Is it inappropriate for an ex-wife to text at 11 at night?

Is it inappropriate for an ex-wife to text your husband at 11 pm about his favorite restaurant closing? Trying to get a feel for how other people would feel about this situation…because this just happened to me.


I don’t think it is. It’s about a restaurant. I mean the timing isn’t great but people have different schedules. She’s not messaging him inappropriate pictures or naughty messages. She doesn’t seem to be trying to reminisce, she’s giving him a piece of information she thinks he might want to know. Seems pretty innocent to me.

I think it’s just the time of night that is upsetting you, which is understandable but the rest seems normal.


If the text itself wouldn’t bother you at any ‘normal’ time of day then I would consider that perhaps she’s on a different sleep/wake schedule than you.
If that’s the case then no I wouldn’t find it inappropriate in the way you’re meaning.

I tend to deal with chronic insomnia. I go to bed as late as 11/12 and can be up as early as 3/4.
It’s happened that I’ve seen something and texted without really looking at the time (especially when I’ve already been up for hours) :grimacing: I also mostly figure people won’t look at or respond to a text until they’ve got the time and inclination.
That’s s the beauty of texting…it’ll be there at the other person’s convenience.


Very inappropriate. There’s no need to communicate with your husband unless they have kids together and it’s about the kids


:neutral_face: I’d say pick your battles…with the information you provided it doesn’t really sound like any ill intentions we’re meant by it…ummm literary seems like some information she came across that she thought he’d like to know. I mean adults should be allowed to be mature and communicate with other adults even exs if they so please and truly if he wanted to cheat he’s going to do it no matter what if it’s with her or someone else. I used to think the way you seem to do until I realized if I have to correct my partner then it’s not worth it. Your partner either will set boundaries and be faithful on their own accord or not at all there is no in between. You should be able to trust your husband and if you don’t why are you even still married to him?

No, I wouldn’t even think twice about it if my ex texted me at 11:00. I would assume he was just up and saw that it was closed. Him or his wife can text me anytime if I’m up I’ll answer and if not I’ll answer tomorrow. I think that’s a little thing to worry about.


I work late & sometimes don’t remember to tell me ex things about our kids until then. But it’s definitely kid related. Not personal things and I don’t expect a response at that time.

I wouldn’t find it inappropriate based on what you wrote. I am a night owl. I tend to text or message before I forget. I don’t expect a reply though. I understand not everyone is up at 11.
If you find it inappropriate, perhaps have a talk with your significant other and let him know so he can set boundaries.


If they don’t have kids they shouldn’t be communicating at all. If they have a good relationship because of the kids I wouldn’t see it a big deal.

Also depends how she said it, if she was like “damn you’re fav place is closing!” No biggie. Now if she said “omg the place we used to go to all the time for our date nights is closing… all those memories.” We’d have a problem lol


I text my ex husband about literally everything - at any given time.


I do it to my ex all the time if I see something I tell him before I forget about it. I mean no harm by it and it’s my kids dad and he does it to me as well but we’ve been broken up for a year and a half and both have significant others. I don’t see an issue unless it’s flirting or he responds in way that makes you uncomfortable. I would have a chat with him though and voice your concern


I dunno. My ex and I are friends. I’m a night owl and he knows it. If I got a text about something random I wouldn’t think anything of it. As long as it wasn’t sexy (which it wouldn’t be, but if it was that would be the end of that).
Honestly, some people were just meant to be friends.


It depends on a lot of things. What is your relationship like. Is this something that occurs (or done) by both parties? Ect…

Those answers would depend on how I would answer.

Texting that late about a restaurant? To me that’s inappropriate if they did not maintain a friendship and it was just out of the blue. If it was an emergency about their children (if they have any), that’s the only reason a message couldn’t wait until the next day. Just my opinion. If y’all come to the conclusion that you don’t want her messaging that late, I’d send a polite but firm response back that says to please not send anything that isn’t an emergency past a certain time. It just depends on their relationship after the breakup


That would not happen in my house! Period‼️ If they have children together and a good relationship it’s still out of line at 11 p.m. unless it’s about the child. If they don’t have children then, HELL NO‼️ I’m so glad I don’t have these problems…no ex- wives or other children. If it makes you feel a certain way, it’s a problem. Don’t sweep your feelings under the rug💕


I don’t think I’d be upset about that if it was just that. Sometimes I text people and don’t realize how late it is. I’ve probably even done this to my kids dad at some point.

Allot more context is needed I think :woman_shrugging:t3: depends on their relationship. I wouldn’t have an issue with my partner being friends with an ex. Kids or not.


The conversation itself seems innocent. Not everyone is on the same schedule. I am a third shifter so texting me at 11AM is the equivalent of texting a daywalker at 11PM. It’s not a big deal. Anyone can text me at any time and if I’m asleep I’ll reply later.

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To me, it is inappropriate. Unless they have kids and there was an emergency, there is no reason they should be talking.


She may have seen it and thought to send it. I have random thoughts or see something and text it too. Lord help my ex husband when he gets a woman and she takes a fuss lol. He’ll be asleep anyways at 11 but chances are, I’m probably going to send it before I forget. Lol. She can text me back though :woman_shrugging:. My ex and I get along pretty good. We have children too so co parenting goes well.

I would be fine with it as long as there was no inappropriate content. Sometimes you just remember and you text before you forget. As previously stated in the thread people don’t necessarily read texts at the time they come in.
I would say, try not to feel upset by it and consider break-ups especially if there kids involved are always better when civil. At least they’re mature enough to handle casual intermittent contact.

I have to send stuff before I forget, because I will 5 minutes later or less. I text because I think it’s less intrusive than a ringing phone and people can choose to read it whenever. Could you ask your husband to silence text notifications at bedtime? There are enough things to worry about in life; this is not one of them.

Maybe she has been busy all day with the kids and they just got settled into bed. Or she was working and couldn’t text. Or sometimes things come up and she thought she sent it earlier but realized she didn’t so she went ahead and sent it when she remembered. Quit reading into things that aren’t there because your going to create bigger problems with your own relationship.

I wouldn’t fight over it but I would ask my husband to not reply until the next day at an appropriate time.

How do you know it was her, and what she said…:thinking: did he tell you, this isn’t the first time they’ve had contact, if there’s no kids, no reason to stay in contact, you married him, and since we don’t have all the details, deal with the fact that they are still in contact, or dont…

Sometimes I message people and don’t realise the time perhaps that was the case :woman_shrugging: doesn’t seem like much of an issue to me really.

My ex husband and I talk about everything. His fiance and I talk about everything. My man and my ex husband talk. Nothing weird.


Its weird. And your bothered by it or you wouldn’t have asked. Set boundaries so it doesn’t happen anymore.

See you guys ask these questions with zero background information and expect advice, we’re not this guy, we need more info

Not friends with my ex. But I randomly text people at all hours. If i dont do it when i think about it, its lost.

Not necessarily. Depends on how they split. For a while I was friendly with my ex husband and he even came to my sister’s wedding.

That time of night doesn’t make sense.why so late

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It’s just a question. If your questioning your husband I assume y’all’s relationship doesn’t have much trust

No, I don’t find it inappropriate especially if she just found out herself.

You’re reading to much into it. My ex husband and I text at any hour. My current husband has no problem with it at all. But maybe you don’t trust your husband for a reason. So much missing from this story…


That’s probably when she found out and wanted to tell him before she forgot.

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If you’re friends, it should be fine. If not, depends on context

Nope. Especially if they have a good relationship.

I text my ex at 5 this morning :woman_shrugging: it’s not an issue unless you make it one

I would never think to text my ex husband about a damn restaurant closing. He’s an ex for a reason, let him figure it out on his own!

If they’re friends. If they have kids tg. Not weird. But if the marriage ended poorly and they don’t have kids they shouldn’t be talking at all. The time is late but you don’t know her life or her schedule.
If they’re friends, it would be what I would do too lmao. My friends favorite place is closing and I see it at 1am I’ll send em a msg and be like " dude, your favorite place is closing ! " I think your insecurities are getting to you

Do they have kïds together? If so I wouldn’t be too concerned

I’ll text my ex stuff like that all the time. But I also have a bad memory and will message whenever I remember, idc what time it is.

For me it would depend on if they’re still friends or not, if she’s been trying to get him back it would be a big nope