Mamas I need advice. My husband rarely helps me with ANYTHING. This includes cooking, cleaning, and taking care of our daughter. He says that he makes more money and it’s just my job as a woman/wife do clean and cook. I do everything for our daughter as well. I also work full time and I’m a full time college student getting my masters degree. Is it selfish of me that I want to leave him? This isn’t a normal relationship is it?
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For me this is an unrealistic expectation on a spouse, on top of the fact that my partner doesn’t want to help me when he’s sees me struggling or be actively involved as a parent isn’t a a good partner or kind of relationship I’d want. I’d have a real heart to heart one more time and if nothing changes, I’d plan my exit.
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No your not wrong at all for wanting to leave. You deserve happiness, love, and help. You’ve got this gal
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I understand and feel where you are coming from. My daughters father is the same way, I clean the house, take care of our daughter, work full time, do all the shopping, and the most of the yard work. All he does is work full time. Him and I have gone rounds over this exact topic.
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Works both ways let each other know what your feeling. Sometimes that’s all we need reminders.
It doesn’t matter who makes more money. If you were a stay at home wife, then yes, the basic daily chores are yours but helping with your daughter is a combined effort. Does he do all of the yard work by himself, fix things around the house and clean up his tools, keep the vehicle maintained and clean? What else does he do to contribute to the household besides earning a paycheck? He needs a lesson in there is no gender rule in basic life skills. Everyone does their share. My husband does dishes and laundry and cooks and mows the lawn and weed eats and maintains the pool and whatever else needs done around the house. He fixes things and I help him and we both clean up the mess. We don’t keep score. There’s things he doesn’t have to do, like cleaning the bathrooms but I haven’t had to change my own brakes on my car in 10 years either.
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My husband isn’t working at the moment and still doesnt help with anything. I do everything.
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Run lovie. My kids dad was like this too. Been just fine without him and it’s almost been 4 years.
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If you’re going to do it by yourself you should be by yourself…
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He will only do( or not do) that you allow).
He needs to grow up. I stay home with my kids and my husband works a full time job with lots of overtime and still comes home to spend time with the kids and give me a break if I need it. I do most of the chores but also I’m home so I don’t mind. It sounds like him being around is even more work on you. I can’t imagine full time working full time student and full time parent. Something needs to change
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He needs to go back home to his mommy.
He should be your partner, and as such, he should be sharing the responsibilities. If not, then it’s like having another child . I would have a long talk with him about sharing all of the daily responsibilities and if he is not willing, I would walk away…
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It’s exhausting. You’ve already fallen out of love. Move on before wasting more time.
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No. Leave him. He doesn’t see you as a partner. He sees you as a care giver
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I’m blessed to stay home. Our kids are grown. My daughter and granddaughter live with us. My daughter works so I have my granddaughter full time. Hubby takes the trash out and to dump. We have a landscaper that does our lawn. I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. When he’s home he still helps with animal feedings, cleaning chicken coop, and vacuuming the pool.
I have to “nag” to get things done but he does it …eventually.
If you are both working, household and kids should also be 50 50. I’ve always told my sons that as well. Of your wife works, you do your part at home.
Even as a stay home mom needs a break too, its the hardest job in the world with very little appreciation.
It sounds like your doing it all alone ? Why is he there ?
Very normal just not acceptable today
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Absolutely not. You also have a full time job, same as him. If you didn’t have the full time job then I’d get where he’s coming from. But you do, so he really needs a wake up call. I’d stop doing everything for him and let him realize how much you actually do
I’m sure this is not the example that you want your daughter to have as what a husband/wife relationship should be like.
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Parenting and household work should be 50/50 regardless of who makes more money. And no, there is no such thing as a “women’s job is to run the household”, he is sickening and narcissistic, meaning he values what accommodates himself and money, instead of his wife. He wants you to feel inferior to him so he can control you.
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I suspect he does more than you realize, it just goes unnoticed. If he does lend a hand in the house, don’t tell him he’s doing it wrong.
If your doing it ALL alone already I can totally see why you would want to leave.
This is not normal. A man/husband/father should be doing everything he can to split duties with his wife. And to help raise his children. No excuses.
A man who respects his wife will go above and beyond to make her life easier NOT be another child.
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I would have a chat with him, tell him quite frankly that what he is doing is ruining the relationship and if he wants to end up with our you he can carry on but he’s committed he needs to meet you half way. Xx
Not selfish at all. Sounds more balanced and healthy for you.
Sounds like your husband doesn’t realize it’s the 21st century and a woman’s “place” is no longer in the kitchen. If you both work there is absolutely no reason he can’t help out.
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If he feels he shouldn’t help because he makes more money, then let him make all the money. Quit your job and he can pick up a 2nd one. Housework, children and school is about as equivalent as 2 full time jobs.
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Am on the same situation right now
No it’s not normal. PLUS you work full time - nope. Ex husband 
People need to discuss these things before having kids and getting married.
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Girl leave that boy and get you a man! My hubby works all day and still comes home and helps alot of times! There are some days he doesn’t but the other days he makes up for it!
mine does help around house when can right now cant do much im only one working and he just had surgery. he will do dishes,help laundry,clean bathroom,
No this isn’t normal he should still be helping wirh daughter cooking and cleaning its his house at well he a man not a child your not a maid your his wife he is capable of cleaning up after himself the money he makes is nothing to do with the relationship and family home plus you work full time as well tell him if he wants a maid to hire one or to ask his mum also to spend more time with his children if this don’t change then maybe time to take a step back or to separate… you deserve better
No it’s not normal. He should help since you also work and go to school. It depends on how you feel towards all this. Don’t listen to people that encourage you to leave him. I bet half of them are in similar situations. If you love him talk seriously to him. Let him know you mean business. If he doesn’t listen then it’s up to you if you want to stay or leave. Good luck.
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You’re already doing it alone, so get rid of the man child. That will get rid of a lot of stress. You deserve better!
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Leave him and collect child support- then he can make his own dinners, clean, and have the kids every other weekend.
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Been there done that…leave. He will never change.
Mine doesn’t either and we both work
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Sounds like you no the answer to the question 
Not normal since the 80s girl- ditch him
The question is are you ok with it? And you’re obviously not-which is understandable ofcoarse! Marriage and parenting are supposed to be a team effort. If you try conversing this to him and he doesn’t seem to care or listen, then I don’t blame you for wanting to leave. It’s actually easier just doing things yourself than to have to beg someone to help and in return they’re still useless.
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Study time would be so much easier without him. And you can obviously suppory yourself and daughter. Co parent with him… and let him go hire a maid to clean his new place.
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Send him back to the 1950s. Some day he’ll realize he isn’t a true part of the family because of lack of participation.
Leave his ass as soon as u get your masters done. Save for a place without telling him.Get child support from him since he makes so much.If u didn’t work then I could see his side but u also work and go to school on top of that. Sounds like he’s just jealous and wants to keep u down or so tired u can’t finish school. Keep going,keep your head up and show him u don’t need him.
Why would anyone marry a man like this
Oh no way! He’s lazy!!! You two should be working together as a team.
When I worked my husband would help with the kids and the household. Since I’m not working currently I do a little more, but my husband still helps with the kids and the household
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It’s definetly not normal. It’s not selfish at all to leave. Your already doing it alone
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What does money have to do with it!! If both work then both help with everything! I can do bad all by myself!
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Screw that attitude. They’re life skills not gender roles. You’re his wife, not his mother or the maid. He’s an adult who can darn well take care of himself. He should be an equal household member and an equal parent. He’s a man child. If providing money is his only contribution, he can provide it via child support. It should all be teamwork. He has eyes and presumably a brain, he should be helping without you needing to tell him what needs done.
Is this the kind of role model you want for your daughter?
It’s more common than it should be. I don’t blame you for wanting to leave. I bet his mother did everything for him and he didn’t have to help around the house. Tell him just because he earns more does not mean you should do everything by yourself. He should be doing at least half of the housework.
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The fact that you both work full time is enough to justify splitting the chores equally. Since you’re going to school on top of working full time he should be doing all the chores.
If it were me I would leave him and make him pay child support. You’re already taking care of yourself and the baby without him. By removing him from the equation you’re lightening your load.
He wants the perks of a working wife AND a housewife and that’s just not possible. I’d leave, you’re already doing everything yourself and if he thinks his money is enough of a contribution then he can pay child support
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It’s manipulation at its finest. He’s having his cake and eating it too. Sadly it never changes. You’re a single parent in a relationship
Not normal… not acceptable.
You two have very different expectations from relationships. He has traditional, chauvinistic views and you want more of a partner. That said, I’m guessing he wouldn’t want you to quit your full-time job to be a full-time mom. He has no clue. He’s likely repeating the mode he grew up with.
He needs a wake-up call. Leave him with your daughter for a weekend. Make it clear that he’s responsible for all household chores while you’re gone. Visit family or something.
I’d suggest counseling, but I’m pretty confident he won’t agree to it.
Your husband sounds very entitled. Money and being male entitles him to have no role in care work. But your daughter will lose out of that doesn’t change. When you talk to him, focus on his relationship with your daughter. Ask what he wants that to look like and how to begin building that now.
I don’t blame you if you leave. It’s not selfish. But at least talk with him about your daughter. Regardless of what happens with your marriage, this conversation needs to happen.
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No. Pack his things and return him to his mom, tell her she failed raising an adult and to either re train him or keep him. 
Leave when you get your Masters degree and start a better life for you and your kids. I met my current husband at age 36 and couldn’t be happier. 12 years later and we still feel like newlyweds. Don’t stay in a position that makes you sad. It’s not worth it. Flee as soon as you can.
No it’s not normal at all, sounds like you have another child to look after, you need to tell him straight up exactly how you feel and if he doesn’t change and start helping out… Well…
You already do everything on your own, you will be better off without him. You will probably be less stressed too… leave girl, if he really loved you and cared he would not be that way. He would also help with your daughter… as a dad. What is he there for then?
Leave and be happy with your daughter so she can learn that we as woman don’t take abuse. If husband loves you he will charge
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This can’t be a serious question 
How long have you been married? Pretty sure this didn’t just start, but you let it happen, you ever try asking him to do his own cooking cleaning, and laundry…or just quit doing it. If you want to leave, and he makes so much money, child support should be pretty good…your choice…
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Gosh this sounds, unfortunately, so familiar. I’m in the same boat where I’ve asked multiple times for him to be a partner and divide up the chores, but it always comes back to him being defensive and saying that he takes on the financial burden and the house chores are the least of his worries.
Meanwhile, I work full time, take our boys to school and daycare, pick them up from school and daycare, clean EVERYTHING and all he ever has to do is just go to work.
I’m trying to teach my oldest who is 5, that chores are not just for women and that he needs to clean up after himself, (pick up toys, throw trash away, etc.)
I know this is years down the road, but I refuse to have my future daughter in laws take on the brunt of the household chores while they are working full time, because no Woman deserves to have to treat their husband as a “man-child”. It’s ridiculous.
Now you know that’s not normal
Hell no it’s not normal! You are already doing it all yourself, kick him to the curb; one less meal to prepare and less laundry to. Or hire household help to give you a hand. Don’t let him dictate what your “wifely duties” are, not o.k. Good Luck.
Well…I thought you wanted to be seen as “strong, independent women” right? Now that you have it, life is pretty hard isn’t it? Sorry, but if you have that mentality and think leaving your husband is the solution, he is better off without you. Also, don’t flake out and demand any of his resources. You can’t decide to walk away from a marriage and think you are entitled to any privileges that marriage gave you. If you want to be independent, don’t be a hypocrite.
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Oh no leave his ass now … I work construction … my gf is sahm and studying, I get home from a 10hr day and help with anything that needs doing weather that be cleaning, cooking, playing with kids running down the shops for anything that she hasn’t found the time to get . Looking after a family is a team effort and doesn’t stop once you finish work.
Try counseling but then if that doesn’t work go find your husband because mine helps with all of that and more
You didn’t know about this behaviour or attitude of his before you married him or before you had your daughter ? 
What a jersey. Money hsad nothing to do with this. He can help with baby. Wash his own clothes. Lookk uo after himself.
It’s not selfish to want to leave him. Communicate with him first if you haven’t already, but kind of sounds like you have. Did you guys not speak of these things before getting married? Or did he change his answer? 
Anyway, it’s not okay (imo). I’m a SAHM, and my fiancé STILL parents his sons. 
There are two parents regardless of income. Although I now do all households duties, shopping, cooking, appointments, etc, (because I’m at home), when I was work fulltime, he helped with ALL of that as well. He’s your partner, and your husband is sounding a whole lot like another child.
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Tell him if he wants June Cleaver that’s fine. But then you need to be home full time. Pathetic for him to suggest since he makes more money that it defaults to you to take care of everything at home AND work full time. I’d be getting divorced. I’m no one’s slave.
Sounds like he’s a male shovenist #$%… or he’s a spoiled mommas boy. But he’s suppose to be your partner maybe a deeper talk is needed. Or counseling… if that doesn’t work then you know what decisions you have to make.
Is it normal for him not to help, unfortunately kinda. Is that response normal after you’ve expressed your concerns…nahhhhh throw the whole “man” away. I promise you I don’t say that lightly. It’s usually not a solution…but if he really won’t budge you should absolutely consider leaving. And it sounds like you work too? He’s a 
Are you looking for validation from us? Permission to leave?
Honestly, it’s 2023. Stop this nonsense.
Just leave him.
For better or for worse , you can do worse on your own. Kick that guy to the curb.
Not normal and not ok…he should help
U r gold mam . Pls address the issue with him . Gud luk
That’s in no way normal. So don’t let it become your normal.
No it’s not normal. Maybe you should divorce him because you’re already a single mom since you’re doing everything as it is.
He’s says he makes more money & it’s YOUR JOB as a woman… RED FLAG. He’s not your partner. He didn’t marry you because he loves you. He married you because his Mama quit doing everything for him. Girl you need to leave, file legal seperation & child support. He’s told you all he’s worth to you is money. Take it but not him.
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No!!! He’s a lazy poor excuse for a person not to mention a sexist
This is a red flag for abuse. Get out while you can. Save your kiddo the trauma.
No he misogynistic is he thinks he only needs to earn more money. He’s a lazy partner and parent. He doesn’t respect you or love you. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a partner who was like that. start documenting as you make an exit plan.
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Its very selfish of him, not you. Do you really believe that hes entitled to not be a parent to yours and his child and not take on normal adult responsibilties just because he makes more money ?
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You married a LAZY SLOB !!!
It’s selfish of him. If you have to do it all why stay with him. Maybe when your gone he will wake up and realize what a selfish ass he is with prehistoric thinking. It should be 50/50
F U U U U C C K NO.
Why do women put up with this?!
NO it’s not normal.
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No I wouldn’t stand for that crap. It doesn’t matter if he makes more money or not, it’s his house and his kids also and he needs to get off his ass and help out. If he isn’t going to change I’d leave, why be with him if he is just gonna treat you like his maid.
Stop being their maids . Tend to the kids - they are grown ass men . Pick up after yourself and he can learn to do the same .
Why do women keep getting with these guys?? Ladies, stop having babies with boys and wait to find a good man who knows how to be a man…
Not normal. He sounds like a jerk.
How much of the family income do you make? 1/4? 1/3? 1/2?
He needs to suck his ass up and contribute the same amount to the household physically as you do financially. If you’re bringing in 1/3 of the income as well as being a full time parent, then he can do 1/3 of the chores as well as being a full time worker.
Let him think about this: you already look after the kids full time. You already work full time. You already take care of your own education. What do you need him for? Money? Money means nothing when we’re all in the ground so tell him to pull his socks up or take a hike and you’ll find someone who wants to be a partner and not a micro dicktator.
I think you’re confusing normal with normalized. Though I’d suggest waiting until you’ve finished your studies, before leaving. No doubt he’ll try and screw you financially. He sees no monetary value in what you do in thee home, so it won’t ever get better.
He sounds like a douchebag
Kinda sounds like he may be a little jelly or intimated by you. You are working full time, and getting a MASTERS degree while doing all of the cleaning amd cooking like a boss!
I just left my current relationship for the same reasons. I worked full time and raise the kids managed the hous etc. I rather do it alone. It’s not selfish to leave and want better for yourself and your kiddos. We need to stop accepting the bare minimum and running ourselves down.
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I was on his side until you said you work too. Things should be split right in half at that point. If he can’t change his way of thinking, you need to change your situation…
You need to leave! He’s not gonna stop this. You’re gonna be doing it yourself for the rest of y’all’s marriage if you stay!
You’re already alone. Leaving him won’t make a difference