I need some advice. I have an almost four-month-old. Her dad and I split up when she was about 1 1/2 months old because he couldn’t step up and act grown-up about anything. Basically, he hasn’t come to see her since we split up, even though we were on good terms for a while. I always offered for him to come to stay with me in MY house, and then I did offer to go to him and stay in a hotel with her (he lives 3 hours away.) every time I offered this he would say no I want her for the whole weekend, or a few weeks, and would accuse me of keeping him from her. The reason I don’t want him to have her overnight is she still wakes up every few hours to eat, and he is IMPOSSIBLE to wake up. I slept on his floor a few times because I couldn’t wake him up to move him. He also is very selfish and irresponsible and doesn’t give her 100% of his attention when she needs it. After I gave birth and he went back to his home, all he did was sit around and smoke pot with his friends for at least a month until he got a job. He thinks that when he has her, he can just leave her in the crib all day, and she will be fine. He also just acts like she is a prize to be won. He doesn’t understand she needs love and attention ALL the time, not just when it’s convenient for him. So basically, I filed for custody, and our first meeting is in a few weeks, and I’m just so nervous. I don’t know what to expect. Has anyone else gone through this?? I guess I just want to know a little more about what to expect. I don’t want to keep him out of her life, he is just very unreliable, and I’m scared she won’t get the care she needs when she is with him without me there.
Why force a man that the worst thing to done
Most states wont do full weekends away from mom until they’re a year, explain to the mediator all of your concerns, including the cannabis. They want to do what is best for the baby, even if one of the parents disagrees with it.
A lot easier being a single parent
No judge is going to deny him visits and/or overnight unless you can prove neglect.
Sounds like you should make your concerns known to your lawyer and explain that you have no problem with overnight or prolonged visits with him after the child is a bit older and doesnt need constant attention like she does now. For now it can be daytime visits, like meeting somewhere for a few hours, or letting him take her for a couple hours at a time but no overnight yet or request court supervised visits to prove he is capable of taking actual care of the baby while alone with her. Its gonna be rough, but goodluck.
He will probably get every other FULL weekend and week long breaks . But could possibly get longer visit since she is not school age and is not breast fed even then judge would say pump and give the bottles to him. Judges do not care how old the baby is. They care about both parents being involved. You have NO evidence of needing supervised visitation. Only hear say of what you claim. Any drugs?abuse? Your only offering on your terms of what you want. This is his child to. Are you bitter, do you argue constantly? Would he rather not see her so he dosent have to deal with you being so controlling?
Why…why force him to want to be around her…
If it doesn’t come naturally then I wouldn’t bother…he would just leave her in a crib all day (your words) anyway…why do you want that for her???..grow up…!! You cannot force him to love her.
From a different view, you are making the only able time to see her means you have to be there. Saying he can come to your house or you guys can get a hotel? If you guys split then give him a chance to be a dad. It doesn’t mean you have to watch or supervise it. It’s his daughter to, the only way he will learn how and what she needs, is being active in her life and not just on your terms. Unless you feel the child is in actual danger.
Just wait til shes older. Just offer small visits and tell him when shes more independent she can stay with him cause she needs alot of care and needs mom. No reason to worry. Baby stage doesnt last forever and yes it’s hard. I know you want him apart but best thing right now is get your child support straight and custody papers. Just focus on u and baby right now. It’s a hard age for anyone. I wouldnt want someone watching my little baby too. When shes a big girl walking and messing up everything you can send her over. Time heals everything !
Unless you can prove it no judge will deny his visits and you can’t always go with them maybe his with someone else that’s why he doesn’t want you there you can’t force him to allow you there too plus it’s his time his not there when you have her you don’t have to be when he has her if you don’t let him take responsibility on his own he never will
I understand your concern for him not giving her complete attention and/or care when alone with her; I had similar issues with my first child. I have no advice as far as the case itself; I don’t know. But all I can say is continue to do what is best for your child, not just because it’s what you want but because it is what is actually best for them and all else will fall into place.
It is hard being an advocate for your babies. Reasses yourself often to ensure your on the correct path.
Positive vibes sent your way.
Why yal mad at her? We know so many moms like to keep dad away and claim hes a pos. But not everyone feels that way…
In Indiana no over night stays until the are three. My Granddaughter went through it a few years ago.
I personally wouldn’t bring the situation to the courts unless you want him to be able to take her. Why do you want it to go thru court? Just curious. Also if it does go to court ask for supervised visitation. I don’t necessarily agree with him coming to your home or y’all staying in a hotel. I feel like that would be confusing for the child and it probably comes off to him as you wanting to be with him.
Maybe try a week end but you stay at the hotel and see with him how it goes. He will freak out probably and give it back to you few hours later. It’s not easy having a baby.
Seriously? Why even bother with this POS. He was just a sperm donor honey…move on raise your daughter a n live happily ever after…without him.
Are you breastfeeding? Father can’t have her for the weekend when you are bf.
Like I tell everyone, all father’s deserve a chance regardless of what has happened or done or going on , always try to make it work just so u can say hey we tryed , if u have to do visiting with supervison , iknow iknow it’s more complicated then it sounds but if u truly won’t him around atleast u tryed 
My daughters dad did the exact same thing and it’s been 12 years now and he is nowhere to be found. He only wanted to see her to get at me, not because he cared about her, and when he did have her he didn’t take care of her at all. His then girlfriend got ahold of me and let me know what kind of “dad” he was being to her. Fortunately for me he never filed for custody (we weren’t married) and had just been a ghost since she was about 2. He had all the same accusations of me keeping her from him, etc., but it’s because I wouldn’t let him take her overnight or for weeks at a time. He also refused to meet in public places to see her and demanded I drop her off for days at a time. I refused because she didn’t know him because he had been so absent most of the time. Anyway men like this don’t actually care about the child, and I would provide any and all testimonies of this to the judge
In Texas a child can’t be overnight till he/she’s 3 years old, check your state laws on the matter and go from there, if you don’t get full custody
If he isn’t doing what he needs to stop offering. He can file for custody if it’s that important to him. Which I don’t think he will.
Also do not give him your child without a custody order in place. Legally you have the same rights and he doesn’t have to return her.
I would not take your child around a person who does pot he still sounds like hes still Irresponsible you don’t need that for your child who knows might happen if your child is over there
No let him go to court to see her
Just imagine if he or your daughter had one week left to live and the decision would be easier. So many parents raise their children believing that the child is a gift for them. It is the opposite. One day that child will be on this earth without either you or her Daddy. As parents we need to give more than we can receive.
Why would you even put him on the birth certificate if he is so unreliable? My youngest 2 (twins) don’t have their dad on ANY records… and I prefer it that way
You shouldn’t have filed anything until he did. They will likely split custody 50/50 now and you will have absolutely no say in what he chooses to do on his time.
All you can do is offer it to him and let him do the rest, you guys have to meet each other half way, but if you dont feel comfortable with him keeping her because he might be neglectful then dont let him keep her, simple as that. If you are doing what you feel best for your child then fuck what anyone else thinks. Me personally I would only let him come visit at ur house until you are confident he will take care of her the right way and if he cant make it there then that’s on him. Sound like he has alot of growing up to do tho.
No, he’s not ready to be a father.
Is there someone else like his mom who can help him out and be your eyes and ears and be the back up when he does dip out. I have that with my kids. They do things for their kids but sometimes their selfish needs take over but I know that their moms will step up and take over as needed. Not everyone has that luxury. But all I can say is you can try 1 over night stay. See how that goes for both kid and dad. You may not see how he really is because we see it through our eyes. But honestly when my kids dad alone with them …i actually dont worry anymore. Yes they dont do as I do but my kids are happy and safe and thats all that matters. Give him time learn and grow.
Sorry that was a long comment 
I am not sure why you want him in her life, when clearly he does not want to be in hers. Asking or allowing him to be around her is wrong on every principle. When he cleans up and grows up and comes to you, then consider letting him around her. Please don’t until then for her sake.
Why would you even consider putting achild who has no way to communicate. In a situation that could harm them? The father needs to realize that the needs of the child comes before his own. And from the way you’ve talked about how he is. I’d be very, very guarded with him. Take full control, and don’t let go. Your child needs you to speak for her.
You are answering your own questions. Leave don’t waste your time.
Well from Experience, my daughter’s father smokes weed. And she’s 4 months old . I understand that separation anxiety is so real because I wanna cry when my daughter is not with me . However I work now and she stays with her grandmother (his mother) during the day timeamd he lives with his mother he Sleeps like a rock too but the way. But when baby comes over I didn’t tell him or ask him but he realised out of his own that smoking weed while she is there won’t work its things that they ease into. Remember there is no manual on how to be a mother and father but you do figure it out as you go. The more time he spends with her the more he will come to the realisation that his little person needs him. His mother is a wonderful lady who even helps and cares for my daughter when I am there. Now I know not every situation plays out the same I also understand the concern but atleast allow him the chance. And if U feel he is unfit to be a parent HE WILL PROVE HIMSELF TO BE UNFIT. So let things work themselves out we cannot control everything.
The problem- “I want”
Not what’s best for the kid
Make sure you document ALLLL of your attempts to work with him. And get proof if possible of your concerns. Just Incase it goes to court. Keep a log of everyday u attempt to have him see her, his response, etc. I would stand your ground until she’s older, your concerns seem reasonable but a court will not like it if it appears you are trying to keep them apart like he says.
It sounds like you need to sit down with him and be civil and MAKE him understand that he will need to give her constant attention, and that pot contributes to being a heavy sleeper so he will have to not smoke it while she is over because he will have to get up several times a night. I would say give him a trial day, just one day, and if he can manage then give him more. I think one day with a screaming baby will teach him enough about what he can expect and will hopefully straighten him out. If you are absolutely sure that he cannot be responsible enough to parent, then prepare to go to war with the court to prove he is unreliable. If she is breastfed that helps, because she can’t be apart from you for too long. You’ll want to get a doctor’s note detailing how often she breastfeeds. Then you’ll need to show examples of how he is unfit to care for her, not just word of mouth but examples of living conditions, written accounts of others, any prior arrests. Save any messages from him that indicate any kind of irresponsibility regarding his child. If smoking weed is illegal where he lives, you can use that against him, but you may need a police report that he got caught with it. And even then, you may not get full custody. My dad, for instance, got partial custody of us despite being a hardcore alcoholic, frequently drinking while driving with us in the car, my mom having a restraining order against him for domestic abuse, him never paying child support for our entire childhoods, him literally going to jail for beating up his girlfriend once, etc. It’s really hard to get full custody, and you’ll have to prepare to be nasty and get a good lawyer if you really need it. So start with letting him prove himself instead, and keep detailed records and documents of everything you can think of just in case he turns out to not be able to cut it.
Keep her away, last thing she needs is a druggie donor doing the wrong thing to her,
No almost 4 month old needs to be away from her mother overnight. And it sounds like he moved away, so that could be considered abandonment.
Quit taking all the steps. If he wants to be a daddy he willcontact you.
Do what’s best for your child. Dad is not a responsible person. If Dad’s feelings get hurt, too bad. Your child comes first.
Unless there are serious safety concerns,dont close the door on your babies daddy! If hes not ready now,hopefully he’ll grow up and see how much hes missing but always leave the option for him to be there for her on the table. More love is always better
You should ask that each one of you be given random drug test that way it would be decided what would be best for the child and if he doesn’t pass the drug test supervised to visitation which would mean no overnight it sounds like to me that he is not mature enough to take care of a child of any age and random drug test for both of you would be one way to prove this
Then don’t have him in her life. Having a half ass parent vs not having to deal with the heart break of no parent is 100% better. The child never wonders why she/he is or isn’t good enough. Never being disappointed when they don’t show. Do her a favor and don’t force nothing. Coming from someone whos family is here and gone, I as an adult cut every single one of those people off and my life is 100% less complicated. 
If he gets visitation ask that it be supervised visits in a child center.