Is anyone in a situation where their mother in law comes to visit every month, sometimes multiple times a month, and you have absolutely no say? Is this normal? Expected? First time experiencing an overbearing mil, which is very intrusive and questions absolutely everything when she comes…be it our lifestyle, the kids, how isolated we are (we are introverts and are ok with that) I am constantly at odds with s/o bc he feels it isn’t his place to tell her no or place limits. She has come five times in the past three months…with a stay of 2 weeks or so each time. Eta: she has a lot of emotional issues and is very hard to handle. I know we all have our issues, but it literally seems impossible as every day you never know what may happen to trigger her…just wanted to see if anyone else experiences the same…if this is expected, how do you deal? Just looking for any advice on maybe how to handle it…
I wish my MIL cared that much
My mum Donna Ngamotu - so my partners mother in law visits every single day sometimes 2 or 3 times a day 
My MIL would just walk in my house when I was napping with my son
I wish we had a MIL to nag us. You can always be mutual and speak to her about maybe coming once a week and to atleast let you know.
I stopped answering the door. It worked for a little while.
Then she started to call so I would just follow with saying its not a good time right now and just repeated myself no matter how many times I was asked. 
You need to set boundaries. My ex parents in law showed up everyday postpartum to do nothing but see the baby and want to visit, not helpful and super stressful( and they didn’t feel comfortable with me breastfeeding, so I had to go to another room in my own house). Set boundaries! You are the parent now.
You had me until the stay 2 weeks at a time. Uh screw that. Set some limits girl
I wish mines would and come watch these kids lol
Visiting for the day, okay. Maybe visiting for a weekend a month. But staying 2 weeks all the time, no way. I’d probably start leaving when she showed up. Lol, I don’t want to see anyone that much.
Doesn’t seem normal to me. Very overbearing. It’s GREAT to have a MIL wanting to be so involved, and I’m sure she just cares…but that doesn’t mean she should be able to throw her weight around with a grown adult. But time to grab hold of the situation and set expectations once you and SO get on the same page about it.
My MIL was a bit overbearing when we were first married, and she and my FIL would show up announced quite often. I think she just didn’t think about the fact her son had his own family, and routines and expectations had naturally changed.
After a chat about how we liked when they would come visit, but we needed them to give us some warning to ensure we were actually home, or didn’t have something else going on, and one incident where they drove up to see us and we WEREN’T home-that behavior stopped. We still saw them regularly, but it was much more pleasant.
In terms of trying to dictate ANYTHING with your little family, that’s not her place and she needs to be told that and shut down. The longer you let it go on, the worse it will be. My hubby had to "remind " her a few times, and one time she didn’t speak to us for weeks…but we’ve had a great relationship with her for 10 years now. She just needed to be kind of trained that her son was no longer a child, and he had his own family, so things would be different now that he was an adult with his own family to care for.
If ANY family member intends to come over for an extended period of time then it should be planned and announced. This is not normal.
Saw a door mat that read " but did you call first." Nuf said.
hell no thats way too much
My family is like that and i wouldnt have it any other way… they drop in whenever and visit. Family is important.
These comments are absurd. Does nobody know what boundaries are anymore?! I would never allow anyone in my home unwanted and I don’t think that’s wrong in the least
I absolutely hate when people show up unannounced! I told my s/o that he needed to say something to his mother, he’s always had a hard time with boundaries. She’s very toxic and finally after 8 years he has set boundaries. Now that we don’t give into her when she only wants to come around when she needs something we haven’t heard from her in months.
Okay I was kinda okay with it until our told us how long she stays at a time. No way anyone is about to show up for that long, it’s disrespectful, and on top of that make you feel uncomfortable about your life choices. TelL hubby to Man up or you’re just going to have to for your happiness. She can visit but not unannounced and she is not about to stay that long
So she’s been there 2.5 out of the last 3 months? Absurd. She just needs to move there so she can visit and GO HOME. Lol. Doesn’t seem she ever leaves. Nope.
Pft 
My mom didn’t tell me she had other kids
I was like yea thats normal…then I read 2 weeks…nope nope nope…hubby needs to lay down some boundries
When your kids are grown and lead lives of their own, do you want to be welcome in their homes? Or do you want their SO to dictate when you can and cannot visit your own child? Personally, I pray that I will have a happy welcome in my children’s lives…
My father didn’t need to “visit”, he lived with us for close to 20 years after my mom died, up until he died this year. Hubby welcomed him into our home. My MIL can come anytime and stay as long as she wants!
Yes, I dealt with that kind of behavior at the beginning of my marriage. SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN WITH A QUICKNESS.
I couldn’t do it. I hate people starting by, coming over etc… I need like a day or two advance to mentally prepare myself to have people over
If your hubby is too scared to say something then you speak up. Its your house, your kids, and your life too.
Everyone is different. My mil is easy to be with for the most part. If I had to walk on egg shells around her like you’re describing, then no she would not be welcome to come that often. I would set boundaries…
My nephew told his mom to call before she visits but it’s ok that they live with his wife’s family but that is a mixed up story
Mine comes every week most times 2twice a week I love it i love her xx I love how much she makes the effort with my kids I Deffo wouldn’t push her away
Well perhaps her thought on it is… She hopes you’ve had plenty enough of her now… so you won’t miss her when she no longer comes AROUND, but not to worry, for you both know she can be found, such a quaint little place, safe and sound, all her own, just out of town, where she lays…6 feet down.
A lot of us wish we could have your PROBLEM with our Moms/Mils or both…just saying and whatever takes place, I pray only the BEST outcome, for ALL involved!!
Doesn’t bother me when my mil shows she welcome all the tine
Just tell your husband if you dnt tell her then I will and mean it! Or if you dnt have it in you to say anything. Then you should be less predictable! I had this girl once that wouldn’t even call to ask for me to watch her kid she just expected me to, so she just show up at my door to drop off her kid unannounced! It was bc she knew I was always home. Well I’d start leaving the house a little before the times she would show up bc she always show up around the same times. You know funny thing she started calling me to ask me after that! Make it an inconvenience for her if you can if you dnt want to tell her. Soon she learn to call first or be inconvenienced! You cnt just sit back ant let people take your choices away. Teach them a lesson or just flat out tell them! What you allow is what will continue!
My MIL demanded us give up our bed and bedroom every time she came to visit, my husband went along with t for a lonnnnng time. Finally, I had enough and told him I wasn’t giving up my comfort for her ego when we had a guest room for them. She stopped coming over and hasn’t spoken to me in years. But my life is more peaceful. She doesn’t have much of anything to do with my son, either.
She was also physically violent towards me three times after I took my room back, so I know that situation is a little different. We have since moved and she is not allowed to know where we live. My husband occasionally goes to visit her but that’s all. She lives about two hours away. Praying for you in this tough situation. Gently remind him that a when a man marries he is to “leave his home and cleave to his wife,” and cutting the cord to overbearing MILs is part of that.
- I also think the criticism comes from their own reflection on how they wish they would have parented better/differently with their son/children. But boundaries are so important, and it’s your husband’s duty to you to protect and validate your feelings by gently telling his mother that you need space and less criticism.
Your husband needs to cut the umbilical cord with his mother & get a back bone! Get him the book Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend. Discuss where you need the boundaries set with his mother. He will fear the backlash from her, and may need counseling support to set healthy boundaries with her. She had a lot of years to indoctrinate him!
I had one like this, eons ago, and it drove me nuts. Thank goodness she had a husband, four daughters 11 other grand children to also focus on. We finally moved, out of state, and her and her husband returned to their home state.
set up certain times for her to come. say this is the best time for us this month will this week work for u if not which week next month?? try to get it to just once a month at first… u dont want to push her completely away. what’s worse than an overbearing mother in law is no relationship at all.
Insist that your husband tell her to call before she comes. Then, if the time isn’t right, you/he can tell her so. Staying 2 weeks would NOT be acceptable! I would not still be married if a situation like this hadn’t been stopped at the very start in my marriage.If your husband can’t tell her you must. This could threaten the marriage and your husband and your MIL surely don’t want that to happen.
Stand up to her… the more u let her bully u the worse it will get.been there done that…at least my husband did stand up to her for me.But i loved her in the end.
Your husband needs to be supportive of you. Y’all are a couple. Mom can visit every 6 months. Maybe he can explain to her that Y’all have plans and maybe suggest a later date for her to visit. Any other kids besides your husband?
I feel this is a little selfish. Why would you mind your MIL coming to visit twice a month?? You should want her to have a close bond with your children and form a good relationship with you as well. I see my in laws daily. We have dinner with his dad EVERY night. Im grateful to have a close family and know they are they to help support us morally and we do the same for them. I dont feel like your MIL is out of place or overbearing at all. Youre just being ungrateful and trying to be the dreadful DIL
She is an obvious narcissist… She needs help and your husband may need therapy to break free from her narcissistic control. Stand up for yourself.
I’m introvert, my family isn’t. That doesn’t mean i expect people to stay away from my family. I know what you’re going thru, the best you can do is either try explaining to her how that makes you feels without sounding like an a*hole or just relax let her watch your kids while she’s there and go out with your husband or by yourself.
That sounds difficult 
Thats a hard place to be in
. Maybe she’s lonely…but yeah 2 weeks at a time is too much. It’s really up to your husband to talk to her tho…even though it may be a stressful ordeal…it has to get done
I would let him know he needs to speak with his mother because she is disrupting your household and putting a strain on your marriage. This is not normal and if she insists on visiting so much I would have her stay in a hotel… how can you have any peace of she is basically living with you?
.
God my mother does this shit and I csnt stand it. Telling her no doesnt work, just gets me insulted and bitched at more ugh
In my experience, no this is NOT expected. Also it’s definitely his place to set boundaries with his mother. I can understand if it’s hard for him, especially given her issues, but whose place is it if not his? In general when it comes to tough stuff he needs to set the boundaries with his family and you should do it with yours.
Feel sorry for people with MILs like this. I absolutely love mine! We’ve fought yes but we got through that. Maybe just talk it out with your husband and your MIL. Both of you need to be heard I think that would be best.
best thing to do is enforce boundaries. i know it’s hard and they won’t under it at first but eventually they will
Ugh it’s absolutely his place! He isn’t a child and he’s married now so… yes, boundaries are needed. It’s more his place than yours tbh. But I’d possibly both talk it out with her
At least your MIL visits. Mine doesn’t at all nor messages 
But yet complains that her 2 grand babies don’t know her.
But set boundaries and tell her to contact you first instead of just popping up. I refuse to answer my door if they couldn’t have the courtesy to notify me. I stay in my nursing gown and don’t get dressed unless I’m leaving the house.
Nope. Set boundaries now or it’ll get much worse
You have to set boundaries; and if your SO is too afraid of his Mommy, then it’s up to you!!
Don’t make her feel so welcome and refuse any sex with him during visit and he will ask mom to go home
Lock your door! Tell her with Covid you don’t want any visitors.
Speak up…that’s your space!
I don’t think it’s acceptable at all. My in laws life 2 hours away and we always plan when we will visit. We go months sometimes without seeing them. I’d love to see them more but I’d never be okay with any family just assuming they can come whenever they want and stay however long they want without asking - and I’d never do it either.
If it’s for a short visit it’s one thing. Can be inconvenient at times but generally doesn’t do any harm. But staying over especially for weeks at a time unplanned and unannounced? Umm no! That’s crazy. I’d talk with your husband and if he won’t address it I would talk to her myself.
Does she have a place of her own? Does she make the rounds between relatives?
Mil needs to recognize you and the hubs have your own lives to live . though she should be welcome to come to visit .it should not be at extended periods of time .she also should be courteous and advise you of her plans .your plans may not always coincide with hers. Also she needs to butt out of your affairs . nicely tell her so amd hubby needs to grow a set . be nice but also firm .
One Day she will be dead, so enjoy her while you can… Maybe she is lonely and maybe she wants to drive you crazy lol. But if you feel that she is crossing the boundary then tell her that she cant come to visit this time, but reassure her that you will let her know when its a good time to visit.
It is definitely his place. Tell him to step up and be a man.
Some of these are hard to read as far as feelings go, we have a problem with our home and cane be sized for a year or so , my son said mom why dont you and dad stay with us I said why dont you ask Cassie it’s her go.e too and he said it’s her idea not mine so needless to say we get along g great and they have a built in babysitter were a big happy family I cook and i/2 clean she grocery shops we pay 1/2 and 1/2 cleans we are very fortunate so please at l eww ast tey to get along with your in law oh plus we babysit for her other 3 sisters kids once in a while and I’m over 70 and love every minute of it enjoy your family while you can and give lots of HUGS
Mother-in-law could be lonesome.
I would give anything to see my mil she passed away a few years ago I miss here so much
You got to just tell her to chill out or don’t come around if she can’t cope. That’s your home! Your sanctuary!
Be straight up tell her respect your boundaries and YOUR family! If she dont and your husband lets it all slide then tell her fuck off. I dont understand how some chicks let other people invade their homes and family like that. Also tell her get a grip on her emotional state its time to grow the hell up and be a strong ass woman. Good luck!
My MIL would come over, (she lives 2 blocks away) walk right in (never knocks) and I swear every single time her first words were “wtf is…”. Always ragging on the way I do chores or because something wasn’t up to her standards. She even yelled at my (not his) kids a bunch of times. Took it for a bit but she was flat out abusive and I banned her. The hubs told her not to come around anymore.