Is it normal that my husband gets mad at me because I do not go to bed with him?

anonymous fan question? is it normal after 13 years of marriage for my husband to get bad at me every night because I don’t go to bed with him? he gets home from work eats watches his TV show then bed between 830 and 10 and im just not ready yet?


Awww… so yeah, eventually I would be really annoyed by this. But my initial response is that how cute is that that he can’t sleep well unless you’re next to him… :heart::heart:

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I never go to bed the same time as my hubby. We been married 24 years and I like to stay up late enjoy the quiet watch my own shows that he don’t like. The only thing he says I’d he doesn’t sleep well til I’m there next to him but he’s snoring away when I go in there so I think he sleeps pretty well regardless if I’m there or not. Lol

I go to bed every night by myself. My husband only goes to bed with me if he has to be up super early. He works overnights and his nights off schedule is messed up. I have gotten use to it after 10 years.

I got to bed anywhere from 11 to 2 my fiance usually always stays up later than I do every night sometimes. He will lay with me till I am ready to fall asleep

I go to sleep often by 10 because I am an early riser. My husband doesn’t go until 1am. Yeah there are times it bugs me but done it for 14 years so it’s whatever at this point.

But that’s so cute … many women don’t have that. Cherish it.


I go to bed hours after my husband. Sometimes we would lay in bed & watch TV until he fell asleep then I would get up. He requires 8 to 10 hours of sleep. I sleep 4 to 6 hours

I get annoyed when my husband doesn’t go to bed with me… I literally can NOT fall asleep without him :joy:. Well I can, just takes me forever lol. I’d cuddle with him until he falls asleep :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


I think it’s weird. My fiancé and myself go to bed rather early cause we’re up super early, but if one or the other stays up later neither of us gets mad or even annoyed. If I’m craving cuddles I’ll usually just be like hey will you come to bed soon and he’s good with it. Getting MAD about it, seems kinda controlling to me

Lay down with him until he falls asleep. Be glad he wants you there with him

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Do you ever do it ? Its called compromise :slightly_smiling_face: if you never do it, then yes it’s normal and justified. Compromise with him and all shall be well. You could even get up after a while.


Mabe compromise and go with him a few nights a week


My boyfriend is the same when he has late shifts. As much as I love him, it’s nice to just fall asleep with my book alone.

I see how it can be sweet.
I’m not a super big fan of going to bed solo while my husband stays up either.
But nobody in bed to shift and turn, and move the blankets, and god knows what else sounds just as nice so I can fall asleep peacefully :rofl:


He’s prob mad because he wanted his bit go in then wait for him to fall asleep and go back out :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Nahhh, I like my quiet time without anyone else up too. Some nights I sleep in bed, some nights I pass out on the couch… the other day I guess I slept at the table 1/2 the night til he got up to pee & saw me sleeping there and woke me up to come to bed. Some nights he’ll ask me to come cuddle for a bit, I think sometimes he does get annoyed… but never mad.

Nope . Why should u have to bed because he’s ready to end his night ?! My husband use to be like that until he learned I will go to bed when I am ready just like how he goes to bed when HE is ready . :woman_shrugging:t2:


Lol hubby doesn’t like when I stay up late. It’s not a control thing in most cases. But im a night owl n don’t like going to bed as early as he does. I think people just get lonely and are used to sleeping with someone after such a long time. Tell him to chill, it’s not worth the fight…and that you’ll come to bed early some times but other times you need your night owl quiet time lol


Sounds like a control issue to me, is he a controlling person in other ways, or does he just want your presence :thinking:


I think it’s weird. I have to be up at 4am so I’m in bed by 9. Hubby stays up til about midnight. He doesn’t care and neither do I.

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It should go both ways he might sleep better with you next to him or he may want to cuddle up and sleep etc how about compromise and do it couple nights a week won’t hurt and let’s him know your there it may be a Comfort thing for him totally understandable


Buy him a big teddy bear to sleep with or get him to try staying awake or give him something to stay Wake for, got to have choices find what he likes and go for it!

My boyfriend doesn’t get upset when I don’t go to bed with him, but gets annoyed if I fall asleep on the couch because he doesn’t really sleep until he knows I’m in bed too.


I’m lucky to be in bed before midnight… I think he just needs to understand you’re a night owl… Unless he means “come to bed” as in not to sleep… :joy:

I mean, maybe he wants to do more than go to bed?

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My other half doesn’t like the bed empty neither, however I don’t think he’d get mad over it. But he wouldn’t like it. Maybe, as others have said, try give n take a few nights a week or something. Ask him to stay up with you a bit longer as part of the deal. Id be super grateful to have someone who cared if I was there or not xo


My ex used to get mad bc I went to bed around 8:30, and he’d stay up til 12, 1:00, but I’m sorry after taking care of 3 kids, and getting them up for school in the morning, mama’s tired


Hubs and I always go to bed together.

Compromise…hes missing quality time and connection with you…maybe lay with him for a half hr as he watches his show ? Seems sweet he misses you !! Could beworse lol :gift_heart:

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I go to bed earlier than my hubby because of some meds I’m on- 98% of the time he will go lay and cuddle me till I fall asleep, then he’ll go watch tv till he’s ready to come to bed. We’ve been together going on 30 years.


Maybe it’s not about sleeping, maybe he want sex or just to cuddle. Next time he says he is ready for bed, ask him of he want to cuddle for a little bit or have sex even tho you are not ready to go to sleep. Sometimes communication is hard. But let him know your willing to give him something instead of going to sleep because your not tired.

If it’s every single night then personally I feel he has reason and right to be upset. To a lot of people bed/night time is a special bonding time for marriages. Try compromising and go to bed with a few nights a week and stay up a few nights or go to bed with and once he’s asleep get back up for awhile.


Tell him get a grip hes a grown man, get him a teddy bear :teddy_bear: its 2023​:woman_facepalming:

I have to say that we go to bed whenever we’re tired. If I’m ready for bed at 9 and he’s not, I go to sleep. Married 20 years.

Honestly if it’s every night I’d feel a little resented. That could be seen as his chance for any kind of intimacy such as cuddling or just feeling the other and to be upset about it either says he may have issues communicating because it’s either been going on for a while or he can’t effectively tell you that it’s that intimacy that he’s wanting

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I don’t go to bed the same time as my husband. You not a child

In 6 years I went to bed AFTER my husband ONCE and he was sooo annoyed. It was kind of cute lol

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Not a chance that’s my peaceful time when all is sleeping


I would always go to bed and read at 9. He stayed up later but if I didn’t take that time I wouldn’t have time to read.

Girl go lay it on that man, knock him out and you can do what you want the rest of the night!

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You’re a grown ass adult I think you can go to bed when you want, get him a teddy bear :teddy_bear: good grief.

Go to bed as soon as he is asleep get ip

My boyfriend would get mad at me too. But I told him after taking care of our son all day long it was my only time I got to myself he didn’t care to much. And I also told him one of my exs would get so pissed when I didn’t come straight to bed when I got home and ate dinner when I was working 2nd/3rd shift and did not want to go to bed right away. He was controlling and I told him I wasn’t going through all that again.


Mine falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow i cannot for the life of me . I just watch tv on my ipad or the computer to wind down . We have a tv in our room but we just moved in a year ago and its the last thing on our list ! He doesn’t make me go to bed with him .

Yes. I think compromises should be made. I think you should feel lucky he wants to go to bed with you. :wink:

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He wants sex lol go do your thing and then go bout your business, he will fall asleep as soon as you get up to leave the room :joy::joy::joy::joy:

He probably feels like he’s missing out

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Maybe just go lay down with him until he falls asleep, then quietly leave the room like you would do with a baby. :joy:


I think it’s acceptable for him to let you know that he Prefers it if you go to bed with him, but getting mad at you over it is excessive. It’s not cute. If you’re able to compromise, that would be great. But just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re now one entity, you’re allowed to not be ready to go to bed at the same time. If he wants you to understand where he is coming from on this issue then he needs to put in the work to understand where you’re coming from as well.


Maybe he just want some hanky panky give it to him .that would put him to sleep fast .then you can get up and do what ever

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And this is why I will never get married :rofl: I wish someone would tell me what time to go to bed. Hell no.


Go when you want to go not when you are told

Gò to bed til he falls asleep then get up.
My husband goes to bed every night at 8:30. I am up till 1 or 2. He does get up at 6 am tho.

Go to bed with him twice a week, have sex and then go finish watching your TV lol. Guessing he wants a little loving :heart: sex is super important in relationships to keep couples close, especially after 13 years.

yeah, it is kinda weird in a controlling selfish way


My husband works out of town a lot being a lineman so when he is home we go to bed together ,even if I’m not ready bc I’m a night owl I atleast go to bed and let him hold me til he is asleep and then I just love on him and read next to him a while .

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Tell him to sleep.on it what a jerk

If you’re occasionally staying up I don’t he should get made once in a blue moon should be excused. If it’s reoccurring issue then I’d have to agree with him. I’m your husband in my house. My husband and I go to bed together almost every single night. It’s not a control thing it’s a respect thing. I value my time with him and vs versa. We dont have to speak… we are just there for each other. Present for each other. It’s emotional not just physical. Maybe, try reading in bed when he’s ready to go lay down as a compromise.

After 13 years, he’s probably looking for a connection that is missing or slowly disappearing. Getting mad is because he doesn’t know how to communicate it……talk to him