In marriage, is it common to ask for help or wait till the other just jumps in? My husband has been getting so annoyed with me asking him to help around that it has turned into a three-day argument with no resolution. I explained to him that when I ask him to do little things, it helps me not to resent him. I also explained that I am expressing what I need. He responds with that I am bossy and he doesn’t need to be told or asked to do anything. That he always feels like I have a honey to-do list for him … I am at a loss of what to do if I don’t ask him, then he doesn’t just jump in, and I become resentful, and if I ask him, he becomes resentful…
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No, it’s not normal. It’s selfish and wrong. You deserve better.
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If we aren’t doing it 50/50 I’ll be slamming those divorce papers in your face.
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My so has actually told me to make him a list 🤷🤷 every1 is diff tho.
It is not normal. He should be asking if you need help
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I would just end the relationship… Obviously its not something you want…
You shouldn’t have to ask.
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Get a maintenance man to help out and give him the bill.
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this is me asked my husband to hang a picture I cant do since we moved here in june and it’s still sitting on the floor where I left it. I get after a long day at work he doesnt want to do anything… but I also work long days too. he gets mad when I start doing the task I’ve asked him to do weeks ago and makes an ass of himself in front of everyone and blames me. I’ve learned to just let him have his huffy moment and continue on. . not worth dwelling over. pick your fights
I’d make a list of things to do for the day or week n post on refrigerator ! If he asks just say it’s a General note so I’ll try n do as much as possible ;”) it’s your note but in general for all household to see n hint hint hint maybe help???
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Get three bids on getting the work done, ask him to decide which one to hire. If it’s sweeping, mopping and vacuuming, get a maid.
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Nope, he’s an adult, he should do his half, it’s his house and things too, even if he’s the only one who earns for the entire household. And it’s not ‘helping’, it’s taking care of business and pick clean after himself.
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What a brat. Tell him to grow up.
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In my personal experience men don’t tend to see what needs to be done and do it but also think women are nags because we ask them to help. Now I’m sure there are some wonderful men out there that are the exception to that but I’ve never met him! I’m on man # 2 where I have massive resent due to this exact situation. And when he does do something (regardless whether I ask or he miraculously did it on his own) he thinks he deserves some sort of award or praise for doing what he should be doing anyway…like giving the kids a bath. 
You both live there so he should be helping!
I was raised with 3 older brothers and they think I’ve always been bossy…So at a very young age i was always independent, unless i couldn’t carry something too heavy then that’s when i would ask for help… So now when they come over to my house, we always do 50/50… If i cook, some else does dishes…if were outside in cookout… they cook and i clean… its always about they way you ask things with men… the more bossy you are the less they function… Maybe if you do his work (if its not complicated) and not cook, he will understand how much you need him to help… Lol…we have to be smart, to not show our bossy side show…
You are in a PARTNERSHIP!! Tell him to get off his high horse and help you. He is being a child, you deserve better.
Don’t ask again, just pay someone to do it instead!
I’m self employed and work 8 months out of the year. During that time I demand his participation in the household duties. The four that I’m off I do almost everything, willingly because he is working. The months I am working I leave him sticky notes in the bathroom because he sucks at housework!!
My EX husband was the same way, I worked, I cooked, cleaned and took care of the house while he didn’t do shit oh well wait yes he did he cheated and that’s exactly why he is my ex, if he has a problem with helping then there’s a problem, when your in a marriage your there for one another and if he can’t at least help you it’s either time for a talking or time for a seperation
“Normal” doesn’t matter. How does it make you feel??? I
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With my ex - when he asked me for help - it was like " I need it done NOW""
However if I asked him - it was “’ when I am ready”
If he doesn’t like you asking him for help - STOP washing his clothes , cooking his meals , being agreeable in bed ,
When he asks why you are not doing these things , answer along the lines of “”" I had too mush else to do to take care of your things & I am too tired as you couldn’t help me out when I asked you. “”"
As an adult sharing a house - he should also be sharing the household chores - cleaning up after himself , etc,
As to you asking for help - " men often don’t see the things that need to be done the same way that women do " , so YES it is often necessary to have to ask for help.
Point out to him that if he helps you out , then the chores are finished sooner & you can sit down with him , for you both to have some times together.
My advice, is when you would normally ask him, either hire it out, and use his credit card to pay for it. If it’s something you can do, then do it. But, maybe you didn’t have time to cook his meal, or do his laundry, because you didn’t have any help with the other items on the list. Let him make his own meals, do his own laundry, because it is not part of the vows, that you do those things. So if he can’t grow up and be a man, then he don’t deserve a woman anyway. Your just free maid, cook, and human blow up doll.
You should NEVER feel guilty asking your partner in life for help, whether big or small. There is nothing wrong with you, but your other half should stop and look at his behavior and how it is affecting you and making you feel. His actions with have lasting consequences on your self esteem down the road, I’ve been there and even though I’m not in that relationship anymore, I still have a hard time sometimes cant ask for help…even when it’s most needed.
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Yes he should without complaining and when he’s done you can praise him whether it’s worth it or not! I have a husband and teenager who do nothing or next to nothing but it’s my fault! I’ll do it myself it gets done my way and it gets done the right way!
Hire help, hand husband the bill tell him he can NOT expect you to do everything.
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Tell him “welcome to being a functioning adult in a marriage”
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My husband and I both work, he works from home and I have a job outside the home. The other day I started cleaning the living room n he came out of his office, actually stopped what he was doing, and asked me if I needed help. He knew I was tired, I work 12 hr shifts on my feet most of the day. If ur husband gets mad about u asking him to do shit, stop doing it yourself and let him see what it would be like if u weren’t there. After a few days of dishes and laundry piling up, he mah decide to not be so much of a prick and start helping.
So quit asking and hire someone
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There is a difference between talking to someone and talking at someone. Took me a hot min to figure the diff. But its made my hubs do more.
Marriage about love & respect. You can’t have one with out the other.
If the man is working 50+ hours a week he shouldn’t have to do much other then outside work. The women who is staying home shouldn’t complaine and if she does then sorry she thinks she deserves everything the. There’s the door don’t let it smack you on the ass on the way out
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He’s a douche. Drop him.
Or he can leave instead of you watching him not helping you and that’s less people to clean up after.
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No such thing as normal in marriage. Find somewhere in the middle to meet or something that works for you, him, and the marriage.
Men that refuse to help are selfish and care only about themselves and not about their partners. Especially if they have women that help them out when they need it.
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Go on strike and don’t cook or anything
U will learn to hate him for that. Maybe he isnt mature enough to be married. Let baby be single and suck his thumb
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Your husband is very selfish. You are in a partnership and if he isn’t holding up his end then yes resentment will occur. You might think about going to counseling and if he doesn’t want that, then I would say he is not husband material and you may need to dissolve your relationship. If you continue this way, you both will end up hating each other.
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It’s not a good idea to invite outsiders into your marriage. You need to figure out what “you” want from your husband. His behavior didn’t just start you tolerated it and now there’s a problem. Figure it out.
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Tell him ur not his maid nor mother and he lives there too, and that he needs to grow up and pitch in 50/50. If he works outside the home and u don’t, then yes, he should do less, but he should still pitch in. Unless ur a stay-at-home mother doing childcare etc., all day long. If that’s the case, then u should split the housework.
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Easy little jobs you cant do call in handy man and give him the bill watch how quickly he steps up then:innocent:
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Around my house I’m thankful that my husband does help out and if there are things that don’t get done there’s always tomorrow for we don’t worry about the little things around here , just do what you can if he works 50+ hours a week just pick a day each month to show him a honey to do list on a Saturday but if he works 40 or under talk about setting up one day every other weekend to work on things that really need to be done around the house . Again I’m thankful that I have a husband that works 45-50 hours a week and still comes home and helps without being asked . Good luck
I tell him that I’m no ones maid that he ain’t disabled if he can’t help me when I need it I refuse he cook for him and wash his clothes and do anything for him. Next day he is washing dishes sweeping the floor doing his laundry cooking his food and I just sit there and watch and enjoy it we both work and I think it’s NOT fair that I also have to do everything around the house it should be 50/50 we women get tired to especially when there’s kids I have to multi task then he ask why I get mad
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Some things you have to learn to do by yourself unfortunately . I learned that by losing my husband to cancer and having to work 40 to 80 hours a week plus raising 4 children cleaning house from ceil to floor working on my car fixing anything that needed to be fixed . Life isnt always pleasant you work and do what you have to do … Peaches and cream is just in oatmeal .
My husband of 37 yrs helps me with everything. It’s when I’m sick that he acts like I have to get up and do stuff!! It really pisses me off. It’s like I’m not aloud to be sick! I’m like dude I clean house all the time dont come act like your my employer and your putting me to work:thinking:
I guess I’m lucky in some ways cause alot of womans husbands dont do shit, and leave it all up to the wife!
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You should always be able to ask your husband for his help! But in reality he should be the one asking if you would like some help. That attitude of his so wrong in so May ways it’s selfish and narcissistic of him. Just say to him “ you know what FORGET ILL DO IT OR FIGURE IT OUT BUT REMEMBER I NEEDED YOUR HELP AND YOU ACT LIKE THIS !”
You just remember this:
Karma will bite him in his ass when he least expects it and when HE will need your help. Hang in there and take care of YOU
Read the writing on the wall , relationships are a 50/50 deal
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sounds to me like you communicated in a clear and educated manner. too bad he couldn’t meet you in the middle somewhere. btw, i’d tire quicker than 3 days worth of the temper tantrum he’s throwing…lol…
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Nope it’s not unreasonable to have husband help around the house. Just because they work a job doesn’t mean they can’t do thing’s around the home. It causes many arguments between me and mine . I have crippling arthritis and have clean .cooked. and took care of three children for most of my young life. I also worked on and off since I was 16. Men think that they should just do what they want on down time ( the weekend) . People ( men) don’t realize how much work it is to run a home and raise children.
I think its all about team work
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Yeah we’re lazy fuckin creatures when we have to do shit we dont want to.
Pretty sure its typical, but deep down I’m sure he knows he’s wrong.
short and sweet …
a man that loves you will do what s necessary not to please you but he want to build a world with you…
repeat
now how long has he had …a attitude?
if for a while. you better do some more questioning
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If it is your list you have written try and do it yourself you will be rewarded with deep satisfaction and will model can do behaviour and those things you cannot do hire someone as people have said; do not give him a to do list - his to do list is his own to write and do - this strategy is something you can openly carry out by identifying tasks as you have underway, completed, things to buy etc pinned to the fridge expect no push back from him - expect assistance cos he will eventually help out.
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Just because you live with or marry doesn’t mean you have a slave for life . Stop doing stuff and he will learn
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It sounds like you need to decide whether or not to put up with his behaviour.
No one else can decide that for you.
It’s a simple case of live with it, insist he changes or leave.
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Each person is supposed to put forth 100%…effort not asshole!
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So, he’s a child. Not a husband. You’d be better off on your own then
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mine never gets mad, he jumps in and helps even if I don’t ask him. In fact he’d do all the work for me, treats me like a queen! Sounds like yours is a kid or cheating on you…either way dump him.
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Ask him what’s wrong? Something must be going on in his head to get defensive ? Find out what it is. That’s the problem not the actually being asked to help.
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Don’t ask for his help again.talk to an attorney.get ur own place & clean up after u
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Ask someone else or pay someone to do those things. Screw it and find a way, a respectable solution.
I had this issue for years…now I’m divorced…good luck x
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What if you explained it to him differently? Rather just about being about you, make it about him.
For eg. I know I always ask you to help but i truly value when you do help me. I feel we are a team, a partnership.
I ask you to help because I value your input in our relationship/family life.
I found reading Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch very profound and helpful.
I had the opposite problem in my relationship where I felt that if I asked him for help I was leaning on him too much where as he saw it as me trusting in his abilities and it was his way of showing me how much he cared about me.
Do what works for you. Communication is very important and just as important is ow Inc the way you come across to the other.
Set a date and time. Write down what you need to cover and try to discuss it.
Well maybe stop doing things for him see how he feels mmm give him a some attitude back he just sounds lazy and expects you to do everything
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He feels like its mama telling him what to do.
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I stopped asking hubby to help. I just pay people to do jobs now. Then ask him for money to pay for it. I recently asked him bout locks for a door and he said he would do it. Still waiting. I have had the baby and back at work and still nothing has been done
Divorce sounds easier than getting a man to grow up
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I’ve been married for 16 years. In the beginning I used to think my husband would just jump in and help and I got resentful when he didn’t. We had a discussion about it one day and it made alot more sense to me. Men don’t think like we do. And they’re not mind readers. And they dont take lightly to being told what to do. You’re his wife ,not his mother so if you’re asking that’s fine but if you’re telling because you’re mad and upset that may be the reason you’re getting a bad outcome. My husband told me he will do absolutely anything for me but he appreciates when I ask him, not telling him what needs to be done. I started asking and he started doing, whatever it was. Now years later I dont have to ask anymore, he sees something that needs done and he jumps in and helps. If you are in fact asking him and he is being a jerk about it then he has some growing up to do.Theres nothing wrong with asking your husband for help. Marriage is a team effort. That includes taking care of home and kids if you have any.
no its not normal. make him acknowledge his mistakes. if not, do the same thing to him ( when he is in a hurry by example dont help him to look after his keys let him clean his own plate, his own laundry dont help him remind important stuff etc. let him be on his own but still love him. if that doesn’t work after you tried everything, i would leave. maybe he will appreciate you then or maybe he will just find another women to boss around and make him feel like he is still taken care by his mother😒
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Sounds like my husband. I just do most things myself or ask the kids…my husband is an immature ass n I don’t know why we are still together 🤷
Dont.do as much.cleaning up do what.u can your only human.believe me help get tired of the.mess then hell ask u.tell him well incantndo.it all myself this is what happens when theres no.help.call his bluff good luck
Cut off his usual treats you give him. He will buck up then,understand what I am saying.
Control it
Well then ladies you do the same if you are tired and he poke you and try to wake you up or ask you but you are tired and exhausted bcoz he moans when you ask him for help , your willingness ladies are depends on his willingness to help you around the house and children’s , marriage are run and manage by two that is you and your husband
Tell him we don’t live in the 1950’s. A marriage is equal the chores if both people work. If not… he needs needs to help where you need help.
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Is it a “honey do list” or it is a “he needs to do his damn part in the household chores list”. Very different 
I say resent him ! if he thinks being asked things is so awful he shouldn’t of got married. Marriage is a partnership with respect and love. Not an annoyance to be a burden on someone else. He sounds like a rude ass jerk for getting pissed off about something so minuscule.
I think marriage is team effort. If one is struggling the other should be there to step up. So honey-do lists aren’t a thing in our house. His job is not to just work and come home. Mine is not to work and then keep house. We see something and we do it…end of story. Now yes, I tend to do a little more than my own husband because I am a control freak and hate to ask for help. Lol
But if you are strong enough to ask he needs to be strong enough to help.
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He’s pissed because you brought it to his attention. However if you don’t, he doesn’t help anyways. Sit down with a chore list and divy it up. Let him pick whatever he wants as long as you each have the same number. Don’t get pissy at what he picks, because whatever he picks, you are now free of.
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I just quit doing everything and when my husband needed clothes for work or a clean dish to heat up his tv dinner on because I also quit cooking. I just said if you can’t help around the house that must mean I don’t have to do it either. He started helping a little more .
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If you ask once and nothing happens, nothing will ever happen. Especially if you constantly ask and nothing happens. Believe that. Either get over it or move on. I’m not trying to be mean, but it’s just reality.
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He should not get angry. Helping each other is what it’s about. Marriage is not 50/50 it’s 100/100 plus. When one is needing help the other should be there to help and support the other. I’m a single father and have had my son since he was 2 months old. House work is harder than it seems. He is now 7 and I know the feeling asking my now ex to help.
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Maybe ask if there is one or two days per week you guys can work “together” on some things that need done.
This can be planned ahead of the week and prevent the “nagging” issue
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Smdh. 
Start a list of all the things that need to be accomplished and then mark off all the ones YOU do yourself. Post that shit on the front door. Maybe he’ll get the hint then.
Tell him straight out he doesn’t want to help do anything around the house he can do his own washing and cleaning up after himself that you will no longer be doing it if he can not give a helping hand simple
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“I mean if i have to do it all by myself I may as well be single” he needs to calm his shit. Its ridiculous he flips when you ask. No matter how much you ask him. He lives there too.
Sean Eldridge sounds like you!!! Always telling me I have a to-do list for you and I’m always telling you to help grab things🤷
If your doing anything for him stop. When he says something about it tell him I don’t do that now so I have time to get other things done. Then when I ask for help and I’ll go back to doing things for you.and when you help me don’t bitch and whine
Yeah he needs to grow up,he should want to help you, not act like a little boy who doesn’t want to do his chores
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We have chores we do. If I see he needs help I do and if he sees I need help he does. Sometimes I ask, sometimes he doesn’t know that I’m overwhelmed. He works full time and I’m a full time student
You’ve got another baby !!
In a marriage and a relationship it’s about team effort and helping each other out and having unconditional love for each other. Both need to help out 100% for the relationship to work and to continue to be happy. Talk to him over coffee about feeling upset and overwhelmed about the amount of work you do and even say that it makes you over the moon happy when he helps out a little.
Dont have much guidance here. I will not ask for anything. In my opinion I should not have to. I dont make “honey do lists”. What needs to be done is obvious and can be seen by all. If it’s not done by the time I get done doing higher priority things, i just do it so it’s done and so i dont have to look at it. Men are not handicap and they are not blind. They can see a mess on the floor, a dirty dish, and laundry in a basket. If they dont help, then its because they dont wanna do it and I’m not gonna waste my time asking for this or that when it wont be done when I ask it to be. It will still be there when I get done doing my original thing so then I just do it myself. Doing things around the house is just a given when you are in a relationship (but clearly doesnt matter in every relationship). Honestly I’ve always felt like a maid. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time. Good luck.
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Do you work outside the home, have children? Does he mow the yard and keep vehicles running? Not enough info.
Shits equal these days hes gotta man the hell up an handle his responsibility if not leave his ass you can get better
I wish I had the answers. My husband doesn’t get mad, he just “forgets to do stuff” it’s not like vaccuming, cooking, or the dishes, with me it’s putting up the mailbox. (It’s being held up with duct tape. I don’t think it will hold through the winter) stuff like that. All I can tell you is good luck. You may need counseling.
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Did he work all day and then you have a big list for him to do when he gets home? Do you work outside the home? Do you have small children, adult children? Not enough info to make a judgement call. Yes he should help but to what extent depends on what everyday life looks like in your home. You could be bossy and asking too much or he could just be lazy. 
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-Is he doing other things around the house/property?
-Does he go to work and you stay at home with the kiddos?
If not then he needs to help out.
He sounds like a teenager. If he wanted to he would. Hes flat out telling you not to ask him to do things…how strange…not normal at all.