I wouldn’t be able to wait. I’d call him out on it and ask him what he’s expecting from other women while he’s married!
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Been there! Waited 3 months to have the $ for the divorce & didn’t say anything…hardest thing to do! in the mean time screenshot everything, print it out. I know it’s not easy & the fact that your willing to put your kids happiness over your hurt right now shows what a good momma you are! Praying for you, for clarity & understanding & for your family. I remember being in your shoes thinking I was such a failure and it was my fault, but it gets better! Gods got bigger plans for you💕 hang in there!!
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I left my ex. I very carefully and quietly started moving little things out, that he wouldn’t notice. I planned and planned. I then left with both the kids while he was at work
Its entirely up to you hun. You have to be able to live with your decision, but the sooner you get out, the sooner you can start to heal. And courts understand if he cheated. They don’t care WHY you left, they just want you to work together for the kids sake.
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Been in situation before , document all evidence first, trll him and show him then contact lawyer. Good luck.
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Leave, don’t say a thing. Pack up while he’s at work. That’s what I would do, because.I would hate to have that conversation, that fight, that feeling. You can call him and tell him why.
The sooner you get out of there, the sooner you can begin healing. Your boys will understand. 
Praying for you.
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Wait until after Christmas for the sake of the kids and your finances. You are in the driver’s seat right now…you know something and he doesn’t know you know. Document it for proof.
Wait until after holidays. But see kawyer and get affairs in order.
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Stash funds, Lawyer up, say nothing, file for divorce, find a good place for the kids to stay for a few days/a while (your parents? Your siblings? — not his- they will probably take his side) serve him the papers as soon as possible…
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I’m all for wanting to hold off till after the holidays cause I’d be the same way… but I wouldn’t wait longer than that. January 2nd I’d be bringing it up and if you plan to just be done because you know there’s no coming back I’d tell him that but clarify he doesn’t get a choice but to let you stay there til you get on your feet. So he gotta have a roommate basically.
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I kept my mouth shut for a whole month. Wasn’t easy but also opened a bank account and made plans . When confronted. He left
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I lined my ducks up quietly. We had been fighting over his cheating n lying. Same old same old with him. I had my apartment lined up I had my utilities scheduled 2 b shut off on a certain date. Had my budget all lined up. Ended up we got into a bad fight n I had him removed from r property with a PFA order. Until then he had no clue I intended 2 leave. I put up with this nonsense for 17 years. They do not change.
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You didn’t mess up Christmas he did. If he’s on the dating site you know what he’s after id be done I wouldn’t let him sit there enjoying it at all he’d be out apartment hunting change the locks
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Bide your time don’t spoil the boys Christmas x I would however put laxatives in the arseholes Christmas dinner make him suffer 
x
Keep it together through Christmas. Don’t say a word.
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Do not wait.
Tell him you know.
Show him the proof.
Get everything in order. Talk to a lawyer. Get lots of proof as needed that he’s doing this and when everything is figured out, end it.
I don’t know the laws in your area but I wouldn’t necessarily leave. I would see about throwing him out. In some states if you leave, it’s seen as forfeiting property. I would talk to a lawyer and go from there.
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You have to play it cool while you save money, find a place to live and get everything in order. I know it’s probably eating at you as it would me too, but try to keep it together for your kids. Let him be a fool while you be the smart one. Make sure when you confront him that you’re financially ready and can just leave. I’m so sorry this happened to you 
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If you’re sure you’re going to leave him then wait. Get some money saved up, move quietly, get yourself set to leave. If you think you want to work it out then confront him now. Don’t wait for Christmas. You’ll drive yourself crazy wondering what he’s doing and who he’s with. You deserve better though so I hope you don’t stay and put up with his BS.
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I’d throw him out dont leave your home he can find somewhere to go. Get funds put aside file for divorce. Send him a text seems like he likes texting. Say you will need to find a new place to stay. Good luck to you and your children
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I had to live with my ex for a month after I asked for a divorce…akward!!! It sucked!!! Had to wait for an apt to open up.
I would hold off telling him unless he starts guessing, since you do feel different now.
My ex did similar crap - leave now!! It’s only going to get worse and you can have some peace to yourself on the holiday
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Got to be strong…Hold your head up high…and start planning…
Start saving, apply for government housing ASAP and get on the list until you can get on your feet. I don’t blame you for not wanting to do it before the holidays… just be distant and keep your mind busy!
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For Christmas his gift would be divorce papers after the kids went to bed. Have proof and make sure you have money/job and a place to go. I fought long and hard 2.5 yrs for my divorce when he was the one at fault. Might be a long road if he wants to fight it. Be strong momma. Keep it together for the kiddos. My inbox is open if u need to vent or some advice.
Why not sit dad down after the kids are in bed and just tell him you know? Tell him you want out. Make a plan for the sake of the kids. If he wants to stay go to counseling and hash it out. Having a professional help you both see this is over will work better than sneaking around. The less noise you make the easier this will be. Just stay calm and write down the words you need so if emotions overcome you the message can still be delivered. I did this.
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I would confront him and at least start the conversation. Screw him.
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Try your best to make it thru. Put back money and then leave after you’re able to
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If you have a joint checking or any savings I would start taking money out because if you don’t that will be the 1st thing he does. Set back take a deep breath and plan for you and your children. Don’t say a world unless you want to stay and work things out. But I dealt with the samething for years they never change
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Have your escape plan before you say anything. If you speak too soon, he may move funds and/or get a lawyer and file for custody without you even knowing that’s his plan.
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Get your holiday done first then plan something up so you have a backup plan
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I went through this, in fact one of the girls took a screen shot of their conversation and sent it to me! So, I made copies, put the evidence in a folder, and gave it to him after the holidays. It takes a lot of restraint and discipline, but you got this. I can appreciate not wanting the holidays to be ruined for your kids. It’s such a heavy position to be in. We’re praying for you, mama 
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Id screen shot or copy all the messages, wrap em up and give them to him for christma
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Dump the bum ! They don’t change believe me !
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Following cause my husband use to do the same thing everytime he gets his phone turnt back on but he doesn’t meet up with them that I know of it just makes me feel like I ain’t good enough for him an he truly doesn’t love me or our 4 sons just makes me sick to my stomach an when confronted he gets mad an then turns it around on me an throws my mistakes an pass up in my face 
but he will be on his phone from the time he gets up till 2-3 in the morning bug’s the shit out of me but I don’t say anything anymore cause I’ve over the fighting an me getting blamed for everything so I finally got a interview Tuesday hopefully I can get this job an then think about what’s next for me an my kids
The only one looking out for you, is YOU! Be prepared, get organized…you have no way of knowing how it’s all going to go. Be smart
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This is exactly my story from 2 years ago. I waited, stashed cash and got a lawyer. If you ever beed to talk PM me
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Create a cat fish account, message him, make him fall in love with you, right after the holidays reveal its you, take his soul with you when you leave.
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Perfect time for the excuse of money missing.
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Keep envisioning the day you finally confront him and put on an academy award winning performance until then.
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You’re incredibly smart to make a plan before taking action. First make copies of all financial documents and put them in your car. Hire an attorney and have the papers served to him at work. If you think he will not play fair, take half the money out of your accounts the day he’s served. Don’t be nice. Answer every request from him with “let me think about that and get back to you.” Don’t be bullied and stick to your guns no matter how exhausted you get, and you will get exhausted.
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Going thru this right now, only my husband has been seeing another married woman with 3 children as well…him and her broke up 2 homes and ruined 6 kids total…don’t prolong it, if you do you will grow comfortable with it and his I’m sorries…it doesn’t change, he isn’t sorry, he will only be sorry he got caught… I also wasn’t financially able but I got my kids and left… he now lives in another man’s home with her and her kids 6 hours away…get out, even if it’s to family or a friends house…btw he can’t hold money, vehicles or any of that from you and legally it’s adultry, you can make him leave … if he holds money that’s finance abuse … all the cards are in your favor, you just have to stand strong and show you deserve better, your kids do to
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Good luck keeping that to yourself… I was not able to.
Good luck keeping that to yourself… I was not able to.
Contact a lawyer and find out what your options are. Some states (like mine) are no fault states. It won’t matter at all in court what the reason for divorce is or who is “at fault” for the divorce. If you can afford the rent/mortgage and bills all on your own then fight to stay. If not then leave after you have your ducks in a row. Alimony and/or child support won’t be taken from his check the second someone leaves and it could be months until you’re seen in court. You don’t want to start this new journey facing a foreclosure/eviction.
If you can, start stashing away money for a trust and fees for a lawyer. If you have to leave the martial home, start looking at apartments you can afford or look into staying with friends/family. Stay level headed, losing your cool will only lead to mistakes that could cost you in the long run.
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OK, your husband is on a dating site Meeting up with other women & you don’t know what to do??? See a lawyer, copy all of his bank statements & leave this POS.
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Act normal then. That was you can save money to move but, set a time example 2 weeks after New Years. That way your not forgiving him and staying. Also find a lawyer and see what your rights are.
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U get everything u can on him. It’s hard but keep ur mouth shut. So when u do leave if it gets nasty u have ammo .
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Address it now. If you wait, the excuses will flow in. “It was one time”, “I put an end to that” etc. unless you find additional proof when you’re ready to confront him, he can pull the “I’m sorry, I made a mistake”. They’re always sorry, but only when they’ve been caught. If he’s doing it now, he’s been doing it and will continue to do it. Do make sure you have hard proof before confronting him. Screenshots and all that. When you address him, make sure the kids aren’t around and do so calmly. You already know he’s a lying, cheating, sneak. Once someone has stepped out, the marriage is over. Unless, of course, youre okay with his actions and allow it to continue. As for Christmas, when you confront him, remind him that HE did this and that you won’t allow him to ruin Christmas for the kids. So I would make it known that you’re aware, make it known that the marriage will be ending, but also make it aware that the two of you will act civil, for the children and the holidays.
Keep spying. See what he does.
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He didn’t care when he did it see that’s us women are we think with our heart brain they don’t. Leave him now before the holidays so can sit there alone. And be alone so he has nothing to do but think of mistakes and what a dumb decision he made!!! Us women deserve respect.
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Take all important documents and family keep sakes and put in a storage!!.. Return all of his gifts and save that money … print out messages exchange… then put in a xmas card and give him that for Christmas… save up all the money you can and get out … find a studio or apartment… or family and friends and get out …
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Pack a go bag with all important documents put in your trunk. Contact legal representative set your leave date and work towards it.
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This sounds just like my story. Wait. He’ll probably just deny it and try to gaslight you if you confront him. He’ll make it seem like you did wrong by going though his phone. Save money and after the holidays, RUN!
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I’d go meet with a lawyer (most do free or $100 consults), open your own separate bank account at a totally different bank than you normally use, open a new credit card (to pay attorney and whatever other emergencies come up), begin stashing cash, and come up with a plan before confronting him. There is no excuse/reasoning that will make what he did ok or would allow me to stay. Try to stay as clear minded as possible when making your plan and only after you have all your evidence (screen shots, records from his purchases, photos, etc) and plan in place you confront him or have him served with divorce papers and a temporary custody plan for any children you two share together. Also you do not have to leave your home. An attorney can create a temporary alimony and support order to be signed by a judge that goes into play immediately that would order him to leave a d pay you to support the marital home and children.
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Why do you have too leave, kick him too the curb.
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Geez it’s hard but hold the cat in the bag, once it comes out he’s either going to place the blame on you or something else. Pretend like you have the worst migraine until you’re ready.
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Document everything before he knows you’re on to him. Screenshots of his inappropriate activity, names, dates, details of each and every transgression, because it’s likely you WILL need the ammunition at some point. Better to have it and not need it, then wish you had thought of it in hindsight. (Been there, done that). Just in case he tries to make YOU out to be the bad guy, with everyone, your family, the kids, your friends, having irrefutable proof of your side of the story will make it easier.
Stay and keep collecting. Screenshot, screenshot, screenshot everything! Everything can be used in court, don’t let him touch you, and try to keep it all to yourself. Or if you have a friend you trust, like really trust, tell her and when you feel like blowing it all out on him, call her and vent, then go back to business as usual and start getting your ducks in a row.
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I say keep detective work. Gather evidence Screenshot.
Plan on where you’ll go. Take however much time you need. It’s hard ! I’ve been there.
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Yes… you can always wait but it will never be the right time. Get out, it won’t stop! It might get a little better on the surface but that’s just cause he gets better at hiding it or not any woken would be giving him the time of day right then. I spent way too many years doing that in a marriage!
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Do not wait till after the holidays. You are torturing yourself by pretending it’s ok. Get yourself ready n go before the holidays.
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If I had the means to leave and some where to go I’d go now. Why delay the inevitable plus I’d want to be happy for Xmas with my kids and in peace! So id see a lawyer and start the process and leave now. It will never be a good time.
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You need to have a talk with him, you need to bring everything to light without the boys being around. You have to figure out a way to discuss this with your husband without getting your kids involved and get it sorted before it becomes a nightmare. While it is the holidays and you don’t want your kids your kids lives disrupted, you need to bring it to your husbands attention. If you wait he will find every excuse now because of the holidays to meet up with one of those women. I’m going to explain something, my husband has cheated on me with women online exchanging videos pictures you name it. Now at the time my younger daughter was on his phone and those messages were coming across. If my younger daughter I clicked on any one of those messages that came across you would’ve been in for a very rude awakening and seeing something very disgusting that she’s not being at that age. My older daughter he would when she would catch them on the phone talking to the women he would state that he was talking to his brother which was a guy he’s known forever and that wasn’t the case. So he was throwing a man that we’ve known for a long time because of him knowing him forever, that he was basically saying it was him and it wasn’t he was talking to the other women. He went as far as to talking to one of the women the day I had to have emergency next surgery and I wanted to see our younger daughter before I went in because I was sitting with my older daughter at the hospital waiting to go back for surgery, I wanted to see my younger daughter before I went back in the surgery because I didn’t know what could’ve happened to me during that surgery I could’ve died, I could come out without being able to speak or anything. He did not bring her up because he was exhausted but yet he was texting one of the little women he was talking to. So when I was out of surgery and I was home and I saw everything I messaged every single one of those women and their husbands I sent the husbands every single one of the messages between my husband and their wife. I explain to them if your wife contacts my husband again I will personally fly out have a very nice discussion with you and slap the women with some lawsuits. The one woman was egging on my husband one day to, As she stated, go break them balls. He made my daughter who is 12 at the time ball her eyes out from busting her stones so bad. Then her daughter with her husband was contacting my husband trying to talk to him as if she were talking to her father. I explain to her who the hell are you contacting my husband because he is not your father and will never be your father in any capacity. She turned around reply to me I can talk to him all I want, I turned around and said to her you message my husband again I have sent everything to your father leave my husband the fuck alone. I didn’t play games, I called my husband out for his bullshit, He wasn’t gonna do it to me and treat our girls like they were trash because of the idiot women he was talking to. I put my foot down to other women are now divorced and they the other woman whose daughter was contacting my husband was fired from her job as an elementary school teacher yes I went that far as to send it to her employer as well. Because she wants to contact my husband and destroy my kids lives now I made her life royal hell.
I’d encourage you to communicate what you’ve found now & not wait. Meanwhile, be smart & do what’s needed to start protecting you & the boys.
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Keep the peace until after and then find a lawyer today to get things started.
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Always be fully prepared when kids are involved.
- Get a bank account at another bank
- Print everything you have proof of and start a “hubby” file
- Gather all of your important documents and store them someplace safe out of the home (safe deposit at a bank, parents house, etc) and keep your “hubby file” with it
- Change your beneficiaries on your will, life insurance, anything he may be the beneficiary of, so he can’t get your money. Kids need a trust, keep that in mind…
- Save every bit you can, and when you have enough for a retainer, you get a lawyer
- start applying for any assistance you may need, such as housing or medical assistance, and have all correspondence sent to a safe place
- start looking for a place to live
In the meantime, tell him you’re not feeling well and deal with it. Let him continue to build a case against himself. Just keep printing and stashing…
Me personally, I would have started the process of leaving as soon as I found out. I have 2 young kids as well and I would much rather be truly happy for the holidays with my children rather than putting on an act. Good luck mama. I’m so sorry you’re going through this 
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Ugh… I’m so sorry.
You are very thoughtful to not want to mess up the holiday for your children. I don’t know if I’d have that much patience. Keep up being an investigator. Document everything. Plan your next steps. You got this and I wish you the very best on your next chapter. 
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You have two decisions. 1) leave
2) talk about it and look into marriage counselling.
Either way there will be huge changes coming your way. I wouldn’t be able to act like nothing happened. Regardless of your choice start setting money aside in a separate account and saving it should You need to access it for emergencies. If you share an account get cash back when you buy groceries and put it in your account.
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Buy him a hooker for Christmas and bug out with the boys “surprise mf”
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Wait…get things in order first. I know it’s hard.
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screen shot and email them to yourself. If you introduce them into court on your phone, they will keep your phone. Email and print them out. Don’t say anything. when you’re ready to leave, just leave and there won’t be any drama for your kids.
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My experience, I got left out on Christmas eve, we were with all his family and friends. He told me that he didn’t want me. I’d be careful. He may wait till then to say he doesn’t want you. Especially on holidays if there gonna be people around.
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My ex did the same to me, only he was secretly meeting men…I gave myself 6 months to get my shit together and leave with my 3 kids. I never mentioned it, I was just cold towards him and he had no idea I knew. I literally packed up everything I could carry in my car, let him go to work acted like I was bringing my girls to school and left with all 3 kids. He was also abusive so the kids knew things were going to get better and mommy wouldn’t have to be hurt anymore. It’s been 6 years, best decision I could have made for myself and kids!! Its not easy, by any means…but it is doable!!! You are not alone, stay strong momma!!
I notice your profile state non emotionally in a soft controlled voice it’s not proper to be married and on those sites. Walk away no argument, no discussion. You can talk after Christmas. You’re already walking nf on eggshells. Or wait and do same after Christmas
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After reading so many of the comments on here I find I agree with them all! Just one thing I’d add. I was in your position before and I sucked it up for two months, quietly planning. Consider his temperament, if he’s the volatile type, as in my case, then I’d definitely move out quietly with no confrontation. Why put yourself through that! If he’s of quieter nature, then maybe confrontation. But after alls said and done, you spare YOU any more unpleasantness and pain. You’ve already suffered enough! BTW, mine occurred just before Thanksgiving. Horrible time! But, there’s never a right time!
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why are you even thinking of leaving - he can go - see if any of the other women want him
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Don’t make a decision now. Never make it based on emotions. Give your self some time to mourn and process what just happened. Just know staying is harder than leaving because marriage is harder than divorce. Just know the marriage can be saved if he is done cheating and just know that many woman stay after infidelity and their marriage is better than before. Also Laura doyle books and podcasts are amazing and can help you work on yourself and help your marriage
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U know. I had a broken family and i wished my family is still whole. I wish i still had my dad around. Try to fix it. People can change. Dont do anything that u regret. Ask your kids what they want. But do whats right not what u feel is right.
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Omg can we all applaud this woman’s self control!!! That is not easy !!! Well done girl !!
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Marriage is hard. What brings a man to this point? It’s wrong, for sure. But what is he missing? No one is perfect. We went thru something similar, but with me at fault. I’m thankful for the second chance. I was lost and needed more. We worked thru it for our kids and ourselves. It was very hard, but many times it’s takes two ppl to ruin a relationship. We get lazy. 
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It depends on the level of disrespect you are willing to put on yourself, by yourself. I couldn’t live knowing that my scumbag husband treated me badly, and on top of that I treated myself badly by trying to hang onto…what, exactly? 
Money comes and goes…so do holidays. But I would never compromise my self-respect. That’s just me, though. And you asked for opinions. When your children are grown, they won’t remember what was under the Christmas tree, they will remember you were strong enough to walk away with your dignity, no matter what.
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Why live with that on your mind just because of Christmas. Leave now and tear his heart out …. Really. ? I’d be gone already , I wouldn’t even waste time asking others opinions
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You’re worried about ruining Christmas while he is destroying his family…
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Wait until after the holidays for the kids. But don’t bring up any arguing or anything just try to make it a good holiday for them and after that it’s a new year new you & kick his ass to the curb .
Think of your kids. Get thru the holiday but don’t do sh*t for him. As soon as Xmas is over tell him that you know and that it’s over
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I would gather as much evidence proof and after the holiday pull the plug
As long as you have your ducks in order first.
Just waiting will make it worse
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Hi, I’m going through the same thing with my boyfriend if I try to talk to him about he kicks off but just remember you and your boys are the most important, I would try talking to him
Easier for him to leave then uproot your children
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Best of luck to you and your family
If it were me, I would wait until after holidays, keep it normal and together for my children - and boot his ass to the curb afterward.
In my opinion, you should not have to uproot your children or yourself. If you want to for your own sense of a new start, less memories…that’s different…try to discuss this with him and maybe things can be civil until you would be a little more financially comfortable doing it all on your own… starting new is overwhelming, especially cost-wise.
This is such a shitty thing to endure at any point, but at this time of year especially. I hope you are able to work things out so you are happy. You deserve a hell of a lot better than a man who would ever risk losing you! I wish you the best 
U won’t be ruining Christmas, he did that. I mean if u can hold ur composure then I salute u. But I’d be fist fighting. U set the tone for how u want to be treated. What’s acceptable and what’s not. Prayers u figure it out. Ughh I hate a cheater and I’d be throwing hands:neutral_face:
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The longer u leave it the harder it will be
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Let him leave he can go be with one of them
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I honestly would try to hang in there for Christmas with the kids depending on their age, if they’re older no I’d leave, if they’re smaller then I’d try but it’s definitely not going to be easy. I would be packing stuff up while I was “wrapping” get him absolutely nothing, return anything I bought him already. Make sure the kids have the best freaking day even do something with just them and then the next morning be like gtfo to that shit husband and get to moving on lol that sucks that he’s doing that though. I wish you the best luck with everything
Did he follow through or just talk game? It’s not ok but one is way worse and the talking is wrong but salvageable if that’s what you both want.
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I get where you are coming from with the holidays and such
Try sitting him down after the kids are in bed and lay it out on the table. Talk it out and see where it goes. Good Luck
Sorry to hear! Please think about your financial situation/obligations… try and plan and expect the worst to happen. Good luck!
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