Me and my partner argue cause I expect him to know what needs go be done when I ask him to help around the house instead of telling him exactly what I want done.
No. You shouldnāt have to ask for help at all. He should be helping with his kids, household, etc.
I once asked my honey just to hang a picture in the bathroom, over the toilet. And i asked him again and again. Finally, 4 months later, i finally FLIPPED OUT! and it finally got done. Same thing about all little household things. My honey works 7 days a week, best guy in the world! Except when it comes to helping me with something small around the house on a day when he is home. So i solved that! I told him i had a dream and he was helping me to unload the dishwasher and vacuum and i gave me a giant hug and kissed him up. Lol. Now when hes home ive noticed he does a few little things around the house just to get kissed up! This may not help, but u will find your own unique trick to get his help. Be creative! Evsry man is different, but yet all men are the same! Good luck!
Remind him of the vows you both took on your wedding day. Remind him that you are his wife not a ,skivvy also remind that both of you make the same amount of mess in house and both of you should be a team in cleaning up the place together ā¦all this crap of because you are the woman itās your job pisses me off ā¦so if he is sulking leave him to it donāt wash his stuff, or his dishes shop for yourself and take it from there if he isnāt willing to hell with him
First thing, itās not helping you. He eats there, poops there, showers there and if he lived alone would have to do all of those things anyway. He needs to participate in his household, not help you. Itās not just your job.
Yeah no. I told my partner I was getting overwhelmed and needed more help. His response? Heās started communicating his plans to be me more so I know what to expect as far as when/how long heāll be gone, he takes the baby more often so I can have a break, and asks me periodically how Iām handling things and if thereās anything I need help with or want him to do. That is the ONLY acceptable response in any relationship. You express a need, your partner and you discuss the need and come to a resolution that allows you to have that need met
Several thingsā¦ First, you should both be able to communicate your needs without a fight. If thatās not happening, get therapy now.
Second, I fail to see why what he does as far as work/yard etc have to do with it. If she needs extra help, step up. He is her husband. However, if itās a long list every night after he works, then she needs to hear that and listen.
Third, maybe try putting up a list of what you need, and ask him if he would pick 2-3 things to do each week, and finish them. It should be things he can do in his time. And then if thereās a pressing need for help, he needs to hear her and listen.
My husband works full time and when he gets home he helps me even if I donāt ask. I think thatās key for a marriage. Help so the other person doesnāt feel burnout or resentful
My husband has cancer still lets me sleep in while he takes care of the kids even brings me coffee every morning to drink before I get up and still helps with cleaning the house we both do the house work and I am the one that takes care of the kids during the night. Marriage and kids should be a partnership he should be helping you out
If he doesnāt want to help you, then I wouldnāt help him. Wash your own clothes, wash only your own dishes you use, do not pick up after him. Pick up after yourself and thatās it. Eventually heāll run out of clean clothes and have to do his own laundry. If he uses up all the dishes, get a secret stash of paper plates for yourself. Heāll have nothing to eat on unless he cleans the dishesā¦ Hopefully he gets the message.
Just take no notice of him just do it yourself or get a handy man in then give your husband the account ???
My husband was like this too. I tell him what I need him to do because he wonāt take the initiative. And he gets mad because Iām telling him what to do. But if I donāt then Iām mad because Iām not the family maid. I stay home with the kids and do most everything while he works 12 hour days. On his days off he wants to relax. I get it, because so tf do I. But we had kids, and I donāt get a day off, so neither tf does he. And thatās what I tell him. If he wants to throw a mantrum, go right ahead, but you better fucking put those tears to good use and clean the fucking floor while youāre at it, because Iām not your fucking mother. Iāve explained it in terms he understands too. At work he tells his employees what he needs done because heās the manager and he runs the company, and if they want to work there, they do it, right? Well I run this fucking house, and if he wants to live here, heās gonna do what I tell him needs to get done. Thatās our life. If he donāt like it, he shoulda kept his dick in his damn pants, but he didnāt. So man tf up. Thatās it. I have babies. I donāt need another one. Do what youāre told and stfu, or get out. Itās real simple. Figure it out.
Thatās what you do ask for help, how do you say it? Do you say please can youā¦ Or if I demand itchy husband Wonāt do it.
Tell him then youāre going to hire a handyman but you will ask him nicely once then youāll call the handyman and heāll have to pay for it but you will give him first dibs
Welcome to my world! Iāve put up with this crap for 45 years. I do what I can myself even if it kills me but I usually git 'er done. Good luck.
So childish. You help the one you love. Simple and vise versa. You help him, he helps you. This reminds me of my 2 kids who fight over who going pick up the toy room seriously. You both are cause ya both in this together LOL.
So to answer your question āNOā itās not normal that either of you get mad . TEAMWORK MAKE DA DREAM WORK .
My husband usually does anything I ask. But as Iāve heard " they donāt make em like him". He gets irritated a little bit, but never bad enough to argue. He understands that between a busy school semester and taking care of him and our kid is a lot. If he doesnāt understand you either try to communicate that fighting over stuff is childish and he should pull his weight, or offer up counseling.
Do you help him? And how do you ask him for help? Is it in an entitled way? Donāt get me wrong Iām not attacking you , Iām just wondering if you have looked at it from his perspective?
9 times out of 10. Itās not what you sayā¦ itās how you say it. Sounds like you both need to show each other appreciation. And go from thereā¦good luck
Show him the door. My husband will wash dishes, clean the bathroom, clean the kitxhen, fold clothes when he see me down or just napping. Girl, thatās a partnership . Marriage is a partner ship. Help eachother out. That way the marriage will feel more fulfilling. He needs to understand that.
No itās not normal for someone, especially ur life partner, to get angry when u ask for help and reveal ur a human who canāt do EVERYTHING alone
He sounds like a lazy man-boy who expects you to do everything.
Stop clean up see if he likes you doing nothing.
Not being funny but if you canāt turn to your husband for help without him being a jerk or helping naturally, how is your marriage ever going to work?
I wouldnāt want someone asking me to do something random Everytime I see them neither š¤· be better off with an agreement of what to do in general taking turns.
We have who ever gets to it 1st arrangement. We both work full time and O.T sometimes. Both kids have outside activities. So some weeks I do more some weeks he definitely does more. But we try very hard to see and watch if one is tired the other picks up more. Itās a team effort. I hope you to find your happy medium
Iād hire a hot handy man. Sorry not sorry. I think his tune would change quick.
Dont ask but leave his stuff till last if you cant get it done so be it
Sounds like its time for an ultimatumā¦
he sounds like a lazy bum. A husband should help his partner, and not even be asked. it takes two to tangle to make a baby, and takes two to make it work.
Iād leave of heās not helping and gets made of you just asking for him to do his part. make him grow up or get out.
My husband works his ass off especially on weekends he does 12+ hours but when heās home he helps if I ask I donāt ask for help but once in a blue moon heās quick to help and do what he can he understands my job never stops and neither does his because we are parents and thatās full time usually I have him play with kids take care of them while I clean or cook sometimes he helps with choirs like if Iām doing kitchen Iāll ask him to pick up floor in living room so I can vacuum he doesnāt argue he just does it because he knows how stressful it can be doing it all on your own we are a team and will always be a team a marriage is giving the other everything you got even if your dead tired we just smile and push throu because itās not about us but raising a happy family
I dont have that problem but both of my kids r in school and i am a sahm. My hubby will clean what he can do for me while i get the kids ready for school. After he goes to work and kids off to school, i concentrate what he didnt finish. It our routines
Lol I never get my honey to do list done
Either sit down and ask him how he feels like household chores should be dividedā¦ or just do half the tasks, keep a journal of what you did and when, and say nothing until he complains that the house is dirty, then ask him what he has done to help clean/maintain.
Honestly he just sounds like an asshole!
If there would be anything that I couldnāt do and get crap I would hire a handyman to help me what a baby!!!
We do choices, would you like to wash dishes or give kids a bath? So on and so forth
Dude thatās fucked up. My boyfriend does anything i ask without bitching and rn heās having to do more then me because Iām at the end of my first pregnancy and its been a difficult one. But even before i got pregnant he would help if i asked or even if he just saw me struggling or over working myself. Heās a real man! And hopefully we will have the money to marry soon
Who tells you what needs doing?
My SO tells me that heās tired and heās worked all day not like me who āsits all day and does nothingā. It makes me so mad. I tell him that I might not be physically working but taking care of our child can be emotionally and mentally draining so Iām just as tired but he doesnāt get it.
You do know that women go to work now too?