is it normal and okay for a father to not help with the kids because he works and you “Just stay at home all day”?
9 Likes
No! They are his kids too!
3 Likes
Good husbands/fathers usually want to help with their children after work is over they usually are a bit bothered that they don’t get to bond with their children all day like the mother. At least the men in my family feel like they are missing out on raising their babies when working all day. So from my perspective no this is not normal.
7 Likes
No, it is not! They’re his kids too! Mine stays gone for 8 days so the 6 days he’s gone he helps me out with the kids, especially our 1.5 year old and 3 month.
1 Like
My boyfriend works all week and still comes home and helps with our son. He let’s me sleep in the 2 days he has off of work. I feel bad for all the women who have a boyfriend/husband that aren’t interested in helping to take care of the baby you both created together
10 Likes
It depends in my opinion I mean if he has a hard job/works long hours or 7 days a week I think he deserves a break maybe not every day but I know what its like to work 7 days a week 12 hour days and come home to 4 kids 3 of which are under 3. It was hard for me most days to keep my eyes open passed 6 and I got up for work at 2am. So I think it depends on his day as well. I think staying at home is hell ive been doing it for a few months im off work on medical leave right now and its definitely mentally tasking to be a SAHM but you choose this I mean if you want to work too go to work if you want him to stay home so you can support the family and not care for the kids talk to him about it.
6 Likes
If you want to be a wife from the 1950s, sure. If I were you, On one of his days off, id get yourself ready, tell him you’re going out for the day, and stay out until the kids are in bed. 
Not ok. I work and my husband stays home all day. Dealing with kids and keeping the house in order is a full time job and he needs to understand that. When I get home we tag team taking care of the kids. When it’s my days off I usually make dinners and we do stuff together as a family.
1 Like
My boyfriend helps with my kid when he’s here after work. We don’t even live together yet. And my kid is 8. And he’ll take the trash out and the dogs out and put dishes away if he gets here before me.
This is my children’s father and today he dumped me for telling him it’s wrong to favor his child over my children when he should take care and love them equally
1 Like
It’s not normal, but unfortunately it happens.
1 Like
Uh no moms work too and still take care of their kids right after work, all night before work and on their days off. Dads aren’t just for paying the bills
4 Likes
Is it normal and is it acceptable are two different questions. No, it’s not uncommon for working fathers to not help stay at home moms with the kids after work. No, it’s not acceptable not to help raise your own kids even if you work all day.
2 Likes
Nope. His household and children as well.
4 Likes
Hell no. They’re his kids too! I get him wanting to unwind for a few after coming home. Mine takes a shower, and then starts playing with them, asking how their day was etc. He usually does bath time with them. You don’t just sit at home all day. You keep them alive all day, you feed them all day, comfort them all day, etc etc etc. Tell him he can have his time after they go to bed, just like you!
3 Likes
Depends on what it is you’re wanting him to do. After working 12 hour days the last thing I want to do when I come home is be bombarded with chores and things that could have been done by the stay at home parent while I was working all day. 
12 Likes
No. Good husbands and fathers want to be involved.
5 Likes
I told my husband a long tone ago. When he is at work then the kids and house is my job. When he is done working so am I. Then it becomes 50/50 he has always helped me even 10 years and 7 kids later he will help with dishes,kids, cleaning, laundry or whatever. At this point we usually do rock paper scissors to see who has to change the baby 
11 Likes
Apparently lol 
1 Like
The way I was raised if my husband goes to work and is providing for us he shouldn’t have to do much when he gets home except the things and jobs which are a man’s responsibility. Guess my parents raised me old fashioned as my parents and grandparents raised me together my grandparents taught me that a woman’s job is to care for the house and kids and my parents taught me the same but that as a husband watching the children and keeping them distracted while the mother or myself are doing housework that he keeps the children occupied so I can get whatever I’m doing done but at night when it comes to bedtime then it’s both of our responsibility to get them ready and put them to bed but that we also have quality time before we start our routine for bed with or kids then we can have our own time after they are in bed I was lucky when I had my daughter my ex would go to work and come home and help me care for our daughter he was a great dad to my daughter he also was the one who did bedtime cause I was a pushover and would always just sit and let her talk and do whatever she wanted to do sadly we didn’t work out cause of personal issues that occurred during our daughter’s birth we just stopped clicking after but he always was there for our daughter just the two of us weren’t compatible after he told me he when he witnessed our daughter’s birth he couldn’t look at me the same cause of the issues and complications that occured both me and my daughter almost lost or lives and I guess that was to much for him to handle we stayed together for two years before we separated after our daughter’s birth
Mine doesn’t… My son is severe autistic I need a freaking break sometimes he demanded they not go to school, so they are both online. So my ONLY break is taken away…
Nope! Not ok. I’ve been home since March due to Covid and my husband has worked. We have a 14-month old and he still helps with her every night and also gives me a break when I need it.
2 Likes
My husband has always helped even if it was just as bedtime was starting he would try to be as involved as possible. For awhile there my daughter only wanted me to do bedtime so he would do bath, cuddles and book then i went and put her to bed.
Shit, my man works on the oil rig, when he comes home, he still is a father and still has to take care of them, just because I’m home all day doesn’t mean shit! Just because you provide doesn’t mean you can’t come home and interact with your children!
My husband works long hours and gets home later then most. I always try to give him some time to decompress. But he knows when he gets home his child wants to interact with him and play and be with their dad they haven’t seen all day. Even if he doesn’t do anything else around the house which he does, ( mostly dishes and trash) he is fully expected to spend time with his children because he is their father and no one else can build that relationship with them but him. “Helping with the kids” shouldn’t be seen as just a chore, that is time he is spending with his child and bonding with them.
4 Likes
There is no right or wrong/ yes or no answer.
1 Like
Nope! My husband is hands on. He will do whatever I need help with.
3 Likes
Weather or not it’s normal, 
I’m sure you’re not the only one… however, it IS unacceptable! My husband is gone before the sun comes out, until it is setting. I clean throughout the day, I make dinner etc… but without me even asking, he always either does dinner clean up, or kids baths… and afterwards he tells me to go relax for a while, and he deals with bedtime. He doesn’t become exempt from parenting when he is home because he works… we all need breaks, definitely… but that also includes us stay at home moms as well!
5 Likes
NO! He’s still a parent and should want that time with his kids. So many dads take that for granted.
2 Likes
That was how my husband was for a very long time and finally I said I need a break and sleep and just started kissing the baby goodnight when I am ready to go to bed and just go lol now he will tell me to go to bed because he saw the difference it made.
3 Likes
Imo you guys should tag team it. You work all day being a SAHM and he works all day earning that bread. When the end of the day come neither of you is gonna be running on much energy. Be gracious with each other and tackle the tasks of parenting together.
4 Likes
Nope! No matter how tired my husband ever was he always took care of and spent time with the kids after work. We all need breaks.
1 Like
No. Me and my sons father split for a year until he realized that was wrong and he needed to step up. That is not being a dad.
1 Like
What if the roles were reversed? Would you tell him he does nothing all day, and ignore all childcare needs once you’re home?
If this sounds absurd (because it is), then the problem is about gender roles. Time to challenge those and negotiate household responsibilities (including emotional labor). Counseling can be great for this.
If he were to pay someone for all the work stay at home moms do, his bank account would be drained.
All household roles are valuable and important. Everyone deserves time for self care and to recharge.
You are a partner, not a servant.
7 Likes
I laid this question to my husband because I didn’t want to be biased. My husband works hard and is frequently gone for long stretches of time months @ a time.He works 11 hours or more on an average day. He comes home and helps me with dinner or the kids so I can finish dinner. He said that it’s not normal and feels that has a father you helped making them you need to help raise them. Also just cause you stay home all day doesn’t mean you aren’t working. He knows that I cook clean and now help with schooling for our kids and feels it’s part of his job as a dad and husband to help. I work 24 hours everyday I don’t get a break. If my kids are sick it’s up to me to take care of them. I am a nurse ,a teacher , maid and that is just a short list of all my responsibilities as a stay at home mom.
3 Likes
No! I work 50+ hours a week and he is a stay at home dad. When I get home I take over. He gets some “me” time and I do what needs to be done and it is my time with our daughter. We both have hard jobs and we both need time to do what we want and need to do! Plus, I miss my baby while I’m at work all day, I already miss out on so much so I have to make up time! 
Don’t put up with that crap, there is no excuse for him not to help!
1 Like
Takes two to tango takes two to raise a kid. Sad how little some of your standards are when it comes to the father of your kids 
2 Likes
Ok, who hacked my life and wrote this???
5 Likes
Nope when my husband got home from work. Be it an 8 or 16 hour day. He would shower, change and help with whatever was going on. Meals, cleaning, bedtime, playtime.
It will continue as long as it is allowed.
If both parties are ok with it fine for them
If both parties are not ok with it, there needs to be a sit down discussion on things.
2 Likes
Oh no! My spouse always tries to help me. He was gone for 3 weeks having to do something and saw how much I was struggling to survive the day with our terror child and felt so bad, didn’t even care that I didn’t do laundry or clean or anything. Didn’t care that I spent most days on fb because I was having really bad mental health being alone with our child. Spouses HAVE to work together with a child
That is not ok at all. Whoever is at home should most days have laundry/dishes/basic cleaning done, but all the housework and child raising should not be on one person. The person who works outside of the home should at least play with the kids, participate in the bedtime routine/getting ready to school (depending on their work hours), etc. Why have kids if your just going to ignore them?
2 Likes
Throw that man away!
I really wish we’d stop saying that a father is helping a mother raise their kids. I’m so over it. Lol Dads and moms should give 110% each. Staying at home with children all days is not easy! It’s a job itself.
4 Likes
After our third daughter I just told him I NEEDED his help. ( I also ran my own business). He was like ‘oh okay just tell me what to do!’ By our 4th daughter he was a pro. Unfortunately by the time she was six my husband passed away but his two youngest daughters remember him as a very hands on daddy!
2 Likes
My fiance does that. I stay home all day with five kids all 5 and under to 7 months when he works all day I still get stuck of taken care of the kids by myself even on his days off all he does is sleep and that’s it I literally have to flip out for him to help. My kids are finally sleeping thru the night again so now I get more sleep at night than I did before, yes my kids drive me up the wall, they don’t listen, they don’t pick up things till I get after them, they cry and whine and fight over stupid stuff. So when my fiance gets home I have an attitude till he actually helps. I get tired of staying home all day cuz I’m used to working all day from like 5-7am to 5 at night so I’m literally used to having my time from kids he won’t let me work cuz of the hours he does.
1 Like
No not at all. If y’all have an agreement that suites this then whatever. If you have not had a discussion in which you both present why’s cons and pros then he has no business demanding nothingness on his part. He wants daddy label he needs to act like one which includes caring for the children.
Try doing something fun with the kids together when he gets in from work. Feed the kids seperately so you two can have dinner together.
Having kids isn’t a one person job. Both parents should be equally responsible for helping with the kid when they’re both available/home. I stay home with my daughter, my oldest goes to school 8-3, I do what I can during the day but he’s been left home with both for weekends when I’ve taken trips to help family with things and he knows “staying home with kids” isn’t as easy as it sounds so usually he still helps as long as it wasn’t a day that kicked his ass, he works hard labor and long days but that doesn’t mean I’m a single parent & he knows that. He does all the mowing & outside stuff, general repairs and such as well as helps cook, clean/dishes, laundry sometimes. Its about knowing what the expectations are and making sure they’re met
Sounds like he needs a break from his job and you need a break from the kids. Maybe ask family for childcare for a week go stay with them. Tell him you love him and to enjoy having the house to himself 
and plan a date with him. Ppl get burnt out. And for sure talk about where you feel you need help at when he gets home.
Good husbands/fathers usually want to help with their children after work is over they usually are a bit bothered that they don’t get to bond with their children all day like the mother. At least the men in my family feel like they are missing out on raising their babies when working all day. So from my perspective no this is not normal.
7 Likes
No, it is not! They’re his kids too! Mine stays gone for 8 days so the 6 days he’s gone he helps me out with the kids, especially our 1.5 year old and 3 month.
1 Like
If you want to be a wife from the 1950s, sure. If I were you, On one of his days off, id get yourself ready, tell him you’re going out for the day, and stay out until the kids are in bed.
Not ok. I work and my husband stays home all day. Dealing with kids and keeping the house in order is a full time job and he needs to understand that. When I get home we tag team taking care of the kids. When it’s my days off I usually make dinners and we do stuff together as a family.
1 Like
My boyfriend helps with my kid when he’s here after work. We don’t even live together yet. And my kid is 8. And he’ll take the trash out and the dogs out and put dishes away if he gets here before me.
This is my children’s father and today he dumped me for telling him it’s wrong to favor his child over my children when he should take care and love them equally
1 Like
Uh no moms work too and still take care of their kids right after work, all night before work and on their days off. Dads aren’t just for paying the bills
4 Likes
Is it normal and is it acceptable are two different questions. No, it’s not uncommon for working fathers to not help stay at home moms with the kids after work. No, it’s not acceptable not to help raise your own kids even if you work all day.
2 Likes
Nope. His household and children as well.
4 Likes
Hell no. They’re his kids too! I get him wanting to unwind for a few after coming home. Mine takes a shower, and then starts playing with them, asking how their day was etc. He usually does bath time with them. You don’t just sit at home all day. You keep them alive all day, you feed them all day, comfort them all day, etc etc etc. Tell him he can have his time after they go to bed, just like you!
3 Likes
Depends on what it is you’re wanting him to do. After working 12 hour days the last thing I want to do when I come home is be bombarded with chores and things that could have been done by the stay at home parent while I was working all day.
15 Likes
No. Good husbands and fathers want to be involved.
6 Likes
I told my husband a long tone ago. When he is at work then the kids and house is my job. When he is done working so am I. Then it becomes 50/50 he has always helped me even 10 years and 7 kids later he will help with dishes,kids, cleaning, laundry or whatever. At this point we usually do rock paper scissors to see who has to change the baby
12 Likes
Apparently lol
1 Like
The way I was raised if my husband goes to work and is providing for us he shouldn’t have to do much when he gets home except the things and jobs which are a man’s responsibility. Guess my parents raised me old fashioned as my parents and grandparents raised me together my grandparents taught me that a woman’s job is to care for the house and kids and my parents taught me the same but that as a husband watching the children and keeping them distracted while the mother or myself are doing housework that he keeps the children occupied so I can get whatever I’m doing done but at night when it comes to bedtime then it’s both of our responsibility to get them ready and put them to bed but that we also have quality time before we start our routine for bed with or kids then we can have our own time after they are in bed I was lucky when I had my daughter my ex would go to work and come home and help me care for our daughter he was a great dad to my daughter he also was the one who did bedtime cause I was a pushover and would always just sit and let her talk and do whatever she wanted to do sadly we didn’t work out cause of personal issues that occurred during our daughter’s birth we just stopped clicking after but he always was there for our daughter just the two of us weren’t compatible after he told me he when he witnessed our daughter’s birth he couldn’t look at me the same cause of the issues and complications that occured both me and my daughter almost lost or lives and I guess that was to much for him to handle we stayed together for two years before we separated after our daughter’s birth
Mine doesn’t… My son is severe autistic I need a freaking break sometimes he demanded they not go to school, so they are both online. So my ONLY break is taken away…
Nope! Not ok. I’ve been home since March due to Covid and my husband has worked. We have a 14-month old and he still helps with her every night and also gives me a break when I need it.
2 Likes
Shit, my man works on the oil rig, when he comes home, he still is a father and still has to take care of them, just because I’m home all day doesn’t mean shit! Just because you provide doesn’t mean you can’t come home and interact with your children!
My husband works long hours and gets home later then most. I always try to give him some time to decompress. But he knows when he gets home his child wants to interact with him and play and be with their dad they haven’t seen all day. Even if he doesn’t do anything else around the house which he does, ( mostly dishes and trash) he is fully expected to spend time with his children because he is their father and no one else can build that relationship with them but him. “Helping with the kids” shouldn’t be seen as just a chore, that is time he is spending with his child and bonding with them.
4 Likes
There is no right or wrong/ yes or no answer.
1 Like
Nope! My husband is hands on. He will do whatever I need help with.
3 Likes
Weather or not it’s normal, I’m sure you’re not the only one… however, it IS unacceptable! My husband is gone before the sun comes out, until it is setting. I clean throughout the day, I make dinner etc… but without me even asking, he always either does dinner clean up, or kids baths… and afterwards he tells me to go relax for a while, and he deals with bedtime. He doesn’t become exempt from parenting when he is home because he works… we all need breaks, definitely… but that also includes us stay at home moms as well!
5 Likes
That was how my husband was for a very long time and finally I said I need a break and sleep and just started kissing the baby goodnight when I am ready to go to bed and just go lol now he will tell me to go to bed because he saw the difference it made.
3 Likes
Nope! No matter how tired my husband ever was he always took care of and spent time with the kids after work. We all need breaks.
1 Like
What if the roles were reversed? Would you tell him he does nothing all day, and ignore all childcare needs once you’re home?
If this sounds absurd (because it is), then the problem is about gender roles. Time to challenge those and negotiate household responsibilities (including emotional labor). Counseling can be great for this.
If he were to pay someone for all the work stay at home moms do, his bank account would be drained.
All household roles are valuable and important. Everyone deserves time for self care and to recharge.
You are a partner, not a servant.
7 Likes
I laid this question to my husband because I didn’t want to be biased. My husband works hard and is frequently gone for long stretches of time months @ a time.He works 11 hours or more on an average day. He comes home and helps me with dinner or the kids so I can finish dinner. He said that it’s not normal and feels that has a father you helped making them you need to help raise them. Also just cause you stay home all day doesn’t mean you aren’t working. He knows that I cook clean and now help with schooling for our kids and feels it’s part of his job as a dad and husband to help. I work 24 hours everyday I don’t get a break. If my kids are sick it’s up to me to take care of them. I am a nurse ,a teacher , maid and that is just a short list of all my responsibilities as a stay at home mom.
3 Likes
No! I work 50+ hours a week and he is a stay at home dad. When I get home I take over. He gets some “me” time and I do what needs to be done and it is my time with our daughter. We both have hard jobs and we both need time to do what we want and need to do! Plus, I miss my baby while I’m at work all day, I already miss out on so much so I have to make up time! Don’t put up with that crap, there is no excuse for him not to help!
3 Likes
Takes two to tango takes two to raise a kid. Sad how little some of your standards are when it comes to the father of your kids
2 Likes
Ok, who hacked my life and wrote this???
6 Likes
Oh no! My spouse always tries to help me. He was gone for 3 weeks having to do something and saw how much I was struggling to survive the day with our terror child and felt so bad, didn’t even care that I didn’t do laundry or clean or anything. Didn’t care that I spent most days on fb because I was having really bad mental health being alone with our child. Spouses HAVE to work together with a child
That is not ok at all. Whoever is at home should most days have laundry/dishes/basic cleaning done, but all the housework and child raising should not be on one person. The person who works outside of the home should at least play with the kids, participate in the bedtime routine/getting ready to school (depending on their work hours), etc. Why have kids if your just going to ignore them?
2 Likes
Throw that man away!
After our third daughter I just told him I NEEDED his help. ( I also ran my own business). He was like ‘oh okay just tell me what to do!’ By our 4th daughter he was a pro. Unfortunately by the time she was six my husband passed away but his two youngest daughters remember him as a very hands on daddy!
3 Likes
My fiance does that. I stay home all day with five kids all 5 and under to 7 months when he works all day I still get stuck of taken care of the kids by myself even on his days off all he does is sleep and that’s it I literally have to flip out for him to help. My kids are finally sleeping thru the night again so now I get more sleep at night than I did before, yes my kids drive me up the wall, they don’t listen, they don’t pick up things till I get after them, they cry and whine and fight over stupid stuff. So when my fiance gets home I have an attitude till he actually helps. I get tired of staying home all day cuz I’m used to working all day from like 5-7am to 5 at night so I’m literally used to having my time from kids he won’t let me work cuz of the hours he does.
2 Likes
No not at all. If y’all have an agreement that suites this then whatever. If you have not had a discussion in which you both present why’s cons and pros then he has no business demanding nothingness on his part. He wants daddy label he needs to act like one which includes caring for the children.
Try doing something fun with the kids together when he gets in from work. Feed the kids seperately so you two can have dinner together.
Sounds like he needs a break from his job and you need a break from the kids. Maybe ask family for childcare for a week go stay with them. Tell him you love him and to enjoy having the house to himself and plan a date with him. Ppl get burnt out. And for sure talk about where you feel you need help at when he gets home.
In my house it’s normal but believe me I wish it wasnt
We have 5kids, I have a 8-4 job plus have part time school 5h15-9h30 and I have the same question
We work off eachother once hes home. It’s almost like dancing. He entertains our kids, i cook, i put baby to bed, he gets our son ready then put to bed, i pick up the kitchen, he puts away dinner, i pump breastmilk, he washes dishes. Give and take
My hubs works full time, a very physically and mentally demanding job, I work from home and I’m home schooling 3 kids. We both have stressful days before he gets home. After he’s home he does some, I do some when it comes to the kids. It’s a team effort. I also leave to go into my office for a bit so there is some time he’s 100% on kid duty. You can’t expect either parent to do it 100%. There are going to be days one needs to step up more and someone needs a breather.
NO! Not at all he needs to help. You work too being at home all day. I’m a SAHM also and I go all day long with the kids no way in heck I could do it all by myself at night too! 
#teamwork
Hell no. Get you a man who actually helps with the kids.
1 Like
Yes even if you were working too… shouldn’t be “normal” but somehow it is like as if being a mom isn’t a job or exhausting same as they get to sleep a full night because they have to “work”
No lol. Regardless of the job, you didn’t make those babies on your own, you shouldn’t be the one taking care of them on your own. Unacceptable.