Is it normal to feel alone as we age?i have two kids with lives of their own. They only call me when they need something. After they get it, then I’m alone again. I really feel alone and hurt.I take care of my husband of 67, who has been disabled for years now, and I work all day. he sleeps in one room I sleep in another. I can’t keep up working and taking care of him I have no time for me .is it wrong to feel used
Buy a puppy or two !!! It works for my wife
Un conditional Love !!
Have you told your husband your feelings? Start by sleeping in the same room.
No it is not unusual to feel used and unloved. You’re perfectly normal. You lose contact with you kids as they have their own life and if you remain caregiver to your husband it is totally normal to feel like a parent dying for adult company.
You sound sad. Try joining groups and spending time in a new hobby. And we a professional for guidance if you start to wallow. It’s normal to want time of your own after caring for everyone else
If Your Children Is ABSOLUTELY NO HELP…STOP HELPING THEM.
I never could understand why Children/Grandchildren REFUSE TO BE OF ANY ASSISTANCE…but, CAN COME AROUND, WHEN THEY WANT SOMETHING.
I’m For STRENGTH.
Can you possibly organise some respite care for your husband on a regular basis Even 1 weekend a month .
ASK your kids to take turns . So that you can have some time for yourself .
Kids only calling when they need something , seems to be a fairly common issue .
Perhaps some in home pca care can help take of your husband time to time so you can go out and get some you time.
I feel this and I’m 28. I don’t have a spouse but my children and the people around me make me feel used. I’m told to get hobby’s and ask for help myself it’s not really helpful. I’ve thought about therapy maybe give tat a shot?
Sadly kids are caught up in their own lives …
Ask for some help with your husband. No one should be worn out doing home care… I get where you are…
We understand the loneliness… and we are here to talk… and we care.
I agree. Try to arrange for respite care for your husband so you can get out and do what you want to do. Or even a home health aide to help with his personal care. In some cases a homemaker. Some places may have a different name for it. But all 3 would help you and relieve some of the stress you are facing. Theses offer wonderful services for families. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them. I used to do respite care, HHA (home health aide) and home maker. I would still be doing it if it wasn’t for my epilepsy. You could qualify for all three and depending on insurance would be how often you would get help and how many hours a week and month. And the aides are wonderful to talk to as well.
Nope. Sounds like my mom. My god thought she was writing until you said age. N stop giving till they start coming around. Even if it’s on a Sunday morning for some coffee. My brothers treat my mother this way n also always by for their in laws on holidays birthdays ect. N her n husband sleep in separate rooms also. Lol. Mom is this you?? Lol. No. But made it an obligation for her to know I’m their for everything n anything n always make time for my mama. Sundays for coffee quick breakfast. Flea market fridays. N arts n crafts with my little one.
I’m in a different stage in my life. Single mom with two babies. If you ever want to chat, I feel very much the same.
You are more than entitled to caters in throughout the day! X
Sleep in d same room with your husband that should help unless he is a miserible person thats what kids do in these times they misunderstand what is LOVE
No it’s not wrong u feel that way. Maybe tell the kids u can’t help or have a heart to heart with them.
This makes me so sad for you. Join a group of some sort, a church, a club, something! You deserve a life of your own.
I’m sorry… go for a walk to the park and hopefully you can meet people, or post something on your Facebook group, other people might feel the same way and would love the idea of hanging out with you.
Best of lucks
No it’s not wrong and the fact that you’re asking means you’re probably at your breaking point message me if need be if not please get ahold of an in home nurse to help take some of that burden off your shoulders.
Wish I was your friend
Nothing wrong at all maybe find something you can do for yourself like do something fun you like to do join a group or something or look around your area for things that can be happening in your area join a church they have a lot of things going on and certain groups to meet people good luck wish I had some more advice and talk to your kids they maybe older but they should want to help some or be there for you
Once you learn love is in the giving you won’t think that way. It is never trying to get a return on something. Don’t give if you don’t want to.
Find things you like to do and do them. Treat yourself.
No it isn’t
This is terrible and so sad and I’m really sorry u feel this way do something that u enjoy atleast a couple times a week for a few hours each time
I wish I was your friend to be honest. I know how it feels being alone and having nobody around except for when they need something. Hugs to you. You aren’t wrong for feeling this way. My inbox is open
Get a doctor to see if he is entitled to get a package where you can have help looking after him and that way you will have time for yourself ,go to curves and make some friends ,curves is for any age,
All new moms know this pain, past & present, people disappear out of your life, you lived through it once you can do it again, you need to learn self love finding joy in living again, find time for you and taking time for you, you are a very important person you know, yes it’s normal for children to forget there parents, some don’t even bother and put them in a home and go on living their lives, I love how in some cultures caring for your parent and respecting elders is valued very very much, it’s only in North America that people do what they say they won’t yet they do either out of necessity or lack of morals, I would talk to your kids and tell them how you feel, perhaps they will try harder to stay in contact with you, hopefully they won’t wait till one of you are gone to make the effort. All the best sometimes strangers make better friends the blood
Look into respite care for him, there are many programs where you can get help, even if it is a few hours a week. Make time for yourself, even if it is just going to a movie once a month, or soaking in a hot bath. Tell your kids you need help with their father and make them come visit.
Ring the kids and tell them how you feel I never understood that sometimes our parents need us too I make a habit now of calling my parents several times a week we live in different towns
It sounds like you are suffering burn out. Respite care for your husband would be helpful.
You’re not wrong for feeling the way you do. I hope someone appreciates you soon. If only you were down the road I’d come visit
Ahw I’m sorry you feel that way, I’m just a message away if you ever need to talk
Join a caregiver support group. Get respite care through Medicare or whatever healthcare plan you or he has. Ask your doctor to screen you for depression. Get out for walks in nature.
I’m alone after 34 years of marriage. My children have their own lives and have no idea how alone I am . I love them dearly, but I don’t think that they have any idea how abandoned I feel
I feel the same way although I’m not married
Talk to your kids about it , being vulnerable and real about how you feel can bring truth to others…I am sure it isn’t their intention to make you feel that way. They are so involved with their own lives and probably think that mama is unbreakable and so very strong.
Oh my dear.ive been thru what your going thru. Sit your kids down and tell.them u feel used. You shouldn’t have to put up with that u cant bother with me but I’m there when u need.something.your husband has treated u like a novelty.dont.wait around for itnto change cause it wont.find a coffee group or a senior group or asked a girl friend to.go out for supper lunch.or coffee. Or a good long walk. Form independence.youll.feel better in the long run good luck my dear
Simple. Tell your kids no!
So sad ,but yes it happens alot ,but do what is good for you.
I know the feeling!!! Haven’t seen two kids in 25 years and have no desire to see them. Talk to two of them on the phone and they don’t understand why I feel I have nothing to live for. Am I the only one who feels this way?
No it isn’t you need to take time for yourself
I understand how you feel. I don’t have an answer for you, but I have an offer of friendship and a listening ear. Feel free to message me anytime.
Thank you for sharing.
Ask about having someone come in for a day to sit with ur husband while u take a much needed break. I don’t know where u r but u could have such a resource in ur area. I know I did this for awhile and it eill be good for both u and him. Sorry the kids don’t step up.my sister in PA is in the same boat. 4 kids and none will step up to spend a day or even a couple hours helping her. Start saying no to there ask for help or make it contingent on them spending some time with their dad yo give u a break. Make sure u get that first before they get what they want!!!
You need to tell your children how youre feeling. This is so hard and sad. I make sure to see my mom once a week, because she used to feel this way too. Once it was brought to my attention that i was hurting her i changed it! Your kids are probably very busy and dont realize what theyre doing. Give them a chance to change it. As for your husband you can have a doctor sign off on in home care and insurance will pay for it!
Message me if you ever need someone to talk to. I will adopt you as my Grandma! Nobody should ever have to feel alone.
Time to start saying no to your kids and yes working and caring for a person can drain you and make you have no life and feel lonely. Take some time out for yoursdlf
I would find a caregiver to help with your husband so u can have time for u
You are not wrong. Find a helper to care for your husband for a day or two. Take time to care.for yourself. As for your kids. Just let your phone ring when they call. It will do them good for not to be there every time they want something.
I sympathize with you. I too was feeling used an forgotten. I now say NO! If you can’t be there for me when I need you then the money train has come to a screeching halt. Sad that it comes to this.