My daughter is 17 and graduated highschool Saturday. She has a teacher that she calls school mom. Well apparently this teacher went looking for my kid after graduation to get her phone number but couldn’t find her. Tonight they run into each other and exchange phone numbers. This teacher is 36. She has apparently been gossiping with my child while she’s at school about her ex not paying child support, how he is a deadbeat, remarried with 2 kids, how her dates have been going etc. Well now they are texting each other and gossiping… I am very uncomfortable with this but I can’t protect her forever. I feel like she may be getting groomed. She will be 18 in September. Would you monitor the situation or would you put a stop to it?
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Once she turns 18 there’s literally NOTHING you can do.
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If she’s calling her mom… clearly your daughter feels she’s a safe space.
I am 36 and work with a lot of 18 year olds. We talk about everything in life. They like talking to an “older” person to get ideas on life as you grow and I’m not “too old” that i don’t “get” them.
Have an honest conversation with your daughter and ask… but AS A MOM… there may be a reason she’s calling her mom, you sound over bearing 
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Mom, you sound jealous! It’s possible that your daughter is looking for an adult friend that treats her like an adult with brains. She’s an adult, stop trying to create trouble for this teacher.
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I’m appalled at the comments in this thread. I’m a teacher myself and find this post very weird. How is everyone overlooking the part where this teacher has told her daughter about her deadbeat baby daddy, her dates, etc. that is just plain weird to me sharing that information with a 17 year old. This is just weird and odd to me. This is not about the mom being jealous or over bearing. I don’t understand how some of yall don’t see a problem with this.
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I agree with you,Mom….weird……I would be aware and watchful……I hope they don’t start hanging out…be very watchful and keep us informed. I wouldn’t like it at all.
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I wouldn’t think anything of it. She’s not a child. My daughter is almost 18 and we gossip. She’s old enough to have adult friends which include teachers.
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I would report this to the school.
There is zero reason why a teacher should be sharing this many/types of details about her personal life with students.
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It sounds like the teacher needs friends her own age to talk to… like a counselor and she also seems a bit immature to confide in a teen… maybe early midlife crisis… as far as grooming - is she saying sexual things to her or when she was under age? Grooming seems a bit excessive without proof but what would I know about that because my son has been out of school for a decade… at any rate it’s still weird. Good luck
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It sounds like you might be jealous of her friendship with this teacher. As a child, I wanted to be friends with all of my teachers because they made me feel safe, listened to and seen. Maybe ask your daughter how she feels about the friendship and if she feels uncomfortable with any part of it.
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You sound jealous AF… you’re reaching. She’s an adult and can speak with whomever she so chooses you no longer control her stop trying.
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Don’t think you can stop it, but you can keep an eye on it. Also, your daughter is old enough you can talk to her about things. Just keep an eye on the situation and keep open communication.
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I’m 36 now & still talk to some of my old teachers regularly, & have since my last day of high school 19 years ago. Sometimes, there are people who come into our lives and make such a tremendous impact and become lifelong friends, no matter the age difference.
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I think that worrying about grooming is so very valid- any anyone who thinks it’s “overbearing” is lacking self awareness in this day an age. With that being said, she’s almost an adult & needs to make her own choices… with that being said—- this could be innocent and it’s nice your daughter feels safety with another person.
Maybe an open conversation starting with im glad you feel safe and close with another person, but as a mom I worry about this, make sure she knows your not excusing anyone of anything but to always be aware… good age to teach awareness and experience at the same time!
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I think grooming is a bit of a stretch
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Let it be your daughter is almost an adult.
My daughter has someone she calls her work mom and they text, call and she goes to her house outside of work.
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This is actually more common than you think, I worked at school for 15 years and still have students find me on Facebook to keep in touch! Many of my sons friends also call me mom years later ( worked at their school ) If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to your daughter about it, Teachers have been a part of your kids life during high school or longer and it’s a compliment to have them stop by school and say HI ! Even years after they graduate! We know the impact we have on kids daily life!
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If it’s a female teacher I feel like it’s just a person your daughter highly looks up to maybe she’s helping your daughter. Sometimes kids don’t turn to the parents for advice however if your uncomfortable talk to this teacher and tell her if it doesn’t stop your reporting her.
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It’s probably a safe connection 
my daughter is 17 and I’m 36. You can’t really stop her as she’ll find a way to connect but as long as she’s not unsafe
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If you put a stop to it, she will only resent you. And go running to her “mom” the second she turns 18. Tread lightly. She’s nearly an adult making adult friends. And obviously, if she’s calling her “mom”, she feels a safe/nuturing connection with her. Don’t rip that away over your own insecurities.
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Groomed? This sounds like you’re trying to make trouble for someone and that’s not ok. It sounds odd that she’s talking about her business to her student- but maybe your daughter was able to talk more openly to this woman than you and that’s how their relationship started. I started pre-k when I was 2 and I am 38 and I still have a relationship with my teacher and she is one of my mom’s closest friends. Instead of throwing around words that can cause people some damage like “grooming” look at how you are as a parent. Maybe appreciate that it takes a village to raise a child and be thankful for that teacher.
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As a high school teacher who has been designated as students’ “school mom” for years and years—I do not accept social media request from students until after graduation and I do not initiate requests, just to protect myself. High school kids tell me about a lot of things during our time together and I absolutely love to follow their adventures through adulthood. It’s only weird if you make it weird.
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On a different note when I was in school I had a teacher that made sure everyone had his and his wife’s numbers in case of emergency. They doubled checked with me because I guess it was a known fact my home sucked but there are people out there that do truly care
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I had one highschool teacher that I always leaned on and she was at both of my baby showers and my wedding 
I wouldn’t think too far into it
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It’s not very professional. They aren’t really “friends” and she should not be sharing personal information with students. Most schools have policies that protect students and don’t have teachers sharing their personal cellphone numbers. I would watch it and hope that they out grow each other.
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When I was in high school, I did not like having friends around my age. I like hanging around with friends who were mid 20s to early 30s. Not because I wanted mature topics or stuff, I just thought they’re cooler than teenagers. Some people thought I was being weird & some thought I’d be influenced incorrectly. I turned out just fine. We all have preferences. Maybe you should hang out with your kid’s teacher & get to know her.
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This is not appropriate behavior at all from a teacher female or not. Even if graduated this was happening prior still not appropriate. I would report it and block her number.
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You cause a scene and the second your daughter turns 18 she’ll move out.
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Everyone saying it isn’t weird… how would you feel if this was a male teacher, the same age as the female teacher is? I bet you’d all say “he’s grooming” if it was a teenage boy, and the female teacher, i bet you’d all say grooming. but because it’s a woman, everyone seems fine with it. That’s weird, she’s a grown woman. And the things she talks about with a teenager, are very odd. The adult woman needs friends her own age, maybe a councilor because she’s clearly salty about her ex’s relationship.
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Well I mean if my mom was saying my school mom was grooming me, I’d wanna find a new mom too
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I work in a high school. I am very close to some of my female students. Some of them just need someone they can talk to and trust. You should be happy she has an adult she can trust. I had a teacher I was very close to in high school and at 40 we still talk!
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My granddaughter had a school mom and dad. They were a married couple who had her in their classes. They kinda watched out for her. My granddaughter didn’t have a relationship with her father. You could call him dead beat dad. She could go to these teachers and ask their advice. Her mother is also a teacher and she would talk to her about them. She said they helped her a lot like navigating thru her senior year and advice on colleges. They wrote her amazing recommendation letters.
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What’s so bad about having school mom? Someone who actually cares enough to look after your children while at school ? What if something happened at school ? Shooting or whatever I bet you that “ school mom “ would make sure you’re child was safe and able to make it back home too you. I think if you cause a scene your daughter gonna run she’s 18 she’s an adult now. Don’t think to much of it. Sometimes kids young adults like having older friend. Especially if they feel like they can’t talk to their parents about certain things. Don’t look to hard into this, don’t be causing problems and ruining someone teaching career.
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I’d just be mindful but I don’t thinks it’s a big deal she waited until after graduation so she isn’t breaking any laws and she may just be some type of mentor to her you said she calls her school mom which means she looks up to her. I am a teacher and have always kept in contact with students I had a special bond with. Also maybe ask to go out to lunch with the teacher so you can get to know her as well
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Your daughter is an adult- making adult friends. She’s made a confidant in her previous teacher now she’s graduated.
She’s obviously done a great job connecting to your daughter if they wish to continue their friendship. How special that she calls her , her second “mum” I have this connection with younger work colleagues who do the same. They know they can call on me as a confidant and someone who will advice them when they need or a shoulder for them to cry on.
She’s your daughters tribe. Don’t interfere or be jealous of that - we all need a tribe on our side 
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You have every right to be concerned. And since your daughter is still a minor I would suggest explaining in an open setting with both of them why you are concerned.
If your daughter and her teacher have a problem with having a conversation with you then I would definitely put a stop to their communications.
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So…I think this women had some trauma when she was 17-18 years old and when that happens sometimes a persons mental age gets stuck when the trauma occurred. Sounds like maybe some baby dad issues given your daughter knows all about this women’s ex but they seams to have been apart awhile given dude has 2 other kids and a wife. I think this women can just relates to younger people better because of her past……I do not think she’s grooming your kid I think she’s just looking for a friend. However for a teacher to be relating to her students in this way I think is inappropriate the teacher needs to find friends her age!! But I think that’s a mental health issue for the teacher to figure out and isn’t going to hurt your kid in anyway. It shows your kids character more than anything. Good job mom 
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My daughter had a teacher for 2 years and received tutoring through 2 summers with her. To this day we all keep in touch. The impact a teacher has on a child can be an amazing blessing. I have 2 teachers from when I was in school that went to my wedding and still 35 years later keep in touch. Kids spend a lot of time with teachers so there can be a bond. And since your daughter graduated exchange of phone can be normal.
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Well they only exchanged numbers tonight, how much “gossiping” can go on in that time? I knew that my teacher was deforced from her ex and had started dating, I learnt alot from it but was most definitely not groomed. Have a talk to the teacher see what they go is, voice your feelings and make sure that it’s not just you having a hard time with your daughter opening up to someone that isn’t you. But really Surely if you and your child are close enough you would be able to just talk to her about it and find out. but yes be safe keep and eye on it.
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My daughter graduates this afternoon 
but she’s more mature for her age and tends to hang out with older females that share her interests like horses and such. She doesn’t have time nor cares for the young teenage drama, sounds like your daughter may be the same
No it’s definitely giving inappropriate and desperate on the teachers end. You’re not crazy and you don’t sound jealous. It’s not the fact that they’re friends but the topics of conversation. This would make me feel uncomfortable too like what does my 17 year old even know about those type of things to be a listening ear or give any advice? 
I wouldn’t try to get the teacher in trouble or anything but yeah… def weird.
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And as a 38 year old, I feel proud when my kids friends open up to me, they know I will talk openly with them, and give them good advice, and point them in the right direction without fussing at them. I hang out with zero women my age, all my female friends are older, some are grandparents even.
Go straight to the school about it.
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I’m 33 and I work with a lot of kids who are still in high school and in college. A lot of them call me work mom. A lot of them come to me with gossip and they all know the shit I talk about in life. A lot of them come to me for advice. A lot of them feel more comfortable coming to me for certain things than their parents. Sometimes it’s because their parents aren’t a safe space and sometimes it’s embarrassing for them. Your daughter is just talking to this woman as a friend and mentor from what it sounds like. You don’t have to like it but you do have to accept it.
I would talk to your daughter. Sounds inappropriate. I use to be a teacher and would only help kids out if they came to me with an issue but never brought my personal life into the conversation. I could understand if it was a teacher aid that was close to her age but this grown lady is talking to a teenager about adult issues
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Talk to the teacher, get to know her. That is the only way to truly find out what she is about. She might need a friend that don’t judge her, your daughter is that friend.
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I’m 38 and work with a few young adults and they call me work mom. It’s cause they’re comfortable with me and we all BS about everything in our lives. I listen to them and give advice if needed or just an ear to vent to. It’s nothing weird and I wish nothing but the best things in life for them. She’s almost an adult. You need to back off or your going to push her away. My 2 cents
Id Personally rather my children speak with a role model figure than someone thats a bad influence. I think a lil jealously is at play here.(not saying that negatively.) Shes going to have adults she looks up too. My art an math teachers from high school are on my fb still I added them after graduation. Im 34 now. And they influenced my life and I am glad they were apart of it. So I do think you maybe overreacting. Now if the conversations were about other things may be a reason for concern but a lil gossip is nothing to be mad about. Imo
Even when she’s 18 if she’s still living in her house, you can still have somewhat control over what’s going on because it’s literally your house.
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Your child is almost 18, my kids all have teachers they stay in in touch with to this day, teachers are allowed to be friends with your kids. Your daughter is considered an adult at 17 leave her alone . It’s time to let go mom. And let her form adult friendships, no your business.
I became friends with this lady who was in her 50’s when I was 19… We met at the dollar store I was working at… We would hang out all the time… She was such a sweet lady and I enjoyed her company
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The only time I’ve called somebody mom other than my own biological mother,
Is when my biological mother wasn’t being a MOTHER.
Hope that helps!
Idk…i have turned into work mom every place I have ever worked lol I have kids in all ranges of shapes, sizes, ages and ethnicity. Your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions. If you are concerned tell her. Tell her why. She’s not really a kid anymore.
I went through the same thing with my daughter Who is now 21 and her and her teacher are still really close!! 

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I used to Facebook my old teachers and still do years later. My mom always looked through my messages to make sure nothing inappropriate was going on and not once did anyone say or do anything inappropriate. It was like your daughter and her teacher, we gossiped we talked about the future things like that. Teachers can be like family and that’s what they were/are to me
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If it were me, I would explain to her WHY it makes you uncomfortable. She will take it 1 of 2 ways. 1. She will listen and understand where you’re coming from. An adult shouldn’t “make friends” with a child. Teacher or not (it makes it worse that it’s a teacher, to me) 2. She will completely shut you out and not tell you anything anymore 
maybe ask her why she feels a connection with this lady. A 17 year old high school child shouldn’t be listening to a divorced mother of 2 bitch about her life especially at school. It all seems strange. Her being 18 soon, she may tell you it’s not your business. 
I was friends with my teachers. They were a safe place for me
I’d say you’re reaching. Sounds like a safe connection
My 17yo daughter (graduated last sat) is very close to two of her former teachers/social worker.
One was her middle school teacher. I’m also very close to her as she helped my family alot over the yrs. My self and my daughter have had her phone number and on social media for yrs. She’s considered family to us always .
Her social worker in high school was amazing and helped my daughter get through the toughest yrs of her life. If it wasn’t for her , my daughter wouldn’t have graduated. I’m not sure if they have exchanged numbers but id totally be fine with it.
She did search my daughter out after graduate gave her a hug while crying and gave her a card with a key chain that said " I fucking love you" which to some would seem very odd but for me I knew that’s her way of telling my daughter how much she cares for her and that’s just the type of relationship and connection they had. This women took in 3 kids in my daughter class. 3 kids that every one dismissed and didn’t want to deal with due to mental health issues. This woman became “their person” and she held tight to that title. In my opinion she was a gift from God and gave my daughter what I couldnt when she needed it most.
I fully expect my daughter to go visit her often next yr.
It takes a village to raise a child.
For me I’m very lucky my daughter has these two positive role models in her life. It’s bot often in this life we find people that truly know and understand us. Even harder when your a teenager. I embrace these relationships.
Im an at risk youth advocate career wise, I can tell you that if more kids had these connections and types of people in their life, there wouldn’t be a need for my job.
Yes we as moms need to be on the look out for unhealthy people in our kids lives but a teacher is 99% always going to be some one u can trust and want involved
I work with teens at a very small school. I still talk to some of our graduates every now and again through fb. I guess I don’t tell them my life story or anything but people have bad habits of telling too much info to the wrong people. I have that bad habits with coworkers sometimes.
Defently to much tmi tell a teen though.
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I’ve been facebook friends with several of my high school teachers, since graduation.
I’m lost, what’s “weird” about it? Can you not be friends with someone older than you? Clearly she looks up to this person…
Your daughter is a grown woman and if she was a child I’d be worried but clearly she’s not
I had a home ec teacher in 9th grade. I loved her. She understood me. We f
Gossiped. I knew about her divorce. She knew about my man having some chick pregnant (we have now been married 24 years). We keep in touch. I’m 46, haven’t seen her in 30 years but definitely talk to her. She’s a great friend. Someone who also knew me as a child and saw my potential when others didn’t. Id say, maybe introduce yourself and see what the relationship is about. Sometimes we need other adult women in our lives.
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Don’t go to the school about it. Your daughter will hate you.
I’m 33 and some of my favorite people are 16-25
I would be contacting the school. That’s completely inappropriate
“After graduation”… leave it alone.
Don’t know that it’s wierd but would Def keep eye out, and at some point we have to hope that we’ve taught our kids how to safely survive in the world be there for them but also allow them to live their lives independently which sometimes means letting them make their own mistakes and learn from them much as we would love to shield them from all bad experiences in life it’s not possible
I’m putting a stop to that one
Sorry it’s weird as hell.
I mean considering your daughter will likely start working and be around this age and older talking about all sorts of stuff I don’t think its strange. Teachers are around our kids more than we are. I think people forget they too are human and they too get attached. This post is exactly why teachers dont want to teach and why so many teachers come off cold or uncaring bc they dont want them being nice to be misinterpreted.
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She’ll be meeting adult co workers and have the same relationship let it be.
I think it’s too personal, she as a teacher should be giving her advice to help her along in life, not telling her how bad her baby daddy is or about dates, she should be keeping it general.
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What’s your relationship like with your daughter? A lot of mom’s will have an adverse reaction when their kids approach them with certain problems and soon their children’s perception turns from, "I need to tell mom because she’ll know what to do. " into “Mom can’t find out because of how she’ll react”. The best course of action would be to sit down and have a conversation with your daughter and find out what your daughter thinks about the whole thing, etc before you go telling her who she can and can’t be friends with because the second you tell her she can’t do something without giving her a chance to talk, and hearing her out will completely shut you out of the situation.
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Ask yourself why your daughter feels more comfortable with another woman instead of her own mother. There is a reason and the reason is likely YOU!
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Yikes, those are definitely groomer vibes. I’d report that to the school district.
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Wow I see nothing wrong with it. I become friends with one of my teachers in 12th grade and we remained friends until she died in 2016. I am 68 now.
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When I was in 6th grade (17 yrs ago) teachers were texting kids and having them come over and visit and going shopping or shooting hoops and it continued after school.
The subject matter is a bit odd. But I don’t think it’s bad to keep in touch with a teacher.
How do you know what they talk about? Does she tell you? Or do you snoop on her phone? I’d your daughter uncomfortable?
Call the school. Show them the texts.
Tell them she is not to ever contact your child again. If she does, go to the school board.
This is not mentoring- this is a very immature teacher dumping her problematic private problems on a child. Not appropriate.
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I think your overreacting. She’s 17 and should absolutely have someone she is comfortable talking to. You can’t pick and choose who she talks to. She’s not 12. Maybe you are jealous?
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You sound jealous sorry. My cheer coach was like my second mom. I told her more than I ever told my mom. She’s cried to me about her divorce before. I love my old coach.
36 and 17 is a HELL NO!!! WOULD Y’ALL BE OK IF IT WAS A 36 YEAR OLD MAN SHE CALLED DAD!! TALK ABOUT A BUNCH OF SEXIST WOMEN!!!
I’m 27 and my closest friends are all 37/38/39/40. I became friends with them at 22/23. They’re all my big sisters.
The teacher might’ve always wanted a sister! I also believe in reincarnation. They could’ve been sisters in their past lives. Let her live
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I would monitor the relationship. Female predators are just as common and dangerous as men.
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Absolutely tf not.
I’d block the number through your phone company & her phone.
Me & the teacher would have a conversation. And she wouldn’t enjoy it.
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Groomed?! You’re REACHING and you’re clearly jealous!!! It won’t be ANY different when she starts working and makes friends wit her older coworkers. Are you gonna say they are grooming her too? Get help and talk to a therapist.
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Why does she call her mom? I can’t imagine ever calling a woman mom unless she played a roll that my own mother didn’t. How is the relationship between your daughter and you? Does she need a mother figure? Talk to your daughter about the friendship.
The part that made it weird for me is her sharing her personal life in that way with her. Telling her she married a “deadbeat” and him not paying child support is putting a lot on her young brain that she doesn’t need. Why would she tell a 17 year old this, who is her student? Totally inappropriate.
Yeh I don’t care what anyone says… that teacher needed a therapist not a teenager. I think getting in touch with your teachers down the track when everyone is an adult is one thing but it’s super inappropriate for an adult to sit there and talk shit about their ex partner to a kid. Some of y’all are fkn weird if you don’t understand what’s inappropriate/unprofessional and what’s not.
I had an employee who used to say I am like a mom to her. She was about 18 or 19 and I am in my 50’s. I also keep in touch with my 16 and 17 year old employees. We no longer work together but became like a family at work. As long as there is nothing inappropriate going on, I don’t see a problem. Jmo
They’re friends….simple as that. I made friends with teenagers in my old building when my kids were babies. Now in their twenties they still call me mom and their kids call me grandma. I’m 40 now and they still talk about how they hung out in my apartment when they needed a quiet or safe place…even stayed overnights. They tell everybody I was stricter than their actual parents and I was the one place they couldn’t smoke, drink or sleep with their boyfriends. Stop looking for the negative and embrace the fact that your daughter has another mother figure in her life. I even make friends with the younger kids as I call them that I work with and they call me their work mom because they know I’m gonna look out for them and if they’re having trouble at work with anything I will help them to the best of my ability.
I wouldn’t have a problem with it.
It’s always a good idea to monitor. But I was very close to my teacher. She was like a mom/sister to me. She was the matron of honor in my wedding. We aren’t close now 12 years later but she was a strong support system in my life when I needed it. So it’s potentially not a weird situation at all. 