I need advice. Can someone please tell me that it is “normal” for my marriage to feel so much like work while raising a tiny human?! My husband and I used to operate like the dream team and now everything just feels hard. Our son is 2, we both work full time and I am the default parent. Please tell me that things do get easier when the littles get older. I’m confused and upset more than I like to admit.
5 Likes
Super normal, just keep communicating and caring for each others needs.
2 Likes
normal. I’m in the thick of it too.
Our kids are almost all adults and marriage is constantly an ebb and flow. It’s communication, mutual respect, and understanding. Staying plugged in instead of disengaging during those hard times. Marriage is hard work. But with the right person can be incredibly worth it. Good luck, mama 
1 Like
Where’s the partner picking up the slack in quantifiable ways? If you’re doing more parenting they need to do more housing to keep the balance otherwise they’re getting a child like a child gets a puppy
Yeah, early childhood can be a slog with not enough sleep or time for yourself ever. It DOES get easier though. Kids can do more and more for themselves as they get older, they go to school, which you pay for with taxes, not after-tax income like day care, and activities and hobbies can be a pain, but they can learn so much from other responsible adult leaders and working and playing with other kids. We said no to sports travel teams though. LITERALLY a bridge too far.
But don’t neglect your marriage! Have date nights, meet for lunch if possible with no kids, stay overnight at a hotel while someone else stays with your little one. Have a quickie even if you’re only on board 60%. Put on a slow jam & dance to a song for 3 minutes while junior is in a play yard with fave toys. Expand your “village” so you can get help with child care or housework.
Have weekly meetings/check ins with your spouse to review schedules, chores (and an equitable distribution of them) and change them up every so often. You mow the lawn, he handles potty training, for example. Also talk about problems and think of solutions before the next week’s session.
Plan fun stuff to look forward to, even if it’s only getting McDonald’s. Plan a relaxing vacation: whatever you can afford, from a day trip to the beach or a day at an indoor water park to camping to a weekend at a lodge in or near a national park to a trip to Paris to staying with friends who live someplace fun. Drive after toddler’s bedtime for a more peaceful trip.
Be gentle with yourself and jettison anything non-essential. Skip most makeup, painted nails, jewelry to save time, the house will never be spotless for the next several years—and that’s OK!, and don’t feel guilty about getting ready-made or pre-prepped foods at the grocery store to save time and aggravation.
Enjoy friends as much as possible—especially ones who enjoy your little one. Invite people over for drinks, crackers and cheese, or decaf coffee and cookies. Fine dining and bar hopping is almost impossible with 2-year olds. But the time will return when you can go back to enjoying this.
Kids always change and complicate relationships. Reevaluate how the baby has changed y’alls relationship and reconfigure.
2 Likes
You just have to communicate with your partner and tell them how you are feeling, a majority of the time though the woman is the default parent and we do most of the work with the kids. Most men will only put in the extra work if they feel they have no choice.
Sometimes yes, but not 24 7
Those first couple years after having a kid are tough. We now have a 7 year old who showers himself, doesn’t need diaper changes, and is mostly capable of cleaning up after himself. It does get easier 
It really all depends on the situation. But communication is key, him helping around house and with the children is a must especially if you both work full time.
Our first child is now 9.5yrs old I found our relationship got really good once our son was around 5 and pretty much independent…
We’re now having our second child at any time now and I’m already dreading the strain it’ll put on our marriage. But I have an amazing man who works his absolute butt off then will come home and do whatever I need plus more.
My best advice is find time for just the two of you. Don’t make your life revolve totally around the children. Even if it’s not very often. For hubby and I, our time together is hunting in the fall, ice fishing in the winter, spring is usually not much as he usually ends up on the road for work, and for summer we make a point of doing atleast one thing solo, weather it’s fishing for a day, a weekend camping trip ect.
It gets easier , and they grow up so fast, try to relax and enjoy
1 Like