation (no whining or accusations) about what the future holds and the timeline for everything. Be blunt, honest and direct without being mean. Men don’t do well with hints or mind-reading.
Just because he’s in a better financial position than you doesn’t mean he has to take care of the two of you. Keep persevering until you can afford your own place.
Have you been consistently together for three years or on and off? Have you met his family? How well do you really know each other? How is he with your child, and how attached is your child to him? Maybe do a couples counseling weekend to see how compatible you really are.
Talk about the hard stuff—how you each budget for home, food, entertainment, savings (and what savings are for), etc. Talk about spiritual beliefs. How do each of you see god, religion, how it affects how you live your life, vote, raise kids, medical decisions, end of life decisions and beliefs. What would happen if one of you lost your job, became disabled, had to care for an aging parent or parents? What does disciplining children mean to each of you? What will holidays look like? How do you each see retirement? How would you divide chores and expenses living together? If you both want another child, what is the timeline and can you afford that?
Often churches or counseling centers have premarital questionnaires that might help you discuss the big life things before you talk about living together, getting married and/or raising a family together. There are also many books and online resources to help. The “Love Languages” books have been recommended by many.
Having fun and great sex is the easy part. Good luck!
Girl your a mom, stop worrying bout your boyfriend just get your own house your only dating maybe his not even ready for that big step yet
So he’s made changes, bettered his life, and now you’re mad because he’s taken the steps to be able to move out, but you haven’t. … Then you expect him to be a mind reader and assume he should just do the things you have planned out for yourself. …are they his plans too? Have you talked to him and laid out your concerns? Or are you just assuming that he is on the same page?
Sorry but you ain’t ready to move out but expect him to get a house. Sounds like you want him to do all the hard work and then you will float in. I have been with m y fiance for 10 years and we have our own places. I’m not giving up my place to I’m ready and get married
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I want my boyfriend to contribute more in our relationship: Thoughts?
First off, you can’t change a person or make them grow up and be responsible. It sounds like he wants to be selfish and be taken care of. A lot of red flags here and a baby is not going to fix it.
You shouldn’t have to ask
My now fiancé (bf at the time) didn’t even hesitate to ask me and my son to move in with him, if he wants to move in with you he would make it be known and not leave you guessing
A closed mouth don’t get fed. He can’t read your mind , he might be the type of man that you need to lay everything out for him to do and he will do it.
You sound like a prick after stating all the things hes done with getting a better job, better pay, a car, etc etc, it really sounds like you arent contributing enough how have you shown him that you’re worth him continuing to get more and more for your sake? If you have an issue with the living situation why not both of you out your name kn the house and money towards it, by the way it sounds you’re not showing him you care enough though I dont know the whole story
My suggestion is that you need a good pair of running shoes… when they show you who they are believe them …words mean nothing
If you want somthing ask for it. “Shouldnt have to ask” is a bs concept. You need to work on becoming more mature. Hes clearly started bettering himself in an effort to move forward with you. Be open and honest and communicate exactly what you need. Falling into the but “he should just know” trap will never work in any relationship. People arent psychic. If you want somthing ask, otherwise its your own fault if you dont get it.
Girl worry about you and your child. Focus on saving for you and your child. It sounds like y’all ain’t serious it’s all talk at this point. It’s cool y’all can hang and do stuff on the weekends and talk about yalls life but the reality of it is that it is hard to make a living now days. If I were in your shoes I’d worry about providing for my child and if the timing is right eventually everything will
Fall into place wether it’s with this guy or someone else.
Why does he need to be the only one to prove anything? What have you done? You both need to do it not just him. It’s not fair to expect it to be him. You want it 75/25 not 50/50. If you did want 50/50 you would be ready too and not just expect him to by himself. You need to prove to him as well and it sounds like you don’t want to.
Communication is the most important factor in a relationship. Be open and honest with him. But don’t rush into anything. Give him time after your talk to show he can commit to a future with you and your son. Also, do not rely on him getting a house. You have more to lose if this relationship doesn’t work out. Get a house in your name and have him contribute. It’s more important you and your son have a stable home.
Communicate!
But honestly, this story reads like a disaster waiting to happen. Needing his help to move out now is not 50/50.
If you’re not where you need to be yet, stay where you are until you are. Don’t look to him to “rescue” you. You’d just be jumping from one stressful situation to another unless you can financially stand on your own.
I had the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE. With my husband, it feels like I’m on pause while he gets to progress. But, he came from a very hard life. He lived on the streets since he was 15, so he was happy to just have a roof and a hot meal. I want a real life, college, good jobs, happy homes, a farm, ya know. I would sit down alone, and figure out what is best for you and your baby. Tell him what your goals are, and then go after them. If he helps, then he can come along with you. If he just refuses to get on board and wants to rife your train to success, it would be best to just let him go. Def wouldn’t have another baby until you have your own place and good jobs. (I dont know you or him, but maybe he’s trying to trap you?) Idk, it’s to your discretion. If he’s not listening when you tell him what you want, then I’d say it’s pretty clear. Words are words, actions are where it really matters. He can want to give you everything all day long, but if he’s not willing to work to provide for you, or at least maintain the same effort as you, it’s not worth it. You’ll just be his mom.
You should keep working toward your goal. He is your boyfriend a break up puts you right back with your parents.
Why are you trying to fix him and not yourself🤷♀️
If he’s set and hasn’t made a move to put roof over you and your son’s head. He’s not the one for you.
Sit down and have a serious discussion. What is he not doing? What do you want him to do? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Tell him your wants and needs. Let him tell you the same. Also, question yourself, do you love him? Sounds like you’re unsure… my opinion 
It’s possible you two just don’t have the same goals and dreams. You can love someone and still not fit together. Sometimes you can break your own heart by staying with someone that doesn’t inspire you.
set goals together example within 1 to 2 years I want us to buy a house or save X amount of money within 6 months towards buying a house ect. that way yall are on the same page and know exactly what ur working toward and you have a goal to meet as a couple with a time line… discussing things helps a ton! make a plan of action comfortable for both of u so one doesn’t feel like they are contributing more or less…
Do NOT buy a house with someone you’re not married to PLAIN AND SIMPLE!
You stress to him to show you that he’s ready for the next step, 6 months later he has reached that goal and ready to move out. You have not reached the goal yourself. So who’s the one really failing the relationship???
One other thing many women “in love” forget… and no offense meant … but, if the milk is free, why buy the cow? Don’t know if this applies, but I have seen too many relationships end for this reason when someone “nicer” comes along. Have a good discussion with him in a non-threatening way, and see where he stands. Tell him no kid (or “benefits”) until you are married AND in your own home with a stable income. See how he responds. This should tell you the truth about his feelings for you. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t settle for less. Don’t try to “change” him. If he truly loves you he will comply with these requests. If not, you have saved both of you a lot of future grief. Love is unconditional and expects nothing in return. BUT, common-sense says that it should be mutual and sustainable in a home of your own if you intend to be a family. And never ever be unequally yoked spiritually. I.E., if you are strong spiritually and he is a non-believer, DON’T DO IT! (Just speaking from the Word and from the experiences of very many women I have known who made that mistake, and thought they could “change” their husbands.)
Relationships are a 2 way street, talk to him and communicate, did yous discuss who would move forward with getting the house depending on who was in that position to do so first? It sounds like yous havent even really spoke about the ins and outs of it, I wouldnt go putting both names on the house as yous havent lived together before you dont know how this will go and you dont want to be stuck in a situation that you cant work with
I think yous both need to sit down and have a serious in depth talk about your future and what you both want to do with it, I wouldnt rush anything though…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I want my boyfriend to contribute more in our relationship: Thoughts?
He not what you need I dnt think. You need to worry about yourself and your current kid! Once he see’s you moving up and on he will either fall in line or drift away. Dnt go chasing after no one! Only thing you should be chasing is your goals and dreams right now for you and your kid. Dnt let him just move in without proving what he has to offer other than another kid. Let him play Dad for a while with the kid you already have. If he does good with your kid and grows with you then go for it. Right now neither of you are ready. Get your self in a good place first.
Don’t know you but in my mind yes he should make it known that he’s got you
Tell him what you want!!! He can’t read your mind.
Work on getting a home. If you have to tell him anything, he is not adult enough to be a father. He may talk about a child but he isn’t doing anything that would make you do it. I was there once and I thank God I didn’t take the step to have another child. That does not make a relationship better and the kids pay in the end
Men really cant read women, dropping hints really doesnt work. tell him what you want and ask him if that’s what he wants too and what you “both” are going to do “together” to reach those things.
Research www.naca.com The Program assists in becoming a Homeowner, without a down payment. I started this Journey beginning January 2020, was approved July 2020 (Interest rates are very low and you can “buy” it down more). Now I’m keeping an eye on the Realtor Listings - not the best of times to buy but the Right House is waiting for me …
And do it for your Son & Yourself … Do not lose your Identity ever! (I did once and it took a very long time to know who I am and my self worth.)
Stay put and buy your own house.
Keep working on buying your own house in your name. The best and safest thing you can do for you and your child. Even if the current situation is tough give it time and eventually owning your own house is such a relief and wonderful security. You never know what will happen and if he’s not making a commitment for you and your child’s security or wanting to provide or blend lives then don’t ask and even if he is it’s still best to make sure you’re secure without him, he’s made no commitment and legally can throw you out, that’s not a good place to be in especially with a child. Work on securing your child’s future and passing down a house is great security for them if anything happens to you. If it feels like it’s wasting time let him know and wait a see what happens then leave if it’s not what you want, don’t compromise.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I want my boyfriend to contribute more in our relationship: Thoughts?
Why buy a house so soon if you want him all to yourself sooner why not rent a little place and keep saving and get married in that order then the baby in the baby carriage. You might also want to see a marriage and relationship councillor before you commit to moving in together to make sure you guys are a perfect fit you are having misgivings now and feel like your the only one building this relationship up and pushing it forward just think 15 years down the road your gonna burn out and have a broken relationship. Best nip this situation it the butt now and get rid of those feelings. Relationships are all about giving and its not about who contributes what its about how it feels and if it feels good and apparently something isnt feeling good in your relationship. I wouldnt have any kids or move in with him until you got counciling and got rid of those feelings you two should be close and not about who does what. It should be about what ever it takes.
You acting like his mother. It will get old. Especially if you’re living together. Find yourself someone on your level. Guarantee you will have regrets if you move forward with this guy.
You need to decide if you think he is “the one” and if you want to marry him. If you do … what is your timeline for him to get his “act” together (in your opinion)? Six months? So have a convo with him about what you both want out of your future … if it aligns … mention you would hope to be engaged before you pick up your life and your child and move into a house together. See if he pulls through. Do you want to buy a house with him and have a baby with him without a commitment?
He can be the sweetest most amazing guy but if he’s not growing with you then you have a big problem. You need to watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeD0TpqF5p0&t=196s
It should be 100/ 100 not 50/50. He sounds like he lacks motivation. If he’s not shown you what you think you deserve by now, several years in, he never will. You deserve better than this mommas boy
If you ahve questions about your mans commitment you better get that house in YOUR name.
You haven’t said much about what he doesn’t give or do for the relationship? Just about what he doesn’t pay or buy. You want him to buy a house, because you can’t afford too, and you’re living with your parents in a chaotic environment. You’ve clearly said he’s grown and bettered himself. But doesn’t seem to be enough for you, until he gets a house. Which, things take time. And, you don’t seem to have money for it. Maybe, talk to him, about renting a place TOGETHER. And not expecting him to BUY the house HIMSELF for you…a relationship… Isn’t just all about money 
Ok well first off this is just me but No Woman should have to ask there significant other anything they just have common sense or at least be Considering to what you want from him
Kinda sounds like he’s done a lot so far?
Better job, benefits, car, taking on another persons child, travelling etc… basically what it sounds like is you see he’s doing well (better than you?) and you feel like it’s taking you longer to accomplish anything, so you want HIM to buy a house so you can move out faster?
But want to spin it in a way that makes it seem like he’s not doing enough so owes it to you, which actually makes it 75/25 in his favour as opposed to 50/50
When I was young it was not so complicated. First we did not have dependable birth control. Second everyone counted on their fingers when the baby was born. Men worked and women took care of the house and the kids. When the kids were in school we could get a job…still had to take care of kids and house. In other words you better be damn sure your man was the marrying kind.
Idk this big long rant to me sounds like you don’t got money for a place of your own but you want out of the place you live and since he has the means to get a place you think that means he should and let you move in smh idk I think your focusing on the wrong thing do you even want to be with him or live with him and have a child with him? Or do you just want to use him to get into a place 
idk 
I’m gonna be blunt about this. Some men are DUMB and can’t read into things like this. If you want something, sometimes you have to be very clear. 
But, if things don’t work out you also want to have a backup plan. I’d just keep working towards getting your own place so you don’t have to depend on him so much. Or talk to him about you two working together on one. It really takes a team and takes two people willing to make it one. I wouldn’t spell everything out for him I’m just saying give him a chance and communicate what you want/need from him.
He sounds like a mamas boy. Are you going to have to propose one day too?
I say communicate clearly , not guessing games and not hints . I suggest renting a place together going halfers on bills and rent. No one’s a mind reader if you want him to contribute in a certain way tell him clearly, to often women are a bit criptic we hope the hints we give will have him make the decision we truly want but honestly guys are spacey they need direct communication
I say get your own house so if it doesn’t work you and your son have a place to go and are not scrambling trying to find somewhere to live. He can move in and help pay the bills but that would be the only way he would move in.
So honestly if you bring up him getting a house you need to follow that up with you have money saved to help get the home and put money in it as well rather it be help down payment or bills etc …that’s the only way to bring that up
I hate commenting on this stuff, because people always hate me for it!!! Good luck!!!
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It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. And if your questioning your relationship… Doesn’t that say enough hun? You do a lot already you shouldn’t have to tell someone “what they need to do” they should know what to do or make the effort without needing the constant push… I’m happy you have helped your bf find his potential but it seems like it may be a constant issue and you know him… So only you can say whether or not that will be the case… My personal opinion is just keep doing what your doing … Stay with your bf… But stop “pushing” and see what happens and you’ll get the answer soon enough… Your bf is either gonna step up or slack off
Why are you making it a competition? You should be discussing things and making decisions together to move forward in a mature relationship
Brianna
Life’s too short !!!
Before you know it you’re 60 years old you don’t even know where the time went.
Why are you saying and feeling what you just said it’s time to get rid of him he deserves so much more I know it hurts you have to tell him what you feel and if you can’t do something about that there’s so many more men out there that are so deserving of you stay strong my sister
Take care of yourself and ur son and move on…If he hasn’t made an effort to get a home with u he never will…move on…Mr. Right is out there
Let’s just face facts here: no matter what he does, you’ll never be satisfied. It sounds like you feel he’s not good enough. Just be honest with yourself and stop wasting everyone’s time. And he shouldn’t have to buy you a house to prove his worth. Just sit tight and better yourself.
You shouldn’t have to ask for sh*t. It’s pretty obvious what you want and what your goals are and if he hasn’t caught up yet dump his ass. Someone will want the same things as you and will want those things for you. Don’t ask or beg anyone for nothing. If it’s a equal relationship you shouldn’t have to ask or contemplate on this. This is the biggest flaw women have is self doubt and worthiness. You don’t need a man. You can get things done with or without a man. It’s a companionship not a dictatorship. It’s 50/50 and it’s ok to have 30/50 on bad days as long as they always come back vice versa. You guys been together for 3 years. You can meet someone tomorrow who will be ready in a few months. Don’t waste your time.
My opinion is you see how hard it is with 1 child why bring another 1 into this world. Til your established. Get that home in your name alone with the 1 child if he falls in line and grows up fine if not good if not you will know take our advice we know from experience
If you are asking yourself this question you already know the answer. It will not get better.
Marriage each give 100 percent! Is he giving anything! Saving for yours future? If not?
Quit raising two kids.
He is 3 years younger than you…you are not in the same places in your lives. You may be ready for a house and if he isn’t talking about doing that, he is probably not ready.
Either way, the only thing that is going to solve your problem is having the conversation with him about your wants/needs/expectations and asking him what his are to see if you are even remotely on the same page as each other.
he is what you call Immature so if you want to keep mothering him go ahead, but more likely when he does mature he will look for someone else not a mother figure like you, I know it’s a hard reality to except now but you need to cut him out now and rebuild your life without him, you’ll be much happier with someone else.
Do not rush into anything, you may feel as though your life is hectic right now but you may be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. I would advice you to find another place of your own to rent, you need the time for you and your son and make sure you are making the right decision for both of you. The man you choose must want to show you he cares and especially cares about your son because he is the most important man in your life right now. If you can’t find someone who is willing to take care of you wait, the right one will come along.