After 11 years of a marriage full of dv I left in 2019. I met a guy who is really sweet and everything months later. We tried living together once and my kids and I became homesick. So we moved back home. Well I fell for my best friend. We lasted maybe 3 mos before I caught her in a bunch of lies and so forth. So then the sweet guy and I started talking again. He is so nice and everything but I dont think he is my person. I’m not happy. I dont get dressed up much anymore. I feel like I’m gaining weight again. And I pretty much sleep all night then get my kids to school and come back and sleep til they come home. Hes been staying with me for 2 months now. I feel smothered almost. Anywhere I go in the house he is right there. Except to the bathroom. Sometimes i go in there just to get away. An he talks nonstop about the most random $hit. Idk how to end things with him because i am an empath and hate causing pain to others. Plus the last 2 times we ended things he pretty much had an accident of some sort. I’m also not happy about the fact that hes not working. I’m desperately trying to find work myself but I dont see him looking at all. An he will fall asleep anytime. He has done it in the middle of dates even. Maybe I just need a break. Idk. It’s coming up 5 years of my son passing november 1 so I know that’s part of my depression too.
I definitely think you need some time to be single to figure out how you’re feeling. You moved on pretty quickly after your divorce so I don’t think you would have completely mentally healed from that. You need that time to figure out what you want in life and that can only be done when you’re single for a little while, so that would be hard if you go from one person to the next in a short time frame.
Therapy. It does wonders. You need to heal from losing your son, you need to heal from the DV, and you need to learn to love yourself. Sounds cliché, but trust me I’ve been there and done that. You’ll never be happy until you do.
After the loss of your child and getting out of a violent relationship, I think you need some time to yourself. This guy may very well be very sweet and kind, but I don’t think that you are in a good place to be there for someone else the way you need to in a relationship. Take some time away from dating and relationships all together and work on yourself and spend a year or so focusing on your own healing.
Write out a good letter explaining that you need more time on your own to get things figured out and be independent, work out everything you want him to know and either give him the letter or use it as a way to get it straight what you want to say to him. It sounds like you still need some time to heal and just be on your own for a minute. I would avoid relationships for awhile still and focus on yourself and your kids.
It sounds like you’ve never given yourself time to heal from the loss of your child and your divorce. Jumping into multiple relationships and having them move in will not only hurt you, it will hurt your children as well. Also, why are you mad that he sleeps all day when you do the same thing? It sounds like you guys both need to get up and force boots to the pavement to better yourselves. Depression doesn’t heal itself.
You need to focus on yourself and not a relationship. Get some counseling/therapy.
Stop jumping from relationship to relationship and work on yourself first.
You sound like your very depressed with the sleeping and all it def shows that. Please get out you and your kids should never be around someone you don’t love nor want to be with
You’re not an empath just because you can’t stand being alone and your using a person you don’t really like that much to fill the space and then complaining about that person’s idiosyncrasies it’s really quite the opposite and kind of shitty of you. If you don’t like him don’t string him along the. You won’t have to hide in your bathroom and can work on figuring out why you want to sleep all the time.
Based from my own experience after running away from an abusive relationship…2 years later I’m still single. Take the time to heal from the abuse and loss of your child hun. Take time to love yourself and focus on yourself 
This is all great advice!!
Maybe try just being with your children, instead of a relationship?
You say you are an “empath” yet you dont use your perception to steer clear of clingy smotherers, abusiveness, or lying ? long range radar is how great ships avoid hitting the rocks, use yours
When you gain weight, sleep all night, and don’t worry about putting on makeup or dressing up it is because you are comfortable and with a person who cares about making you feel that way😉
I don’t mean to be critical, but right now where I am, everywhere you look there is help wanted signs. I’m not sure why either of you can’t get a job.
My heart really goes out to you. That’s A LOT and in a short period of time. The loss of a child alone- I give you so much credit for even getting up in the morning!
I have no doubt that you are suffering from depression. A lot of people talk about spending some time being single, dealing with your grief over the loss of your son but also over the loss of your marriage (even though getting out of an abusive relationship is a positive), the loss of the person you THOUGHT you’d married is very real. And rebuild your self esteem after so long in a DV situation. I agree.
But another perspective. It IS possible that you are having some trouble seeing the “nice” guy as your forever person for other reasons. First, after more than a decade of DV, sometimes the abused wife has trouble relating to a “nice” guy. Second, you are still grieving and very likely depressed. It’s hard to fall in love that way while you are struggling with depression especially at this level. It is very difficult to see ANYONE as a forever anything. There’s also an aspect of PTSD coming from an abusive relationship. It’s not exactly “rational” but your last major relationship was abusive and something you needed to escape. It is HARD to imagine “forever” with anyone when you vowed “forever” to someone who abused you.
Is this guy your “forever” person? Who knows? But if you work on healing yourself and finding peace, you will be able to see things more clearly. Whether it’s this guy or not.
Thoughts and prayers Momma! You are stronger than you think! You got this!!