I'm heartbroken what should I do?

Having a baby later in life is not an issue. The only issue I see is the large age gap between siblings. I know lots of people with 10 - 20 year age gaps between them and their siblings and they are not close. My brother is 10 years younger than me. We are not close because we are always at different stages in our lives. Maybe this will change as we get older but I doubt it.

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Counseling will give you both a much better guidance system then you think. You guys can grieve properly & then move forward from there.

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For the sake of “the child”, please don’t try again.

Having a child at 45 & 55 years old is VERY hard, for everyone, but very unfair to the best interest of the child.

I’m 48 with 3 grandsons & trust when I say, it is tough just babysitting a 3 year old & twin 1 year olds & at the end of the day I’m SO exhausted & ready for their parents to be home :rofl:
I assume you all will be having grandchildren soon, so take great interest in them & find a way to be content with that.

PS
Grandparenting is much more fun than parenting, I promise :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Maybe that’s his grief talking…he may be scared of loosing another one…I bet he would actually love another one

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You should keep in mind the older you are too the more chance of issues with the baby. So sorry you lost yours, but to him it was probably a sign you should be done. Feel blessed for the children you have

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I had my last suprise baby at 36 (my daughter was 13 when her sister was born) and trying to pay for college in my mid 50’s is hard financially so I wouldn’t recommended starting over but I’m so sorry for your loss.

You can not re gain the lost baby. Mourn the loss and try to think of your senior years

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I would just let it go and accept it.

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Grief counseling would be wise in this situation.

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I know that when we lost ours my husband stated ‘never again’ for at least 6 months. He doesn’t want to risk you getting hurt again. I’m sorry for your loss.

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Don’t forget that he hurt from that loss also. He could be playing the old card bc he’s afraid of losing another baby.

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So I’m 39 and also had a miscarriage at 18 weeks last year. It broke my heart but we decided to keep trying for awhile after. It honestly tore me apart every single month I didn’t get pregnant, to the point of being severely depressed and needing therapy and medication. It really sucks but I decided to get an iud so I’ll know for sure it’s not happening and I won’t get my hopes up every month. I understand why you’re upset but it may save you a ton of heartbreak. I really hope you can find a way to work through this with your husband, good luck :four_leaf_clover:

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Please accept my sincere condolences for the loss of your baby
I’m going to play devels advocate here
Sadly your partner will be going through his own grieving process
But is doing it inside
So he can be supportive to you
He may have said that to protect both him and you from going through that heart ache again
When men are grieving they will do it on the inside so people especially family and friends can’t see their pain
(Maybe that’s just a male thing)
Given your ages
He may also be worried about any possible medical implications to you and a baby
Due to “late in life” pregnancy issues both for you and your child
Try not to look at his response as a negative
And give him the time and space to grieve in his way and time

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God only knows why things happen so for your health and the babies I dont think it’s safe. Your body could of miscarried as maybe a sign that it’s not possible any more. Usually at 45-55yrs old we are getting ready to start menopause and become grandparents. I know miscarriages can me very devastating and you have many emotions going through your mind. Just enjoy what God gave you.

As a mother that has 20 yrs between oldest and youngest children, my advice would be to wait for grandchildren. It’s a lot harder when we’re older. I had twins at 38. They’re now 13 and I’m 50.

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My God , you are greedy.You are lucky to have a beautiful family. Enough!

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Too old both of you just forget it

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im 35 my partner had kids from previous relationship.im with him 12 years.im so sorry for ur loss he is 12 years old than me and we share to kids together.i lost two babies one by miscarriage at 14 weeks and hemerage and nearly lost me own life and begged my partner to go again.and it turned out to be an atopic pregnancy and lost my tube 7 years ago and the other said was already not great.my partner said me would never put me threw it again.its not just pain it hurt and disappoint and the why.im now 35 and happy with life my youngest is 9 and I really enjoy him.he is so special.his kids are mine just are much I have all the love to give.right here.dont pull apart.he has his reason.my partner had his.he nearly lost me.the pain is real on both side.sending hugs ur way sorry again for ur loss.

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No advice but I’m sorry for your loss :pensive: :broken_heart:

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Is fostering or adopting something you’d be interested in? I am almost 40 and wanted a girl so badly. I have thyroid issues and getting pregnant again probably won’t happen for me. I’m going to spoil my granddaughter when I have one.

Do you realize that he is hurting & grieving also? He doesn’t want to go through that again & at your age it’s risky for you & the baby. There should be no resentment at all. You should be thankful & happy with your family.

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God took that child for a reason at your ages i won’t thank the Lord and go on with your lives :pray::pray:

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It is very heartbreaking when you lose a child at any age. But the older we get the more issues arise for us as mothers and the kids. O think it maybe a food idea to enjoy the thebkids you already have and look forward to grandkids

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So many of these comments do not pass the vibe check. Some of the comments are pretty mean and heartless. She’s grieving the loss of her baby and trying too come to terms with either no more kids or the possibly or trying for one more and being unsuccessful or resented. Y’all don’t have to be nasty! Maybe you don’t agree but you can agree to disagree politely and kindly!!

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I feel the same way and I’m only 35… my wife is 33 and wants another but it hasn’t happened and I have gone along with it but at same time not really sure I want another child at this point. We’re not financially secure and that’s my reasons for not wanting another

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I’d say he was keen but doesn’t want to risk another miscarriage his heart is broken too :disappointed:

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He is also hurting. Let him be and live your life…putting no barriers. And leave the rest to God

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First and foremost I am so very sorry for your great loss. If what got you through the loss of your last child was hope of having a new child, then you need more time to grieve and heal. When I lost my daughter, I came home from the hospital with no baby in my arms. The aching was terrible and it was engrained that I NEEDED another baby. I needed to hold a baby girl specifically. Then the thought of having a boy hurt so much because I wanted my baby girl. I knew then I was not ready. You need healing and honestly men are more visual partners. He must have seen how distraught you were and does not want either of you nor your kids to go through that again. You are valid in your feelings and it is your truth the way you feel but it is his truth also. Get counseling and therapy. I personally did mot want therapy and 3 years later started suffering from anxiety attacks. This is just my advice. Good luck and again so sorry for your loss.

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The best advice in the world would be ho to counseling individual and couples to heal the loss cause women often fail to realize men suffer that loss too and maybe by him saying he wants no more is his way of protecting himself from that pain again :cry: i am soooo sorry for y’all loss sending you prayers

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I’m so sorry for your loss, I know how it feels. I also miscarried and it was so heart breaking. The guys just go on but we ache for a very long time.

I had my first child at 42 with my husband who was 45 at the time.

She was born with a rare heart condition, called Tetralogy of Fellots and had to have open heart surgery at 11 months.

It’s unbelievable what she had to go through.

She is monitored yearly via echo and will need to have another surgery when she is 10 years old.

My heart breaks for her and what she has to go through again.

I often wonder if it was our age counting against her ?

We would love to give her a brother or a sister but now being 45 and 48 is just not an option.

Rather we be Grateful for what we have :pray:

Good luck to you, our thoughts are with you :heart:

You will heal, it just takes time

About grief. A great read from a physcologist.
She speaks about how grief looks different on everyone. Do not expect another’s grief to look exactly like your own. As well as coping mechanisms.
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I’m 43 and about 1 month and bit ago I had a miscarriage my partner and I are still trying he is 51 we have left it up to the universe if it is ment to be it will happen I also have 2 grand kids people need to keep their hurtful opinions to themselves and stick to the question that was asked your partner might be grieving and he may of said it cos he is hurting bad perhaps give him time then press the question again or like others are saying perhaps counselling might get to the root of the problem gentle hugs

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What does your doctor say about trying for another baby? If you’re at high risk for losing a baby again why would you want to create a life for it to possibly pass away because your body can’t carry it? Not trying to be harsh but that baby’s life should be your FIRST concern before your feelings. Mid 40s is very high risk as it is so to me trying again is just selfish. Again that’s how I would feel if I were personally in this situation. You are not considering the others that are involved here.

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My Mama was 40 and my Dad was 50 when they had me. I had 5 older sisters. My kids were young when my dad passed and really don’t remember him and my mama passed when she was 76. My kids were not that old when she passed. I feel like I didnt get as much time as my sisters did with my parents because they were so much older when they had me.

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Brooke Picou take a step.down and look at what you just said to this lady. How ludicrous. She’s only in her 40s. It’s not.like she’s in her 50s. And 40-45 year old women have babies all the time. She never said her dr said her body couldn’t carry a baby. Why on earth would even say anything like that. She lost her baby and you’re calling her selfish. What is wrong with ppl?

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You are both still grieving, give yourselves time. Speak to someone to help you heal.

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Give him time remember he loss a baby to and it might just be hard for him to think of losing another one :pensive: I’m sorry for your loss

There is a reason for everything that happens, enjoy youre grandchildren, love your husband, enjoy life together as you should, God knows whats best.Dont fill your heart with negative feelings, its meant to be filled with love :cupid:

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Seriously pet mid 40s. Ur body miscarrying in ur mid 40s is maybe trying to tell you something sadly. Just stop and think for a min. Ul be 65 at the kids 21st. Please dont shoot me down for saying it. Plus the older u get the less energy ul have. Be greatful for the 6 kids between you that you have. I think ur husband is rite. Look im 47 with 2 miscarriages in my late 30s and 41 so i do get it and you. I couldnt understand at the time why it happened to me. I still cry when i talk about them. But i get it now. Perimeno has kicked in and it really changes everything. I wouldnt be able for young kids now honestly im fecked. I hope u can get padt this with ur hubby and move forward together. Senseless to let grief and what ifs or what could be ruin everything yous have. :heart:

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I understand both of you, I just had my baby 3 weeks ago at 19 weeks due to no heartbeat. It’s so hard, he was a surprise baby, we weren’t trying to have another. We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and we were good with the two…I was thinking about another and my husband was against it but we were okay with the surprise. Well now my husband said he would be fine with trying again for another but I’m afraid of going through it again (we also lost our first pregnancy). It is such a scary thing to think about that I can see how he wouldn’t want to do it again, being afraid that you may not make it through if it happens again. Give it time and talk about it sometimes, the heart has to heal

Cherish the ones you have and your your love in to them … <3
I’m so sorry for the loss -

I’m so sorry for your loss you have to understand his pain, his loss and his guilt Maybe he think he has to protect you, maybe he is thinking about the other children and you.