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QUESTION:
"First time mom here with a 6 week old. I’m currently breastfeeding. My question is how do you not feel so lonely and isolated? I lost all milk supply from freezer going out so I’m currently just feeding, and pumping non stop to make back up my supply so I can’t leave home much right now. My spouse is working very long hours sense I’m currently off work still but how do you mommas do it? I’m struggling with PPD and anxiety and I’m just a wreck of emotions and so lonely. My SO literally gets home from work eats, showers, interacts with the baby for an hour or two and then goes to sleep so I’m by alone 20-22 hrs it seems with little to no sleep. Im struggling so hard to just not lose my shit. I feel like I’m doing EVERYTHING by myself especially when it comes to the baby and granted he does cook, clean and occasionally help with laundry. But what can I do to not feel like a spiraling depressed train wreck. I’m lashing out, I can’t get him out from under me to maintain my house hold and all of my family lives about 1,000 miles away and I won’t get to see them till next month. Please be kind, I’m needing all the reassurance and some words of wisdom on how to work through this without losing my mind"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Ask a parent or a sibling if they can take the babes for a bit, and get some rest! Just remember, they don’t stay little for long and make sure you get some help with the PPD bcuz it can get way worse! I’ve been there! Hang in there"
"If ur ok with it stop breast feeding. Switch babe to formula. Also schedule something for u to do. Go get a pedicure or even go shopping buy a new outfit or go for a walk outside by urself!"
"Is it in your budget to have a house keeper once a week for a while? I’m a single momma, have been since my son was born (he’s two now). I understand what it means to do it all alone and I understand what it means to have the weight of keeping your household together all fall in you shoulders too. Look into a house keeper, or see if there are any local teens in the area looking to make some cash by doing simple chores. I know it’s hard but like others have said, this is just a season. It will pass. I have PPD and anxiety as well. If it gets to be too much, talk to your doctor. Hugs to you."
"Aww you’re doing great mama! I can just imagine what you’re going through , I went through the same thing and felt like I was alone. Do you have any friends you can invite over for lunch ? Tell your doctor also. It’ll get better as your baby grows. Talk to your hubby about it too!"
"Call a mama you know nearby. Doesn’t even matter if you know her that well. If you call her and tell her what’s going on I bet she’ll come help out however she can for a few hours. Mamas need other mamas. We were never meant to do this alone."
"It will not stay this way. It will pass. That doesnt make it feel better in the moment, but hold on tightly to the realization that it will come. Something that might help with the PPD is less screen time for YOU. Pick up an easy hobby, or start reading. Try getting outside, even if its just in your yard more, and drink lots of water and food. Get a cook book and try different recipes. But also, absolutely talk to your DOCTOR. The meds can make you feel weird initially, but the right dose can change it all around for you. Look for play groups. Or reading groups or community events for kids. Find some mom friends. One of my best friends just walked up to me in Target and explained she was pregnant and I clearly was and she wanted a mommy friend and asked if I would consider it. You have done the most profound thing on the planet with your body. Take confindence in your abilities to figure out the rest and you will. Be patient ith yourself and everything else - and really talk openly to your doctor and husband."
"Lots of FaceTime dates with friends and family. I still do it 17 months later. Set up your phone in the kitchen and just FaceTime a friend while you cook. Or set the phone up I. The living room and FaceTime while playing with the baby. You can’t imagine how much it really helps. You are going to still feel lonely but not as bad. It’s hard and it sucks I know but seriously this will pass and you and your baby will be able to do things together and you’ll be able to find more help as baby can be more independent. The infant stage (while warm and sweet and smooshie) sucks. But they really do go by really fast, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now."
"It will get easier and the depression will pass bc I went thru it with my youngest he’s going to be 3 in a few days the Most! Pumping 24-7 and keeping up with breastfeeding 24-7 is a big task and will get to you the most I found it was easier when I would also use formula too I didn’t just switch to formula. But I did do one less breastfeeding with a formula feeding the baby was fuller and slept longer and I would pump that feeding that he had formula that also will give you a little more time to your self. I understand not having no family around. I didn’t have anyone at all expected my other child. There dad worked alot and it seem like he would work extra to not have to be around. Also don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about what your going thru your doing amazing mama your taking care the one thing that means the most the best! I would take to you other half about when they come home you need a few extra hours to yourself to go do something or just simply caught up on sleep. Also that would be a great time for the baby and the father to bond more. From experience the meds aren’t all there made out to be but yes you should talk to your doctor and explain your feelings so maybe they can suggest somethings for you to do or some places you can go and do activities with other mothers and there baby’s. Or maybe think about having your mom come stay a few weeks with you to help you get thru this time. Support is what you need the most during this time. Remember your amazing and you got this no matter how hard things feel you got this "
"I struggled so hard with this with my youngest. I’m so sorry mama but you are doing an incredible job! If you talk to your dr and get on meds to help with the ppd and anxiety (I had it so bad) it really does make a huge difference. And just literally go outside for a little bit, you and baby and go on little walks anything to get out of the house for a small bit. I promise it does get easier. Don’t worry about the house , if it gets done great but don’t beat your self up. You are doing exactly what your supposed to be doing. You are taking care of your child but don’t forget to take care of you too. Talk to your dr ASAP it helps a lot. And I don’t know where you live but send me a friend request. I’ll talk to you anytime! Send me a message if you want to talk but just know your not alone! And you got this!!"
"Honestly sounds like you would benefit from a mums group. Somewhere you can have a cuppa and a chat and breastfeed without feeling uncomfortable. Let some of the house work go a bit and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to produce mass amounts of milk. As someone above suggests, stick to pumping once a day. Get yourself some comfort items and make sure you take an hour or two between feeds just for you to watch a movie, read a book, or do a hobby or whatever else might relax you - housework be damned because your sanity is worth more than a mopped floor or folded laundry."
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