He needs to step it up or hit the road jack.Have yall tried couples therapy?
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I mean if roles were reversed we would be pissed at him too. So which is it. I mean being a stay at home parent is hard very hard, I have also noticed women multitask better than men (most). Now if he is playing with the kids and taking care of them it makes sense that he I not doing anything else. But if he is saying it’s a woman’s job then no he is wrong, you both live there and responsibility is on both. There should be some sense of picking up through the day no matter. But I wouldn’t expect a spotless house from a man or woman staying at home with kids. It’s hard to say from the outside what needs to happen to be honest because we don’t know his reasoning, is it his mom saying this or is he overwhelmed at home with kids (sahm have similar issues a lot). Is he depressed. I mean there are many factors that might be at play here.
If he simply is just saying no it’s a woman’s job (which is strange because of the role reversal outside of oldschool “jobs”) then he is in the wrong. You work and he should help out at home.
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As everyone else had said…with that mindset he should be the one making the money. He would expect you to do all those things if you were a stay at home mom so why can’t he? It sounds like his mom needs to stay out of y’all’s business because she is making things worse. I would tell him to start doing his “job” or you can do it on your own because you basically are anyway. Especially if he doesn’t really bring anything else to the table…
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Tell him to get a job. Get a nanny w housekeeping use his money to pay for it.
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Tell him to get off of his ass and clean the house or get the hell out! He is not a child! If he wants to live in a pig pen, go live with him momma!
You deserve a vacation for just you and make his mother clean up the mess she created
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Sounds like a lazy slob don’t make his tea wash his clothes do nothing for him see how he like that or send him bk to mummy’s
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Sounds like you are being the man & he is the housewife/mom…
Make him a list what what to do each day. Maybe since he is a mama’s boy he needs to be told what to do.
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Get rid of that extra child you’ve taken on as a single parent and actually just be a single parent.
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Nope. He either does his job at home or he can leave the house and get a job.
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some night come home and tell him that he has 2 weeks to find a job or start cleaning and helping because there will be a lay off at work so you are no longer employed stick with it and even if you have to take vacation (make sure he thinks you have no job) and he will be living somewhere else. Find a sitter for the children
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Then tell him if that’s how she looks at it, it’s a man’s job to support his family not a woman’s.Times have changed both people need to help out nowadays.
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Tell him to get a job … he should contribute some way.
It’s not working out… I’m opinion men need to work… at least part time
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Sometimes men just don’t understand or get it. You have to really sit down and talk like adults. I literally was in the same boat a year ago when I got my Dream job and we moved back home. He stayed home with our two toddler. He was overwhelmed trying to be a stay at home parent. He didn’t know how to balance it all. Honestly it shouldn’t all be on him. We all live here we all do chores. Now we both work and kids are in daycare. Chores are all on me now and I broke down recently and told him I can’t do it all. We lost our 3rd baby full term and it’s been killing us. I told him it’s not fair and I’m at my breaking point and need change or I will have to do whats best for me and the kids. He’s a great husband and father. I’d hate to leave and start over. Counseling and communication is what’s saving us. Leaving isn’t the first thing you should run to exhaust all options and put in the work. If he can’t do the same then consider options and communication your feelings through the whole process with him. A lot of men are raised that way and it takes a string woman to show him how to grow up and take care of himself and do better to set an example for his kids. Break the generation cycles, it’s hard but worth it. Gender roles in the old school generation just are feasible in today’s world. You live here you, you help here. Chore charts are helpful for kids and hubby’s to remember and focus on priorities.
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While I agree he should be doing the lion’s share of the house work, I do think you also need to pitch in with the house work and kids just like you would expect a man to do if the roles were reversed.
I would write down everything that needs to be done daily, weekly and monthly. Divide the chores equally according to time spent in the home. So if one of you is cooking and doing dishes, the other is in charge of bathing kids and bedtime.
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I wouldn’t even say anything. Just leave. This is obviously a well ingrained thing with him that’s not going to change if his mom is saying that. Let him go live with his momma and bye Felicia. He’ll see very quickly either way how well he has it.
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He’s acting like a housewife so he should do as a housewife
You are a single mom! It is ultimatum time, but you can’t be bluffing, if he doesn’t shape up, he needs to get out.
Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries
Set some and if they are crossed you aren’t being taken seriously and this should all tell you what you already know in the first place
Tell him that. I was in the same boat and left him cuz there was just no point. Put the kids in daycare while I worked and have been doing it by myself for 7 years, 12 if you count the years I was with him too.
It’s much easier to just be single, I assure you. Less work. And single women live longer than married ones because we aren’t doing the work of multiple people. His mother raised him to be a needy child and that’s what you married unfortunately. He won’t change. Even if he says he will, it’ll be temporary and short lived. These men need to unpack their conditioning and patriarchal mindset but they don’t want to because it benefits them not to, especially if they already have a woman taking care of them. It’s hard to disabuse someone of their entitlement.
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Then it’s his job to make the money and do the “man” duties!!
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Get a good lawyer to shake him up about his responsibility as a partner in this relationship.
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It’s only like that if ur not working u need to leave it won’t change
Make him work make him get a job or make him go live with his mama
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Could possibly both of you be burnt out? I know so many times it looks like I’ve done nothing at all with my house when I’ve worked my butt off and see little difference that other partner might not even because they just think the same thing wit it’s a mess ofc but
Children don’t stop living inside the home while you’re gone and they move fast to me that’s a big enough smack of maybe feels like he doesn’t know how to do it because guys act like they’re helpless let’s be honest but make sure you’re checking in with him and mentally/ emotionally there for him before making big moves by all means…
His mother should have told him it’s a man’s job to be the provider also.
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Quit your job and let him support the family 
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Tell him to get a job
Chiiiiiiiiilllllllllleeeee give him back to his mama
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Send him to work and employ a nannie with his earnings
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Tell him the MANS job is to work and support the family, if you are doing that then it is his job to be a HOUSEHUSBAND!!!
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Since they feel like it’s a woman’s work (I just feel like it’s whoever stays home work). Tell him he either needs to clean the house or get a job & you’ll stay home
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Yikes! Give him back to his mama.
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I think you answered your own question. If this is an ongoing problem and he refuses to solve it what choice do you have left but to leave? You’ve tried communicating and he doesn’t care. You can’t work with someone that doesn’t care about their end.
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well, you have a choice, You can leave him & do exactly what you are doing now, Or you can talk to him more about maybe helping a little bit more. Your choice
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and you know what let his ass know he’s being a little bitch having you do what according to his mom is HIS job, then expecting you to come home and clean! If he wants to measure men in toxic masculinity he STILL isn’t measuring up to his own damn standards!
Being a stay at home parent is very mentally draining, talk to him, he might need a break from the kids more than just bedtime routine, if his mental health is suffering from experience he will do the bare minimum to survive and keep his children alive. Talk to him about how he feels without bringing up the housework. Cause a better state of mind brings on lot of other happy changes.
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I would insist that he gets a job , with both of you working, perhaps you can hire some outside help.
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The great part about this is when you do throw him out and he runs back to mammy let’s see if she still has the same attitude when she’s left cleaning up after the slob. I hope he gets the fright of his life when u do throw him out because he’s taking advantage of you.
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If it’s a woman’s job to clean then it’s a man’s job to work. If be like why you not doing your job? Why I gotta do it for you?
I can’t stand people who think like that.
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Send him to work and hire a babysitter/nanny or send kids to daycare.
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Tell him if he is not going to do the job of SAHD which mean the bulk of the housework and child raising then he needs to get off his lazy as$ and get a job that pays for daycare, then yall can split the household work and child rearing 50/50. If he is not willing to do his part send him home to his momma so she can cater to him because in 2022 men can do stuff!
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I put in his mind set that he cleans etc or gets a job or finds somewhere else to live
Does he take the kids out all day? Maybe ask him to do one room a day. I stay home with the 2 kids and some days it’s hell to keep up. I’d rather clean when they go to bed!
Some people with adhd or depression find cleaning to be overwhelming and it’s near impossible. Especially with young kids! It’s like groundhog day and the mess never ends!
Does he get any time for self care?
Maybe if his needs and yours can be talked about and met, there may be some middle ground you can work out.
Stay at home parents actually do 2.5 jobs worth of work. It’s been studied.
Maybe both clean on a day off to keep up with the deep cleaning and then just ask him to tidy when home (toys, etc).
Make a whiteboard for the days of the week and add 1 or 2 rooms to do a day to clean and then general tidying is expected.
There are many ways you can figure something out that benefits both!
As a stay at home parent right now, I would also like a day or 2 off of cleaning, you must get a day or 2 off of work?
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Yup, take a break so he can miss his home and how good he has it. I was in the same situation a year ago. I kicked him out and now he is back helping, working and appreciating living in our home together with the family. Sometimes he need to lose to learn what they have. It hard and it hurts the children. We literally lost everything due to me kicking him out. I didn’t have a sitter so I couldn’t work. That’s why he came back and working and helping. It was a really rough time for my family but we are so much happier now.
Stop cleaning. Let the house get dirty. As long as you are doing everything he will continue to do nothing. Stop feeding him too. Buy something that you and the kids can eat. Eventually he will get off his ass and do something. If he doesn’t cut him off financially. If you are doing everything anyways it won’t matter.
Woman’s job to clean but not a man’s job to work? I think he misunderstood his mommy
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My husband works and I stay home. Have for a lot of our 20 year relationship. While I think that the person not working should take care of most of the household stuff, it’s harder once you have a kid/s. I had 10 years of no kid, then 8.5 years of kid, and we only have one. Not once has my husband ever complained about me not doing something. For most of my sons first year we used a laundry service and he brought takeout home. I’ve the last 1.5 years I have been burnt out and while I have cooked for him, my cleaning and organizing and just overall care of the home has lacked because of what I’ve been dealing with mentally. This man has never complained and has taken on doing home chores before or after work.
Is he going through something? Are y’all having a hard time communicating effectively? Is there any way that someone could take the kids for the weekend and y’all could both have a break and reconnect? Maybe communicate both of y’alls needs or write down your feelings and go over them together. Or even marriage counseling.
So be single!! Send him home to mommy
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Make him go to his mom’s house and watch the kids. Then she can clean up her house.
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Tell him to go live with his mom and she can take care of him then and just get a sitter. Let him know you can help or you can get out. Period.
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So she taught him it’s a woman job to cook and clean but didn’t teach him how to be a provider so that woman can be able to just do those things ? 
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Yeah not happening in my household for sure, bye 
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It might actually be easier to be a single mom. One less person to pick up after.
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Omg… just talk to him about it !!! Sheesh “COMMUNICATE”… Some of y’alls answers are utterly ridiculous !!!
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By his moms logic, it’s his job to have a job so if he isn’t doing his part, why is it your job to clean? I’d mention that to her as well. Curious as to what she has to say 
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Tell him & his mother if it’s a woman’s job she can come over during the day and clean for him while you work. Or he can get a job to pay for the daycare so at least when you clean it stays that way.
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Tell him to move out and be single. Because you can’t be the Home maker and the worker. He either needs to get a job and split the duties with you, get a job and let you stay home, or clean and do the home making.
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Stop doing it all woman ! The boy got to learn . X
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Does Mom say it’s a man’s job to get a job to make money for the family? If so, why is he ok with staying at home everyday?
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If he thinks it’s a women’s job to take care of the house then tell him it’s a man’s job to provide for the family. That is just ridiculous, so basically he just watches the kids while your work. I would rather just pay a sitter and get rid of the man child.
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He sounds like you have another child.
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Tell him to get off his ass and go to work, since it’s a “man’s job” to provide for his family. At that rate, it would be easier to be a single mom because he is just adding to your workload. Ultimatum time! Tell him to pull his weight, or he’s out.
Time for him to go back to work and the kids to have a sitter or daycare. Hes not pulling his weight at home so he might as well bring in an income
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Tell your MIL it’s a man’s job to work
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Well then he needs to find a job with comparable pay and let you stay home.
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Tell him if it’s a woman’s job to do housework then it’s a man’s job to provide for his family. He needs to lose the old fashioned mentality and step up or head out and get a job. Even if he makes less than you, his wages can be used to pay for a housekeeper/caregiver for your family. It could be that being a stay at home parent is depressing for him and he may actually need to follow the traditional routine of a man works outside the house. No matter what though if he can’t step up and fill the role of stay at home parent then he needs to go to work! Your marriage will crumble if he doesn’t step up in one way or the other.
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If he is stuck in that mentality then tell his a** to go to work. . . Because you know supporting the wife n kids is the “man’s job” .
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You don’t need a mommas boy
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Honey he’s broke! Trash pile him!
Give him back to his mom
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If it is the woman’s job to clean the house it is the man’s job to provide he can’t have it both ways
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Leave him you can do it by yourself then
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Be a single mom. That way you can drop the kids off at his place while you work, then take them back home to your CLEAN house when you get off 
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Tell him if he can’t help out to move out
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He should return to work and work 2 jobs and you stay home then! See how he liked it. I’m a firm believer everyone deserves a taste of their own medication.
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It’s also a womans job to stay home with the kids… So I think it’s safe to say he should just do all of the woman deemed jobs in your house lmao
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This is the same complaint alot of men say about their wife 
This is more common than you might think. Studies have shown that when men are unemployed and become stay at home dads, they do less housework to compensate for what they consciously or subconsciously perceive as a loss of masculinity.
You two need couple’s therapy. The solution might be for him to get a job that covers child care and weekly housekeeping. Chore charts might help (delegate anything you can to your kids). Chore charts help everyone see what it takes to run a household.
Too many women assume that gender equality has progressed much further than it has. Ideally, you would’ve discussed these things before marriage and definitely before having children. Now you’re either going to have to put your foot down firmly or endure the status quo as long as you can. Insist on therapy or that he gets a job, or that you’re leaving because he’s making your life unfairly miserable. Let me guess… he mostly plays video games during the day and isn’t even interacting with the kids much? Common theme on this page.
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Let him go live with his mama. You are already doing everything on your own he’s just a waste of space in your house. Get rid of him.
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You should be…you are right!! Get rid of him, and hire a nanny…you will be much better off!!
Quit your job stay at home clean the house show him what it should look like . And tell him to get a good paying job .
The real question is “When are you going to get fed up with it to kick him out?” Unless being his mother is what you really want to be.
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Kick him to the curb…let him go home to momma!!!
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Tell him to work then and you stay home to do those things. If she told him that Then I assume she also told him that it’s “the mans job to provide”. If he doesn’t want that then separate and have him move back to mommy where she can do everything for him.
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Tell him what you just said if you are going to do everything there is no point in him being there.
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His mama obviously didnt tell him a man’s role. And if y’all switch roles that now he does those “woman” things… which are actually jus human things
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If he is like that I’d make him find a job that pays good and then you can stay with the kids and he can provide. If not leave his ass
You married a child. 
I’d leave. But that’s me.
And he want change been there done tbat and have to move on with out him.
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Kick him to the curb and hire a sitter. You will come out cheaper in the end.
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He can get a job and pay for a sitter/ maid
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