I have 3 children. 1 boy 2 girls. My girls father and I split 6 months ago. Since then we do a joint custody agreement. 1 week with him 1 week with me and it’s been incredibly hard on the girls. They are used to mama. Within this 6 months I’ve recently met a guy. I adore him. Hes so grown up so kind I feel safe with him. I really wanna see where it goes but then heres my ex wanting to get back together. I just feel so torn in this situation. If I stay with my girls dad I gotta worry about my son feeling left out but I can have my girls all the time. If I move on with this other guy I’m loosing my girls every other week . If I stay I can call the shots with my kids if I go I loose everything. I feel like if I pick this guy I’m picking him over my children. I dont know what to do it’s been a emotional battle past week. I feel so trapped.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm torn between moving on but staying for my children
Girl, leave his ass. He only want you cause you found someone. Kids are young and will get over it. Might sound bad but it all work out in the end. If you stay with you’re baby daddy just for the kids, ur gonna be miserable and separate in the end
First of all you can’t stay with someone just for your kids that never works, second take it slow with this other guy if he is as good as you say he will be willing to take things one day at a time. Remember the honey moon stage always ends and that is when you see the real person good or bad, and it would do more damage to your children if you went to fast and then it ends
I think you got your answer when you said your son would feel left out! Why should he? For your girls dad to treat your son differently (whether he’s biologically his or not) speaks significantly of his character!!!
my personal opinion…kids do not ask to be born…when you have children…they should be your 1st priority…!!
I think you need to get yourself a place…only be concerned about getting your kids and get your life together. Make a stable home for you and your kids…quit going from one man to the next. Good grief just because you can move on quickly doesn’t mean the kids do or even should! You do not have to “pick” a man. PICK YOUR CHILDREN!! If you want to date,fine.
6 months is too soon, why do you feel like you need a man in ur life , u just got out of a relationship to just get in another one take some time enjoy ur kids make them your #1 priority tell the new guy hey too soon to start something and if he waits for u good if not girl he wasn’t the one. To me 6 months after leaving a relationship to start a new one is to quick especially when someone has kids
Pick your kids instead of worrying about guys and relationships. And never make your son feel left out … the moment u knew that was happening was the moment you should have done something about it
Seems to me that you need some time without a man. Get yourself settled, secure, kids first!!
If you love your kids like you say you do, you should never pick any man over them, kids come first ,you should’ve known you don’t need our advice, goes to show 6 months and you want to jump in another relationship have some timeout girl and concentrate on your kids.
You need to love yourself and do what’s best for your children! Stop choosing between men. You need to focus on your children not who’s spending time in your bed…
Take it slow with this guy. Or just be friends and see if his true colors come out. Honestly when I look at other people who have been together for years and years I wish I had been able to work it out with my husband, even though I feel better alone. Children should come before a man anyway, as long as you’re a mama they need
There’s a reason you and the girls dad split. You need to remember that. Kids need to see both parents being loved correctly. Being that there is another child in this situation no family court judge should have separated them for a whole week. There has to be another solution. Yes both parents should get equal time but also the children should be the number one priority. Doesn’t seem like your ex is that great since he’s not including your son. When my parents split( my step dad) still tried to see us and we still have a relationship. You should probably consider that and with the new guy you should take it a little bit slower of your already questioning what to do because bringing him into any drama is not fair to him.
Do what is best for your children. Provide for all their needs first! Is he a good man for your children to be alone with? A great role model? Is he uplifting and positive everyday? Is he willing to go to church with the children each week? Think!
Go to a counselor to help you work this out so you make a decision that’s grounded and considers things you may not see in your hightened emotional state right now
Never stay because of your kids. Amend your orders if your children are having a hard time with a week in and off.
Your children should be your first concern
Honey you might has well stay single cause it’s always going to be a problem with this. Damn if I do Damn if I don’t
Dont leave your kids…
NEVER stay in a shitty situation for your kids. They will end up just as unhappy as you.
Is he wanting to get back together because he knows you have found someone new. Will he bail again when he thinks you have let the new guy go. ? you need to think about.
Really can’t give a true answer because we don’t know the whole situation. But we do know there was a reason why you left your husband in the first place. And I do agree to take it very slow with this other gentleman. Just because he treats you like a queen now doesn’t mean he will once he knows he has your full attention.
Never pick a man over you kids!
God honors the sanctity of marriage when He’s included. If there is no abuse and he wants to work it out, I would pray very hard before moving on to someone else. The grass always looks greener on the other side but usually it’s because it sits on the septic tank.
I heard Nothing about why you left their father.
Did you leave just to play around ?
Many parents don’t take marriages seriously anymore.
Yes, both ways do damage kids .
If marriage is abusive if that’s the reason.
I would not jump into another relationship.
You need to work on your children and being there for them.
Your kids comes first … no matter what or how much you go thru … you brought them into this world … take care of your kids first … never pick a man over your children … you will live to regret it down the road ….
Is that what you really want to teach your children because they are watching
Slow down and take your time. Your going through alot in such a short time. Why did you leave your husband? Is it worth working out? I think maybe see a therapist and talk , but put a new man on the back burner for now.
Staying in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship will cause more harm to them babies in the long run.
I will never pick a guy over my kids. Your kids will never forget it once they grow up into adulthood. But, do what you feel is right. Not only that, you can also get lucky and find a wonderful guy that will not mind you having kids. All guys are not bad.
Take more time do not decide yet see how things go no one says u gotta be qith him or the new guy take this time to explore and then u can get the full custody of ur girls if it is to hard on them just let him have every weekend or a few days a week if it’s healthy for the girls then let them decide leave it open just don’t fight in front of them that would be unhealthy and if this guy cannot accept ur son then he cannot accept u fully cause he knew u had him. Just don’t rush patience and let things fall into place this new guy may not be all it cracked up to be and the old guy may be just trying to get u back cause the weeks he has the kids maybe to much for him. Who says u gotta be full time qith one guy u need to do u first and see whats is out there and what us the best fit for ur family as a whole u and all ur babies
Your kids will always be the constant in your life men will come and go. They will disappoint and damage your relationships with your children. You need to focus on what’s best for them, get them full time for stability and every other weekend with dad. When your kids are doing well, stable, happy and healthy then you can have your fun until that point YOU are not what is priority your kiddos are.
We stayed together for the kids for 10 years. We are both happy with other people. And coparent soso for the most part. Our kids are glad they dont see us fight. Hate dads gf. Lol thats a work in progress. But dont stay with him for the kids. I assure you leaving is better for them. You will see a diffrence in them i assure u.
It’s never good to stay just for the kids kids adjust and most the time handle it better then u think but they feel what u go through it’s not fair for them to go through all that and your son should not have to feel left out, besides you all split up for a reason so I would suggest moving on if it is already over and the system you have in play is working don’t go backwards always move forward .
Are your kids safe with this new guy?
Do what’s best for YOU and YOUR mental health. Don’t stay and live a miserable life. You need to be happy too. What’s best for the kids is a HAPPY mom, not a depressed one.
Remember why you broke up in the first place
I am in a very similar situation as u… I have 2 girls & a boy as well & I honestly have to say do what makes u happy bkuz ur KIDS need a happy mama! I split with my kids dad for 5 months & yes I was talking to someone else & felt torn between everything! I ended up getting back with my kids dad recently & honestly I wish I wouldn’t have I’m not happy & I just try & do it for the kids but all around I’m just not me & it suks that my kids will have to go thru this shit again
You do what makes you happy and he will get tired of the girls and stop taking them as often
Learn from my mistake KIDS FIRST
I stayed for my kids. My two girls are 32 and 37 they have told me that they knew I was unhappy. Now I’m 61 and regret staying
You’ve been split for 6 months. This is a shaky time to start a new relationship. It would be a rebound, that could possibly end negatively. It is possible your ex is saying he wants you back just to make sure no one else is in your life. You know, the old I don’t want you but I don’t want anyone else to have you either. If your ex leaves your son out, then I’m not getting a family vibe from you. I understand wanting the companionship, it’s not about needing a man. It’s that reassurance on decisions and someone there when you come home. But here’s the best way to look at it, it’s not picking a guy over your kids… it’s actually choosing your needs over your kids needs. In this situation they need a clear thinking mom, and stable and steady environment. Good luck, and God bless
He wants you back so he can control you, with this new guy he can’t control you… Don’t be stupid…
I don’t think you are planning any more children right now, so what’s the hurry. give it time and you will know the answer Take your time and be picky just enjoy the attention
Do not let the ex know you are seeing someone! (I guess the kids would tell him.) File for divorce asap. Get the ball rolling. The new guy prob won’t be the “one.” Depends on your age. I have divorced 3 times and by the time you are separated, I never wanted to be with my ex, sexually. I guess when I am done, I am done. Sounds like you are, too? You need to file for your own protection and make the custody legal. It depends on age of kids, etc. Good luck, go slow with this new guy and keep him away from your kids until divorce is over.
Prayers for every day
Go with your heart kids adapt in time just always make them your number one priority
You can always go back to court and amend the agreement to have your girls more.
Choose your children
You gotta do what’s best for your kids.
He is an ex for a reason
Pick your children bc that’s your responsibility you come last that’s how it is until they’re older
Personally, from a lot of experience, I wouldn’t pick either man at this time . And if the custody is too hard for your kids, then it’s time to go back to court and readjust. I’m sorry you are going through this. Good luck!
Maybe try and change the visitation for your girls to a schedule like 3 days with Dad 4 days with you. Then 4 days with Dad 3 days with you. Its still equal time just not a week long schedule.
Kids like see ther mom happy
No do not go back to your Ex ,
Girl. You said everything that you needed to hear. When u said the new guy makes you feel safe. When u choose yourself over staying in an unhealthy relationship. You’re showing your children what matters. You’re not losing anything. You’re gaining a lot more. By requiring what you deserve. What your children deserve. You’re showing them what real love is. You’re being a great role model as well
I’m a little confused as to the content of this page. Is this no longer about holidays? All I see on here lately is “fan questions” that we are to click a link to reply to and asking opinions of made up scenarios. Is this page just strictly clickbait now?
NEVER stay just for the kids
It doesn’t benefit them at all
Try no men. Nothing. Raise your kids. Let them see a strong woman.
It looks to me like your not in love with him no more and your eye clearly wonders and has done for a while he’s wanting you back because he loves you fancies you and your the mother of his kids … if you can’t commit in the same way then yes u should leave being somewhere where your not happy in your self will also effect the kids at the end of the day uve already made your choice if u ask me your clearly besotted with this new man so its not fair to go back to your kids dad pretending you love him an wanna be with him… I just wouldent be rushing into another relationship and having the kids involved so soon they will remember everything trust me I did growing up and it haunted mean for years the amount of questions that I’ve had to ask no kid should of had to its not right
Your kids always come first. NOT saying get back with ur kids dad I am sure there’s reasons why yall didn’t work out. Take time away from dating and relationships n focus on your babies. There only small for a short time. After that then it’s your time.
Men come a dime a year dozen children come once in a lifetime if you are the mother you should be you are loved forever… never know with a man. Keep your children… but if you are second guessing
Maybe they deserve being with dad full time. Emotional battle??? Giving your kids up???
- WHY would you lose seeing your daughters every other week? Custody issues can be revisited in court.
- going back for the sake of the children is a mistake and sets a bad example. Don’t do it. It models terrible coping skills to those daughters. They’ll remember. It’ll haunt you.
- nothing wrong with moving on with your life. Take things slow with new guy. See how he feels about becoming a step parent. Get revised custody orders that keep your daughters close. Be very slow and careful in proceeding, but a new relationship where they can have a caring helpful step parent who respects you is an option I’m not seeing anyone mention.
Parenting software such as OurFamilyWizard is a great way to keep track of parenting issues which arise. It’s impartial, third-party documentation which can be submitted to the court.
NOBIDY should mothball their own life “for the sake of the children.” Children learn by observing resilience and self worth. Don’t be a martyr for their sakes, it is tragic and unnecessary.
Your kids come first. .
Kids come first! Why should they suffer because you made a bad choice? Life has consequences!