I was called lazy for forgetting my childrens plates: Advice?

Relationships
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101

Your kids should be cleaning up after themselves. I assume they’re a bit older (not infants) so they should be able to clean up after themselves. From like 2+ it’s important to start having little ones show some independence. I have 4 kids and all of them from about that age (until the teenage years :roll_eyes:) loved “helping me clean”. In reality, I was teaching them to clean up after themselves.

All of that aside… tell your husband to suck it! If you’re a full time mom/wife, going to school full time and working part time and he calls you lazy for leaving some plates on the table, tell him to suck it big time! It does not matter that he works full time and pays the mortgage. My husband works full time and pays most of the bills. I’m a full time mom/wife/student. He STILL tells me to sit down and relax when I’m up cleaning and cooking and all of that. Besides, no matter the situation, moms are allowed to have lazy days or days when they just don’t feel like it. That needs to be normalized. Just because we got married and had children does NOT mean that we don’t still get sick days or lazy days.

So again, tell your husband to suck it!

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102

Oo no no no. Send him back to his mother. Never ever allow him to disrespect you. You are the mother to his children. He can help around the house and he can help with the kids.

103

I would have thrown them at him lol. Does he not have arms and legs? Pretty sure they are his kids too?? :rofl::rofl:

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104

No not wrong at all. Moms cant do everything 24/7… smh. Not to mention its your house. Who cares wgat goes on as long as kids are happy and healthy. The plates being there doesnt determine good mom or bad mom or lazy. Its just mom life.

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105

Oh hell no.
I would rip a strip off his ass so fast he would be seeing stars.
Do not ever let him do or say those things to you, especially in front of the kids.
Lazy is someone who expects everything to be done for them. Lazy is a person whom doesn’t pull their weight.

106

Your husband is itshays! He could’ve picked it up and taken it seeing as he likes to throw the lazy word around :expressionless:

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107

Nope and a pop in the back of the head every now and then to remind him they’re his kids also doesn’t hur… (let me slowly delete this message… because whoo, bless it!!)

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108

He’s at home he can get off his ass and clean the fuckin dishes

109

It happens… its not wrong. It was a couple hours not a week

110

I’d tell him to go fuck himself. If he sees them needing to be picked up he can pick them up. You’re not a maid :roll_eyes:

111

GTFO. No. You need to check him quick. Tell him their his god-damned kids too. My husband and I both use that phrase. It goes both ways. IDC who pays what bill. You had kids, both are responsible for their care. Period.

112

Wow, what a douche! Sorry but he can complain about plates he can grab them too…also why can’t the kids pick up the plates? If they are getting home schooled they should be able to handle putting plates in the kitchen when done.

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113

In the time it took him to take a whole breath to call you lazy, he could’ve already had the plates in the sink/ kitchen himself. Screw that.

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114

I’m guessing he sees all you do now that he’s working from home & is feeling guilty he doesn’t help. So what he does is pick at you over something insignificant to make himself feel better.

Tell him the kids are getting older and you want his help to develop a “chore chart” for the family. Once you write out everything that has to be done, let everyone choose which chores they want to be responsible for. Everyone starts with at least five, with older kids getting more complex ones. Not only will it make hubs and the kids feel like they are contributing to the household and being helpful and responsible, it will be a visual reminder of everything you do for them. Chores can be changed/traded at family meetings once a month on request.

Everyone should be responsible for putting away their own dishes (at least in the sink if not dishwasher), their own clean clothes and possessions, and putting their dirty clothes in their hampers.

Younger kids can wash or rinse unbreakable tableware and/or put it in and take it out of the dishwasher, toss clothes in the washer and dryer or to hang on a drying rack, dust anything within reach, set the table, use a hand broom and dustpan, use a child-sized mop and broom, maybe spray & scrub the bathtub, wipe down lower cabinets, clean the outside of the toilet, feed a pet. You will have to supervise the kids for a while & offer to show hubs how you do things to start him off. Then don’t complain if he does things differently as long as they’re done OK.

Develop a reward system for either individual (all chores done that week) or family (everyone’s chores done that week)—or both—with individual and group rewards. Getting to chose the dinner menu, 15 minute later bed time, chance to call a friend or grandparent, a choice of family movie, something from the dollar store—even money—whatever you can manage that they’d enjoy. Don’t reward with food or special time with parents. The former can create an unhealthy relationship with food, and kids should not have to earn the latter—you should be giving them attention without having to ask.

Family rewards could be outings, a new game everyone can play, a restaurant meal, a half hour of telling each other jokes (give everyone time to prepare, maybe checking out joke books from the library. Build a pillow fort, snowman, puzzle, LEGO construction together. Or lie with everyone’s heads on someone’s stomach and fake laugh. Soon you will all be laughing for real.

115

Why did your husband not tend to the plates?

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You are a Super Woman, proud of you…!!

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117

Hes the dad right? Why is it just your job to clean up after both of YALLS kids?

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118

This is where I would go on strike & literally stop doing ALL OF THE THINGS.

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119

Tell him to pick up the damn plates if it bothers him so bad! :roll_eyes:

120

What the actual!!! Maybe the kids could have taken their plates to the kitchen or if he saw them why didn’t he take them to the kitchen, he was probable going there anyway

121

I’d tell him to flaggg off, and it seems he has some issues. Might want to consider whether or not you want to stay once you graduate from your studies—seems unstable

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122

Who said that, f them

123

:joy::joy::joy: lazy shit that hubby wouldn’t last a week in my house he’d be eating thru a straw with a comment like that

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Flip that’s way better than me and my brood, I’m lucky if I don’t throw them out cause I forget a lot. Your doing good

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How old are your kids? Have them pick up

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Ummm he could have picked them up but wow they sat there a few hours big deal and you both are busy so it shouldn’t be a problem Question are the kids to small to pick them up themselves?? I mean my kids started putting their plates in the sink when they were about 3 years old

127

He sounds like a dick.

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128

According to most men, if the woman is at home everything should be done 100%. Dishes, laundry, bathrooms scrubbed, floors swept, mopped and vacuumed, and everything else that goes with the upkeep of a home. They don’t much consider what you have on your plate, caring for the kids, helping with school with, preparing and cleaning up meals and any priority you have for yourself. My experience anyway.

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129

Your children were fed f him

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130

Lord, girl, put your foot down now or he’ll keep disrespecting you. Working from home or not, no freaking way. He can learn to be a team player or stay in his damn lane. Women aren’t maids/slaves, period. Marriage is a partnership not a “do as I say” relationship.

Please teach your kids to help you out as well. They can really help lighten your load with age appropriate chores.

But as he’s working, kids schooling, you’re schooling, working and household, y’all need to delegate, set up a system/routine and be team players.

If he is the one with the issues, he can deal with them. Tell him if you’re so lazy, you aren’t available for cooking, cleaning, sex, ANYTHING that doesn’t involve yourself or your kids. Period!

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Absolutely not. It happens very often in my house :woman_shrugging:t2:

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No!!! Things are hectic with kids no matter what age. Your doing amazing don’t let anyone make u question that.

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133

You’re not a maid. You’re a mom. Don’t get those two twisted. While we all do have to clean up after our kids. It’s not only your job, but both of yours, as well as teaching your kids how to clean up after themselves. And your husband is teaching them that you are the maid. And exactly how to be lazy and expect someone else to do things for them. Not ok.
Sometimes if I’m too tired after cooking dinner, I leave the mess for the morning. :flushed::roll_eyes::person_shrugging:
But luckily I left the unsupportive ass I was with! So I do what I want. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

134

No, but you were wrong for having babies with a master instead of a partner. I’d have broken those plates over his head for that comment.

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135

If your children are homeschool aged, they are old enough to take care of their own plates. That being said, if your husband is home, he should help out. Also, if he’s comfortable enough to call you names, it will only get worse. You and your children deserve more than that. And remember, your children are seeing this behavior and will learn to accept it as normal. Do you want your daughter being treated like that? Do you want your son to treat someone else like that? Stop the behavior now.

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136

F€°¿ him! So you have 5 jobs (teacher, mom, wife, student & part time job) to his 1!?
There needs to be a sit down talk, he helps or he moves out! He will really know what it like to fend for himself, work full time, take care of the kids on his day, pay child support & alimony!
NO YOUR NOT WRONG! NO YOUR NOT LAZY! He is lazy. He seen them in the livingroom, is there a reason he can’t help & pick them up?

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137

Tell him to kick rocks, that’s ridiculous.

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138

Wtf seriously…he needs a wake up call

139

I guess I’m lazy to because I don’t wash dishes for two days

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140

Instead of calling you lazy he should have seen that you were overwhelmed and asked what he could do to help he owes you an apology.

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141

I’d leave them bitches there for the next two weeks and DARE him to look sideways at me.

142

You should leave him alone for a day to do what you do

143

I’m sorry…wastes his time supporting you??? I’d tell him he could stop wasting time complaining about something so stupid. The time he took to call you lazy he could used walking his sorry ass to the sink.

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Girl you should see my house :joy: I clean once kids are in bed, and then it all just happens again the next day.

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145

Ehg should of told him lazy ?? Mmm :thinking: maybe you should of done it since it was bothering you so much I mean you made them kids too hunny … and there you would of closed he’s mouth :lips:

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146

Put the plates on his desk tomorrow.

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147

He could have walked his happy ass over and got them and kept his pie hole shut. But nooo, he just had to be a dick. :person_facepalming:

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148

Throw the plate at the dickhead… Repeat… .
Feel better.

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149

That’s ridiculous. I would’ve thrown those plates in his face!! I hope you don’t make him dinner after that

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150

I would be so mad if my husband said something like that to me. we all get busy and no one is perfect and no one can keep their house clean 100% of the time especially those with multiple children. see I’m the petty kind of wife if my husband said something like that to me I might throw the food away but leave the plate there just so you know bugs wouldn’t come but you’re not going to do that because from the time he said that he could have picked up the plate and took it to the kitchen. :person_shrugging:

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151

My first thought was…I would have thrown those plates in his face!!

152

Being that he is home every day too, I’d tell him he could get off his lazy ass and put those plates up!!! Your husband needs to get his head out of his ass and realize that you are his wife, not the damn maid or nanny!!!

153

Get a partner that HELPS your work loads are equal!

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154

Wait you work go to school and homeschool as well as keep house what does he do other than work girl he’s just mad that he isn’t living to his full potential as a husband and a father he better recognize you don’t need him and help out

155

Did the person calling you lazy not have the capability to clear some dishes?

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My dishes often do not get washed until the end of the night — all thanks to the pandemic overload. As long as it is washed at the end of the day, then you’re good. It’s okay to be busy and not have your sh*t together 24/7.

Btw if my partner called me lazy, then I’d remind them that it takes two to make a partnership. Two grown adults should be able to maintain a home as a team. Although, it only takes one adult to raise kids. Ask him which one he would prefer to do at this time: partnership, or single parenthood? It sounds like you’re already a single parent as it is. You’ll be fine without him. Plus, it would be one less dependant to look after.

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No not at all…but ur hubby needs to pinch in and help.

158

just ignore him after all he is just a man!

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159

Obviously not lazy but he could take up the chores instead of complaining. I don’t complain to my boyfriend about things, if I see a mess, I just clean it. He does the same for me. Both of you need to just know that it’s both of your jobs and your a team :slight_smile: I hope that helps. He shouldn’t call you names. Name calling damages the relationship

160

He sounds like an ass who doesn’t appreciate you but instead takes advantage of the fact that you take care of everything and get belittled in the process.

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DIVORCE if he can’t see all that you’re doing and pick 2 plates for HIS kids cause they are yours and his not just yours then he doesnt ever need to see them or you again hunny

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Hes a dick. I work full time and am a full time student. I don’t clean until my daughter goes to sleep & if my hubby has a problem w something he can clean it up. Im not a servant and neither are you.

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163

Sounds like you have 2 full time jobs and a part time job. I dont think most men understand what a responsiblity is to take care of one child never the less multiple children. From the time they open their eyes rather your ready to get up or not it starts. Feeding, bathing, entertaining, changing diapers, dealing with melt downs. On top of that washing clothes stopping to feed again, doing dishes, stopping to change a diaper, sweeping stopping to change someone else. Putting clothes in the dryer someone’s crying again. Rushing to bath one cause the other is acting up. Putting the grocery up cant cook yet till the trouble maker takes a nap Fixing plates cant eat cause the trouble maker is up and needs a bath. Never folded the clothes that went in the dryer didnt mop the day is over ain’t ate yet cause someone is up that still needs your attention. On top of that your going to school full time and working part time. Hell naw better you than me my hubby works 15 hrs shifts and still helps with the kids I am a SAHM and it wears me out with just the kids. I couldn’t imagine you need to have a talk and I would purposely leave the plates again so it can start the conversation. Let him know half the kids are his and you work just as hard but in my opinion and I’m sure my moms harder than he does.

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Take care of your kids needs… Let douche fix his own lunch !

165

F*** him and his mortgage payin ass. I can’t even. I’m sorry you are dealing with someone so ignorant!

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No. Actually, if he noticed and didn’t pick them up, that makes him lazy. But genuinely forgetting to do something that you intended to do, isn’t lazy. I hope he’s just in a bad mood, and not a dick like that all the time.

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167

Were the plates a health hazard or dangerous at all? Were they noisy or distracting anyone? They are plates. Tell hubby to kick rocks. Then sit him down and ask him what’s going on that he’s bugging out over the plates

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168

My dogs would have stolen the plates and cleaned them… Less disses?

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169

Life is way to short to worry about forgetting lunch plates on the living room table. No one is perfect and your husband should not treat you that way. All of these changes to everyday life are not easy. Leave him home with the kids for an entire day and see what he has “forgotten” to do during that day and call him out on it. I’m sorry, that must have hurt you and you should not have to feel some type of way because of plates🤷‍♀️

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170

I feel like there’s a lot more to the story that we don’t know… I don’t think it was lazy …shit happens but something else probably kicked this “disagreement “ off …

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Why aren’t your kids picking up their plates? I think your husband is just packing on the stress to get you worked up.

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172

Teach them to clear their plates. It’s a household rule for our kids. You aren’t lazy, just obviously very busy. Don’t feel badly.

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173

Life is busy don’t worry over leaving the dishes a while.

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Omg he sounds like one of them douches that was raised woman do it all while he just works and he’s supposed to be superior of everything else they mf forgot plates he has two hands I’m sure he’s capable of picking them up

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175

Ahhh… I really do try not to be petty but in that situation my pettiness would def shine bright like the sun!!!
I would conveniently start forgetting to do things that I would normally do for my man. Cause… You know… I’m lazy like that :person_shrugging:

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176

Why the heck couldn’t he just do it!! Seriously!! Whoopdee doo you forgot so what! I’m sure they are his children too! Tell him to stop being an arse :angry:

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Tbh, your husband sounds like the lazy one. So he has ONE job that just bc it pays a bill means you do EVERYTHING else all the time by yourself ? Bullshit.

178

He sounds spoiled and ignorant.

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That’s such a difficult position to put you in. I’m sorry but that’s just cruel and unfair. It sounds like your husband doesn’t want to take on and share the responsibilities of homeschooling. If he feels their education is a waste of time unless you do it then that’s a huge problem. Why is their well-being or yours not important to him? If he’s not supporting your education and career then these are efforts to stop you from pursuing them. And yet still what you do and not do are not good enough. That’s BS. If you’re ok to do it then talk to him about it and tell him what you need him to do. And yes he has to help. You’re not a superwoman; none of us are. If he’s not willing to help after discussion then other options need to be considered for your kids schooling.

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You messed up big time. It wasn’t on purpose.i do hope they found something for the kids to eat.i don’t care how hard your husband works. He can put in a few hours
to help or tell him you are hiring someone.
To help around the house . That will frost this tennie cupcake.

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181

Tell him to go and f**k himself. Really grinds my gears when men use wages to get out if responsibilities.

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182

Oh honey it shouldn’t matter who makes the money…my husband will work ten hours and still come home and help. And you know what I could look a mess and have a messy house and he would never call me lazy! I’m glad you are getting your schooling so that you aren’t financially dependent on such an ass!

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183

Honestly there’s probably plates on my table now. Because I’m also going to school and talking care of two kids. And when your sitting on the counter so you can watch a kid in the bath and write that essay that’s due, stupid crap like that doesn’t matter! If it’s bugging him that much he can do it!

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184

Id tell hubby to get stuffed then id be teaching the kids to bring their plates to the sink i give my kids plastic plates that way the plates cant get broke if they fell from their hands on the way from the living room to the kitchen.

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185

Why can’t he pick it up if it’s bothering him… He’s a jerk for telling you that…

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186

Bringing other people’s options and airing out dirty laundry on FB isn’t healthy

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My kids are 2 and 4 and put their own plates up. Your not in the wrong he is for being mean like that to you instead of simply helping. But maybe you could ask your kids to help you out to. Explain to them they are old enough to put their plates in the sink after a meal and that might help out alot too :slight_smile: then you would get some help :slight_smile: sorry your going thro this mama but you are not in the wrong

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188

It sounds like you need a new husband

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189

The one who sounds lazy to me is your husband. You didn’t make those kids yourself.

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190

Um wtf. No you are not in the wronf children are not a one person or the others “job” they are a commitment from the BOTH of you. Whether his job does or doesn’t pay the mortgage you deserve love support and help!

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191

Oh you are not the person who called you that has too much time on their hands

192

You need a better support system. He sounds like a dick.

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193

Whether he pays the mortgage or not a little help from him with the kids goes along way, so no your not in the wrong

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194

If either one walks past, that includes the children if they’re old enough to pick up a plate and put it on the side, then anyone can pick it up. It’s a plate.

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195

Get a whole new husband

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196

Leave the plates right on his desk next time :upside_down_face:
prob not the best advice but I’m very petty :rofl:

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197

Who’s questioning or judging you about plates left on the table in your own home?
Gtfo.

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198

I really want to gouge my eyes out when I read crap like this. If all the dishes in the cupboard were piled up with food on them and were left for weeks then MAYBE someone would have a reason to complain. HOWEVER, if it’s a couple things and it bothered hubs that much HE SHOULD TAKE CARE OF IT! For goodness sake, he can pitch in! Just because he’s making the money doesn’t excuse him from helping out.

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199

He’s lazy for noticing they were there and not helping you out

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200

Just cute he pays the bills don’t mean he can’t help. He lazy and cruel