sorry long post!!! Looking for advice… I am a recovering drug addict and am 3 1/2 years sober. When I was in active addiction my parents had custody of my son who at the time was 1 1/2-3 years old. I got custody back when he was 3 and have had it for 3 years now. I do not have a very good relationship with my parents no matter how hard I try my mom is constantly putting me down telling me that I’m just an addict, constantly asking me if I really think I’m gonna be able to do what I want to do with life (I just graduated nursing school in December. My mom insisted and fought with me that I was only getting my LPN until she saw my graduation video that said RN) and things like that. I try my best to let it roll off my shoulders and continue to stay sober and prove her wrong one day at a time. My parents do however still have a lot of contact with my son 4-5 days a week I have him call or FaceTime to see them and he see them at least 1-2 times a week and spends every 3rd weekend of the month at there house (court ordered when I got custody back because his bio dad is not in the picture). My son has started throwing a fit on the weekends he has to go there begging me to stay home. I don’t know what to do. If I tell my parents that she won’t believe me and will fight me on it (probably taking me to court if I don’t force him to go) but I feel horrible and don’t want to force him! ): also my mom encourages my son to call her mom. I have talked to her and him both about how she is not his mom and it hurts me that she does that and when he calls her that. I correct him and keep talking with him to let him know it hurts me. Well when I picked him up this weekend the first thing that came out of his mouth was “meme told me I can call her
Mom but it has to be outlets secret, I don’t think I should though mama what should I do?” I am at such a loss… what should I do??? ):
I would petition the court to change the agreement. The judge will usually speak to your child if they’re old enough to understand. In the meantime, document everything.
Talk to a lawyer, your mum sounds like a narc, she’s going against your recovery. Keep any proof of it.
Consult your lawyer and petition the court. Courts don’t like to see that type of manipulation. If she’s basically brainwashing the child to call her mom knowing she is not mom and does not have custody anymore then she is so much in the wrong … especially telling your son to do it as a secret.
I think your parents are holding in to a lot of anger. Family counseling is what I would do.
I would absolutely talk to your lawyer about this. Document things and times… and maybe record the way he acts going to and coming home from your moms house… or let your lawyer find someone who can interview your child so nothing seems coerced.
Get an attorney and get that court order changed
I’m in this similar situation I would love to talk to this momma for support and to ask a few questions. I’m so proud of you momma
Congratulations on 3 years sober AND graduating nursing school! You should be proud of yourself! 
You need to get an attorney. And a guardian ad litem for your son. The judge will assign one. They have only your child’s best interest in mind and they see right through bulls shit, coercion. YOU have custody of YOUR son, she no longer has a say. Keep record of everything, how your son acts when he has too go, when he comes home, everything he says and does b4 and after he goes. This is a process and it can be long. So start it as soon as possible. Don’t let this go on, it’s detrimental to you and your son.
Also, we do recover. I’m 7yrs clean and sober. You’ll get there, day by day, minute to minute. Some days are harder than others but no matter what, never let her impact your recovery. You don’t need her or her support to stay clean. You just need support and to remain open and honest.
Keep your head up god bless you and your son I would be proud off you for getting clean
I didn’t read it all But I just wanna say Well Done for keeping sober for 3 years and turning your life around. Your mother needs to give her head a wobble.
Custody order can stip that he only call you mom. Maybe give him something special of yours when he goes. My son takes my blanket with him to sleepovers. Chin up! You are amazing momma!
Your strength and accomplishments speak for who you are. You’re a winner and will continue to Rise. Don’t give in to negativity, even if it’s mom. Seek counseling for yourself, and maybe she’ll join you. Pray for God’s guidance and He’ll continue to bless you and give mom a change of heart. You’re an outstanding young lady, congratulations!
No problem is too big for God to solve…pray, believe and continue to Love mom, even through the tuff moments. You’re an accomplished WINNER! 
Tell her again and again you are the mother…
If it doesn’t cost anything, I would go to court and explain he doesnt want to go
When kids start to get older, they dont want to go to grandparents.
Hats off to you on your awesome accomplishnent
Congratulations I am proud of you… You are doing something most people can not do… Stay strong you are doing good
I have no advice, but congrats on being sober and graduating nursing school! Those are two very amazing accomplishments and you should be very proud! 
Talk to a lawyer finishing school is another thing to give your son stability that’s progress on your end ask to amend the agreement at least do mediation with your mom
Bring her back to court for some modifications. Request the courts complete an evaluation on your mother to determine if she is truly an actual support for your son or a manipulative person whom it interfering with the parent/child relationship.
I know right now, you are under court orders. For yourself…there is a saying. Prune your branches, if they do not produce friut, cut them off because they only strangle. ( ok, it is Biblical principles, not exactly quoted)
Best wishes & Congratulations on all if your accomplishments, you have much to be proud of.
Congrats on staying sober and picking such a rewarding career. As for your mom, since you’ve already explained and she isnt listening, id file a petition with tje court to remove tje order for visitation due to potential emotional abuse.
Does your state/county have Guardian Ad Litems… the court-ordered attorney that works for the best interest of the child and seeing how the grandmother is interfering with the parent-child relationship they can intervene and assist
Sounds like they still want to control you and him. Record his outbursts and what he says that your mom says. It’s proof. Go to the family courthouse and file a petition and if you can’t afford a lawyer maybe they will provide one for you. Do what’s best for you and your son. Good luck. Congrats on congrats on your sobriety.
Sounds like you and mom need some counseling together so you can both work through the unresolved issues you both have with each other. It sounds like she doesn’t understand addiction and recovery and how working against you can manipulate your recovery. I don’t agree with her telling your child to call her mom but it’s very likely that that’s how she sees herself since she was mom for a year and a half. This is where the counseling would really help her. It’ll help her understand the things she can’t see. I wouldn’t argue with her. I’d drop my kid off on her visitation days, pick him back up and keep talk short, sweet and to the point. I’d also request a modification and let the courts know that it’s very confusing to your child when your mom tells him to call her mom. Even see about getting your child a guardian ad litem (GAD) so they can speak in his behalf. They work for the child and what’s in the best interest of the child. Good luck with your mom and with your recovery. You made a huge accomplishment in getting clean, graduating nursing school and getting your son back. Not a lot of people can do that. Be proud of yourself.
You’re mom has no respect for you. Even though you have graduated from nursing school and have been sober for a few years, which by the way is awesome!! Your mom also sounds like a control freak. I would definitely contact your lawyer and talk to him about your son not wanting to go to his grandparents and see what his advice is. Also let him know how she undermines you to your son.
I have such a different opinion than most here and well I’m gonna share it. Please just hear me out. Your mom and dad stepped up when you chose something over your son that consumed your life. You didnt see him as important enough. The most critical time in his life they were his parents, while you were doing whatever. She has every right to want to see him and be very much apart of his life. She also is very worried, what happens if you did start using again, you arent going to tell her. it seems she doesnt believe what you say, is this because you had a lying problem when you were using??
The mom thing I understand and you need to talk with her about it. But yall are playing mind games with this little boy. Who cares what he calls his mom and his gmom. She was his mom. It’s like when people bitch that their kids calls the step mom, mom. Is she not a mother figure? Does she not take care of your child too.
I do suggest counseling for you and then for you and your parents. I do think this will help sort thru things.
I know not a popular opinion. but at the same time, open your eyes. That woman loved you so much she took on your choice while you chose other things. You are lucky he wasnt placed in state custody and ever even got him back. Accept that you are parenting with your parents, grow up for the sake of the child.
Just take her out of ur life if my daughter didnt live with mine i would i still have custody just my daighter was a custon to living witg my parents since birth
Document everything! Try to record him getting upset having to go, and anything he says when you get him back. Take her back to court. You can let the court know you would like someone to talk to him one on one about what he would like.
It sucks when people don’t see past the addiction, you are doing awesome and keep moving forward to provide the best life for you two!
Court. There is no reason that after all your hard work and determination to make a better life for your child and yourself that this won’t be revised.
I would just correct him every time but overall it is just a name. Ignore her. Also dont tell him hes hurting you when you do it. That isnt fair for that to he put on him. I am not trying to be rude so dont take it that way, but you made choices that has made this confusing for him and difficult for everyone. She may not be his biological mother but she has been a mother to him for part of his life and just because you got your life together does not mean that she all of a sudden stops being his mother when she was his mother pretty much before. Id just let it go honestly. You cannot really blame her for wanting to be called that and it really isnt fair that you wanted her to be his mom while you was out doing drugs but now that you decided to clean up your act all of a sudden she isnt allowed to be one of his moms. Once a mom always a mom and it is really unfair of you to expect her to be a mom only when you are out doing other things. She will always be a mom to him and it isnt fair for you to allow your pride to get in the way of that. She considers herself to be one of his mom’s because you made it that way. He considers her to be one of his moms for the same reason. You are the only one who has an issue with this so just let it go. Otherwise you are hurting both of them just to protect your own pride. I would just allow him to call both of you mom because both of you have been a mom to him. But it is selfish to not care about his wants just because it hurts your feelings. And it is not fair to put your upset feelings on him because ir was your choices that put them in the situation where they have any bond other than a grandparent grandson bond. If he changes his mind in the future and decides he doesn’t want to call her that and she tries to force him that is one thing. But she is one of his moms and you need to deal with that. And it is great that yiu decided to stop dping drugs and that you have gotten a degree and your mom should be proud of you for that because i cannot imagine how hard that was for you. So congrats for that.
She shouldn’t be encouraging him to call her mom…that can get her in trouble with the judge. And it’s probably in the paperwork somewhere that that’s a no-no. It was in my custody papers when my ex and I got divorced. You can record any and all phone calls for proof. But before you do that look up the laws on that. I know where I am only 1 person has to consent.
Honey, you are living your life and making the most out of it! One thing to remember… You obviously know what its like to have a parent you can’t please (and that shit is on her, not you). Don’t ever be that parent/friend/family member to anyone. Lift those up around you. Even your mom. Lift her up. Make sure you tell her often that you appreciate her and all she does for you and your son. Be the example for her and your son. rock on, girl!!
Ive had my granddaughter since she was 18 months old. She didn’t talk, or eat properly, was always sick. I took care of her like my own child. Her mother breezes in and out of her life. She sometimes calls me mommy but I correct her. So now she calls me gramma. She is 4 now and I see me probably having her for years to come. I personaly would never expect her to call me mommy. That is confusing that little boy as far as im concerned i would take it back to court. Have the visits stopped and that she can not tell him to call her mommy. I think she does it to hurt you. You should be very proud of yourself for graduating and staying sober. You got this girl. Never look back, just keep looking forwards. When your son is old enough he will understand more. Keep up the good work and dont let nobody bring you down. Noe even your parents. If my daughter did all that I would be so very proud of her.
Congratulations on staying clean and have such a rewarding career. An has something happened he not saying why he doesn’t wont go over there? Record him doing it show courts see if courts where u live have Guardin ad lithem? They for kids and have good insight what best for kids. When we was fighting get custody of my granddaughter we has best guardian ad Luthem. She really good at persuading judge give us custody. As far your mom wants ur son call her mom. Not much can do let ur son call her what he wants. As long as he calls you mom and understands ur his mom. My granddaughter is 4yrs she calls me mom must of time every now then she call me nana. She call her mom, momma still. Kids that young if with grandma lot of times they pick up and call them mom. Then one day they stop.
Why is he not wanting to go there?
All of you need to keep him out of the middle.
All you say is, I, I, I. Are you even considering your parents and child? Congrats on your achievements. You have to really look at the damage YOU caused. The drugs were around long before the custody issue.
Can you at least understand the anger and weariness they’re feeling? I bet they’ve been disappointed alot.
Let your gratefulness outweigh your anger. Yes, their not acting perfect, but neither did you.
Seek counseling for the adults and leave your child out of it until you all get well. Good luck.
Nope. She is WAY overstepping. I understand she had him while you were deep in the addiction but you’ve been doing great since getting sober from the sounds of it. She has no right to tell him that and to tell him to keep it secret. That is detrimental to the mother/child bond. I would tell her one time and one time only that if she doesn’t learn her place and stop trying to take YOURS, you will stop visits and take it back to court since it would no longer be in his best interest to visit with her. It’s that simple!
Record it girl and show it to the court if they wanna take you
Congrats on your degree! Keep talking with your son letting him know your his mom and his grandma is not, capture on video how your son is acting out and do multiple days so they can see it’s not a show. Keep your head up and keep pushing forward for your son and keep bettering yourself. Congrats again
document everything. take them back to court and let your son see them when HE wants.
I understand how you feel. As a mom myself when I was little like your son I was done the same way both my parents recovering and everyone wanted me to call my grandparents mom and dad. I made the choice when I realized they were dragging me in the middle of everything who was going to be who to me. Sometimes these little things blow over once a child gets a little older and understands what’s going on. Give your son time, yes I know it hurts but you have to give him a little time to adjust. Congrats on making your life better though so you can give him the life you both deserve.
Simple. Step back. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. Sounds like she has a personal problem within herself and very controlling nature. Your a sober , responsible adult with a degree. Move on. Even if they are your parents. You must protect your own family now.
You’ve done a great job changing your life positive n your mother isn’t bieng supportive ;”( seems jealous s bit !!! So what if I’m the Past drugs were involved no ones perfect n shouldn’t be thrown back at ya every dang time mother wants to be mean ? Stay strong n keep on positive ;”) you’re doing a great job hunny !! Did make some cruddy choices myself so people can change trust God,
First of all… Congratulations on your recovery and turning your life around. That isn’t always easy. Now, onto the issue with your parents… Unless it is court ordered that they have rights, step back from them. Focus on you and your child. They will either get on board or they won’t, but for the sake of your mental health and your child’s, they cannot be involved unless the courts have deemed it necessary.
Congratulations on you’re sobriety very proud to see you doing the damn thing it’s very hard take her back to court.
Id say go back to court and show them a video of your son saying he doesn’t want to go. Try say something like why don’t you want to go. Don’t you have fun there. And see if they can take visits away. However my kid is 2 and she throws a tantrum not wanting to go but when we pick her up she doesn’t want to leave. So make sure its for the right reasons. My kid just has separation anxiety.
The only thing you can do is keep sending him even if he’s upset. When I first got with my husband his daughter didn’t want to go to her mums but he encouraged her to go and now she loves spending time at her mums. It only lasted a couple of times. And visa versa, a couple of times she hasn’t wanted to come to our but she was encouraged to do so. They go through stages but with yours being court ordered all you can do is encourage it and send him. As for him calling his grandmother Mum, definitely don’t allow that. Keep telling him not to do it. If you’ve been 3 years sober can you go back to court and get the custody changed?
Tell ur mom to fucking get her own damn child
Congratulations on getting your life straight !!! Document , get counseling (maybe with mom) , go back to court if you have too.
Sounds like your mom is getting wayyy out of line. If you gave been sober this long and are making something of yourself then she needs to back off. No one is perfect. I dont think she realizes that your son has been threw enough and she doesnt need to be creating drama for him. Sounds like she might be a bit of a control freak. Personally, I would try to undo the mandatory weekends. If its this obvious that it is hurting him dont be afraid to put your foot down. You are a recovered addict so you gave nothing to hide. Just keep sober and do what is best for your baby.
Ok number one I’m one too not a user for more than 30 years never let no one steel your thunder your clean the thing is they don’t want you to make a lire out of them so you tried now talk to a lawer and about a reasement and move your can away from them rember stress is #1 in relapse it is important to you as a mom but it is important to your child get away I know it hurts but I can tell you the second loss is up to you better your self is important
I have lived it
Do what you have to save your family
With love pray alot it works
Starting documenting everything DSS isn’t gonna wan her in the picture if she’s not supporting u to make u ur best I would contact Helpmate and explain my situation then try everything in ur power to get them out of the picture and then live ur life sometimes parents can be toxic and that’s when u need to make the decision as a women and mom to part ways it’s sad and not fair but sounds like u really got too.
Step up with God on your side . that is wrong of your mama by all means . it is confusing to the child .
Good luck to you and your kids it will get better you might have to take her to court
You done Charlie now you’re so try to get you something else to drink cuz you got pills over there to take okay I’ll get you some more water
I would talk to a counselor through the county or my lawyer if I had one. I know you don’t know.me but. I am very proud of you.
You have been through so much and come out on the other side. Hold your head high and talk to your son. I wish you great luck.
Don’t let your kid go, call the police and let them hear everything that’s going on even from your child’s mouth, get a restraining order if you have to, and then go to court and tell the judge what has been going on and explain him why you want full custody and them out of the picture and of he doesn’t understand to hell with him too. Always listen to your kids when they say they don’t want to go somewhere because they are uncomfortable! Do not force him, and if they call the police on you for not allowing visitation, you don’t have to answer the door. Unless they are there with a SEARCH WARRANT or a warrant for you or your child, do not answer the door!