Is Homeschooling a better option for my daughter?

My daughter just started pre-k this year and she is my oldest so I’m not sure what to do. If homeschooling would be a better option or what at this point. So a little backstory. My daughter is very kindhearted and shy. She won’t really talk to anyone she doesn’t know or feel comfortable. Well she started school, she wasn’t really wanted to participate and was quiet but she LOVED going. So her teacher and I just stayed in constant contact, which really helped my daughter. Then the school tested her and screened for autism (she doesn’t have autism) but they said she is developmentally delayed, (which she isn’t, she knows most of what they tested her but said she has to be willing to communicate with them and test with them, not just me). So I was frustrated with that to an extreme. We (my husband and I) aren’t allowed in the school (no parent are allowed in the school because of Covid, so we can’t even go support her there either. Our parent teacher conference was in my VAN!!! But they said they have to LABEL her because she won’t answer them when they test her. So I had the stress from this. Now we are finding out someone is being mean to her in school. They are on break so I can’t talk to the school or teacher about it. But my daughter has now said someone said she is ugly, stupid, weird, and has no friends. To the point she doesn’t want to go to school anymore and wants a different school. So I would like so advise on what to do or how to proceed. I have asked her to talk to her teacher before and to also stand up for herself but she is just to shy. Breaks my heart! I want to help her but they won’t even allow us in her school.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is Homeschooling a better option for my daughter?

Look I am going to rapid test and come in the school at least to a conference room ( that can be sterilize) and have a meeting or my child is not going g .

Your daughter could have High Functioning Autism meaning she is smart in some areas ,but delayed in others. I have a 15 yr old son who is autistic you can’t tell by looking at him as he is very intelligent,but doesn’t look at people when he talks, he doesn’t like to really be around to many people, loud noises hurt his ears , huge crowds bother him and sometimes the lights in the grocery stores hurt his ears because they hum. My son is able to be at school because he has worked through alot of his issues. I would definitely talk to your pediatrician and have her tested again. If your daughter is autistic she is still capable of going to a public school ,but have the school make up an IEP (individual education plan) so her needs are being met. Homeschooling would also be ok as you can work on her needs and change things up as she matures. Good luck.


People choose to homeschool for various reasons. I myself am considered it for my kiddo. The public school system isn’t set up to teach the individual child. Find a homeschool program that would work for you and make sure you socialize her outside of the home with kids her age. We are personally going to use “Miacademy” to homeschool. It allows them to go up or down a grade level if they need it.

It’s pre K. You unenroll her. Your state should have a FB page to join. My state doesn’t require starting until 7. And you pay to test yearly. That’s it. It’s pretty much Do You. Most homeschoolers have local groups too.
Personally, if you can, I’d pull her & worked with her at home until she gains confidence.
Therapy can help her with tools to so that as well.


You are the one to make that decision. If you’re not happy &/or she’s not happy then find another school or homeschool. She may “only be a preschooler” but set her down & have a talk about it. Get her opinions & thoughts.
Homeschooling can be wonderful. Kind of stressful sometimes (yes, speaking from experience) but so worth it for our family.
Start by looking into your states laws -
Then search for facebook homeschool groups in your area & ask all the questions you need to.
Good luck! Regardless of what decision is made, YOU GOT THIS & SHE’S GOT THIS!

Im in the same boat…but my kid is 7 and in second grade. Been dealing with this ever since kindergarten. At first,they said she was ahead of what she needed to learn…now she is way behind now that in their school and they are just letting her fall behind. On top of that…she says kids are bullying her. Really considering switching to homeschool next year…

My son is the same way. He knew all the letters, phonics, numbers, shapes etc etc. He was reading & adding (using objects) before he started preschool. They tested him he knew NOTHING. His teacher was also my daughter’s preschool teacher. She knew something was off but said they had to go by how he tested. He’s in 2nd grade & is the same way. When put on the spot he knows nothing. At home it’s a different story. He’s also awkward socially. He’d rather play alone or side by side. He angers quickly. We’ve tried to find a “cause”. There doesn’t seem to be 1.

Anyway if I was in an easy to homeschool state I would. I homeschooled my oldest. It can be trying at times but they’re more comfortable with you so they’ll learn more. Don’t skip the socializing though. Join homeschool groups, church groups, do play dates etc.


It sounds like a you problem. Like, I get it she’s your baby but if you want her to thrive you can’t be there for her holding her hand at every single chance you get too while she’s in school. Separation anxiety is what you’re causing in BOTH of you. I suggest you let her go to school or she’ll be even more delayed. She’ll get to start talking to other kids, get her shyness out that sounds like you created in her, and learn so much in school. Please stop being overbearing it’s not good for them. Take it from someone who’s been there.


I would homeschool. In the times we f today and things have drastically changed I would homeschool. I raised 4. I was IN THE SCHOOL WITH EACH!! You can Not have a child in school and Not go talk to the teachers. That’s a big NO.
First to f all that will hang on her head all her life. Tea hers will tell her this and .Ake it sound bad. It’s not bad. I have family who are autistic and got a scholarship to college. They are very smart. Keep her home. I taught my daughter at home because of the same reasons. But, there is so much sickness and then the school system has changed to locking them in alone with them and they are never protected from bullies. The schools refuse to admit there are any at all. That’s why there are so many shootings. Kids get frustrated because no one helps. Then it drives them literally crazy. Just do her a favor and keep her in school till they change back to where parents are welcome.

I would consider a charter school before homeschooling. This way she still get the social aspect. Most Charter Schools are tuition free and a way better education and experience than public schools. Most of them require uniforms which helps take the bullying away over brand name clothes and shoes.

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Go to that school and make yourself heard up until you’re about to be arrested

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Don’t homeschool you will take away the oppertunity for her to develop her social skills at a young age. I almost did homeschool for my eldest suffering similar issues.
I’ve found private schools (which are mostly religous schools here in Aus n we arent religious) is a better option for the early years when it comes to friends, acceptance and understanding staff.
Schools in Australia get additional funding when they have a child attend with any sort of what they deem ‘issue’. The were always pressuring me to have my eldest tested for aspergers because I have it, But they couldn’t help her with basic things like they do with other kids so why would I help them with funding, They literally mentioned the funding in the same conversation as getting her tested.
I’ve witnessed my 7yo daughter being treated so unfairly by teachers when she is clearly being bullied. It got to the point she was chased around unable to escape and grabbed on the arm with enough force to bruise by a boy in her year that would tease her so she grabbed him by the throat and I quote, “Just like Harley Quinn, Mum and all the other kids stopped teasing me” - She got in so much trouble and on detentions for a month even though I had been in constant contact with the school about them keeping that boy away from my daughter. He even got his older sister who was 12 to punch my daughter who is SEVEN in the school bus line and on the bus pre-choking incident and nothing was done. I unfortunately had to teach her to defend herself physically because we received absosoluetly no assistancr with the situation until it was then apparently my daughters fault. We changed schools and now she is doin very well 10 months later with a big group of friebds.


My son does epic at home. Hes made honor society for 1st time last yr. He didnt do well at public school either. My oldest made As and was teacher pet. Diff kids need diff learning environments public school prob isnt best for all kids Talk to her find out what she wants to do.

What label is the school trying to give her? A lot of testing goes into that decision and it is not just whether she will answer the questions. There has to be more to this. A school doesnt just stick a label on a 4 year old. In fact, it is hard to get a 4 year old labeled at all because of their age. I would listen carefully to what they say is going on bc they are professionals who work with kids daily and have probably seen “shy” kids before. It sounds like it is more than that.


Me personally I wouldn’t pull her from school. I’d start teaching her to stand up for herself. Many times in life our children face difficult situations and they need to know that they don’t have to back down or go to another school, they simply need to know their own worth! I always tell my babies everyday how strong, smart, sweet, kind, and amazing they are! And when they encounter bullies they need to kill them with kindness and a positive mindset. We have been having phone conferences for our meetings at school. I know it’s difficult but you have to navigate these scary times, better days are coming. Homeschooling is a choice :heart: weigh out your options and do what’s best for your child.


Homeschooling would do more harm than good.

Unfortunately we cannot protect our kids from everything, but we can do our best to teach them to defend themselves or ignore people when they’re being jerks.

But, I think what they’re getting at with her being delayed is her social skills.
This seems to be really common in kids who don’t really have much communication with people outside of their family. (Not bashing) but I notice it with kids I’m around. As they get more comfortable, they typically come out of that shell and blossom.

For example, we thought for sure my friends youngest boy was going to be autistic like his older brother, because he wouldn’t talk to people. When I voiced this to his mom, she informed me that he does talk & he’s just weird around other people still. He has slowly come out of his shell. He does great with kids his age & my youngest who is a few years younger than him. But he’s still weary of adults sometimes. Even teachers (and one is his great aunt). He’s around me almost daily now, and still won’t take food or drinks from me if his mom is around or ask me for things. If she’s gone, sometimes even then, he doesn’t. But he ADORES my husband and will ask him for EVERYTHING. To add, I’m usually a ball of anxiety and probably make him a little uneasy some days. I know it’s hard not to be bothered by the label. But, your kid is just cautious I think. give it time. :heart:


People on this page obviously know nothing of homeschooling. :woman_facepalming::joy: Do research for yourself and the area you live in. Private school could also work. It is what works best for you and your family. Not everyone else.


When break is over email her teacher or do a phone call tell her about your daughter being bullied then if it dont change maybe then make a decision we just moved back in May so my boys started at a new school my oldest is in 3rd grade has been getting bullied since day 1 I’ve talked to his teachers I even went down to speak to the principal cause these boys were making threats that they were gonna beat him freaking 3rd graders!!! It stop then back again so apparently one of the boys was moved from his station table he been doing alot better academic wise you are her voice

could be selective mutism

I’m homeschooling mine and they all still have a social life. They all still get to see and talk to there friends. Homeschooling won’t work for some however it’s working amazing for me

How is she going to survive in the real world???

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When is her birthday. If she is on the young side I’d consider giving her another year. It is amazing what being the oldest in the class can do for a child. One more year of maturity. I know it isn’t the thing to do anymore. I was a kindergarten teacher and saw the results.

I wouldnt go to homeschool as it spund like the socialization aspect is super important for her…I would switch her schools. No proper school would label a 4 yr old specially after only being in school for a short time. Most docs wont even diagnose a learning disability or put a 4 yr old on the spectrum…yes there are exceptions to that but generally they dont even consider that kind of diagnosis till after 5. Do not let them put that in her record now if it’s not necessary it could cause huge issues for her down the road!!!

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Take a breath and put your emotions on pause for just a minute:
Your child’s level of shyness is a “type” of developmental delay…That’s not saying anything is actually “wrong” with her. It’s not saying that she’s stupid or anything. Just that she’s not hitting the markers she should be for her age (they’ve even recognized this is due in large part to her being so shy/anxious). It’s not an insult to her or you or your parenting.
It just is what it is.
Those labels can and are taken “off” later on ALL THE TIME (my oldest had the same label and it was taken off when he started kindergarten), but in the short term that label gives them a way to give her an IEP which gives her accomodations.
It gives them a way to give her services to help address her incredible shyness/anxiety in a more productive way than simply ignoring it or catering to it.
That said…Homeschooling her at this point sounds as though it would be more about catering to her shyness and Anxiety…than actually dealing with them…But when you cater them, they actually grow and get worse.

You’re a good mom who obviously loves her child very very much, but you’re reacting…when you need to respond.

Talk. To. The. Teacher.
Go into that conversation with the intention of listening and understanding their side.
Ask them what your daughter gains with that label. Ask them what kind of accomodations and services she can have.
Talk to them about your daughter being picked on.
And absolutely stop holding you not being allowed in the school against them.
They didn’t make those rules.
The school did. They have to follow them or they can loose their job.


I completely understand the homeschool. I was picked on very bad in elementary. I feel like now I can’t handle people. I would try to find some sport or activity that she could do. I feel like kids need to see not all kids are a holes :roll_eyes:. I only say this because it helped my kids not be so shy. I found t ball for my youngest to help him with taking turns . He had a problem with that.

If you really want advice on homeschooling, please look for a homeschool group in your state. It is very clear most of the people responding have NO idea what homeschooling is all about.

I would definitely homeschool. We homeschooled my grandsons because of them being bullied. They done alot better. And the oldest even was able to get ahead of his school class and graduate early

All the experts on homeschooling who have never homeschooled :unamused:

I homeschool and have for over 10 years. IT WILL NOT IMPACT THEIR SOCIAL SKILLS. AT ALL. You don’t learn social skills being set in a room with a bunch of kids your same age. You learn social skills everywhere.

My children can and do speak with manners, looking people in the eyes and speak up for themselves. They can talk to a range of ages without blinking.

To those who choose public or private school, those are also amazing choices!

Be kind mamas. And maybe just try to tell her what worked for you, based off experience and not assumptions.

Good vibes only,

Homeschooling mama of a 16yr old, 12yrold and 8yr old.


Homeschool is a great option. Find a local homeschool group sometimes Facebook has groups by city. It’s not antisocial. There are so many reasons to homeschool, there’s so many options on how and different programs.

We started homeschooling this year and my child is doing much better now than last year in public school. And we are still very social.

If it’s the right fit good luck with this journey :slight_smile:

She HAS to learn to socialize

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Why are people so judgmental?

“How is she going to survive in the real world.”

You don’t expect a child to be able to deal with things some adults even can’t.

I home educate my children, we go to activities gymnastics, karate, swimming. We meet up with other home Ed parents.

If that’s the route you want to go down that’s 100% okay.

People need to be less judgemental :heart:.

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My daughter is 8 and this is our second year of virtual schooling through an online public school. She is excelling. She has a developmental delay and this year ALONE she has gone up 5 reading levels! Every child is different, so I say if you WANT to try homeschooling or virtual schooling…TRY it, if it doesn’t pan out you can go back to regular curriculum next year.

Oh my goodness, homeschooling doesn’t take out the social aspect that kids need. My daughter gets to play with her friends almost everyday after school, she is in 3 dance classes a week, plus girl scouts. She is respectful and uses her manners. She is happy and well adjusted. She did virtual learning this year and homeschooling this year. Has not stepped a foot into a school since March of 2019 and she is doing amazing. Look for local homeschooling groups on Facebook, there is a lot of info you can get from those and most of the parents are more than happy to answer any questions you may have. Most people on here do not know what they are talking about when it comes to homeschool kids.

Personally if I were in your shoes I’d consider finishing out the year pre K is a learning stage and all though it’s helpful to gear them towards kindergarten it really doesn’t count.

My son is similar, also in PreK. He tested minimally delayed—and I believe part of the delays are refusing to take the test because of strangers; and social delays. He’s painfully shy. Diagnosis is delays due to sensory issues. I think he’s pretty smart. I did put him in early intervention and it took him 6 weeks to get ahead of classmates due to the one on one approach. Also, they are teaching him social skills. He’s doing so much better. He is my second so I know he’s different and it’s ok.

My point is, with the right supports school could work. Homeschooling is also good if you can!

My son (middle child) would never speak to people he didn’t know VERY well (starting at around 3) and still really struggles now at 11. He was actually diagnosed with severe anxiety, ADD, and Selective Mutism. He just started a medication that is finally helping a bit. School is a constant struggle but we keep moving forward. I took him to a developmental pediatrician which is who diagnosed him. I woukd keep trying to keep her in school if possible. I wish you all the luck

Are you sure you can handle teaching? Start researching now what programs and groups are in your area or online that you’d like to use. Join some FB groups.

I also have a kiddo who struggled with being tested. He does most likely have autism/adhd but at the time he just wouldn’t speak if he didn’t want to. He is better about testing now but still struggles. If the school gives her services bc she’s “delayed” what does it matter? When she’s with them in a smaller or even one on one setting she’ll prob blow them out of the water and then you guys can move on. She doesn’t keep the delayed label forever. They won’t keep her on support/services if it turns out she doesn’t need them.